The BEAST 50 Most Loathsome People in America, 2007

Here's just a couple of examples, but the rest are great, too. Love the "Punishment" section for each. Worth a visit: http://buffalobeast.com/122/50mostloathsome2007.html

16. Chris Matthews

Charges: Calling his show "Hardball" is like rechristening ping-pong "Thermonuclear Warfare." Displays the slurred, unmodulated speech and unfocused antagonism of an aggrieved middle-management drunk. Can read a scurrilous political attack into any paragraph at twenty paces. Continues honing his pointless questions as his guests attempt to answer, cutting them off with an affected imperial weariness when their responses are insufficiently inane. Apparently ignorant of the implications of satellite technology, Matthews shouts louder at geographically more distant guests. Has repeatedly called Ann Coulter "brilliant." Referred to Gerald Ford's yuletide demise as the former president's "Christmas card to the country." Unable to laugh like a normal human, Matthews compensates by simply shouting "ha!"

Exhibit A: "This country is based on generalizations!"

Sentence: Hillary's White House Press Secretary and personal toilet steward.

2. Dick Cheney

Charges: Worst president ever. So openly horrible, he now makes jokes about being Darth Vader. Unashamedly advocating for executive abuse of power and corporate theft. In and out of public office since his congressional internship during the Nixon Administration. Didn't care about the quagmire he foresaw in '94, because since then he'd deftly maneuvered to profit from it. Polling lower than HPV.

Exhibit A: His Halliburton stock rose 3000% in 2007. No joke.

Punishment: Raped by the sun.

As is only right!

Sentence: Dismembered, limbs donated to injured veterans.

'Is so clearly not in charge of his own White House that his feeble attempts to define himself as "decider" or "commander guy" are the equivalent of a five-year-old kid sitting on his dad's Harley and saying "vroom vroom!" '

---

Coupled with the reason that his few supporters still support him:

'Only supporters left are the ones who would worship a fucking turnip if it promised to kill foreigners.'

---

And the truest statement ever made:

'You can practically hear the whole nation holding its breath, hoping this guy will just fucking leave come January '09 and not declare martial law.'

Could we please have the foreigner killing turnip? We could just cut it up and eat it. Problem solved. Hmmmmm.............

:rofl: :spray: :rofl:

47. Mike Huckabee

Charges: What's worse, a calculating politician pretending to be a devout Christian, or a genuine heartland preacher who didn't come from no monkey? Huckabee is both -- a Southern Baptist who rejects Darwin, wants to give everyone a gun and thinks people with AIDS should be quarantined, and a seedy, corrupt politician who's never seen a payoff so low he won't stoop to pick it up. Democrats see Huckabee as easily defeated in a general election, but they shouldn't be so sure -- Smooth talking preachers tend to do well in this country. Huckabee is well-spoken, kind-faced, and the opposite of wordly -- he's Obama for hicks.

Exhibit A: "I got into politics because I knew government didn't have the real answers, that the real answers lie in accepting Jesus Christ into our lives... I hope we answer the alarm clock and take this nation back for Christ."

Sentence: Just as he's about to win in New Hampshire, a freak gust of wind catches Huckabee's excess skin and carries him out over the Atlantic, where he drifts for hours before God appears to him, tells him He's a Unitarian, and sends him to hell.

31. Dana Perino

Charges: In a nation weary of White House press secretaries who feign ignorance, the Bush administration took an innovative step this year, appointing one who genuinely doesn't know anything. No more lies, America -- Dana Perino really can't answer your questions, honest! This slightly comely, over-promoted office wench not only didn't know what the Cuban missile crisis or the Bay of Pigs even were; she actually thought it was a funny story to tell on NPR.

Exhibit A: "This is an issue where I'm sure lots of people would love to ridicule me when I say this, but it is true that many people die from cold-related deaths every winter. And there are studies that say that climate change in certain areas of the world would help those individuals."

Sentence: Sent back in time to '62; Strapped to bottom of U2 spy plane for extreme history lesson.

