Unhappy? Self-Critical? Maybe You’re Just a Perfectionist

Unhappy? Self-Critical? Maybe You’re Just a Perfectionist - By BENEDICT CAREY
NY Times - Tuesday, Dec. 4, 2007

Just about any sports movie, airport paperback or motivational tape delivers a few boilerplate rules for success. Believe in yourself. Don’t take no for an answer. Never quit. Don’t accept second best.
Above all, be true to yourself.

It’s hard to argue with those maxims. They seem self-evident — if not written into the Constitution, then at least part of the cultural water supply that irrigates everything from halftime speeches to corporate lectures to SAT coaching classes.

Yet several recent studies stand as a warning against taking the platitudes of achievement too seriously. The new research focuses on a familiar type, perfectionists, who panic or blow a fuse when things don’t turn out just so. The findings not only confirm that such purists are often at risk for mental distress — as Freud, Alfred Adler and countless exasperated parents have long predicted — but also suggest that perfectionism is a valuable lens through which to understand a variety of seemingly unrelated mental difficulties, from depression to compulsive behavior to addiction.

Some researchers divide perfectionists into three types, based on answers to standardized questionnaires: Self-oriented strivers who struggle to live up to their high standards and appear to be at risk of self-critical depression; outwardly focused zealots who expect perfection from others, often ruining relationships; and those desperate to live up to an ideal they’re convinced others expect of them, a risk factor for suicidal thinking and eating disorders.

http://www.nytimes.com/2007/12/04/health/04mind.html?th&emc=th

My brother-in-law, for instance. Constantly bemoaning the fact that he's 'too good to do that job', as he sits on the couch drinking beer, year in, year out.

Pardon me-- I can't help but complain about him whenever he springs to mind, warranted or not.

Rational Emotive Behavioral Therapy, developed by Albert Ellis. A dedicated self-helper can do this, but a good therapist really helps.

;->

Or, at least people who claim to be perfectionists.