Have you ever been raped?

Luckily, I am still negative, and the rape happened 8 years ago.

I was given a drink that was laced with GHB (I assume)... and I awoke in a motel and had been raped.


I NEVER accept drinks from ANYONE anymore (unless I trust them COMPLETELY).

:hug:

I'm "over it" now... but it was a huge deal at the time because I was afraid I could have gotten HIV or another STD.

Luckily, I have no memory of "the event". So my concern was the aftermath. I know many people who are raped have VIVID memories of the event (One of my best female friends has another female friend who was raped while she was concious - she will NEVER forget that). I don't think I could ever get past that.

The predator bastard kidnapped her and took her back to his apartment. If her friends hadn't tracked her down, who knows what that monster would've done to her.

I'm so sorry you were attacked. My heart just hurts for you and my SIL. :cry: May you walk strong and in peace.

thing.

:hug:

How could I report it when we'd had consensual sex in the past? Somewhat rhetorical question.

I have not be raped by a stranger though.

of successful rape prosecutions when the victim had consensual sex with the attacker in the past? Every now and then I'll see a case of a wife alleging rape from her husband, and seems like most people laugh it off.

and so few replies.


There is no shame when you are the victim.

I figured it'd be a lot, but not as high as it is compared to those who did report it. Very sad. :(

Sad but true.

Or fear of people?

A very popular football player on our college team.
I didn't tell anyone other than my roommate.

He was the popular jock and now I know he knew exactly what was going to happen that night. Back in the early 90's my friends and I were known as the "untouchables" because we were attractive and most of us were already had boyfriends so we were out of the dating realm - except for me. He took me to the Homecomming Dance, then afterwards he forced himself on me. After he left my room, I showered for what seemed like hours, washed the comforter and linens of my roommates bed (where it had happened) and curled up in a ball on my bed. I went down to breakfast the next morning to grab some stuff to take back to my room and when I got back, the word "touchable" was written on my white board. For weeks I was regarded as a slut and a skank by his friends because he started the spin even before I was out of the shower. I'm just now able to admit that it wasn't my fault, and I repressed this memory for nearly 16 years. I never told anyone my side of the story when it happened - thinking no one would believe me - and I dropped out of college soon afterward, but since I have started school again the memories of the incident keep flashing back and popping into my dreams. It has taken this long to seek help for what happened... and I wonder and worry about the other women and men who will never let themselves admit to what happened to them.

I'm sorry that you had to go through such a thing... and I send you a big hug.

:hug:

It was the guy who lived in the apartment next to mine, who I THOUGHT was my friend. Fortunately, I another friend of mine came by before the asshole could get any farther.

I told my friend who came by, and he threatened the asshole. My friend wanted me to report the asshole, but like so many other women, I felt ashamed, so I never did. Fortunately, the threat did work and asshole moved two days later.

"but like so many other women, I felt ashamed,"


I only told one other person about my experience (she was a lesbian friend). I was too ashamed to tell my family, gay friends, straight friends, and everyone except my lesbian friend (who loves me unconditionally - and I love her the same).

I wasn't trying to ignore the fact that it happens to men, too; I was speaking from a female perspective.

But again, you're right. PEOPLE feel shame when that happens; it (the act or the shame) isn't confined to women only.

In college, a female friend of mine -- more of an acquaintance, actually -- lived three apartments down from me. There was a big party one night in two adjoining apartments on the other side of my apartment (in the opposite direction from hers).

Anyway, me and a small group -- including the acquaintance's roommate -- leave the party to go smoke a joint in my place, but my roommate (kind of a preppy, fratish type) was in there with some other people. So we go down to her apartment and light up. About 90 seconds into the joint, we hear "naughty" noises coming from her room, and just assume she's having a good time with someone. But a split second later, we ALL hear a distinctive "Get off of me!" followed by a cry for help (she obviously heard us).

We bust into the room and this dude -- one of my roommate's fratty friends -- is on her, pants down and hard, with her underpants ripped off. She was clearly fighting him off.

All hell broke loose as we got him off of her and commenced to beating the shit out of him. This, of course, led to his friends trying to protect HIM (we were very loud and they came running quickly).

Happy ending: we did not let the guy get away, and he spent 18 months in prison. And trust me, as little time as that was, it almost never happened. He was very rich and his parents were connected. But he had a previous arrest for assault in a bar, and no amount of connection could cover that up, especially with 4 eye witnesses and the victim's testimony of the attempted rape. He went to jail on a plea deal.

As traumatic as it was for her, she fought him off and he never penetrated her.

I moved out of my apartment a week later. My roommate and his friends launched into a very nasty "she was begging for it" campaign the day after the party. I have not heard from or of any of them since.

A year after this, I met my future wife through the victim.

Rape impacts a lot of people...I can honestly say that that night changed my life. I feel for anyone who's had to endure it.

And very glad, too, that the asshole ended up in prison.

When someone screams "Get off of me!", they aren't "begging for it."

in the back seat of our car, while my husband drove around and didn't stop him. When he told me what happened, and I asked why he didn't at least stop driving and stop the rape, he said he didn't want to interfere. He couldn't understand why I was so upset with him but that was the bit that made me realize that I had no desire to even be around this person any more. (married when young and dumb and "doing the right thing")

"...and commenced to beating the shit out of him."

I always wondered what happens in situations in which people actually manage to stop a rape in progress. Good to know. :-)

I think that homosexual rape is widely underreported, because there is an irrational fear that, among those who are raped, that they will be perceived as gay (when they either are not gay or wish not to be perceived as gay).

I have a lady friend who, stupidly IMO, invited a strange man back to her apartment, and he raped her. It was a very strange story. She obviously was victimized, but I still don't quite understand why she invited him up to her apartment, after they had both been drinking rather heavily. There were other aspects to it which I didn't get, but even so, I totally offered her 100% support.

I was 19, just got back from some army-test (which I passed easily) and went on to get drunk on Belgian beer. Some guy I vaguely knew invited me to his bar, which turned out te be closed that night. It was just him and me, and I knew what was going to happen.
He tried (predictably) to get in my pants, grabbing what he could, but I shoved him off and left. Almost had to hit him.

I did not report it, but I did go to some friend of his and ratted on him. That turned out to be the best thing: Two days later he showed up in the bar where he picked me up in the first place and straight away started apologizing. He got a real bad trackrecord out of that one.

it was my dad in around 65 or 66.

I was only 10 and did not (and would not completely realize what had been done to me for several years), back then no one would believe you, and parents were rarely arrested or prosecuted for this crime.

To make matters even more disgusting (at least from a certain view point) I found out from my wife after several year of marriage that she had been similarly treated in such a manner by her step father.

I vowed my children would never have to endure such treatment, and I have succeeded, Paul is now 23 and Shanda 21.

Certainly sexual abuse; maybe rape is less common, but sexual abuse - many, many children experience this. In my experience, talking to people, I would say maybe even HALF of women were abused as children.

It pisses me off.

Thank you for sharing your story, and congratulations on being a great parent yourself!

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I have trouble comprehending the mindset that brings people to this opinion.

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When I see stuff like this on tv, I know better then to watch it. You caught me off-guard. If I let myself think about this, it takes me to a very dark place in my soul. I cannot answer you honestly. To do so would wound me to my very being. My heart will never stop aching for my innocence.:cry: If I could put a million "cry`s" here, it would not be enough.

I don't think either reported it. Very scary.

This sickness is so widespread in our society. It is all around us under the surface. We have so much work to do.

Serial attacker who began his assault on my neighborhood by making me his very first victim. Held at gunpoint for about an hour and beat up pretty good. Thankfully, none of the other women he attacked were raped, but a couple were severely beaten.

He's cooling his heels in the State Pen for 69 yrs with no chance at parole. I'll never regret reporting - I was treated so well by the police, paramedics and court system. It wasn't an easy road to travel and it took quite a while for the whole process to close, but to re-gain my whole voice out of the attack, I couldn't not report.

Hugs all around for everyone responding to this thread :grouphug:

i didn't report it. wasn't violent.

I was 16 and thought I knew "everything". I hitched from Texas to Connecticut. It took 11 days and 4 different rapes to get there, I figured it was my fault.

It was a trauma I didn't talk about for years. My ex came home one day and said, "I learned something today, I learned that no one deserves to be raped." That was the beginning of healing for me, many years ago.

Held prisoner in her home, beaten, raped several times before her assailant left her in the shower. When she got out of the hospital, she came to church, looking for solace... And th congregation treated her as if she were a whore, some dirty thing to shield their children from. When she left, my family and I followed.

Called up the local sheriff, could not say the word rape..I was freaking out. The cops didn't believe me, they told me to drink warm milk. This was the 70's where incest never happened to kids except in rare situations or so the myth went....
So does reporting it and not being listed to count as reporting it?
The other neighbor pedophilia situation I didn't report that until my cousin started asking questions,I was scared he was gonna kill my pets, my parents, my sisters so I had been terrorized into shutting up about it for quite awhile before I told her..

Those people who didn't believe you suck.

completely unrelated incidents. One tried to report it, but her parents refused to believe it (she was 14). Another almost lost her life and ending up aborting the result of the rape (which was NOT an easy decision, no matter what anti-choicers make you believe). The second reported it, to no avail.

In both cases, the rapist was a stranger, and unknown to the victim, so no way to really identify. the first one happened about 35 years ago, and the second one about 25 years ago.

Because of this, I took a rape crisis counseling class in college, which was somewhat helpful, but was mostly about societal mores that encourage rape. I was hoping for some help in HELPING victims that I knew or would know.

I'm frequently distressed at how many sexual assaults occur that we know about.

But I checked "Yes, I reported it."

I didn't report a date rape.

