***DUzy Awards for week ending February 16, 2007***

OP by flvegan:

      I got my own DUzy!!!!!
That's right. The terrorists. just. won.

response #1 by LeftyMom:

      Oh jesus, I was hoping you wouldn't see that.
Way to encourage him, kids. :eyes:

response #3 by mainegreen:

      DUzy? What the hell?
How did I miss the existence of those.

... Oh, I see, they're posted in General Disorder.

The Lounge, February 9, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x6167485

On a thread by krispos42:

      Don King is a Bush fan!

response #17 by karlrschneider:

      And why not? He has one on his head...
:eyes:

GD, February 9, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x171123

On a thread by Nikki Stone1:

      General Motors to edit suicidal robot ad from Superbowl

response #5 by lvx35:

      It better end with the robot forming a union
or driving off into the sunset with "take this job and shove it" playing on the radio, or killing CEOs.

response #9 by 4MoronicYears:

      Opponents should make their own ad, with the robots donning themselves
with solar cells, going out and finding the carcasses of the Electric Car, EV1, digging it up out of its grave, putting it back in working order and driving off to a solar energy convention somewhere over the horizon.

GD, February 9, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x171440

On a thread by jefferson_dem:

      Will Bush library be a target? ... asks Dallas Morning News

response #1 by Kutjara:

      Who the hell is going to waste their time...
...blowing up an outhouse with three "Sgt. Rock" comics and a copy of "Juggs" magazine in it? Sheesh!

response #3 by shirlden:

      Maybe not just terra-rists
I propose that if they build it we will come......every January 20th and throw rotten eggs at the building. Make it a new holiday, in honor of the worse president of the US of A. As a new pres is being sworn in in DC, we can swear at the library. I still can't figure why he needs one. Before he leaves office there will be a major shredding of all docs of any importance. Does anyone know what happened to that historic edition of "My Pet Goat"? Did anyone have the foresight to snatch it up and preserve it? If not, there will be nothing to put in it.

response #9 by Vinca:

      Be afraid. Be very afraid. They're coming for the Little Golden Books. nt

response #14 by shadowknows69:

      I'd take a hearty piss on it
given the time and proximity

GD, February 10, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x173971

On a thread by IanDB1:

      Rep. Rohrabacher: Global Warming May Have Been Caused By ‘Dinosaur Flatulence’

response #1 by Canuckistanian:

      How can anyone be so stupid and still stand upright?
Seriously. How do they even dress themselves in the morning?

response #2 by IanDB1:

      Standing upright is the only way he can keep his hands free for masturbating. n/t

response #6 by Canuckistanian:

      And throwing feces at other members of the troupe.. n/t

response #16 by orangepeel68:

      He believes in dinosaurs? what will the fundies think?
:D

response #20 by IanDB1:

      Of course there were dinosaurs. That's how Adam and Eve rode to work. n/t

response #23 by radfringe:

      if he had a second brain it would be lonely

GDP, February 10, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x3105432

On a thread by ChipsAhoy:

      Concerned about Barack Hussein Obama's Name?

response #4 by Tandalayo_Scheisskopf:

      Can you imagine the confusion...
If he was named Barack Schlomo Obama?

response #22 by uppityperson:

      Or if he shared Joe Blow America's middle name?

response #50 by skipos:

      BROCK O'BAMA!
Nothing Muslim about that!

GDP, February 10, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x3105467

On a thread by elehhhhna:

      Bodybuilder says Reverend Pat Robertson threatened to kill him and his family

response #1 by HughBeaumont:

      "I'm going to LEG PRESS YOU in the ABYSS!! PRAISE JAYSUS!"
Televangelists: Shitting on their flock since 1950 . . .

response #3 by Benhurst:

      I can only pray the young man and his family will be protected
from Pat's killer thighs, which can lift thousands of pounds and break a back like snapping a matchstick.

GD, February 10, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x176024

On a thread by 11 Bravo:

      Has the DU community become too politically correct?

response #13 by BlooInBloo:

      Only to white folks.

response #14 by Karenina:

      Behave!!! O mama gonna beat yo hindpots!!
:spank: :spank: :spank:

response #20 by Buzz Clik:

      Really? Only white people?
That's an amazing declaration. What exactly qualifies you to speak for all non-white people at DU?

response #29 by BlooInBloo:

      I asked every single one of them.

response #30 by BlooInBloo:

      and have signed affadavits.

response #31 by BlooInBloo:

      notarized.

response #33 by BlooInBloo:

      by the Chief Justice of the Supreme Court.

response #34 by BlooInBloo:

      co-signed by God.

response #39 by Buzz Clik:

      Ah. Well, okay. That certainly would do it.
:toast:

response #173 by Evoman:

      Its true..I'm not white and I signed his affidavit...actually, I signed three, just to be sure.

GD, February 10, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x176635

On a thread by Steve_DeShazer:

      Will Bush library be a target?

response #1 by niyad:

      I see the fearmongers are at it again. WHY would the terrorists blow up a building containing only
a copy of "my pet goat" and a colouring book?

response #2 by quantessd:

      Yeah. It's already a target of ridicule.
:rofl:

response #6 by jmowreader:

      Because of what ELSE it's supposed to contain
The Bush Presidential Edifice is going to contain four things: an archive of all the Presidential Papers the Boy Blunder hasn't declared Classified For All Time; a hero's gallery of photos of Bush doing Stupendous Things While He Was Preznit; the A-6 he landed on the deck of the USS Abraham Lincoln during the filming of "Triumph of the Swill"; and a far-right think tank.

Unfortunately for Bush, that think tank is very high on the list of potential targets--not for terrorists, mind you, but for ordinary Americans whose jobs were sent overseas or whose relatives died in one of the wars Bush started and we lost.

response #8 by SalmonChantedEvening:

      At least smart bombs won't be necessary...
:evilgrin:

response #9 by Warpy:

      Only for wry jokes
and a few urine stains.

GD, February 11, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x183898

On a thread by Duppers:

      Pot Prisoners Cost Americans $1 Billion a Year

response #19 by Bonobo:

      Fuck! Do you know how much weed I could get for that!?

GD, February 11, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x181118#181525

On a thread by Kadie:

      * offers a toast to honor the 16th president, Abraham Lincoln - pics

response #1 by ocelot:

      Hear that distant whirring sound? It's Lincoln, spinning in his grave.

response #3 by Kutjara:

      Shrub is really grateful to Lincoln for his...
...logs. He loves playing with them during cabinet meetings; much more fun than all the boring yak yak yak.

response #13 by Bluebear:

      A flag pin on his formalwear, in case he forgets what country he decides for.
:eyes:

Plenty more great responses in the thread.

GD, February 11, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x185451

OP by Poiuyt:

      If Cheney testifies in the Libby case, will he tell the truth?
Normally, I would expect someone who is under oath to tell the truth, but Cheney is different. I've never seen anyone lie with such impunity and authority as he does. I mean, the guy can look you straight in the eye and tell you that the sky is blue, and he'll say it with such an air of conviction that you'd believe him. Personally, I wouldn't trust a word he says whether it's under oath or not.

I just wonder if he'll burn his hand if he has to swear on a Bible.

response #3 by ocelot:

      Will Cheney prevaricate under oath?
Does the ursine mammal defecate in the arboreal biome?

response #4 by NanceGreggs:

      He hasn't told the truth about anything up 'til now ...
... I don't see any reason why he won't just "Stay the Course".

response #7 by WillyT:

      I Dunno... If A War Criminal Testifies In A Courthouse...
does it make a sound???

:shrug:

response #10 by donheld:

      Will he have to move his lips?
Some people can't chew gum and walk at the same time, Mr Cheney can't move his lips and tell the truth at the same time.

GD, February 11, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x186742

On a thread by saracat:

      Was that Ann Coulter pictured at the Grammy's? I couldn't believe my eyes but it looked like her...

response #1 by The_Casual_Observer:

      Or was it the guy who sang that song "Brother Louie" in the 70's?
They are identical, down to the adam's apple.

