Completely and totally dismissing what someone has to say

I came across my first example of this applied to myself today. I was having a discussion with a "friend" I haven't spoken with in 4 years, a former teaching buddy of mine, and I mentioned that I had quit education and was pursuing an MBA to go into commercial banking and finance. His response was a simple, "You have picked a profession that makes money on the misery of others; nothing you can say can be taken as having any worth from this point on."

I laughed, thinking he was joking, and tried to continue the conversation. He refused to engage with me, and I realized he was being serious--the fact that I was going into banking had removed me from the list of people he was willing to talk to. I said my good-bye and hung up, and I got to thinking. I'm not sure if there is some horrible experience with a bank that colored this person's decision, or if it stems entirely from his political views or what, but I do know that there are factors that cause people to dismiss instantly someone from their consideration (My wife, who is Japanese, has experienced this from visiting with WWII veterans, for example.).

Now I have thought about this from my own perspective as well, and I think the closest I get to this level of, well, inconsideration is with people who are ultra-religious and preachy (the preachiness being key) regardless of their faith. As soon as someone starts trying to convert me or my Buddhist wife I just shut down to anything having to do with them, and, in fact, I've lost a few friendships due to the actions of the other people and myself.

So, that's the question, what's the magic word/background/personality/trait/whatever that causes you to "switch off" from someone?

My best friend is republican and as long as we don't bring up politics we got along very well. I have religious friends, and as long as they don't get pushy we get along. As far as specifics, I really can not speak with a racist and/or a bigot on any level.

among our ranks, a good number who understand as much as possible about business and economics, and such.


I had a similar reaction years (decades)ago when I stated that I was going to law school.


Do not be discouraged if you are doing it for good reasons.

I love being an attorney, but hate what people think of attorneys -- until they need one, that is. I get over it when a client really needs me.

I have a problem with bankers, personally -- Sorry, Godhumor. It results from a lifetime of dealing with a big bank whose initials are BofA. The rest of my personal list includes doctrinaire conservative Republicans, drug dealers, inerrantist Christian ministers, and smartass young lawyers who practice in Orange County, California.

It's all bigotry, I know. But it's human. Maybe in the next life I can get over it.

Nothing to apologize for--hell, I get people annoyed at me from within the MBA program (though my friend who is going into real estate gets it much worse than I, so I try to stand by him as much as possible between classes.).

In any case rude dismissals of an -individual- based on one's broad-brush ideas about a generalized non-homogenous group is usually defined as bigotry.

not want to talk to a person any more?

facts or others opinions. That does it for me.

:D

I just don't hold what they say in much esteem. And yes, it can be people all over the political/religious/etc boards. But then I'm uppity.

Being "a banker" or working "in banking" doesn't give me enough information to totally write off someone who was otherwise friendly in a rude way. As far as behavior, if someone is unpleasant to me at all times, I don't much enjoy talking to that person. Are you looking for behavior? Ideology? Belonging to a group or having a certain occupation?

I was just trying not to word the question as a "I hate these people" type thing and more along the lines of, "Oh yeah, I really can't imagine talking with them in casual conversation."

In casual conversation you wouldn't really know much about the person. Is the person a good friend? A family member? Are the standards for "writing off" much higher at that point? Jeffrey Dahmer's poppa still loves him, you know? So first you have the strength of the bond between the people (friends? strangers? what?), and the strength of the offense (murderer or fan of dead baby jokes?). And aside from the strongest bonds (family) and the strongest offenses (murder, rape, etc.) the two are highly subjective for most people.

"I am a cop/economist/mortgage broker/work for the GOP."
Buh-bye!
Actually I knew one cool cop, but after being on the job for awhile he became an mouthbreather like his buddies.

Racist talk makes me walk, though.

I'll hang up the phone or walk away
if somebody starts ranting about
race or sexist crap.

I just won't accept it. One of my mother's acquaintance who visits on holidays likes to push my buttons, and he ALWAYS starts in with Muslim or homosexual jokes if I happen to be in town on that day(To be completely open, the man's wife is my mother's friend--he just tags along. I know that my mother has had numerous talks with him about his behavior, but the wife's friendship is too important to my mother to refuse him entrance to the house.).

I refuse to even be in the house when he comes over--considering that I get to my mother's house very rarely during the year, she has greatly scaled back on the invites to that particular couple.

For some reason, that's my hot button.

I'm not talking about juvenile should-know-better humor, although that's annoying.

I'm talking about the sort of comment that makes me realise that that person is on some level viscerally disgusted by such a normal and mundane and perfectly pleasant thing as the way other people might fall in love or make love.

It makes me have contempt for that person. I can't help it. It seems so petty and timid that I myself become as strongly repulsed by it as homophobes are by same-gender love. And I will never be able to respect that person again, really.

A doctor friend of mine believes we don't need to do anything about global warming because, as animals, we're just part of the cycle of life and so anything we do to the planet is "natural".

Okay. Doctor or not, I cannot take anything else she ever says to me seriously.

I can't take mind splintering irrationality.

One of the biology teachers I worked with in DC was a creationist. I was never rude or dismissed her, but I will admit I discounted her scientific opinion after that fun revelation.

Though the prinicpal's visit to her classroom became the stuff of lounge room legend for the rest of the year :).

I know this one uneducated fundy man, about 65 years old. I expect that from him and just ignore it.

But a doctor??? Oh good lord. And when she said it, I was so shocked I didn't have a response at all. It is really just mind bending.

But I want to qualify that: I try not to switch people completely off unless they have some unredeemable moral failing. You can make yourself a dinosaur by covering your ears when others don't agree with you.

But you reminded me that just over a year ago I lost what I thought had been a good friend of many years, because I teased him about his favorite college football team. And this is the type of guy who likes to rib other people. It bothered me awhile but I decided if he's gonna write me off over a stupid football team then he never really was my friend.

Same thing with this teacher guy. I think you're right, he must be carrying some baggage from an experience with a bank. But that's his problem, not yours.

they say one word about butterflies and I just dismiss them. Won't even look at them

ADHD, ya know...

it ends any meaningful converation...

The answer is "Bankers, Lawyers, and Real Estate Agents".
Bzzt!
"Yes, Cat?"
"Which three vocations expect thousands of dollars of compensation for hours of effort?"
Ding Ding Ding....

If someone I know is having delusional thoughts, I have to disengage from their ideas to remain engaged with the person. I mean real delusional thinking - the content of their delusion isn't what does it, it's the pattern of thinking.

I won't deal with a narcissist, or a person I think is a narcissist. Again, I don't mean someone who thinks about themselves a lot. I mean someone who could be diagnosed as having narcissistic personality disorder. Once I see a person as being a real narcissist, everything they say or do to me seems like just another attempt at manipulation. I know they don't see me as a person, and I can't see them as one, either.

Say that to me and I'm gone. I've had several old acquaintances try that on me. That's when I switch it off. The discussion is over.

I switch off from Republicans, I have to admit. I switch off from people who love corporations and love money and seem to have no other motivation in life because they usually use people and love things and aren't very interesting.

as long as you are doing it to learn about poverty.

While this is not to condemn your choice, I have to admire (somewhat) your friend for having the courage of his convictions.

I, myself, am much more forgiving and would certainly not have ended the relationship. I would most likely have avoided prolonged conversation concerning your choice, as it would be divisive and non-edifying.

I won't tolerate that. :mad: