My dirty secret: I don't care that Cindy McCain doesn't bake cookies.

Really, it doesn't bother me in the least. Hell, I don't even care all that much that she got some laymo on her staff to bogus up an "old family friend's" cookie recipe and then pass it off as something she actually bakes. Cindy McCain is loaded, a jillionaire. She doesn't have to bake cookies. If you're incensed about Recipegate--oh, good God Recipegate? Really?--then I suspect you just want to be incensed, that you're just looking for an excuse to get your dander up.

I can see how a scenario like this unfolds. Some Republican kid named Biff who never worked a day in his pampered life, but who secretly dreams about being the next Karl Rove, gets daddy to call up a few friends and shoehorn him into a slot on the Republican nominee's campaign staff. Maybe it's a paid position, maybe it's not. I doubt any volunteers at McCain HQ is going home and eating mac-n-cheese with weiners because they ain't drawing a competitive salary.

But it's a glam position for the wingnuts, even if competition for campaign slots among the semiretarded progeny of the captains of American industry is so tight that the best our hypothetical protagonist can get is a second-rate duty staffing the candidate's wife. (And when I write 'staffing the candidate's wife', you are not allowed to infer something dirty.)

So now Biff imagines he's paying his dues, booking events for Mrs McCain, photocopying speeches she's gonna give to the Dayton JayCees, calling up the concierge in Ft Lauderdale to make sure all the blue M&Ms are removed from Mrs McCain's gift basket, texting his girlfriend Tiffany on the run that he misses her oh so much. Ell oh ell. Bee eff eff. And then in comes Ginger from Mrs McCain's senior staff.

"Biff," she says, "I've got an assignment for you." Biff snaps to attention--finally he's getting an opportunity to shine, maybe show some initiative. This is his moment. Ginger continues, "Family Circle wants to run an article on candidates' spouses' favorite cookie recipes. Missus McCee needs a recipe, pronto."

Biff's heart sinks a little. It is all too much. "What, this cookie shit again? I was Secretary-Treasurer of the UC-Riverside Young Republicans for two years running. I'm just six credit hours shy of a BBA in marketing! Why do we care about this recipe crap every time Family Circus needs filler material?"

"That's Family Circle" Ginger snaps (Ginger snaps? Oh, if only Biff could read these signs from God!) "And I trust you to do this because the moms of America need to know their next First Lady is a typical mom with family values, you fucktard. Now snap to! This is important! And do the job right. We can't afford another Passion Fruit Mousse fiasco if we're going to win the war on terrorism!"

But Ginger is not without people skills. Seeing her 22 year old flunky struggling with his task, she tosses a big-sisterly arm around the Biffster and consoles him. "Oh, Biff, Biff, Biff. I know it's not front line duty. I know you'd rather be out there licking envelopes for the Senator, staffing the VP search team, maybe calling in bogus pizza orders for the Obama headquarters in swing states. But this is where we need the work right now. This is the part you can play; this is where you can show some real initiative and show us you know how to handle the tough assignments and are ready to move up.

"Can ya handle this, Biff? Can ya do it... for me?"

Alas, Ginger is too much of a babe to say no to. Biff resigns himself to his menial fate. But now, left alone he again confronts the looming abyss of his own insignificance. With a torment akin to the desperation of Ahab's quest for the White Beast, he quietly whispers to the room, "But I don't know any cookie recipes."

"No. Think, man, think. Where can I jack me some middle class values? WWKRD?" Then the light bulb goes off. "I'll Google it!"

In precious seconds Biff is surfing Hersheys.com, zeroing in on the perfect mid-American cookie, with just enough tweak to the flavor to make it seem original: Oatmeal Butterscotch Cookies. But wait, didn't Passion-Fruit-Mousse-Gate erupt over a stolen recipe? "Pfff" Biff dismisses out loud. Some rank amateur just didn't know how to cover his paper trail. Biff knows he's got skillz, mad skillz. Biff graduated in the top two thirds of his class. The Biffmeister knows how to alter a text to make it look entirely original. Just a few subtle changes:

Change "3/4 cup packed light brown sugar" to "3/4 cup packed brown sugar"

Change "1-3/4 cups (11-oz. pkg.) HERSHEY'S Butterscotch Chips" to "1-2/3 cups butterscotch chips" (to make it more butterscotchy!)

