Sara Whitman: Holiday Whitewashing

from HuffPost:




Sara Whitman
Holiday Whitewashing
Posted November 26, 2007 | 01:04 PM (EST)



Tis' the season to fit a perfect Madison Avenue/Norman Rockwell image of happiness. No pressure to live up to standards, just a massive media barrage 24 hours a day. I'm happy. You? Are you happy? Did you have a great Thanksgiving? Yes, of course. Everything went so well.

I read a friend's blog today and looked back over my own from the last few days and realized we were both guilty of a bit of whitewashing. I know she's been through the wringer lately and not a word of it made it's way on her posts.

I know we're all guilty of censoring out the unpleasant and making lovely pictures of events. It's the holidays, after all. I know I wasn't intentionally leaving out the difficulties. But leave them out, I did.

Why?

Partly because I think it's dull to hear over and over again that I'm still having nightmares, my wife is still working too much, and my family of origin continues to be a battle, one that leaves me feeling small and powerless.

Boring.

I also tend to paint a picture of a perfect family structure, one with two moms, two dads and our three boys. But it isn't. We often disagree, and struggle with our roles. There are triangles on top of triangles built. None of us came from picture perfect circumstances. We all have had to deal with questioning ourselves, our sexuality, how the world perceives us based on who we love, a process that leaves scars on your psyche, no matter how much therapy you do.

The truth is we fight, we argue, we don't like each other at times, we wrestle constantly with the roles of who has what right to say what about the kids lives. Do we, the moms, get ultimate veto power because we are the legal parents or do the dads have as much right to demand something? We all have the same overall values but how it plays out on a daily basis can be very different.

We are far from perfect. ......(more)

The complete piece is at: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/sara-whitman/holiday-whitewashing_b_74146.html

We also at times are willing to reveal that much of our lives is not perfect.

Moderation in both approaches is best, I'd say.