GDP, February 11, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x3108428

On a thread by Doondoo:

      Wal-Mart eyes expansion into Russia

response #3 by gratuitous:

      Here we go at last
Toe to toe with the Russkies! Send out Wing R for Romeo and alert Major Kong to target the weather ship at Tango Delta. All out nucular confrontation.

GD, February 12, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x191396

On a thread by MsKandice01:

      The Duggar Family is now expecting their 17th child....

response #114 by Neo:

      So fundy freak is there any tread left on the tires?
or is it like throwing a hot dog down a hallway?

sheesh! and they're the people who try to claim "personal responsibility" as their own creed.

Special thanks to eppur_se_muova for the heads-up on this one.:patriot:

The Lounge, February 12, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x6167586

On a thread by Lex:

      Well, Kansas Public Schools believe in Evolution again.

response #1 by Bornaginhooligan:

      Welcome to the 20th century, Kansas.
Only one more to go.

GD, February 13, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x203282

OP by ih8thegop:

      NADER/LIEBERMAN 2008!!!
Discuss.

:evilgrin:

response #11 by mainegreen:

      What ticket would they run on? Nobody wants to claim either of them!
If they were lost luggage, the owners would never show up to recover them.

response #12 by jasonc:

      Post this in GD
and you will get my undying respect.

The Lounge, February 13, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x6185171

OP by The Witch:

      Republican moran: Al Qaeda is "lethal and deadly."
Jim Saxton (R-N.J.). I do hope he will explain the difference between the two. Then maybe he will listen to the difference between al Qaeda and the folks we are killing in Iraq.... :eyes:

response #7 by BerryBush:

      Not only that, but
they'll kill ya.

And on top of that, you mess with one, you end up dead.

GD, February 13, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x204230

On a thread by kpete:

      ABC: Now It's Personal: Al Qaeda Calls Bush an Alcoholic Liar

response #12 by yardwork:

      Even a blind squirrel sometimes finds a nut
In this case, the nut is obvious to everyone.

GD, February 13, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x198505

On a thread by Little Wing:

      MSNBC BREAKING - Kansas education board OKs evolution-centered science

response #5 by Reverend_Smitty:

      I had to look at a calendar to make sure it wasn't 1925
I wasn't sure, I could have fallen into a time warp because I'm fairly certain that this issue should have been settled decades ago. Fortunately we can now put it behind us

response #10 by Cocoa:

      any statement from Pat Robertson?
what horrors will befall the state of Kansas?

response #14 by Little Wing:

      I think they're turning Japanese I think they're turning Japanese I really think so
duh nuh nuh nuh da duh duuh

response #17 by BuyingThyme:

      The small print bans algebra and electric razors.

GD, February 13, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x203394

OP by ohiosmith:

      "It's been a very trying week for Anna Nicole Smith."
From the "my local news anchor is a bigger idiot than your local news anchor" files.

Overheard as I was shaving this morning:

"Alexander Denk, a former Anna Nicole Smith bodyguard announced yesterday that he may be the father of her five month old daughter. Following Anna's death last Thursday, no less than five men have claimed to be her child's father, her mansion in the Bahamas was burglarized and a battle rages over her remains. It has been a very trying week for Anna Nicole Smith."

response #5 by Orsino:

      Journamalizing is hard work. n/t

The Lounge, February 14, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x6190035

On a thread by sabra:

      Bush's chief chef: first choice for lunch is peanut butter and honey or grilled cheese

response #4 by npincus:

      if no honey, then Fluffernutter is acceptable.

response #14 by shain from kane:

      Preferred pretzels. Until they started biting back.

GD, February 14, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x210874

On a thread by VolcanoJen:

      Breaking: Al Franken To Run For US Senate (Minnesota)

response #75 by Contrite:

      He's good enough, he's smart enough and doggone it
people like him!