30. Duane "Dog the Bounty Hunter" Chapman

Charges: Shocked a handful of innocents and turned into self-recriminating chum for Sean Hannity with the revelation that a redneck bounty hunter is-gasp!-a racist. Looks like an extra from Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome. Married to a silicon-based life form. When a guy's own son intentionally destroys his career, you know he's got to be a singular fuckhead. Played at extraordinary rendition this year; got arrested for trying to physically extradite a Mexican national.

Exhibit A: "I'm not gonna take a chance ever in life of losing everything I've worked for for 30 years because some fucking nigger heard us say nigger and turned us in to the Enquirer magazine." Yeah, 'cause not saying "nigger" is just out of the question.

Sentence: Neutered, dewormed, given to Michael Vick's buddies for sparring practice.

The Punishments/Sentence sections are fall-down funny.

Charges: A Tom Delay disciple of shameless hypocrisy, Boehner won't stop weeping openly on the House floor -- real crying, from his tear ducts. It's not passion; it's the pathetic noontime inebriation of an obvious, documented alcoholic. Job title, "Minority Whip," is ironically hilarious. Bound by ideology to destroy nation.

Exhibit A: His name is Boner.

Sentence: Afflicted with voodoo hex that makes him cry poisonous spiders.

:rofl:

both. I would like to be there when the dick gets his.

Bill O'rally: Sentence: Marinated, barbecued, and served at Sylvia's restaurant in Harlem, where the blacks eat just like real people.



now, that's frikkin funny :rofl:

32. The Founding Fathers

Charges: Lionized as moral pillars and demigods ad nauseum without the slightest hint of irony. Can't be judged by today's standards. Electoral College? Dumb fucking idea. Invoked by every asshole in the last two hundred years to support every stupid idea ever. The original liberal elite. Able to withstand lightning strikes and the British military; unable to fathom poor people voting.

Exhibit A: Owned wigs, Africans.

Sentence: Depicted as cartoons on rapidly devaluing currency; beaten at effective democracy by former monarchies.

It's about time someone said it out loud.

If you want to love your country, you have to love it warts and all. :patriot:

A simple fact that eludes most of the knuckle-draggers on the right that chant "USA! USA!": many of these idolized founders were elitist, hypocritical, greedy douchebags.

Somehow my screen cut off the final ten.

Plenty of wacky stuff at the website, and other articles of madness.

No comment on Hillary being on the list, other than it's a pretty irreverant site.

on Hillary at number 17 --

Charges: Began in politics as a teenage Nixon supporter -- that's twisted. Moved on to corporate law, representing Wal-Mart and bravely defending Coca-Cola from disabled employees. Married out of ambition. Failed miserably as the first lady of health care. Has spent whole of senatorial career as a hawk and a panderer. Would have no shot at becoming president if she didn't just happen to be married to one already.

Exhibit A: Has deftly avoided the flip-flopper label -- by never, ever answering a question directly or committing to a position in the first place.

Sentence: Victim of vast right wing conspiracy to shove a brick up her ass.

Wonder how many Hillary supporters are pouting in a corner over that? :rofl:

43. Sherri Shepherd

Charges: Perfectly illustrated the Creationist's level of intellect when she declared her disbelief in evolution, and was immediately stumped about the shape of the earth, explaining her ignorance was due to the fact that she was too busy feeding her children to acquire rudimentary knowledge about... well, about anything, presumably. Further compounded her astonishing lack of basic knowledge when she authoritatively declared that Jesus Christ came before the ancient Greeks, and that she didn't think "anything predated Christians." Judging by these statements, Sherri probably thinks there are dragons on the other side of her desk.

Exhibit A: Accurately reflects the intelligence of her viewing audience.

Sentence: Pushed off the edge of the earth.

uguu

28. The Troops

Charges: Rubes, the lot of 'em. Come back all fugly. They keep telling John McCain they want to win. They need so much support, it's clingy and sad. Matching outfits? Kind of gay.

