*** DUzy Awards for week ending September 5, 2008 ***

Couldn't resist this one from a while back:

OP by A-Schwarzenegger:

      I heard that the Obama and Biden is just awful and bad.
I read it and hear it from a articel on TV or cousin.
What could I do? Would you help me debumk it? I'm
worry.

And tons of great responses, too.

GDP, August 25, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x6736168

OP by Chovexani:

      omg, you guys.
I just realized. One time I was hall monitor, in the 8th grade. And I was captain of the middle school volleyball team, despite being a total fucking nerd.

I can so totally be Vice President of the US now!!

THANKS, SARAH! :loveya:

(If anyone else wants to list their own qualifications for being VP in light of this historic day, feel free.)

response #1 by bluesbassman:

      I once read an NRA pamphlet!
Am I in?

response #2 by Chovexani:

      More than in!
You're Secretary of Defense!

response #5 by bluesbassman:

      Alright! Now where's Iran again?
:woohoo:

response #6 by Oeditpus Rex:

      I was alive when Alaska had that big-assed earthquake
Can I be the head of FEMA? :bounce:

response #7 by Chan790:

      I barely graduated from a second-rate university with a degree in Poli. Sci.
I want an appointment to SCOTUS.

response #15 by Chovexani:

      You got it, Chief Justice Chan
But only if you've watched Law & Order. One can never be too prepared for these serious jobs.

response #31 by billyoc:

      I was a deck ape on a Navy frigate.
Can I be something? :hi:

response #32 by Chovexani:

      Deck ape?
Is that like Donkey Kong?

You're totally in charge of Homeland Security if you know how to throw barrels at people. That'll stop those terraists dead in their tracks.

response #66 by krispos42:

      I was a dining hall supervisor in college for 3 semesters
Where do I fit in?

response #69 by Chovexani:

      Head of the USDA
:patriot:

response #96 by TheCentepedeShoes:

      I just purchased some
new living room furniture.
Can I be Secretary of Interior Design?

The Lounge, August 30, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x8061964

On a thread by RedEarth:

      BREAKING: McCain Campaign heading to Alaska to investigate
Thanks to Born_A_Truman for pointing this out on another thread I posted....

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x6830766#6830944

"BREAKING: McCain Campaign heading to Alaska to investigate

A very reliable source overheard Republican spokesperson McHugh Pierre state TODAY that he had spoken to the McCain Campaign. They are coming to Alaska tomorrow to check out the "Troopergate" investigation.

In other words, THEY DID NOT DO SO PROPERLY AHEAD OF TIME..."

response #3 by billyoc:

      Good. Send the Alaska State Police to Arizona to investigate the Keating 5 scandal too.
:evilgrin:

response #10 by RichGirl:

      He wants to go to Alaska...
...because he heard that by simply being in its close proximity, he will become an expert on Russian foreign policy.

response #24 by Oregonian:

      Close the barn door! The horse is loose!
Great judgment, there, Johnny Boy.

response #59 by Born_A_Truman:

      John McCain: Ready, Fire, Aim
Sheesh!

GDP, August 30, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x6831137

OP by LostInAnomie:

      Tell me something about yourself that will make me not want to slap you.
I'll warn you though. I'm in a slapping mood.

response #1 by Gormy Cuss:

      I don't think you're a jerk.
I like your posts, in all honesty.

response #2 by LostInAnomie:

      You've been granted a reprieve.
No slapping.

response #23 by MilesColtrane:

      I must admit, I can't think of a damned thing that would make me worthy...
...of not being on the receiving end of a hand sandwich.

The Lounge, August 30, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x8063723

On a thread by driver8:

      We were talking about Palin's experience on my veterans' board -- check this out:
The freeper I usually argue with posted this about her experience:

Sarah Palin has been a city Mayor.

She is currently the Governor of Alaska

She is currently the Commander in Chief of the Alaska National Guard.

Certainly, more experience than Senator for a (147) Day Barack Obama...

response #1 by Tangerine LaBamba:

      Sometimes, when I adjust my medications just right,
I feel like the Queen of Bulgaria.

Does that make me experienced in the ways of the monarchy?

According to John McCain, I guess it does.

Hail ME!

<curtsey>

response #9 by Idealist Hippie:

      Well, I used to live next door to a Japanese lady, so I assume I could make sticky rice balls
without using a recipe, if anyone ever asked me to. Can I borrow some of your meds? Just a couple days' worth?

response #10 by Tangerine LaBamba:

      Kneel, peasant,
but please don't attack my harbors when I'm not looking. If I have harbors. I don't know if I do. I'll have to check.

Let me check with my Royal Pill-Keeper. We may have extras, if that cheap floozy hasn't already taken them herself, the unworthy mongrel.

Aren't rice balls the smallest part of the rice?

GD, August 31, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3891371

OP by Ragazz68:

      Palin is a Muslim who shot herself to win the Purple Heart !!
Get it yet? Or am I the only one?

GDP, August 31, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x6850172

On a thread by nevergiveup:

      Nickname for Palin???

response #2 by MNDemNY:

      Lying sack of moose poo?

response #6 by valerief:

      Sarah "Palin Beside Biden" Palin.

response #7 by Betsy Ross:

      Who n/t

response #10 by Prefer:

      OSara Bin Pregnant?

response #12 by IntravenousDemilo:

      Her name is hyphenated: Sarah Palin-Comparison.

response #16 by ET Awful:

      I don't know, does Palin rhyme with Stalin? n/t

response #39 by ColbertWatcher:

      It does now! n/t

response #32 by sfexpat2000:

      I suggested Caribou Barbie the other night.

response #74 by Indenturedebtor:

      Holiday Inn Express
As in "I have nothing remotely close to what's needed to govern, but I did stay in a Holiday Inn Express last night."

Other witty responses.

GD, August 31, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3892390

Poll question by FLDem5:

      Your opinion please....
Which do you prefer?

:bluebox: The Benny Hill ticket

:bluebox: PTA Palin and Misremembering McCain

:bluebox: Miss Moosicle and the Geezer

response #3 by Forkboy:

      Benny died alone and wasn't found for three days.
:(

response #4 by DJ13:

      I bet you're a real buzzkill at parties
:rofl:

response #5 by Forkboy:

      No one invites me to parties anymore.
I don't know what it is. :shrug:

:D

At press time, "Miss Moosicle and the Geezer" was winning with 70% of the votes.

GDP, August 31, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x6849687

On a thread by npincus:

      17 year-old Bristol Palin IS* pregnant ... did McCain know this? Is Bristol married?

response #7 by grantcart:

      we're going to need a PPD Pregnant Palin Discussion forum

response #11 by beac:

      See GD-P
General Discussion-Pregnancy

GDP, August 31, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x6855565

Poll question by King Sandbox:

      Name Sarah Palin's next child.

:bluebox: Civics

:bluebox: Poli Sci

:bluebox: AP Chemistry

:bluebox: Homeroom

:bluebox: Study Hall

:bluebox: Other

response #2 by LeftyMom:

      Second Base Under the Bleachers Palin

response #4 by rug:

      George.

response #6 by blue neen:

      Accounting
because there is plenty of that for this woman to do.

response #9 by undeterred:

      Gravel.

response #12 by chimpsrsmarter:

      The chronic.

response #13 by NoPasaran:

      Wankel Rotary Engine Palin

response #16 by Tikki:

      Duggar....

response #18 by Elrond Hubbard:

      Frig.

response #21 by Aristus:

      Frito Formica Lexus Gatorade.
:+

response #34 by bob_weaver:

      Wasilla

At press time, "Miss Moosicle and the Geezer" was winning with 70% of the votes.

The Lounge, August 31, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x8065427

OP by swampg8r:

      the truth on palin and mccain
he is the father of the child
it was conceived using palins dried eggs and mccains (forgive me)near dead low motility sperm
then raised in palins daughters womb
i swear to god

now this is the absolute truth i read it on the intertubes!


oh....
wait a minute it might be total bullshit
i just remembered i read it up there when i wrote it
oops nope never mind it says swear to god so its gotta be the truth!

response #7 by swampg8r:

      wait wait im makin more up!
the baby was actually delivered in a mexican plastic surgery lab just over the border from arizona
then was taken to area 51 where aliens placed it in a training center


i cannot believe these stories im hearing

or the fact im saying them
it is amazing!