Hyphenate "Oatmeal-Butterscotch" just to throw off anyone with a Google trying to suss out his plagiarism

His plan is perfect. Perfect!

Sadly, again, a lowly staffer's lack of familiarity with actual cooking has cost the Senator's wife precious "sincerity" points in the public eye. Sadly, once again, the McCains are exposed by the depths of their fraudulent morality--the sorts of unAmerican posers who don't sit around trying to concoct original cookie recipes.

Because of Biff, Domestic Americans will now turn to the Obamas and that America-hating Michelle's Amaretto-Arugula Shortbread Cookies. Because of Biff, American troops will be forced to evacuate against their will before all violence is brought to an end in Iraq. Because of Biff, average hardworking Americans in the top 3% of income brackets will not get to keep their hard-won tax cuts. Because of Biff, the government will take over combating global warming in some socialistic cooperative nightmare instead of allowing the invisible hand of the market to end all pollution.

Because of Biff, some lefty will take over the Justice Department: people accused of terrorism will be given the exact same rights as people accused of any other crime; law enforcement officials will be hamstrung by archaic rules involving "search warrants" and "rules of evidence" before arresting evil doers. Because of Biff, FEMA will start being run like a government bureaucracy instead of with the efficient brilliance of private enterprise.

All of it... all of it... because of Biff. I tell ya, some days it's almost like they want al-Qaeda to win.

Oh, Biffster, why do you hate America?

:rofl: :kick:

I think you started a trend. I'm up to four reccs. Maybe it's time to start begging for more.

Beautiful job.

Bucky, you're a very entertaining writer. I hope you do it professionally.

:toast:

But not because Cindy stole the recipe (because who cares really?) but the fact that first ladies are expected to be the cookie-baking type. What year is it anyway? 1908? Haven't women actually been running for President themselves for a while now? (Chisolm, Dole, Clinton). I mean what the hell?

Ever since Jackie O, I think Americans more or less expect their Flotuses to have their cookies baked for them. In the case of Betty Ford, of course, that is a euphemism for getting stoned.

It's pointing out that Cindy McCain cares only about Cindy McCain and nobody else. And she stupidily tried to make herself into something she clearly never has been in order to appeal to Family Circle readers. Let's face it, hardly anyone today has a unique family recipe for cookies - none of this happened if she would have just said she likes what Hershey has and her family enjoys it.

This whole mess shows that Cindy takes what she wants and she doesn't give a fuck about who she steps on to get it whether it's husbands, drugs or plagerized cookie recipes.

And btw, Bill Clinton submitted a recipe and I ask you this - when do you think Bill Clinton last baked a cookie?

...when do you think Bill Clinton last baked a cookie?

"Baked a cookie"? Is that what you kids today call it?

I honestly could care less if First Ladies (or First Men) can bake cookies. This whole Cookiegate fiasco is nothing more than an exposure of how out-of-touch Cindy McCain is with reality AND how she also has a history of stealing the things she wants (Husbands, Prescription Drugs and Recipes).

Throughout this whole scandal I've joked about how my favorite recipes were on the back of the bag of Tollhouse Chocolate Chips or Container of Quaker Oats. Cindy could have easily used that recipe and simply said "Well the ones we liked were from the Hershey's cookbook". Instead she made it sound like these were the cookies she whipped out everytime the family gathered together for 30 minutes or more - they were the "MUST HAVE" cookies.