Exhibit A: Too cheap to buy their own body armor.

Sentence: Walter Reed.


I don't think this one is fair.

r.e. Gulf War 1: "i was FOR the war, but AGAINST the troops."

do you not remember the "shut up, wimps, WE'LL defend america" rhetoric prior to the iraq invasion?

i do.

rubes is not going too far.

The right wing usually presumes them all to be repukes who would rather use their service as an excuse to make us follow the repuke line out of gratitude for "defending us" from right wing created enemies. They use them to try to force us into following lockstep on the need for a particular war.

If you can take a poke at them, anyone is fair game.

The FFs did more to ensure my freedom (such as it is) than ANY of the troops.

totally brainwashed.

This one is a sarcastic look at the troops as they are presented to us by the repugs.

1) We aren't winning in Iraq because the liberals don't support the troops. As if the average soldier in the field is terribly worried about what people are thinking about him all the time.
2) The troops don't want the war to be over, they want to stay and win. Sure they do.
3) As for body armor? According to the repugs, we are providing the troops everything they need in Iraq. The rest of us know that decent body armor should be included but hasn't been - hence the repugs implying that the troops want something 'unnecessary' that they are too cheap to buy for themselves.
4) Walter Reed - it's so sad that what should be a rescue for wounded troops is in fact a 'sentence' because the repugs have privatized the services which resulted in Walter Reed's standard of care being reduced to that of for-profit nursing home chains in this country.

#28 took some thought, not immediately obvious.

The entire list was aimed at conservatives (repugs for short). See the description under 'you', forget what # it is.

I find the description quite apt.

"Exhibit A: Has deftly avoided the flip-flopper label -- by never, ever answering a question directly or committing to a position in the first place."



:rofl:

5. Nancy Pelosi & Harry Reid

Charges: Graduates of the Neville Chamberlain school of appeasement, the Democratic leadership continues to ignore the constitution-and the American people-by keeping impeachment "off the table" and refusing to defund the war. True pushovers, they're too stupid, cowardly, weak and outmatched politically to accomplish anything substantive, their "strategy" essentially boiling down to whining a lot while handing Bush whatever the hell he wants. There is just no way that appearing this weak and ineffectual could be any better for them politically than impeachment. Everything that the White House gets away with, it gets away with because congress allows it.

Exhibit A: Failure to woo the two thirds majority needed to override a presidential veto is moot: They could defund the war with a 41-senator budgetary filibuster. But that would take guts and conviction.

Sentence: 2 cups anthrax bisque.

Nothing says Merry Christmas better than this example:

21. David Vitter

Charges: And yet another family values Republican and Clinton-basher gets his glass house blown in. A staunch marriage defender and abstinence promoter who paid $300 an hour for his favorite hooker? The only surprise there is that he's still hanging around the Senate, but then again, he did say he was sorry. Denies evolution, yet was still compelled by his primate DNA to spread his seed far and wide.

Exhibit A: According to some, Vitter was nicknamed "the shitter" by Canal Street whores for his predilection for diaper play. Wholesome!

Sentence: Wife follows through on that Lorena Bobbitt comment she made during the Lewinski scandal.

40. Lou Dobbs

Charges: Obvious, intensifying xenophobia and distrust of the yellow and brown races, possibly exacerbated by Mexican wife. Whatever useful message Dobbs once had about economic populism and the deleterious effects of globalization and cheap labor on American wages has long been tainted by his obvious animosity towards foreigners, specifically Mexicans and the Chinese. Every installment of his hour-long broadcast on CNN is dominated by reports about the "menace" of foreign imports, be they illegal immigrants crossing "our broken borders" to spread disease and rape our women, or poisonous products from "communist China." Proof that Dobbs is a venomous yellow journalist shithead can be seen in his reaction media criticism of a segment on his show in which it was erroneously reported that there had been a sudden upsurge in leprosy cases, totaling 7,000 in just three years, the source of which was a lawyer who had also said in speeches that Mexican immigrants tend to molest children. In truth, there had been 7,000 cases of leprosy in the past thirty years. Dobbs was confronted several times with this fact -- first he strongly defended his numbers, then strongly denied ever having used his numbers. A real journalist admits his errors. Dobbs is an ass.

Exhibit A: Sharply criticized the use of Mexican flags in immigrant demonstrations, then denied the obvious double standard of that comment by going on to say that he would have the same problem with Irish flags at the St. Patrick's Day parade, and, in fact, that he was against St. Patrick's Day. Yeah, sure, Lou.

Sentence: Stuffed with Green Cards; turned into amnesty pinata.

:rofl:

mikey_the_rat

:spray: :rofl:

I've bookmarked this!

dumbfuck in dumbfuckistan" :rofl:

28. The Troops

Charges: Rubes, the lot of 'em. Come back all fugly. They keep telling John McCain they want to win. They need so much support, it's clingy and sad. Matching outfits? Kind of gay.

Exhibit A: Too cheap to buy their own body armor.

Sentence: Walter Reed.

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

simply those that are cited by the McCains and Bushes of the world. Not all of the troops are block-heads. There are a fair number of them though.

So just the troops that disagree with your point of view. Isn't that basically what Rush Limbaugh did? Except he attacked the troops that disagreed with his point of view. And everyone here was outraged. Hmm. :wow:

I believe in a meritocracy of ideas. If you are one of these gung-ho types that not only buys into the Bush-world propoganda, but enjoys shooting civilians and thinks that they deserve it.
No. You're not my kind of guy - it doesn't really matter to me if you think your doing it out of a sense of duty, or service to your country.

Frankly I do think that some ideas and opinions are not deserving of respect. Among them is the idea that we need to shoot first and ask questions later. To the extent that the "troops" (at least those cited by guys like McCain and Bush etc.) support and agree with the Bush administration they are jerks and not deserving of my "respect."

In other words - soldier is a job description - no soldier who preforms in that capacity is a "phony" (and incidentally you put that word in my mouth) - but some who preform in that capacity are perfectly "real" soldiers who also happen to be morally complicit in this horrendous war.

The point of both my post and the original article is that being a troop does not automatically make you a good person or protect you from doing wrong, the troops certainly shouldn't be used as a shield for bad policy.

In short, yes, even soldiers can be bad people

:crazy:

Surely, the author is standing by his phone eagerly awaiting the inevitable death threats and hate mail so he can print the best of them in his next column.

:kick:

Charges: Only famous for knowing Bruce Lee. Churning out puerile "action" bilge for 30 years. Skill as martial artist greatly exaggerated. Kitsch value wearing thin. Total Home Gym®. Walker, Texas Ranger once let a little girl battle armed gangsters, because she had the power of belief in God. Doesn't understand evolution, despite access to mirrors.

Exhibit A: Campaigning for Mike Huckabee.

Sentence: Roundhouse kick from Charles Darwin.

9. You

Charges: You believe in freedom of speech, until someone says something that offends you. You suddenly give a damn about border integrity, because the automated voice system at your pharmacy asked you to press 9 for Spanish. You cling to every scrap of bullshit you can find to support your ludicrous belief system, and reject all empirical evidence to the contrary. You know the difference between patriotism and nationalism -- it's nationalism when foreigners do it. You hate anyone who seems smarter than you. You care more about zygotes than actual people. You love to blame people for their misfortunes, even if it means screwing yourself over. You still think Republicans favor limited government. Your knowledge of politics and government are dwarfed by your concern for Britney Spears' children. You think buying Chinese goods stimulates our economy. You think you're going to get universal health care. You tolerate the phrase "enhanced interrogation techniques." You think the government is actually trying to improve education. You think watching CNN makes you smarter. You think two parties is enough. You can't spell. You think $9 trillion in debt is manageable. You believe in an afterlife for the sole reason that you don't want to die. You think lowering taxes raises revenue. You think the economy's doing well. You're an idiot.

Exhibit A: You couldn't get enough Anna Nicole Smith coverage.

