The Life of an Anti-Government Conservative.

I got this idea from some email that was being forwarded around the internet that said, "A Day in the Life of an Anti-Government Conservative." This is similar, but I wanted to point out a few things that email did not.

The Life of an Anti-Government Conservative

Meet Bob. He’s a conservative, meaning he doesn’t believe the federal government should play any role whatsoever in the economy. The free market is absolutely perfect, never fails, and should be left alone to maximize productivity and, by extension, human well-being. Washington should never do anything at all other than provide for a common defense from foreign enemies. Anything else just amounts to stealing money from the hard-working American people. That sounds swell.

Bob was born 1970. Growing up, he had it pretty good. Bob’s father, who worked in a local factory, was in a union that was able to negotiate for a living wage and good benefits because the big, bad, federal government protected workers’ right to organize. They weren’t rich, but they didn’t worry about necessities. His mother only worked a little, so she could be home with the kids when they weren’t in school, and she made the lowest possible wage for working in the United States. However, because some big-government liberals passed a big-government minimum wage law, it was still enough for a few extras. He was educated in a nearby public school, which some left-wing radicals decided would be run with government money.

The factory was not far from their house, but the family didn’t have to worry about breathing toxic air, because some damn, big-government dweebs in Congress passed a series of clean air acts. (They also passed a sweeping clean water act in 1972; this forced the factory to stop dumping mercury in the nearby lake, which had once been a source of tap water for the town, but no longer could be.)

On a few occasions, Bob’s father was laid off due to downturns in the market. This never put them on the street, however, because of unemployment insurance, the socialist government program.

In 1988, Bob went off to college. He knew he couldn’t afford a private school, so he chose a public school, where he had to pay far less in tuition because some tax-and-spend liberals insisted that these schools receive money from tax-payers. He also secured plenty of financial aid and some federally-subsidized student loans, because those same bleeding-heart cry-babies fought for government handouts for higher education.

In 1992, Bob graduated and found an entry-level job in his field. He started climbing the corporate ladder, got married and had kids. Life was good. His third child was born with a disability but, because of some left-wing loonies, was able to be educated in the same public schools with everyone else.

In 1998, while speeding down an Eisenhower-funded highway because he was late for a meeting, Bob got in a serious car accident. He escaped with only minor injuries, however, because some dirty, smell, liberal hippies had long-ago passed a law required cars to have seat-belts and other safety features.

In 2004, Bob realized his energy company had been overcharging him. After repeated calls to their costumer service center in India, he realized he couldn’t take care of it on his own. So, he got Big Government’s help. Because of consumer protection laws, he was able to get it resolved.

In 2005, Bob’s father retired and started collecting his social security and signed onto Medicare. Social Security, the largest government program in human history, was signed into law by the commie-pinko-leftist, Franklin Roosevelt. Medicare was established by a bunch of socialist, commie, Castro-loving leeches in 1965. He also received a pension that was negotiated by his union.

It’s November 4th, 2008, and Bob and his father are sitting in a restaurant, having some burgers, after having voted earlier in the day. They’re not worrying about health dangers posed by the meat, because the Food and Drug Administration does a good job in ensuring accountability in food companies’ products. The two are discussing the election, saying they voted Republican, once again, to “get the government off their backs.”

Then they drove home on the roads our tax dollars paid for.

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If your energy company is overcharging you, you may need to see a lawyer who will file an action so that you can receive help from those big bad public courts. I don't know whether the Better Business Bureau will do much for you.

or maybe start showing how things started changing in 2000 with this administration

like people still dying because air pollution standards are being gutted and not as strong as they used to be

food issues-mad cow, e-coli,

lead and china imports

increased numbers of those without insurance or escallating premiums or "pre-existing conditions

collapse of Enron because of lack of regulation

number of houses being lost to foreclosure due to LACK of regulation of the mortage industry

state/national parks losing funding

teachers being laid off

edited to add-you need to show them that with Republicans in charge things have gone completely to hell
compare/contrast

the guy's wife gets sick in 2004, but they have to refinance the house to pay medical bills and end up with a subCrime ARM and then a year down the road the house goes into foreclosure

Maybe after supporting Republicans for years, they get Republican control of all three branches in 2000, and then everything goes to hell for them.

My basic thesis here, however, is that people who chastise government are using it all the time.