GDP, September 1, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x6857874

Poll question by Ken Burch:

      What will be the NEXT Palin relevation

:bluebox: Bristol's baby was an Immaculate Conception

:bluebox: The "First Dude" was a rent boy in college

:bluebox: Sarah is actually Tina Fey in a comedy sketch gone horribly wrong

:bluebox: Sarah is Muslim/Jewish/Unitarian/a man

:bluebox: Sarah and Bristol are also sisters(See Faye Dunaway in "Chinatown")

:bluebox: The sled dogs are pregnant too.

response #1 by mitchum:

      Crazy two-headed aunt in the attic?

response #6 by ChimpersMcSmirkers:

      First Dude's "snow-vehicle" is fueled with ground-up polar bear cubs

At press time, "The sled dogs are pregnant too." was winning with 43% of the votes.

GDP, September 1, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x6869445

Poll question by lwfern:

      It's 3 a.m.
It's 3 a.m., there's a phone in the White House and it's ringing. Something is happening in the world. What do you do?

:bluebox: Board Air Force One and fly over the ringing phone to see how it looks from above

:bluebox: Let the phone ring for 13 hours straight while you give a speech, then fly across Canada

:bluebox: Find some elementary students; read My Pet Goat to them

:bluebox: I don't have to answer anything. I'm a POW.

:bluebox: Other. (explain?)

response #2 by ColbertWatcher:

      Let the machine take it? n/t

response #3 by lwfern:

      This is why it's hard to make polls on DU

response #4 by ColbertWatcher:

      I always put "Other" in my polls. n/t

response #6 by lwfern:

      edited.
(trouble-maker)

response #5 by nothingtoofear:

      What's a telephone?

response #10 by Errrica:

      Figure out which house
It's actually ringing in? :shrug:

At press time, "I don't have to answer anything. I'm a POW." was winning with 56% of the votes.

GD, September 1, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3895701

On a thread by L. Coyote:

      Palin thinks Pledge written by Founding Fathers
http://www.dailykos.com/storyonly/2008/8/31/174153/834/246/581480

"Here is Palin's response to a candidate questionnaire for the Alaska 2006 gubernatorial race:

11. Are you offended by the phrase “Under God” in the Pledge of Allegiance? Why or why not?

SP: Not on your life. If it was good enough for the founding fathers, its good enough for me and I’ll fight in defense of our Pledge of Allegiance..."

response #4 by JoeIsOneOfUs:

      and how many stars were on the original flag, sweetie? nt

response #5 by YEBBA:

      BENJAMIN WAS A REPUBLICAN AND FOUNDED THE FRANKLIN MINT
:crazy: :crazy: :crazy: :crazy: :crazy: :crazy: :crazy: :crazy:

GD, September 1, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3895684

OP by trof:

      OMG! A garbage can just blew over!
I just saw it LIVE on TV.
Blew right over.
I think it was somewhere in New Orleans.
Might've been New Iberia.
Or maybe New Hampshire.
Hard to tell.
It was raining, where ever it was.
Is it raining in New Hampshire?

Anyway, that sucker just BLEW right over.
It was on CNN.
Simply stunning.
One minute it was standing straight up, and the next...
BLAMMO!
Over it went.
Just out of the blue.
Totally unexpected.
Top flew open, but nothing came out.
Guess it was empty.

It was a green garbage can.
Not really a 'can', I guess.
More of a receptacle.
Kinda square and about 40" high.
It had wheels on it.
They didn't come off.

I guess the wind blew it over, but it could have been a small explosive charge.
Possibly terrorists.
You never know, nowadays.

response #2 by stillcool47:

      OMG! Bomb Iran right now!

response #6 by jeme:

      Has John McCain issued a statement?!!!
I'm getting out the duct tape, just in case.

response #10 by finecraft:

      Live update*****I'm in New Iberia right now
and the garbage can did not blow over here. We have been keeping an eye on our garbage cans, and they are all secured, so it's not one of ours. I'll check back in later when the 100 mph winds get here and give everyone an update on the garbage can "situation" here in New Iberia.

response #14 by no limit:

      I just saw another one blow over on CNN, this one was blue!
wtf is goin on!!!

response #39 by Oregonian:

      OMG!
When the green receptacles blew over, I did nothing, because my receptacle wasn't green.

When the blue receptacles blew over, I did nothing, because my receptacle wasn't blue.

But when the brown receptacles blew over, there was no one else to stand them upright. (And I certainly wasn't going to go out in the rain and get wet or something ... What am I, the freakin' garbage lady or something?). And so my brown receptacle blew away forever.

:cry:

response #15 by Brundle_Fly:

      Fundamentalists accuse
this violent dumping of a trash can on the loose moral and underground lifestyles of the residents...

they brought this on themselves.

response #24 by trof:

      IMPORTANT - PLEASE READ - Update on the upended garbage can:
I got a phone call from a Maurice Prejean who identified himself as the Commissioner of the St. Tammany Parrish Department of Sanitation.
Evidently several of you were concerned about the fate of the overturned garbage can and contacted his office, referring him to the CNN clip and this post.

He set me straight on a few things:

1. These are not 'garbage cans'.
They are 'refuse receptacles'.
Commissioner Prejean: "The term 'garbage can' is archaic, prejudicial, and considered to be a pejorative in today's sanitation industry."

2. In any case, he thanked us for bringing this situation to the attention of his department.

3. As soon as weather conditions permit, a team from the Department of Sanitation's Refuse Receptacle Rescue, Repair, and Reclamation Division will be dispatched to perform whatever procedures and rehabilitation may be necessary to bring said refuse receptacle back to 100% utility.
This crack division of the DOS boasts a near perfect record in rehab of refuse receptacles.

4. He admonished irresponsible residents of St. Tammany Parrish.
"We made periodic and timely public service announcements on local television and radio outlets and in the New Orleans Times Picayune pleading with citizens of St. Tammany Parrish to secure their refuse receptacles prior to evacuation. Unfortunately a few thoughtless individuals left their defenseless refuse receptacles to fend for themselves. This almost always results in the sad turn of events and avoidable tragedy that we have witnessed today. I would say that it borders on outright neglect.
I would also personally like to thank Mayor Nagin and Governor Jindal for their support and encouragement of our efforts."

response #34 by MountainLaurel:

      It was probably mine
By the time we left on Saturday, the garbage folks hadn't come yet.

response #38 by Oregonian:

      Why are you endangering our country with your loose receptacles?
Also, did you know John McCain was a POW and for five and a half years he didn't HAVE a garbage receptacle, let alone one he could just leave carelessly on the streets!

response #40 by MountainLaurel:

      It's my husband's fault
I'm a good American who thought the trash could keep for a few days, but he insisted on leaving it out at the recommendation of our Commie neighbor.

response #41 by Dr.Phool:

      Link?

GD, September 1, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3897280

On a thread by Levgreee:

      Joe Biden's net worth is only 100-150K at age 65, with a good income... where'd all the money go?
... So far the only major expenses I can think of is paying for college for 4 kids, and medical expenses for his aneurysms, and for his sons that were in a car accident with his first wife...

response #6 by BeyondGeography:

      I dunno, did he buy any food and shelter for those kids over the last 35 years?
Take any trips?

:dunce:

response #9 by wlucinda:

      No. They live on clean air alone up there in Delaware.
:rofl:

response #13 by sarge43:

      Nah, they work at tolls booths and take a percentage off the top. n/t

response #20 by wlucinda:

      Naw....That can't be enough...2 dozen people live in Delaware
and The Bidens account for at least half of em.

response #25 by hedgehog:

      Well, I heard that early next week, Joe Biden is finally going to come clean
about his Beany Baby obsession!

response #36 by thecorrection:

      Now see that's how rumors get started... it's actually a thimble collection. (eom)

response #23 by depakid:

      Apparently, the Sunday shows don't pay so well

response #28 by ChimpersMcSmirkers:

      I'm pretty sure it all went to Meth and young, male prostitutes.
Is that the answer you were looking for?

GDP, September 1, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x6866749

OP by Finnfan:

      Kick this open letter to Sarah Palin. I, for one, support her!!
Dear Mrs. Palin,

Although I have been a loyal Democrat and liberal for years, I am energized and inspired by the announcement that you have been named John McCain's running mate. Every day that you remain in this campaign is a day that America is a step closer to real change in this country. We need to be reminded daily of your family values, your ethics, your management style and your experience - from now until November. I guarantee it will be a great help to the United States. Please take this thread and the recommendations from fellow Democrats as a sign that by staying in this race you are doing an invaluable act of patriotism for all of us today... and tomorrow.

Very Sincerely,
Finnfan
DU




Please kick and recommend this thread if you support Sarah Palin! :patriot:

GDP, September 1, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x6869448

OP by swampg8r:

      am i getting this right? palin screwed a moose?
can someone fill me in?
is this alleged moose the alleged father of her alleged mystery child?

response #1 by BlooInBloo:

      lol! eew! lol! eew!
:rofl:

response #9 by Ken Burch:

      I wish I could recommend your post for "best reaction ever on DU".
:evilgrin:

response #3 by valerief:

      She had interspecial sex with none other than Bullwinkle.
And was working as a double-agent for the CIA. No, the KGB. I mean the CIA. Whatever. She had a moose baby and then shot the father in the face. From a helicopter.

response #8 by Sonicmedusa:

      Well, she does live near Russia. (NT)

response #14 by valerief:

      Yeah, Russia. That reminds me how she tried to send the moose father's brother-in-law
to Siberia. However, she was voting on a bill to make waterboarding mandatory and butted heads with the water commissioner, who was a moose lover. This outraged her, because her church doesn't believe in moose-moose unions, so she shot the water commissioner in the face, too.

I think there's an investigation, but I don't think that will hamper her chances of becoming Queen Sarah of Iraq. Once she gets her passport, of course.

GDP, September 1, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x6858622

On a thread by DCBob:

      Obama said drop the daughter baby issue. Families are off-limits!!

response #14 by A-Schwarzenegger:

      Sharks! Leave that chum alone!
In fact, here's another bloody bucketful! Leave that alone too!
:*

response #26 by kwenu:

      Obama is classy. That's why he should be president. But I'm not running to be president. Sooooo.
where's the jugular?

response #46 by TorchesAndPitchforks:

      Obama: "And don't look at that elephant in the room!"
I asked you not to look. D'oh! You looked again!!

GDP, September 1, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x6868992

On a thread by berni_mccoy:

      OMG! McCain Is NO LONGER GIVING SPEECHES. Palin is Doing All the Talking!

response #7 by underpants:

      It's like the Sajak/Vanna formula in reverse
:rofl:

GDP, September 1, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x6858411

On a thread by Cush:

      ABC Confirms Palin was a member of AIP (Alaskan Independence Party)

response #93 by Chimpys_Last_Stand:

      'Scuse me while I unbutton my belt....
...I'm afraid I've made a pig of myself on Schadenfreude Stew the last few days. I should know better, but you know...it's a holiday weekend and all.

Anybody got any Pepto? ;-)

Bwaahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...............!!!!!!!!!! :spray:

response #179 by Historic NY:

      Thats why she has foreign policy experience. Alaska is a foreign country...
in her mind.

GDP, September 1, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x6870379

OP by Wetzelbill:

      I vetted Kurovski better than McCain vetted Palin...
And hell I just ran a fake campaign, plus I don't even know Kurovski's real name. About all I know is the K-Man is gay and is a big fan of Howard Dean. Which seems to be more than McCain knew about Palin.

Honestly, I can't believe this guy. What a bonehead. I think he should just go off to Czechoslovakia or the Iraq-Pakistan border and call it a career.

GDP, September 2, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x6875060

OP by Oregonian:

      A summary so far:
Obama sailin'
McCain trailin'
Rightwing railin'
**Sarah Palin!!**
Media hailin'
Vetting failin'
Investigators tailin'
Bloggers nailin'
Democrats emailin'
Pundits wailin'
Protesters jailin'
Republicans flailin'
Campaign ailin'
GOP derailin'
McCain bailin'?

response #19 by Danascot:

      And the last line
(for those old enough to remember)

Burma Shave

GDP, September 2, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x6883043

OP by Wetzelbill:

      Wetzelbill touts visits to Swiss and German airports as proof of foreign policy expertise
Hey if Sarah Palin can claim her trip to an Irish airport as proof of her experience, then I can say that since I have been to the airports in Zurich and Frankfort that I have that experience too.

