my daughter is staying home from school today.

We got one of those reverse 911 calls last night telling us that there was a gun threat at the high school, and kids would not be able to bring backpacks in. My daughter got online with all of her friends and came to me near hysteria because she was so frightened. She has grown up with Columbine, Virginia Tech and 911 crammed into her head, and the very thing I have been afraid of has come to pass - my child is terrified. I have tried to point out to her that keeping us afraid is how they keep us in line, but when push comes to shove, she is afraid. I tried to reason that she needs to face her fear, bla bla bla, but she came back that although she understands and repects my principles, this is not the time to take a stand. She argued that this kind of thing doesn't happen at her school, and I should put her well being over my principles. I countered that it's a scary world, and we have to face it and go on, we can't cower in fear. Then my husband contributed his 2 cents - that he hated that she would have to deal with metal detectors and cops all over the place, and for 1 day we should let her stay home. I argued that what if goes for 2 days, or what if it happens again. Should we hide every time we are afraid? Of course, by this time I knew I had lost the argument, and frankly I did begin to wonder if I was doing the right thing, or just trying to win an argument, so before I started saying things to my husband in front of the kids that I shouldn't, I relented. I made sure everyone knew I wasn't happy about it.
Before you all jump all over me about compromising my principles, no need, I've been beating myself up already. But my husband did point out (although I will never admit to his face that he's right), she's not an adult yet, and shouldn't be expected to reason like one.
I just needed to rant because I think it sucks that my kids have to grow up in a world where they have to be afraid to go to school. And I have to make decisions like whether or not to send my kid into a potentially dangerous situation. Thank you Bush administration. Thank you media. Thank you organized religion. We are afraid.

Then it is right to keep her home, I think.

Even though the whole situation just blows.

Principal is a great thing... but what if she does go to school one day, and never comes back. Things that suck... and yes, Bush has made this world much worse for all the children all over the world.

How could anyone ever tell anyone to go into an iffy situation, and if something bad happened to her, principles be damned, you could never get her back. What does her intution say? Don't go? She will need her intuition her whole, very long, life. The ones who stay home should do something peaceful and joyful with their day, not hound the computer and fill their heads with perma-fear. get out the art supplies like you would for a 4 year old, and let her play today.

I agree with your husband.

Of course you can't always run and hide from everything, but this is not just about that. Sometimes emotions are more important than facts, and this sounds like one of those times. She'll know that when the chips are down you stand by her. She'll probably be stronger the next time, just knowing she isn't being pushed/forced into the situation, she'll probably say "I'm not going to let them intimidate me." Let's hope so.

I agree with hating that they have created this atmosphere, and am sorry you all have to deal with what I hope is a false alarm by an idiot.

"But my husband did point out (although I will never admit to his face that he's right), she's not an adult yet, and shouldn't be expected to reason like one.'

Your husband almost got it right.He just needs to apply that reasoning to your side of the issue.

It's awfully snowy anyway. There have been several accidents and rollovers on 495. Tell her no computer, no cellphone, no texting, that she has to read her schoolbooks. Maybe you can call the school and get her homework--she can get busy now.

That'll make her wanna go back to school.

They're operating from an overabundance of caution. I give them credit for that.

there are too many neighborhoods in the U.S. where school is the only safe environment for the children.

he took the sat saturday and he is only in the 7th grade. i felt sorry he lost his saturday so i was thinking about letting him play hookie to make it up. i had youngest son with me and talking to a friend of mine i let it slip i was going to let son play hookie to make up for the saturday. youngest son then told oldest he got a day off. BUT.... after seeing they got out 3 hours earlier than what i thought and it wasnt traumitizing for him and he kinda had fun, i figure he didnt deserve a day of hookie, BUT.... the cat was out of the bag

so last night he came in and says mom... i have an intelligent argument for yout that i want to have with he. (he had just taken shower. time of best thoughts). and his dad was all for the day of hookie too

so, though i dont think he deserves a day of hookie, my son is not going to school today

and anyone that wants to jump all over me..... dont care, lol

your story, i would play it like my sons day off. got a freeby, enjoy. have worked hard this year, but understadn that it was not warranted or necessary.

my child is all grown now and is married with a child of his own... this is how i would think if my son or his child were in the same situation as your daughter.