It was a double date rape. The other girl, who I thought was my friend, was really into being shared by two guys, also shared me. I was 18 or 19, and she drove us to NYC (three hours away from home) supposedly to see a concert. We went to the guys' apartment for some pre-concert drinks, but then never left their place. I had to stay there all night, I knew no one else in the city, she drove us there, and I didn't have any money to get a bus back home or a room somewhere. At the time I just thought I was being prudish (since it wasn't violent and the other girl was so into it), but I realize now it was really a double (kind of triple) rape. :(

That's a staggering statistic. I wonder what makes DU members overwhelmingly more prone to being rape than the general public?

:shrug:

I don't see it as DUers being more prone to being raped, but those who chose to vote here, or reply. We used to ask this question when doing annual check ups on women when I worked in a women's clinic and 1/3 of the women said yes. That is not "the general public" either, but a group of women who came to clinic for check ups.

I know I would never answer yes to anyone asking me in person.

It's not saying that 50% of DUers have been raped.

Still, even one is too many :(

My response is a "no" but I got caught up in these stories from all these people that I've grown care about and admire here on DU and I almost forgot to go back to the OP and actually post my "no".

But one is definitely too many.

Ask any group of people, and you get a whole lot of stories, especially when it's anonymous.

It is that common in the general population.

Before you make anymore comments like this. Ever.

Holy shit.

All this proves is that people who have been raped are more likely to respond to a poll asking about it than people who haven't.

Considering them and all of my friends who might have been but chosen not to share such information with me personally, male and female, and I suspect that these numbers are better than the actual numbers of the general public.

I don't know what happened to me or why I went home with him, but I'm pretty sure the situation was well beyond my control before anything even happened. I got freaked out, but I couldn't say no and was visibly shaken and started crying afterward. He gave me grief about it and I had to ask him several times to take me home. I spent the next day crying, and spending time with my gay best friend (who was a victim of rape as a child) who to this day wishes he could hunt the guy down.

Although, through that experience (this was a date that occurred when my boyfriend and I were kind of ambiguously together-but-not), I realized that I didn't want to date anyone else and if he (my boyfriend) came around that would be great, but otherwise I was gonna chill and not look for dates. So even though it was a frightening and horrible experience, I'm not sure if I would have seen the true value of the nice guy and decided that he was worth waiting for.

Hugs and well wishes to all who have been through what I have and worse. You have greater strength and beauty through your trials. :grouphug:

needs a HUGE hug.

:grouphug:

I keep thinking that with every story I read from every poster. We all need hugs. :hug:

Sometimes people only mean it for straight women. I have been told that until I "submit to the love of God," all I needed was "the right man to straighten me out."

So, I have to ask you if you mean straight women too to be sure. :(

I'm not the person you are replying to, but they all deserve support and a hug if they want it.

:hug:

It doesn't matter... hugs all around. I guess that's what I meant when I said "Everyone".

:hug:

At least in my hug. :hug: I had a gay friend who was raped in the men's dorm at our Christian college, and I included him in my heart with my hug.

Male, female, child, straight or gay. It is still horrible, has lasting effects and no one deserves it. :grouphug: for you and everyone in this thread.

Two serious attempts, one involving a weapon and one where I was beaten bloody but I fought and got away both times. Those are phenomenal odds, having more to do with the idiocy of the rapists than any virtue or superior strength on my part. The first one I reported.

Not a damn thing happened.

It was by a radiology tech, and when I reported her to the head of the practice, he blamed me. When I called our lawyer, he said it wasn't malpractice because it didn't meet the definition of "lasting harm." When I called the police, they said that what she did to me slipped through the cracks in the law and the best they could do was file an incident report. When I called the state to get her license revoked, I was told that the equipment was licensed, the doctor was licensed, but the tech herself was not.

No wonder I needed therapy.

That is one of the vilest stories I have ever heard. Especially the "didn't meet the definition of lasting harm" part.

Since she used the probe to hurt me in the course of an ultrasound (I consider it sexual assault when the tech shoves the probe in as far as it will go over and over and then stands the probe straight up inside while I was frozen in pain), it was considered bad but not bad enough to meet the legal definition of malpractice, and since she used a medical instrument to do it, it wasn't considered rape, and since it was during a medical procedure, it wasn't considered assault.

What really hurt was when even my husband questioned whether it really was assault. He did believe me when I burst into tears, but that questioning still stung.

That is insane. (Again, very sorry...and glad to see your post about therapy.)

It was 2001 - 8 months after a nearly fatal car accident. I was still in a brace, had very little arm movement and no leg movement and difficulty communicating because I was on so much pain medication. I was in long term care at a rehab facility. A male nursing assistant raped me almost nightly over the space of 4 months. Taking off the brace to rape me caused more nerve damage and possibly made it impossible for any leg movement to ever return.

I finally was able to tell my sister what was happening and the nurse was arrested. In the investigation they found out I was not the only one. He worked at a different facility also and they uncovered rapes there too. Those patients were able to communicate better so that is what they decided to prosecute. In 2004 this scumbag was actually about to get out of jail. I was doing much better by then and the DA came and asked if I was willing to help prosecute on the charges for me - we were barely under the 3 year window and I agreed.

Getting busted for me made him a 3 time loser and will not see the light of day for another 20 years. It was worth the shit I went through during the trial at the hands of his "defense".

For going on a second trip through hell to protect those that would have come after you.

I :cry: for what you went through but I'm so proud of you for standing up to him.

I am very glad you helped in his prosecution and he is put away for a long time. That takes courage, and thank you for doing that. Incredible.

I'm sorry it was so painful to face the asshole in court, but you were brave! And you've probably protected a number of women from the same experience.

:patriot:

:hug:

:applause:

I really admire your strength!

Most victims can be told they "asked for it". Plus there's often already the question in a victim's mind if they did something to deserve it when it's someone they know. Being disabled and bedridden stopped almost all of that in addition to the fact it was not done by someone I already knew. So in my case there was nothing emotionally complicated about it.

Oh sure the asshat "defense" tried all sort of idiotic things, but because of my condition at the time of the rapes I didn't have any ambiguity in my mind about the events. The only hard part was the "defense" claiming the medication I was on made me hallucinate and they tried to make me admit to being out of touch with reality even before the accident with bullshit questions like if I had ever daydreamed or ever had extremely vivid night dreams.

But it wasn't heroic at all. I knew, and I knew the jury would have no doubt, I was purely a victim.

Kudos to you for having the courage to prosecute.

I am so sorry to read what you have been through. I am glad that he was locked up for a good long time.

and there is no exclamation point on that because I am stunned. 50% of the respondents have been raped? Can we say this is accurate across the whole population? Geeze, I have 5 sisters, does this mean 2/3 of them have been raped?
:grr:

The entire story is all on DU somewhere. I told it before. Been off my Zoloft for a couple of days (since Friday afternoon) so I don't want to relive it again, but yes, I've been raped by some of the ex-gay type anti-gay believers back in 1990 and did NOT report it. :(

are some people that have been raped more than once, at different times in their lives.

just to keep perspective and honest.

I was molested by my father for 15 years. It started when I was three years old, but he didn't force me to have intercourse until I was in second grade.

I told him to stop when I was twelve, but it didn't.

Talked to our minister....he said I was either lying or doing something to bring it upon myself and that I should pray to be a better person.

So, does it count as rape? I guess so, maybe, but I wasn't old enough or strong enough to resist.

The day I turned 18, I left that house and never looked back. Went to college and now I have a great husband, kids, and a wonderful life that I have built myself (well, DH helped a little!).

abuse that went on for years. I think that qualifies are serial rape to be honest. :hug: I'm sorry you had to put up with that. You never should have had to deal with that. I'm glad you escaped and never looked back. That was the best thing you could do for yourself to get out of that nightmarish hell.

The really funny thing is that he tells everyone who will listen to him what an ungrateful daughter I am and how terrible it is that I won't let him see my kids. My relatives on that side of the family are always on me about how mean to him I am and how I really should show him more respect.

When my brothers had kids, I told them what had happened and made sure that their wives knew that they had to protect their children from him too.

He now blames me for everything bad that has happened in his life, even though I agreed not to tell his mother or the rest of his family about what kind of pervert he is.

To this day, he maintains that he did nothing wrong too. Some people are just a waste of skin.

Oh my goodness. That minister needs to be strung up by the hairs, and I hope karma's been a bitch to your "father" (no real father would ever do that to his daughter).

two of my three sisters have been raped. None of these incidents were reported. It is far more common than some are comfortable believing.

Screws with your head for life.

1st time I was 10 and outside catching lightening bugs. The neighbor's 15 yr old grandson grabbed me and I fought him off and ran inside. I remember being so scared and sitting in the bathroom crying and wondering if that's how girls got pregnant. I didn't tell my Mom until a few years later when the same kid was accused of the rape of his former girlfriend.

2nd time I was 14 and chased through a store, grabbed and pinned to a display table. I fought again and ended up chasing the guy to the front of the store when a sales clerk stopped me. I told her what happened and we stood at the store windows watching the guy drive away. Several sales clerks gathered but no one in the store called the police. I had to walk down to the laundramat where my Dad was waiting for me and tell him what happened. It wasn't until we got home that my Mom called the police and not one thing was done. The cops never even talked to me.

Half of the respondents were raped?!? Wow...

Then it was coerced. You were told a gun was in the house by one jack ass. Were you supposed to make sure he used it on you? And you told someone you didn't want to go all the way so he took it anyway. You know, locked doors, guns 'somewhere' in the house and no one near by to help you out means you felt threatened enough to give them what they wanted. That's not consentual sex. So you should stop feeling you don't know.

Conversely let me explain what consentual sex is. it's the kind where you actually get turned on sexually and you WANT to have sex. It's the kind where no bruising is experienced, unless you are both into that sort of thing and you've agreed beforehand. It's the kind where you feel really good afterwards and you want to cuddle. If you feel filthy and need a shower and still feel filthy after the thousandth shower, you were raped or you were sexually assaulted.

The number of women and children who have done exactly what you did is immense, and they're all paying the psychological price of feeling they must have deserved it because they let it happen. They were scared. Scared and turned on sexually are not interchangeable nor is one confused with the difference.

Edited for punctuation

ditto

Sorry I deleted my post but I felt I overexposed myself with talking about this, which I've never done before. The guy who said he had a gun in the house isn't the same as the one whom I had told I didn't want to go all the way but gave in to him because the building was pretty deserted at the time.

Anyhow...this thread caught me by surprise and brought me down a little bit. Honestly after seeing what other people posted, my brain is saying what happened to me wasn't as bad...

It's like comparing pain--everyone experiences pain differently, so what would hurt one person would just annoy another and vice versa. Rape is bad, no matter how it happened or what was done, just like pain is bad and needs to be addressed.

You were really brave to post about it at all. Think of all those women who never, ever tell a soul about what happened. You had the courage to post and ask about it, and that's a good, good thing. You are strong, and you are amazing. :hug:

We should perhaps include sexually assaulted as "rape" may mean only vaginal penetration to some and it is/can be about a whole lot more. Violence disguised as sex.

Of course I didn't report it. It took me years to figure out it actually was rape. An erect penis does not mean consent any more than a "slutty" outfit does. As far as feeling filthy goes--she smeared me with her menstrual blood all over my stomach and chest and I was in a place that had no shower, only a public men's room.

:hug: I'm so sorry that happened to you.

Too many won't acknowledge that women sometimes abuse men.

Unfortunately, anyone can be raped. The more I think about it, the more angry I get at her--you said no, and that should've been it.

to all you women and men who have been raped or sexually assaulted, my heart goes out to you. I am so sorry for the pain that such an attack caused for you all, and I am horrified to see how high the numbers here are. You all have much strength to get through the pain and survive. Hugs to you all, and I'm so sorry for any of the pain or anger you may feel as a result of such an eggregious attack.

and years earlier molested.

Why do you ask, and would you like more details on the various situations I survived?

Because I have "almost" been raped twice, but thankfully was able to get away. That shouldn't count as a credit to the "never been raped" side, if you get what I mean.

sw

Edited because I hadn't read through the thread before I posted. I see many others have made a similar point. And I am stunned by reading what so many of my fellow DUers have gone through.

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The ironic thing was I was working as a rape crisis counselor, yet, I still felt it was my fault (date rape). Thankfully, I had a very good friend, also a rape crisis counselor, who turned the tables on me and made me see what had happened was not my fault and I had no reason to be ashamed. I did swear if it ever happened again, I would defend myself to the bitter end. Several months later, another person tried. With my arm across his throat and gripped on his head I told him he had two choices: Stop as I had asked or have his neck broken with a simple twist of my arm. He stopped. I found out later he had raped a few other guys.

If you are little, like me, it is a very good idea to learn pressure points, as well as ways to disable someone quickly. And, as always, it is NEVER your fault!!!

I'm probably confessing to a crime here but a while back I beat the shit out of a prick who raped someone I know. She knew him before. Thats all the details im giving.

Mum's the word. I know of no wrongdoing on your part in the eyes of the law...

...*psst*...
Thank you for sticking up for her. It means a lot to victims of rape everywhere.

A guy we knew from high school raped and beat the crap out of a girl in town. My childhood friend found out, went over to that guy's house with a baseball bat, and beat him badly enough he had to go to the hospital. Guess which one did prison time. :eyes:

The molestation happened when I was three; my much-older cousin was the molester. When I told my parents, my Dad literally ran him out of town with a 2x4, and I've never seen him again. My aunt refused to believe that it happened, and she and my Dad didn't speak to each other for years.

The sexual assault is something I've never really told anyone about. It happened when I was 18. I was at an older friend's house, and went upstairs to use the restroom. As I was coming out, my friend's boyfriend called me into their bedroom, and like an idiot, I went. It never occurred to me that I was in danger, because he'd always been so nice, and was so much older than me--probably old enough to be my Dad (my friend was much older too, and I had been her babysitter as a younger teen.)

Anyway, when I went into the bedroom, he patted the bed and told me he wanted to talk to me about a birthday present for Rhonda (my friend.) I sat down, and instead of talking about a present, he started talking about how beautiful he thought I was, etc. Then he pushed me down on the bed and forced my shirt up, and I struggled to get away while he assaulted me, but I didn't want to scream because I was *terrified* that Rhonda would think this was something *I* had willingly participated in. All I could think was, "If I scream, she'll come running up here and all she'll see is me and this guy on her bed, and she'll believe HIM and not me. After all, he didn't drag me into the bedroom. I was stupid enough to come in by myself." I completely blamed myself.

Anyway, he stopped after a few minutes and I ran downstairs, told Rhonda I had to go, and never went back. I didn't report it because Rhonda was poor at the time, and she was living in this guy's townhouse. I was afraid that if I reported it, she'd lose her home, maybe even lose custody of her kids (because she was in the midst of a divorce at the time, and her ex-husband would have jumped all over something like that as an excuse to take the kids from her.)

I did tell Rhonda privately the next day, though, because I was afraid he might do something like that to her little girl. She left him as soon as she found another place to live.

I've never told anyone else about this, that I can remember.

You should've been safe in your friend's house with her boyfriend. You had no idea what he was going to do, and you did not consent. It is not your fault in any way at all.

Thank you for being brave and telling your story. :hug: You are strong, and you are amazing.

:shrug:

I voted yes. :(

and this poll is scaring the shit out of me.

Rape, sexual assault, molestation, violence against women--all extremely common, much unreported.

women have been trying to communicate this with our fellow du males, but seems they havent been receptive. maybe a poll to see just how many women, ergo lots of men out there doing the rapin... is not just a handful of sick males, but maybe a society that is creating a sickness and we need to do something as a whole, for the benefits of our daughters, wifes, sisters and mothers, not to mention for the sakes of our sons and brothers that are doing the raping.

on the HAVE BEEN RAPED side than the national averages???

RAINN reports 1 in 6 (not that that is a good number)...

I would just think in a reporting sample as large as DU that the numbers would match closely with the national numbers...that suck...but the numbers here are three times as high as the national average.

http://www.rainn.org/get-information/statistics/sexual-assault-victims

These numbers from RAINN come from several sources, not just reported instances...so what has caused the huge discrepancy?

sP

sexually abused as children. Add in rapes committed by non-family members and the statistics are about the same as this poll.

so I am not sure why they should be so different. RAINN even goes as far as to include penetration by objects other than a penis as rape (in other words, ANY penetration).

I find it very interesting that the numbers here are VASTLY different than the stats outside our community. It would seem to indicate some sort of driving factor to this site and perhaps others that support liberal causes correlates with the incidence of rape...

sP

most never report it. The internet is anonymous, otherwise I suspect DU's poll would reflect the same percentage as the RAINN numbers.

so I would think that they are NOT just reported cases (to the authorities)...

Who knows; i just find it interesting...

sP

Not since it was revealed the admins could identify who votes what. :(

niece doesn't use this board..... 12 yrs old raped not reported. have a couple other friends that have told me the same and honestly.... it is not something me and friends have even talked about. it was only me asking my niece, out of blue for some reason if she had ever been raped, that she then told me about her experience. we get raped, put it away, and go on.....the problem is, men dont want to see it, know it, hear it for all different reasons.

the fact is, it is a much higher rate of rape than what this org is showing. the du poll is reflective of our society. it is not the members on this board, converging, as if drawn here because they have been raped.

I could not glean the meaning...

thx
sP

i have learned it is so important i re read after posting to correct my errors as i rush thru a post of thought. get it down and then post. then correct. i sometimes forget to correct and that is not good. i appreciate the reminder before my edit time ran out.

I believe RAINN is getting their numbers from a variety of sources, not just law enforcement, so the stats they gather would include random and anonymous surveys to try to get the best numbers they can and I would have thought that they would be more in line with what we see here. And, any time I see what I perceive as a statistical anomaly I look for causes (unfortunately I do this too much in life).

I really wonder what drives these sorts of numbers...

sP

as a women, my firends and i just dont sit around talking about it. talk about all kinds of things, but it was in only talking about the subject specifically i heard from the few friends and niece. i would have to talk to friends more to get a feel for how accurate this number is. but regardless of the number, it is way way too high and is a good indicator there is a very real problem that we ignore, for both our female and male population.

I have friends who are not included in those numbers.

Many women here are not included in those numbers.

The chance that a women will be raped in her lifetime is huge.

Usually it is someone she knows.

nt

i would hafta assume alot of these came from childhood?

i have a theory that the majority of woman in this world are sexually abused at a young age.

almost every woman that ive gotten close enough to have something like this disclosed to me have all said they were sexually abused at some point. usually by a family member, mostly cousins or uncles.

i feel for all of you whove had to go through something beyond your control. i know that doesnt change anything.

Some are from childhood, more are from the teenaged and early adulthood years, and many are from adulthood. I was 32 when I was assaulted, so no, not all of us were attacked when we were kids.

I firmly believe that if I were female and had lived the life I did the answer would be yes.

I confess I was once involved in beating the shit out of a guy who drugged and raped a friend of mine in college. she refused to report it. I was a rower, my roomate played hockey. he got the message. (memo to anyone just going to college: the two teams you really don't want pissed off at you are rowers and hockey players. the ice-jocks fight for the fun of it, the rowers have all sorts of built up agression from having short people yell at them. and both tend to be very protective of smaller people.)

You've been lucky. Other men on the board have posted their stories, and it can happen to any guy, too, gay or straight or whatever.

Thanks for beating that guy up, though. It meant a lot to your friend, I'm sure.

and sexually abused as a child. I did not report them because I was afraid that no one would believe me and that they would think that I deserved it. It was 17 years ago for the rapes (ex-boyfried and a cab driver) and 33 years ago for the sexual abuse. In the mid 90s, I started a couple of e-mail support groups with other survivors on AOL and it helped a great deal, as did therapy. It is something that I relive daily, but have learned to try to heal and move on.

Edited (lots of grammar issues sorry) also to add that I wound up pregnant as a result of the first rape and, when I told my mother she was less than supportive at that time. My dad hit the roof, neither of them believed at the time that I was raped, and I was informed that I would have to abort the baby (I was 19). Young and scared, I did.

Notice how few women actually report it. It's really important to understand this. If you're a guy and you get your car stolen, you will report it. No one will disbelieve you or think you are some kind of immoral person because your car got stolen. But reporting a rape means the woman reporting it can be both disbelieved and thought immoral. These very often lead women not to report it.

Just this unscientific poll gives some indication as to how many women are intimidated by social norms and police beliefs into not reporting rapes.

As a 12 year old, coming home from school I was dragged into an empty house threatened with a knife and raped. He let me go but threatened that he knew where I lived and would kill my parents if I told. It took me a month to finally tell. My father went into a rage and threw furniture across the room. I didn't understand he was angry at the rapist, all I saw was me telling and him raging. I was dragged to the hospital, humiliated all over again by an exam made by a male doctor with the male police officer in the room with both my parents there. I had to try to explain what had happened when I didn't even have the vocabulary for it. Because the rapist was inept (?) my hymen hadn't been broken (I guess there had been no actual penetration although there had been pain), they assumed that I was lying. Their reaction was "Thank God," I had been lying and they never discussed it with me ever again after that.

Second time, my boss got me. Sort of a case of "I want you and if you want to keep your job this will happen." I struggled until he made it clear that it was going to happen and that I would lose my job and my reputation at work if I told. I was best friends with his wife, for christ's sake! So I didn't report it. My first experience and tales from other women in similar circumstances convinced me that reporting it would just constitute another rape.

The 1/2 time: I was walking about a half a block when a group of drunken marines on leave began chasing me. I made it home, told my husband ain hysterics and all he wanted to do was go out and beat the shit out of them. I was terrified, they were huge and he wasn't fit. I had to stuff my terror down and convince him that he shouldn't do it. No comfort from him only his wounded pride that "his woman" had been gone after. Then as I did suggest calling the police, I was discouraged by him, since I happed to be wearing his very favorite sexy outfit, and that was probably the reason I was chased. Man, was my head fucked up over all that.

I was walking down a long deserted corridor from the gym to the rest of the school. He slammed me up against the wall and rubbed his butt against my crotch. This lasted a few seconds, and when he saw he wasn't getting a reaction, he let me go and walked on.

I didn't know him. I didn't make racist statements. I didn't interact with anybody playing football, and I usually smiled, then ran, when black people came around. So I didn't incite it.

I didn't report it. What good would it do? He was black and a football player. Either one of those would cause the report to be dismissed; the first would label me as a racist.

I hate the game of football and the overpaid jocks that play it. I CAN get along with black people, at least women, but I never feel entirely comfortable around black men.

Please don't recommend therapy. As we all know, that doesn't work. My only positive thought about it is, that jock who hurt me probably OD'd on drugs, got arrested or shot while burglarizing some place.

"As we all know, that doesn't work. "

I strongly disagree, and I'm sure lots of others do. Some therapists are definitely better than others; some work for one person, but maybe not for the other.

Mine was in a medical setting, and considering I'm married to a doctor and have many chronic health problems, I needed the therapy to be able to go through an exam or procedure again. My therapist really helped me get through it, deal with my anger and frustration, and feel safe with medical professionals again.

As for black men, I taught high school, and I had many wonderful black men in my classes. Loving, caring men who were raised right and were respectful of women. They also happened to play sports. Please try the therapy and then get to know some black men and see how they're like any other men--some are jerks, some are wastes of skin, and many, many of them are wonderful guys worth knowing.

Just wondering. You seem to hold a lot of contempt for something that is beyond a person's control. I would think that the "jock" attitude is the element you should be focusing on. Your post is beyond racist.

The fact that he was black has affected my reactions to certain black men. Pure and simple.

Also, the fact that he was black, in a largely liberal suburban high school, insured that he would never be called on the carpet, whether he was a football player or not. If I had brought the case up, I would have been called a racist. Just as you've already done to me.