I am a Switzerland and Germany expert.

Other types of foreign policy expertise.

- As a member of the sovereign Blackfeet Nation, I am an expert in Indian policy, but also because of my close vicinity to the United States, I am an expert in the United States.

- I grew up less than an hour away from the Canadian border. I am an expert in that country too.

- When I lived in Seattle, I knew an Arab guy who worked at a place down the street. I am an expert in the Middle East.

- I live in Arizona and that borders Mexico. Not only that, I went out with a Mexican woman before, so I have real world experience in U.S.-Mexico relations.

- I traveled to and wrestled in Bulgaria. So I know how to win wars.

- Bulgaria is next to Bosnia and they were at war at the time. Again, I know a thing or two about wars.

- Russia is kind of close to Bulgaria. That has to count for something.

- A few years ago, I attended the local Greek Festival. I am pretty sure that makes me an expert in Grecian matters.

- This isn't direct foreign policy experience, but I have directed a music video before. Therefore, I have more executive experience than Obama, Biden and McCain.

**** It should be noted that I have taken several foreign policy related classes, Arabic-Israeli Conflict, International Relations, American Foreign Policy. I do not list these as qualifications, because as we all know, Foreign policy and National Security experience, isn't something that you have to study or learn, you don't get knowledge from a book or anything like that. It comes from the gut. Like say, looking into Putin's eyes and shit.

I will say this, thanks to Sarah Palin, I'm back. I think I might have a shot to win this thing. I just need to find a suitable female replacement for Kurovski. He's still pulling the strings, but as John McCain has taught us, all it takes to win this thing is to put a woman on the ticket, any woman will do.

response #1 by billyoc:

      Dude, I'm EIGHT BLOCKS FROM THE U.N.!
I should at LEAST score Secretary of State out of THAT!

response #2 by grantcart:

      Too bad you were never a member of the PTA and you were "that close"

response #5 by brer cat:

      I've got you beat by a mile!
I've eaten at Taco Bell AND consumed vast amounts of chinese take-out.

response #6 by katandmoon:

      Big deal! I used to work THREE BLOCKS FROM THE WHITE HOUSE!

response #9 by Wetzelbill:

      That sounds like cabinet position material to me
I'll keep you in mind.

response #37 by katandmoon:

      Oooh! Can I have the Interior Dept?! They have a really nice cafeteria!

response #38 by Wetzelbill:

      I can roll with that

response #7 by grace0418:

      BUT, were you a high school point guard? Huh? Huh? Besides, I've been in O'Hare airport
many times in my life. O'Hare Airport has flights to pretty much everywhere in the world. So therefore I must be an expert on the entire planet.

response #8 by islandmkl:

      i might have your female counterpart lined up for you...
i can't give her name, at the moment, but she is definitely qualified:

*high school cheerleader
*big boobs
*attended at least 4 colleges
*'dates' men of various nationalities and races
*has years and years of international trade & travel experience:
-beginning in 1972 as an intermediary in US-Mexico independent trade program originating in Oaxaca
-1980-1994: similar position with US-Colombian agricultural exchange program
-1994-2000: cultural emissary to White House, representing various enterprises based in the San Fernando Valley area of Los Angeles, CA
-2000-2005: extensive travel to more than 30 countries while serving as a 'personal cultural liaison' for governmental officials and corporate executives
-2006-present: private hedge fund director/analyst representing international consortium of anonymous female entrepreneurs
*big boobs

response #14 by Wetzelbill:

      I was considering my friend, Sara, to cut into Palin's first name demographic
She's smart. Young. Really gorgeous. Been to Italy and Costa Rica and a few other places. Blonde. An avid runner. Somebody you'd like to have a beer with...

Wait did you say big boobs?

response #15 by Crunchy Frog:

       I won't vote for the ticket without Kurovski on it.
And pretty much everything else that could possibly suggest "pathetically insecure."

response #17 by SoCalDem:

      No extra credit for the cuckoo clock or the swiss candy bars you eat
:)

response #24 by Wetzelbill:

      I did have a pen pal from India in 3rd or 4th grade, I forgot to mention that
I do think drinking some Irish whiskey might count though, even if the candy bars don't. I was bit by a German Shepherd, that just adds to my Germanic expertise.

response #26 by SoCalDem:

      next you'll say that a Russian wolfhound pissed on your foot

response #30 by Wetzelbill:

      I wish! that would only add to my lengthy resume

response #18 by NightWatcher:

      I got high near Den Hagg (the Hague) does that mean I know shit about international justice?
I do have a CJ degree.....

Hell yes, I'm qualified. Nightwatcher for Prosecutor of the World Court

response #25 by Wetzelbill:

      That sounds perfect to me
Just don't let Norm Coleman near your stash.

response #23 by REACTIVATED IN CT:

      Pick me ! Pick me !
I was a PTA officer twice - Treasurer and Secretary.

response #31 by Wheezy:

      Hey WB! Great to see you.
And glad to know of your tremendous expertise on foreign affairs. I've recently become somewhat of an expert myself, having been to Detroit recently. That's almost Canada.

response #40 by WinkyDink:

      I'll have y'all know the moon is right above my house. I'll take NASA for $500, Alex.

response #42 by BerryBush:

      Ohhhh, pick me, pick me.
I speak English. The same language they speak over in England.

What more foreign policy experience do you need????

response #43 by Wetzelbill:

      wow, our current president doesn't even speak that language
:)

response #45 by yardwork:

      I'm your veep. I was treasurer of my kids' preschool.
I handled literally hundreds of dollars on a monthly basis.

And much more.

GDP, September 2, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x6884497

On a thread by DubyasWorld:

      *****OFFICIAL RNC CONVENTION THREAD******

response #42 by Katzenkavalier:

      They'll start speaking in tongues at 9pm EST.

response #56 by Oak2004:

      You know, the convention is better with the sound off
That way I get to appreciate the empty seats and the feigned enthusiasm and the look of shellshock in their eyes.

response #77 by oviedodem:

      I wonder if Barbara Bush still feels the same way about the hurricane victims like she did the last

response #79 by DubyasWorld:

      yeah, but this time, SHE'S stuck in a sports arena.
;)

response #86 by DS1:

      International House of POWcakes

response #91 by beac:

      Why do I feel like I'm watching the History Channel??
:shrug:

response #123 by WinkyDink:

      I told my Convention-watching husband that I'M watching "America's Got Talent". He replied, "I'm
sure not!"

GDP, September 2, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x6888197

On a thread by girl gone mad:

      Thompson: Obama kills newborn babies.

response #7 by Starbucks Anarchist:

      Thompson's next wife could be born tomorrow.
No wonder he's mad.

GDP, September 2, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x6892764

On a thread by A-Schwarzenegger:

      LA TIMES: "the McCain team used little more than a Google Internet search"

response #12 by Bicoastal:

      In all fairness, Grandpa was just learning to use the Internet...
...and it took most of a day to explain to him what the Sam Hill a "Google" was.

response #88 by DS1:

      They clicked on image search by accident and the choice was obvious

GDP, September 2, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x6876221

OP by Mayberry Machiavelli:

      Something supremely ironic just occurred to me.
The irony of all this shotgun wedding business is that the McCain ticket itself is a shotgun marriage of sorts.

With Rev. Dobson presiding, a Bible in one hand and a shotgun in the other.

"You going to do the right thing and marry my daughter!"

GDP, September 3, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x6896644

Poll question by Gilligan:

      What Does It Take To Be The Vice President?
Sarah Palin is a God-damned PATRIOT!!!!! She kills wolves with her bare guns - she hates the polar bear! She hates keeping Alaska a place to leave our children! She believes the world is 6,000 years old - she speaks in tongues (I'm guessing this but she is a Pentecostal and it's so the rage to yelp out hysterically in unknown, psychotic ravings!)

