Back in 1987, at the age of 18, I gave my first campaign donation. Gary Hart had re-entered the Presidential race, and was publically pushing for donations. "Five bucks, and you're in," he said, and I sent him a $5.00 bill. I got a very nice letter back, and watched his candidacy fizzle back out into nothing as everyone expected.
But I had to reward that kind of chutzpah.
Over the years, as I've matured while trying hard not to grow up, I've often reflected on the nature of the human male, our sexual drive, and our efforts to turn what was intended by nature to be as polygamous a nature as possible into monogamy. I've been forced to by the Presidential candidates that have followed Mr. Hart, not to mention having the first openly gay governor in the nation here in my state. I've become convinced since then that infidelity is a common sin, and while not a victimless crime, it is (if the aggrieved party can go along with it) a forgiveable one.
However, it's time that Democrats learn one simple thing about infidelity, and learn it fast.
Having an affair is not the problem. Lying about it is the problem.Look across the aisle. Newt Gingrich (many times). Bob Barr. Rush Limbaugh. John McCain. Ronald Reagan. They were all unfaithful husbands, whose infidelities led to divorce. Yet, their indiscretions have not led to their downfall for one simple reason: not the "it's okay if you're Republican" meme we often use, but the fact that they owned up to their diddling around, accepted the consequences, and put it behind them.
Bill Clinton's mistake wasn't getting a blowjob from an intern, it was lying about it. It wasn't Jim McGreevey's homosexuality that ended his career, it was his lying about it for years before. It wasn't John Edwards' affair that ensures he won't be Vice President or anything else in an Obama administration, it was that he denied it for so long, lying to the voters before being forced to come clean.
In the letter to Gary Hart was also some advice, which I thought was kind of pithy for an 18 year old who was considered good with a turn of phrase. I offer it now to any Democratic candidate who wants to avoid this situation in the future.
"Instead of denying it, then being forced to admit it, then folding, here's what you should have done when you were confronted with the charge. You should have gotten up and had a press conference and said four simple words.
"'Yes, I fucked her.
"'I fucked her, and I dare any heterosexual male who wouldn't want to fuck her to not vote for me because I did.
"'It may have been a mistake, and I'm sorry for the hurt that it caused, but I'm not going to lie to you about it.'
"Men can forgive other men having affairs. Women can forgive if the man's wife does. But it's very hard to forgive a lie. It destroys the trust people have put in you."
I really believe that if Senator Hart had taken my advice (which, I will admit, came much too late to be any good), George W. Bush would just be another coked-out loser son of a former Vice President right now, and Bill Clinton would have had to wait until 1996 to become President, because Gary Hart would have won in 1988.
Infidelity is wrong, don't doubt it. But it's more common than people want to admit. And it can be easy to understand and forgive.
Lying is harder.
And blatant lying is the hardest of all.
It's time we stopped losing potential leaders on both sides of the aisle to this problem. Own up to it, admit your mistakes, and try to put it behind you. We might forgive you. We won't forgive lying.
©2008 P. Sungenis, All Rights Reserved.
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