LBN, February 14, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=102x2730993

On a thread by Stephanie:

      George Tells Children to Stop Flashing the Peace Sign in Front of Him ---pix--->>>

response #3 by YOY:

      "Bad fodder! Bad!"
"Now die for oil...I mean freedom, heh heh heh!"

response #4 by Mandate My Ass:

      They're probably on the terrorist watchlist now
with the Quakers and the Raging Grannies. :eyes:

response #61 by yurbud:

       kid on far right last photo looks like he went thru Bush mental health screening & got his soma
"I wish all you kids were as calm and thoughtless as little Billy here. Karl, you bring the lobotomy punch with ya?"

Special thanks to AZDemDist6 for the heads-up on this one.:patriot:

GD, February 14, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x207742

On a thread by devilgrrl:

      Oh Bummer: Egyptian queen Cleopatra was no stunner, coin shows

response #1 by CrazyOrangeCat:

      yeah, but she was big fun at a party . . .

response #6 by Deep13:

      That was the WORST looking Egyptian monarch I've seen since...
... Ahmenhotep III. I'm just being honest. (Egyptian Idol TV show.)

response #10 by Bonhomme Richard:

      I did hear she had a great Asp. n/t

The Lounge, February 15, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x6195651

On a thread by JonathanChance:

      What's the first thing to come to mind when I say "Curtis LeMay"?

response #12 by mitchum:

      The man who became a political liability for George Wallace...
Think about what level of lunacy it took to be a political liability for George Freakin' Wallace. Mindboggling, isn't it?

The Lounge, February 15, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x6195924

OP by dEMOK:

      Open Question - How Many NeoCons Does it Take to Change a Light Bulb?...
???

response #3 by dicksteele:

      None.
They outsource all lightbulb-changing tasks to
a Halliburton subsidiary which:

-contracts to change a million lightbulbs for a thousand dollars per bulb

-eventually bills the USA five thousand dollars per bulb

-actually CHANGES only a few hundred bulbs and pays subcontractors
minimum wage to spraypaint the rest "bright white".

Then they point their fingers at random Democrats and scream "tax and spend!!"
just as LOUD as they fucking can.

response #5 by Eugene:

      None, but they'll happily send 21,500 troops to keep the old bulb going.
Give the old lightbulb a chance to complete its mission. Pulling it out
invites catastrophe. If you are for changing the lightbulb, you don't
realize the stakes.

response #9 by mmonk:

      3. One to break into the house, one to kill the owner,
and one to change the bulb.

response #10 by rebel with a cause:

      there is a long process to come to the answer of None,
Step one - they call for evidence that the light bulb is burned out and what caused it to be so.

Step two - They don't get the evidence they wanted so they call other experts to give them falsified evidence that someone/something which they don't like is responsible for the light bulb to be burned out.

Step three - they call for action against the so-called guilty party.

Step four - They pass laws to allow unnecessary action to be taken against the guilty.

Step four - They take the action which destroys those/what they don't like and in doing so also destroy the light fixture altogether.

Step five - They hire one of their top contributors to assess the situation and pay them millions of dollars for doing so.

Step six - They hire another of their top contributors to fix the light fixture and pay them millions of dollars also.

Step seven - they come to the realization that the light fixture has not been done correctly, and call for an investigation by their own people on what went wrong.

Step eight - They blame the original light bulb/fixture for not appreciating what has been done for it, and call for destruction of whole building in able to win the war on maintenance.

response #20 by zbdent:

      One.
But he doesn't actually do the work. He hires an illegal immigrant to do the job for a fraction of the cost while he writes a letter to the editor complaining about having to press 1 for English on the phone system of a business which refused to hire an American human operator who spoke English ...

And an honorable mention to all the other responses in the thread.

Special thanks to NanceGreggs for the heads-up on this one.:patriot:

GD, February 15, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x216319

On a thread by Rose Siding:

      Burton(R) apologizes to voters for missing so much work

response #5 by Husb2Sparkly:

      Scumbag
Scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag scumbag

The Academy is pleased to note that Husb2Sparkly is back and posting in fine style. Here's to ya, Stinky! Take care of yourself.

GDP, February 15, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x3115115

OP by BigBearJohn:

      You might be a Republican if...
You think "proletariat" is a type of cheese.

You've named your kids "Deduction one" and Deduction two"

You've tried to argue that poverty could be abolished if people were just
allowed to keep more of their minimum wage.