So anyone thinking that 'Recipegate' is unimportant truly doesn't understand the psyche of Cindy McCain. She is a woman of privilege who has never cared about who she stepped on when she found something she wanted. John McCain was a married man and yet she was happy to push out the first Mrs. McCain so she could claim her husband. Addicted to prescription drugs? Cindy just stole from her own charity's supply to take care of that need (and taking away from those who really needed them). Need a few recipes to make yourself look more like Betty Crocker and less like the Rich Privileged Spoiled Brat who never had need to learn how to cook in her lifetime because she can afford all the domestics she wants - plagiarize a few recipes.

I don't care that Cindy McCain can't cook because neither can I. But I do care that this women hasn't given a shit about anyone but herself since she was born. That's something I simply do not want as a first lady.

Oh sure, Democrats speak a lot of words about "being in touch with the working class" or whatever but it is mostly a bunch of lies from people who also take limos just about everywhere they go.

Get to the greatest page. :rofl:

Since I don't know any chefs, I can say the only three people I have ever known to create new recipes were my mom, my aunt and my grandmother. I make the recipes only I would have a devil of a time writing them down since it's done by eyesight.

I loved it when Hillary made her cookie comment. I happen to love to bake but my husband isn't running for president. I don't know if Cindy McCain even knows how to turn on an oven. I don't think home made cookies are served at state dinners.

It's kind of an honest thing. There's no way to prove that a friend didn't give it to her. I don't have any recipes giving any company credit whether Knors, Toll House, Herseys. Guess the difference it most of us aren't as egotistical to think we wouldn't get caught. In the grand scheme of live, it's not on the list of cardinal sins.

Nice work.

:thumbsup:

Drives me crazy, too. Means nothing!

Do I think it's a huge story? No. But it is indicative of the type of people the McCain's are. Just as she deceives the people about her persona, so does her husband. Especially with his new slogan.

Haven't they already been caught out on a fake-original recipe? Do they think it makes McCain more electable if Cindy "makes up" her own recipes, rather than saying, "I love the butterscotch-oatmeal recipe on the Hershey's bag"?

No, maybe they're not slow learners. They're non-learners.

In all fairness, Laura may actually know her way around a kitchen.

But Hillary was not from the wave of feminists who could make $100,000 and make a reduction sauce. (Modern feminists can do both, God love them).

Barbara Bush certainly always had help. Nancy Reagan was a starlet. Betty Ford had a vodka bottle hidden in the kitchen. Pat Nixon certainly made tv dinners. Maybe Lady Bird. Certainly not Jackie Kennedy. Probably Mamie Eisenhower.

It's been a fraud of sham of a mockery for 50 years.

It's a fraushamockery.

Theboss coined the phrase "fraushamockery". Had you not defined it for me, I would have assumed it was a Slovenian goulash or a county in Ireland.

and we thought Mrs2nd McCant wasn't making progress in her recovery????

oh, did she forget that "rigourous honesty" part????

of course cookies are back to the future, but unfortunately, honesty with her is NOT

...she's filthy rich, or that she married a naval officer who ran for Congress shortly after they were married, who went on to become a senator and is now running for president. I don't really care that she used to have a drug habit or that her husband was still married to another woman when they hooked up. I also don't care that he's old now, or that they have five homes. I certainly don't care what Bif has for dinner.

I do care that these small or non-issues have a way of distorting what's important and what people talk, read and think about.

I can't seem to always write what I'm thinking, but amen to you there.

It may make me look like a hypocrite, but I really do try to be anti-idiot.

Also, I now want some cookies.

Oh wait, I forgot that's what we call "it". Sorry for the slip up folks.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got to bake some cookies.

But one small slip...1 2/3 cups (1 8/12 cups) of chips would be LESS butterscotchy than 1 3/4 cups (1 9/12 cups) of chips...move her up to 2 cups and you're golden...probably OCD on my part but I read my math shit closely...

Most of the cookie recipes I see, I couldn't eat anyway, and I don't care one whit about "cookiegate." The only reason I even know anything at all about it is through the thread titles about it. The is the only one I've even clicked on.

fuckin' fuck!!

:evilgrin: