Stalking the shadows: I want my soul back you bastards!

I feel like I’ve been killed. A specter, hovering silently in the dark corners of an ancient house. Detached from all people and yet tied inexorably to all of humanity’s fate as I sit and observe.

I used to be a being filled with the desire for an experienced and fun filled life. Now I see only darkness before us. No divine bright light beckoning me to come to a better world than this. Faith that once sustained me wavering and threatening to shatter. My detached spirit wanders the limbo of internet discussion boards observing and absorbing the pain of the world, cut lose from my useless and ailing body in search of answers. Only more questions are raised and solutions are illusions. I want to save the world but can’t make any difference it seems, despite my life’s energy spent in aimless ranting about the wrongs of our time.

I feel drained and I want my magick back. Magick to me is the divine spark, that which makes us sentient and empathic beings. The energy that two people in love have, the kindness of strangers, the caring of family; all magick. The ability to give your soul to an ideal, to forgo even personal health and sanity to speak words that must be heard.

I certainly can speak, at least through the medium of my word processor, and I try to be as annoyingly prolific as I can. All the right ears are deaf though and I can barely stand any longer talking to myself. Madness is born this way. You have granted me a much needed audience but at times I fear that preaching to the choir is a futile pursuit. I feel sometimes that we are in our own way like those awaiting some mystical rapture to save us from the doom our corrupted leaders would have for us.

I feel spent. Anxious to the point of madness for something significant to happen. To find my place and my way; I’ve been lost for so long now. Sucked dry by the hopelessness of our world and the absolute arrogance and ignorance of most of humanity about the perils it faces.

I feel like an alien. How could I be part of this stupid species and yet in my own life I find a microcosm of the self destructive nature of man. My humanity has abandoned me for pure hatred for the authors of these destructions of our lives. I ride a dark razor between the light and the foul paths known to man. What kind of monster will I have to become to survive the coming storm? Am I strong enough to stand for what is right or will I succumb to pure desire like most of my species and have a singular course that rides over all who oppose it?

I want my soul back you bastards!! You made me put all the energy of light I can muster into fighting you and it’s running out, as is our time to stop you. My soul is so over extended like the bodies of those you throw into your wars that there seems to be nothing left for the ones I love. I am an empty shell, corn husks lying in dirt, powerless and twisting in the whirlwind you’re making us all reap. It’s not just my soul at stake but the very soul of our nation. Magickal ideals set down with words by men with more courage than we today seem capable of. Even your precious Bible tells us that even the foulest of demons were once angels, and our only hope is that some of The Fallen in our world can be lured back to the light. I want my soul back you bastards! The one you have cut lose, disembodied and floating without direction, by putting hegemony over humanity which you too seem to have forgotten you’re a part of. I want no more of your disease, return me to life and show me that the world will suffer you no longer. Look to your own children and see that they deserve the future you seem to want to steal from them. Restore your own soul and give us back ours or angrier and stronger men than I will someday wrest them from your grasp. Ignore me at your peril.
S

I just heard that on CSpan 2. Heh :donut:

knows that this, too, shall pass. It will probably be an uncomfortable experience, but the one thing in the universe we can all count upon is change.

Hang in there. Their time is almost up. Ours will begin soon.

the sentiment of this very saddened Country right now. May this serve as an idea that we all deserve a better life and that those who wish to serve in our Government will understand this.

and you are not alone.

You have verbalized so well what I also feel.

Sometimes, it's difficult to avoid falling into despair when exposed to so much darkness.

:hug:

:shrug:

but here's wikis def

<http://encyclopedia.thefreedictionary.com/magick>

always one of my favorite fossils as a kid/dinosaur lover. Coincidence? Maybe I'm channeling trilobites across the ocean of time.

Kinda like when you would cut off the old
B/W tv and the dot of light in the middle of
the screen got smaller and smaller and dimmer
and dimmer, until it dissappeared.

I especially related to---"I want no more of your disease", because that is what it feels like, some sort of strange disease that they have.

your sorrow, your despair and grief, Shadow. I share your smoldering rage and defiance. You have seen into my soul's depths through your eloquent words. Thank you.

Ignore US at your peril bastards!

Namaste.:hug:

ancient lost civilizations will agree, for how else but for the scratchings on the cave walls would they have more than a guess at the quality and meaning of those lives. Sooner or later, no anthropologists will survive to guess. When the "old maid" bean is left to the last two soul-less creatures, I'd be willing to bet that neither would sacrifice their rapacious hunger and convince the other to choose together to plant the bean instead. All the currency in the world won't help the victor of the settled dispute, for with whom will the victor share what's left of his short-lived eternity. In the meantime, we all singularly die alone, hungry for a life with a mysterious unraveling purpose, hopefully, discounting the law of our unintended consequences, for good. It's painful to watch those who seem to be the deconstructors of humanity from our increasingly narrowed safe distance. Until then, we must keep faith so we can love, share, and plant seeds of wisdom and hope for a sustaining harvest. That's magick!

While there are still more than the two or three gathered together, what's important to see is the faith, hope, and charity that's outside the inevitable politics. These two or three remain, but the greatest of these can only be formed in the alchemy that occurs when the equation works without a selfish catalyst. It is indeed an extremely rare reaction, and what we remember of it probably wasn't that pure anyway.

balance. Mentor a kid, plant a garden, volunteer or join the Unitarian Fellowship. Do something to balance out the negatives in your life. Cause we will need you, all of you, and your might to fight in 2008. So take a break now and re-establish a little balance.

I think that piece should be published far & wide..................like the broadsides that were passed around in 1775,6! It should be seen by people who wouldn't dream of signing on to DU!

You must give it away.

I assume (at my peril, I know) that using the word "MagicK" makes you familiar with the concept of WILL. You say you have lost your energy fighting "them."