You've ever referred to someone as "my (insert racial or ethnic minority
here) friend"

You've ever tried to prove Jesus was a capitalist and opposed to welfare.

You're a pro-lifer, but support the death penalty.

You think Huey Newton is a cookie.

The only union you support is the Baseball Players, because heck, they're
richer than you.

You think you might remember laughing once as a kid.

You once broke loose at a party and removed your neck tie.

You call mall rent-a-cops "jack-booted thugs."

You've ever referred to the moral fiber of something.

You've ever uttered the phrase, "Why don't we just bomb the sons of
bitches."

You've ever said, "I can't wait to get into business school."

You've ever called a secretary or waitress "Tootsie."

You answer to "The Man."

You don't think "The Simpsons" is all that funny, but you watch it
because that Flanders fellow makes a lot of sense.

You fax the FBI a list of "Commies in my Neighborhood."

You don't let your kids watch Sesame Street because you accuse Bert and
Ernie of "sexual deviance."

You use any of these terms to describe your wife: Old ball and chain,
little woman, old lady, tax credit...

You scream "Dit-dit-ditto" while making love.

You've argued that art has a "moral foundation set in Western values."

When people say "Marx," you think "Groucho."

You've ever yelled, "Hey hippie, get a haircut."

You think Birkenstock was that radical rock concert in 1969.

You argue that you need 300 handguns, in case a bear ever attacks your
home.

Vietnam makes a lot of sense to you.

You point to Hootie and the Blowfish as evidence of the end of racism in
America.

You've ever said civil liberties, schmivil schmiberties.

You've ever said "Clean air? Looks clean to me."

You've ever referred to Anita Hill as a "lying bitch" while attending a
Bob Packwood fund-raiser.

You spent MLK Day reading "The Bell Curve."

You've ever called education a luxury.

You look down through a glass ceiling and chuckle.

You wonder if donations to the Pentagon are tax-deductable.

You came of age in the '60s and don't remember Bob Dylan.

You own a vehicle with an "Ollie North: American Hero" sticker.

You're afraid of the "liberal media."

You ever based an argument on the phrase, "Well, tradition dictates...."

You've ever called the National Endowment for the Arts a bunch of
pornographers.

You think all artists are gay.

You ever told a child that Oscar the Grouch "lives in a trash can because
he is lazy and doesn't want to contribute to society."

You've ever urged someone to pull themselves up by their bootstraps, when
they don't even have shoes.

You confuse Lenin with Lennon.

And an honorable mention to all the responses in the thread.

GD, February 16, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x224111

On a thread by RamboLiberal:

      Bush has two moles removed from his forehead

response #2 by kenny blankenship:

      Has he named which of the two is to be his 2008 heir-apparent & successor?

response #5 by laruemtt:

      two moles? more likely his
horns are looking for an outlet.

response #9 by C_U_L8R:

      now if they could only remove his head
from his ass.

response #11 by Fridays Child:

      Those moles may be the only benign things about that bastard.
The rest of him is malevolent to the core.

response #12 by brook:

      "Results should be back by the middle of next week'?
And he's the unCommander-in-Chief?

I recently had a malignancy removed from my hand and had the pathology report the next morning. WTF can't they even tell the truth about non-news like this? If I were a rose bush, maybe I wouldn't mind so much. Then I could use some of the daily manure.

response #38 by Canuckistanian:

      Cheney has to vet the report first
Then it has to be sent to Rove for "cleaning up", then finally inscribed on stone tablets for Tony Snow.

It's hard work, you know.

response #17 by Defenestrate:

      The moles were quoted as saying...
"We want to thank all those who removed us from that deep, empty hole. Boy, it was dark in there!"

response #49 by superconnected:

      I've had moles removed and they left a .25 inch scab or less.
1 inch is too big to have been from any normal mole.

Sounds more like he was getting rid of that 666 birth mark.

And an honorable mention to all the other responses on the thread. Responses to a second thread on this topic will be featured next week.

Special thanks to northofdenali for the heads-up on this one.:patriot:

LBN, February 16, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=102x2734628