I certainly never saw all black people as being evil, even though I was raised in a racist family that did. And I've always endeavored to be nice to everybody. But if there is a black guy around who has anything like an athletic build, who is doing what Thomas Wolfe called "mau-mauing," I start getting VERY uncomfortable.

You are projecting one incident on to most/all black men. That is prejudicial, which is in turn, racial stereotyping. If it weren't racial, you'd be uncomfortable around all athletic jock types. You do need therapy because you have some deep rooted issues, and they were obviously formed in part by your family.

You are obviously incensed about this issue, so trying to explain who and what I am will be impossible. So, I guess I'll just accept your irrational hatred and move on.

My parents fostered kids and this kid was about 13 and had been acting out at home. So my folks offered to keep him and "straighten" him out. What they did was introduce a terror into my life. Because he was the pastor's son, nobody would have believed me, or at least my 7 year old brain thought that.

He wanted me to play his "pretend" wife. As a kid, I thought that meant hey, I'll make a mud pie for dinner!

Nope. He had other plans. He told me if I ever told he'd kill me. I didn't talk to anyone for a week, my parents couldn't figure out what was wrong with me.

I never did tell my mom, and I know it would greatly pain my dad to know, so I don't think I ever will tell him either. Even people who think they're perfect parents... who protect their kids.. can be completely shocked by the truth. It's not only common, sadly... it's almost become a part of childhood.

Years later I found out he was in prison for arson. Neat guy, eh?

and I'm totally blown away by the number who don't report (not questioning or judging - simply never thought that it would be so common not to)

An eye opening thread, to say the least. I hope Skinner pins it to the top of the front page so that no one misses it. And for those of you who shared any of what you've been through, I hope that it brings you some peace to have shared it rather than bad thoughts by bringing it up again.

raped at knife point and a date rape. Not reported.

Same as another poster upthread. I had a psychopath of a girlfriend who after I'd said no to sex I woke up with her on top of me. She actually fairly well abused me over the course of about 2 years.

I ended up going to a boarding school for three years. When I first got there of course I didn't know anyone, but she was in the grade above me and was pretty popular. She vigorously pursued me for about 3 weeks, and we got drunk and messed around (a very little bit) one night. The next day she was telling everyone that we were going out. I didn't want to shame her publicly, and we were friends at that point (pretty much the only one I had there) so I figured I would just wait a few days, not see her much and break up with her in some gentle way. I tried that and she threatened to kill herself. I was a kid, and the combined social pressure of not having any other friends in a place that you can't leave for even an hour, and the pressure of not wanting her to kill herself made me stay with her for a bit longer figuring that I would break it off at a more opportune time.

I tried again a couple weeks later and she told me that she would tell everyone that I had raped her, and then kill herself. I knew by then that she was insane enough to possibly do that, so again I was cowed. She took up all of my time so by then I still really had no other friends at all. I was lonely and now afraid of jail. Who would believe me? Even if I avoided jail I would still be a pariah, and my parents had already told me that I couldn't come home for anything.

Anyways this cycle went on for that entire school year. There were many more new and inventive threats from her over that time. As soon as I went home for summer break and got back to my own environment and place of strength I called her up and told her to go fuck herself, and that I'd hated her since the third week of school. There were many histrionics of course and more threats.

When I got back to the school that fall she started acting on all of her threats. By then enough people knew me to know that I would never rape someone, but she still tried to tell the student body. Never got the authorities after me. I decided to do the school play that fall because I'd always loved shakespeare and it was a shakespeare play. She'd been heavily involved in theater so this was probably a bad choice. I was cast as Claudio in Much Ado About Nothing. She was cast the next day as My Romantic lead (can't remember the name at this point). I found out later that she had sold the head of the theatre department on casting us together because according to her we were still together. I spent the next three months then having to profess my love for her on stage, with her being a complete psycho whenever the lines weren't being read.

Anyways I finally started to date another girl there, and this psycho rant it into the ground. She had her goon squad harass my new girlfriend every day, and started all sorts of nasty rumors about her, and my new girlfriend broke it off. I didn't date any more that year. The psycho started every rumor imaginable about me as well... threatened me with the rape charges, took my backpack and dumped it out on a highway (someone found it and returned it to the school believe it or not), tried to get people to beat me up.... etc.

I woke up one night and she was standing over my bed in the dorm. Had climbed in through the window (ground floor). A couple of times she told me that she would basically call of the dogs if I only admitted that I loved her and got back together with her. She made my life such a living hell that at one point during the year I agreed to have sex with her just so that she would leave me alone. Of course after that she only got worse.

Anyways she was a year ahead of me so she finally graduated. I recently heard that her life is a shambles nowadays, and hearing that made me very happy. Wierd story I know. Never really told anyone outside of that school what happened with that crazy bitch... kinda shameful really to let yourself get manipulated and cowed like that. It's really hard to explain what it's like going away when you're 15 years old and all that...

Hugs to all here that have been raped. :hug: I hope that your attackers get hit by buses and then backed over.