Caption time!

Oh, my aching hangover!

"It is ah ah ah Iran's fault mmm ah ah that I was ah ah ah lying about Iran."

Time for the boot, then. Leave no child behind!

and reveal that I am a pencil, and my head is an eraser! Now where's that goddamned Constitution?!

culo, and I am not back on las cervesas"

Brains, apply directly to the forehead. Brains, apply directly to the forehead...............

Good mornin', e-steamed members of the press corpse, I'd thought I'd open with a joke today! A-heh-heh-heh!

So this woman is giving birth, right, and after all these hours of labor, she finally pushes the kid out. The doctor has him in his hands, and to his surprise the baby starts talking!

"Are you my father?" the baby asks the doctor.

"Why, no," says the doctor, slack-jawed with amazement.

"Fuck you, then," says the baby, and turns to the nurse. "Are you my father?"

"No, I'm not either," says the nurse, wide-eyes with surprise.

"Fuck you too," says the baby, and turns to the father. "Are you my father?"

"Why yes I am!" replies the astonished father.

"Pick me up!" says the baby.

The father picks up his newborn son. When he does, the boy immediately starts poking the father hard in the forehead with his fingers and yells "How do YOU like it, fucker?!?!?"

eom

...the heartless bastard told me I wouldn't need a brain for this job!

Here is my handle... uhhhh, uh... poor me.

...but I eated it".