Sentence: A gradual decline into abject poverty as you continue to vote against your own self-interest. Death by an easily treated disorder that your health insurance doesn't cover. You deserve it, chump.

<<Perfectly stated>>

(If I had an account, I'd post this over in Freeperville. Describes them to a T.)

Charges: You believe in freedom of speech, until someone says something that offends you. You suddenly give a damn about border integrity, because the automated voice system at your pharmacy asked you to press 9 for Spanish. You cling to every scrap of bullshit you can find to support your ludicrous belief system, and reject all empirical evidence to the contrary. You know the difference between patriotism and nationalism -- it's nationalism when foreigners do it. You hate anyone who seems smarter than you. You care more about zygotes than actual people. You love to blame people for their misfortunes, even if it means screwing yourself over. You still think Republicans favor limited government. Your knowledge of politics and government are dwarfed by your concern for Britney Spears' children. You think buying Chinese goods stimulates our economy. You think you're going to get universal health care. You tolerate the phrase "enhanced interrogation techniques." You think the government is actually trying to improve education. You think watching CNN makes you smarter. You think two parties is enough. You can't spell. You think $9 trillion in debt is manageable. You believe in an afterlife for the sole reason that you don't want to die. You think lowering taxes raises revenue. You think the economy's doing well. You're an idiot.

Exhibit A: You couldn't get enough Anna Nicole Smith coverage.

Sentence: A gradual decline into abject poverty as you continue to vote against your own self-interest. Death by an easily treated disorder that your health insurance doesn't cover. You deserve it, chump.

---------

It's funny because it's true.

- as

We get offended. We have problems with hearing Indian accents on the phone. We cling hard to purity of ideology vs. electing Democrats...and of course we (me for sure) cling to the Democrats. We blame victims for lots of stuff: wildfires, mortgage rate-hikes, Republicanism. We think we're going to get universal health care.

K&R.

A waste of space, maybe he really should duel Zell Miller? :P

:hi:

in readership.

this morning.

Funny, funny stuff!



And this is the same thing I've said for years about David "the latest in summer fashion accessories" Gregory:



:rofl:

MKJ

Charges: Least plausible Jesus. We heard his brother is the devil -- OMG! Won't even let his flock have a cup of coffee in the morning -- what a jerk. As with any celebrity comeback, lacks the oomph of the glory years. Won't stop baptizing dead people from other religions, which they generally don't appreciate as much as he thinks.

Exhibit A: Loves Mitt Romney, Harry Reid, and Glenn Beck. And magic long johns.

Sentence: Interrupted during the game by Mormon missionaries.

___________________________________________________________


I LOVE this list. And I'm only half done!

So many great laughs. Loved it! Why can't some of our politicians say things like this?

with Ridicule. the emporer has no clothes, and his campaing "respected the office" too much to simply point it out.

there must be a reason they don't use ridicule - but it was used regularly in the 19th century in America. and is used every day in British Parliament.

on c-span and I just love the way they rib each other.

P.S. Being from Ohio, I firmly believe that Kerry DID win. We were robbed! But we could have made the theft more difficult if he had used ridicule and humor.

...another gem from The BEAST, circa october '04:

K+R!

Funniest thing I've read in a long time!

i couldn't access it. will try again. sounds great, thanks

The only Attorney General who ever could have made John Ashcroft a sympathetic character by contrast.

Exhibit A: "The fact that the Constitution -- again, there is no express grant of habeas in the Constitution. There is a prohibition against taking it away."

"A tiny, scared child of a man."

:wow: :woohoo: :applause: :yourock:

No Dr. Phil.

But a great list, nonetheless. We could have put that together here.

Service unavailable now. Oh well, what you posted is great though. I hope I get to read it soon.