Thank you for reminding me that hating those that do wrong does nothing to undo the wrong but only exhausts the energies needed to right the wrong.

Have we all, as democrats spent too much energy "preaching to the choir" as shawowknows says? Have we for so long been frustrated by perceived powerlessness? Does our comfort no longer come from developing new ideas, challenging old ideologies, and impassioned discussion, but rather from diatribes to one another? Speeches from one "believer" to another?

Have we, as democrats, developed a "victim" mentality?

Could this be, in part, why the majority in congress acts as if it is still the minority?

If so, then "will" and "Fais ce que te veux" must be our freedom cry.

Until we have the WILL to do a thing the energy, the money, the time matter not at all.




"And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing mind..." - romans

What does "Fais ce que te veux" mean exactly?

which was perhaps in reference to "Magick" (Crowley).

Weird coincidence, yesterday I had sort of the same thought: "Am I really still alive here? Maybe I am dead and I'm just a ghost going about my every day chores." I have no way of knowing, for sure. I just feel so empty.

Anyway, that was wonderfully written and exactly the sort of thing I have long wanted to put in a letter to send to the politicians in my districts. Won't someone hear our pleas?

Ah well, at least I know I am not the only one with these feelings.

Peace.

lol, never seen it in the french before.

There is no clear sense of the Great Work, so to speak. Will is useless without purpose, it must be aimed at something.

My own thoughts are that a great deal of the frustration and ennervation felt by so many of us is largely due to expending our energies in so many seemingly fruitless endeavors. It's time to move in a new direction, imho.

I think progressives should stop thinking in terms of party and electoral politics and concentrate our collective Will on building a social and civil movement completely outside the realm of party politics.

I know something like that would cheer me up considerably, I'm hoping perhaps it would do so for others as well.

sw

Enabling people to live, not just to survive, but to live. There are thousands of people out there, maybe more, with crazy, urgent ideas and minds full of fire. If we can start listening to each other, maybe we'll figure out something new. Even if we don't, at least we'll be heard, which is an improvement in itself. If there is a Great Work, it's not going to be to create one thing, but to enable a million different things to exist, a million different ways for people to live.

This isn't something I'd normally say, or write anywhere where people could read it. But this is an Underground. In an Underground, it's okay to talk about subversive ideas. And what could possibly be more subversive than kindness? No illegal plot, thrown stone, or Molotov cocktail could ever be as rebellious, as drastically against the cold machine-like power structure, as the completely opposite nature of the beating human heart. If writing this means that some strangers are going to laugh at me, then strangers are going to laugh at me. But I'd rather be laughed at than never disturb the sound of silence.

Of course nothing will be changed easily. But I think there are enough people to make it possible. People with ideas who would be ecstatic to find out that someone wanted to listen to them. People who have been chewed up and spit out by a dysfunctional society and would love to join a group that promised a better way of living. People who are so-called success stories in the business world but still aren't happy because it's a cold and empty game to play. People who are still young and don't want to be pushed into this rat race. There are countless people out there who would like nothing better than to be told, "You're right. You're right to hate the way things are, and we agree with you, and we want to help you fight it and replace it with something better."

Balance=harmony=beauty=liveability.

sw

"I think progressives should stop thinking in terms of party and electoral politics and concentrate our collective Will on building a social and civil movement completely outside the realm of party politics."

:think:



It's late, I've had 2 glasses of wine, and I find myself screaming YES, YES, YES as I read your words. Is it just me or is it getting hot in here?! :blush:

;)

sw

left me wanting more.

:swoon:

This entry at Bitch Ph.D. sums up my feelings quite well: http://bitchphd.blogspot.com/2006/10/hey-youre-kinda-cute-online.html

:loveya:

It was a thread on self-sufficiency, you were kick-ass, I was impressed.

I'm delighted to run into you again. :D

sw

I felt your words...you are a gifted writer...
I wish you well....
We all need to heal...


peace~

Let's forget the political snake pit. Let's move to create a world of our liking. Whatever the cost.

:kick:

Bush killed my dreams, and my children's dreams, when he killed the economy.

My business died due to 9/11 and the fumbling lack of response. I could not believe that anyone, not even a GOP president, would let the economy go down the tubes, but he did. Gladly, too!

The costs of health insurance, which I dare not forgo, are $4000/year for nothing-like coverage, in the event we have a major medical emergency. But Bush vetoed all new or expanded health coverage and sabotaged that which already existed. Every industry (except the insurance rackets!) wants universal health car now, but we don't have it. We may not get it any time soon, either. I have 10 years until Medicare....

The war, and the shame, cost, and suffering it brings upon the nation, are too much to bear.

I feel like at 52, I have 40-50 years of just trying to survive, unwed, unloved, underemployed and poorly paid, knowing that this could be so much more of a nation, if we could get the Elite off our necks, and the ignorant back into school. Real school. And the fraud out of the economy.

:thumbsup:

Don't stop writing. :pals:

must command hope. your soul endures and your magick is written

Where it is the case 'they' both want & prefer that you perceive yourself as having no option 'they' have succeeded. Though this reminds me of a little passage in a little short story my husband wrote, taking place in a Chinese Shop between the shop owner, and an American seemingly, similarly spent of purpose: The Wizard's Cloth,

"This Wizard's Cloth, not rag. Rag is a cloth with no purpose yet."

Even when it seems easy for others to say, do not give 'them' that much power over your thoughts & matters :)

and there's great comfort in being with kindred spirits.

I understand what are saying...and many of us are at the point you are... We can find a way forward...stumbling. It's that loss of idealism and innocence that sucks the energy. How to cope with that loss in the way forward.

Between a good dinner and a tasty dessert, all is right with the world.

Hang in there!