1). first i'd want to know who made the call.
a). was it the school itself? if so, did the school decide to cancel classes? do they think that it is so serious of a threat that there is the possibility of a child being killed or hurt in any way?
3).If so, they should cancel classes while laboring to get ahold of the threat maker.

but then, there is the other question,
1) was it a prank call by one of the high schoolers wanting to have
a) fun
b) a day off

i think i would want to understand who made the call and what is going on.

i also think that i would not want to send my child into any kind of danger ... although, i do understand your point "keeping us afraid is how they keep us in line..." that is a standard bush operation line. he keeps the country terrified ...

but kids in a high school ... that is a different matter. i think.

Your thoughtful response is similiar to the above handbook.

which seems to have been written long before bush's paranoid/hysterics hit the fan and hit the country.

what a difference there is between a reasoned, thought out approach to something and an emotionally induced reaction to that same situation.

She joins the ranks of many kids that stay home occasionally due to bullying. This just happens to be a case of school wide bullying so everyone gets in on it.

1966, a girl was shot in the head by an ex-boyfriend (she later died) and a teacher was shot in the leg. The school day didn't miss a beat. No classes were canceled and nothing was formally said about the incident. Everything we learned came from the evening news and there was very little coverage at that. There was very little talk about it after the fact but then I didn't know the girl. We just considered it to be something that happened and that was that. No fear, no extra security.
As far as I know, nothing like that ever happened again.

... In communication they say it is better to put things over as an option than a command. If you put things forward as a potential alternative than a directive people are more likely to sway to your opinion. Although, overcoming fear can be long process in life, as long as it is seen that fear is the root of all evil it gives a greater incentive to avoid it. Take the people who do carry out domestic terror they acted in fear like Cho afraid of his tormentors and the latest guy afraid of Hillary to the point of taking hostages. Once we lose fear we automatically become safer as we make more rational decisions.

This would be a jarring situation for anyone, whether it's a kid finding out about a gun threat at the school or an adult learning of a gun threat at the workplace. One nut with a gun and an axe to grind has no interest in keeping us in line so I don't see your principles being compromised in this situation.

Fear is not always a bad thing. It's an instinct that keeps us out of potentially dangerous situations and if your child is having these strong feelings based on the reverse 911 call, then there is no harm in respecting her wishes on this.

In the meantime, I wonder if there is something she could do to feel a little more empowered? Maybe a self defense class or something?

The thing to do is keep her home for a day, maybe two. Let her see that her fears are not justified and explain to her how hysteria can run rampant sometimes with no justification. Don't expect her to reason like an adult because she is not one. Instead, let her see for herself that rumors of these things happen. If she doesn't get better, or if it happens again, consider a counselor.

Things like this are not new even though these things have to do with threats to the school. But back in the '60's kids were getting sick with worry during the Cuban Missle Crisis when we all had to do these drills that included getting under our desks. My sister-in-law, for one, used to get sick and had to stay home because the drills upset her so much.

Our local high school gets frequent threats. School is closed down frequently to check them out. So far, they are always hoaxes perpetrated by students who enjoy shutting school down. But the one time we assume it's a hoax, it won't be.

If my school experienced a threat like that, I'd be fine with parents keeping kids at home. A phone call or an email could let them know what to work on at home that day to keep from falling behind. A class webpage would be even better; our district is currently working on providing every teacher with one. As a teacher, I might suspend normal lessons in that situation, and post some alternate things on the webpage that could be done with materials available at home.

No backpacks, metal detectors, jackets and bags required to be in lockers, etc. When I was in high
school, in the seventies, there were bomb scares and fights and some crazy stuff going on. I don't
think it's changed all that much except for the easy availability of guns by anybody! If she's that
frightened then she should stay home instead of being paranoid all day. Besides, it's icy out there
on the roads today, so what the hell? It's a snow day! Let her enjoy it. Adult days come all to soon!

Look at it like canceling a flight due to some airport evacuation. Who needs the hassle? Treat it more casually.

As to "them keeping us in line", it's not "them" it's some nut with a gun threat. Again, a day watching the Price is Right won't hurt her, and she undoubtedly feels better.