From OP link:

9. You

Charges: You believe in freedom of speech, until someone says something that offends you. You suddenly give a damn about border integrity, because the automated voice system at your pharmacy asked you to press 9 for Spanish. You cling to every scrap of bullshit you can find to support your ludicrous belief system, and reject all empirical evidence to the contrary. You know the difference between patriotism and nationalism -- it's nationalism when foreigners do it. You hate anyone who seems smarter than you. You care more about zygotes than actual people. You love to blame people for their misfortunes, even if it means screwing yourself over. You still think Republicans favor limited government. Your knowledge of politics and government are dwarfed by your concern for Britney Spears' children. You think buying Chinese goods stimulates our economy. You think you're going to get universal health care. You tolerate the phrase "enhanced interrogation techniques." You think the government is actually trying to improve education. You think watching CNN makes you smarter. You think two parties is enough. You can't spell. You think $9 trillion in debt is manageable. You believe in an afterlife for the sole reason that you don't want to die. You think lowering taxes raises revenue. You think the economy's doing well. You're an idiot.

Exhibit A: You couldn't get enough Anna Nicole Smith coverage.

Sentence: A gradual decline into abject poverty as you continue to vote against your own self-interest. Death by an easily treated disorder that your health insurance doesn't cover. You deserve it, chump.

50. Nicole Ritchie - Father loses entire fortune in Vegas, media stops paying attention to her.

46. Bud Selig - Dog piled by every player named in the Mitchell Report.

33. John Hagee - Jesus takes all of his money during the rapture, declares him an "invalid", banishes him to purgatory for eternity.

29. Dinesh D'Souza - Sentenced to become the toilet scrubber for the next liberal president with no chance of job advancement.

23. Bill O'Reilly - First sacrifice in next year's War On Christmas, with Hannity following.

21. David Vitter - Has to have job of being the Depends spokesman for the rest of his life.

10. Alberto Gonzales - Waterboarding

7. Erik Prince - Whatever happens in Baghdad, stays in Baghdad.

6. Rudy Guiliani - Scarlett Letter Punishment: Has to have 9/11 tattoed on his forehead, has to live rest of life in drag as Zsa Zsa Gabor.

I despise that man!

And I am :rofl: with your fate for O'Leilly!

50. Nicole Ritchie - Forced to get a real job.

49. Trent Lott - Strangled with his own confederate flag.

47. Mike Huckabee - After death, is forced to spend rest of eternity as Satan's doormat.

41. Chuck Norris - Has to admit that internet jokes about him are greatly exaggerated until he is forced to try every one of them.

27. Britney Spears - Has to re-marry K-Fed.

11. Harvey Levin - Has to marry K-Fed.

8. Michael Chertoff - Flies commercial, is actually forced to go through DHS screening process.

He believes rescinding a womans right to vote would be good for the Republican party and he actively demonstrates the merits of his arguments each time he opens his mouth!

He has gone where a certain "wide stanced" Senator could only fantasize about and got away with it for decades!

He is truly the pot calling the kettle black when he calls John Edwards gay!

He is the very man the Bible has named "The Great Deceiver" (Not to be confused with g. bush who is playing a game of oneupmanship by being The Great Deceiver-er Guy)

Once his true name is uttered there will be much anger and gnashing of teeth by freepers everywhere, something which was also predicted in the Bible.

He has indeed fooled the entire world with his deception, a deception which has given him power to spread his vile hatred!

There is great power in names my fellow DUers and when you know his name his power will forever be broken, his words will become utterly meaningless and he will sink back into the mire of obscurity he deserves.

Let the Great Deception end now, let the number of the beast be placed squarely upon his head for eternity, his true name is:

Anne Coulter

There, it is done! No longer will this beasts words create anger in you my fellow DUers, when he speaks we will chuckle and do the "nudge-nudge, wink-wink", all the while knowing his power is broken.

Spread the word children of Democracy, reveal the great deception: Anne Coulter IS NOTHING MORE THAN A MALE CROSSDRESSER WITH A BAD ATTITUDE!

:patriot:

:rofl:

Ouch. Correct, but "ouch"!

Check out the Loathsome Lists for 2006, 2005, 2004 & 2002!

All classics of vitriol.

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