For Keeerists sakes, the lady has given birth a whole lot of times and she was the fucking PRESIDENT OF THE PT-FUCKING-A!

She hunts moose from a helicopter and she cuts her own bait (I'm guessing.) and she believes that censorship of libraries is her god given right as the Mayor or whatever of whereever.... She loves to DRILL!

AND isn't that enough for you to see... She is what AMERIKA has been waiting for?

If she is good enough for a POW (oh hell... did I say that?????) Maverick then she's good enough for.... well, the GOP ----

PLACE YER VOTE FOR WHAT QUALIFIES MC-CRAZZIES RUNNING MATE TO BE HIS RIGHT HAND MAN/MAMA!

:bluebox: She loves oil... That's good enough fer me!

:bluebox: I love drinking and posting - whee!

:bluebox: When you carry a gun it's license to VEEP!

:bluebox: I often scream and run around naked in my front yard just to feel the freedom after a visit to The FREE REPUBLIC!!! HOO-HAAA!

:bluebox: I miss The X-Files!

:bluebox: I don't care, I'm drunk when I watch her speak in tongues!

:bluebox: The GOP finally has More Cowbell!

:bluebox: I am embarrassed that I like her. Is there a 12 step program for me?

:bluebox: Other

:bluebox: Other - other - I mean if that other other is not the one you want, this is it

At press time, "The GOP finally has More Cowbell!" was winning with 36% of the votes.

GDP, September 3, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x6896839

On a thread by Astrad:

      "...she hunts, she fishes, she snowmobiles, she really is a renaissance woman."
Kyra Philips on Sarah Palin (just now on CNN).

:rofl:

response #1 by Prefer:

      She beats her family's laundry on a rock down by the river
She can churn butter, mend and cook, while canning organic produce.

response #2 by Old Crusoe:

      And do place your order now, ladies, for Gov. Palin's new cologne --
"Essence of Muskellunge."

The scent of Alaskan wilderness with just the faintest hint of corrupton...

response #4 by C_U_L8R:

      I think she's a bit more Dark Ages than Renaissance

response #7 by ribofunk:

      That is a Very Apt Description
Women in the renaissance were quite big on snowmobiling.

response #10 by BurtWorm:

      It's a little known fact that the Medicis were amazing snowmobilers.
:toast:

response #13 by hatrack:

      But historians continue to wonder whether Lucrezia Borgia was a Polaris or Arctic Cat rider
More research needed!!

response #12 by Spider Jerusalem:

      Yes, but can she write a poem, play the harpsichord, dance the quadrille and handle herself...
in a swordfight?

response #17 by Old Crusoe:

      Nope. But she can wield a fish scraper like nobody's business, buddy.
:hi:

response #19 by chimpsrsmarter:

      That was my favorite part of The Renaissance period, Caravaggio did some wonderful
paintings featuring snowmobiling.

response #45 by Orsino:

      Carbon-dating puts her closer to the Neolithic.
In the same strata as the neocons.

GDP, September 3, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x6902147

OP by maseman:

      Breaking: Biden to Drop Out Of Race
Obama campaign replacing with someone with more "executive experience." The Mayor of Wendell, Idaho, population 4,400, is cited as the new VP candidate. He's been vetted for 20 minutes, 5 minutes longer than McCain vetted his VP candidate.

More to follow

GDP, September 3, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x6903597

OP by kirby:

      I thought Giuliani was speaking at 9:11PM? n/t

GDP, September 3, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x6911191

OP by BeyondGeography:

      Palin will attend VP debate, but won't take any questions
She will, however, make opening and closing remarks.

(We really need a sarcasm thingy?)

GDP, September 4, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x6929563

On a thread by holiday:

      I'm tired of hearing that Palin is hot.. wtf?

response #9 by terrya:

      Seeing her makes me even more gay than I am right now.
BTW, I read one of my Facebook friends post that he thought Levi Johnston was hot. Pardon me, but :puke:. I'm not attracted to white trash, thank you.

The Lounge, September 4, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x8072691

On a thread by npincus:

      McAss is having convention stage REBUILT for tonight's speech...

response #2 by Egnever:

      Word is he is recreating his room in the hanoi hilton

response #3 by mitchum:

      They are going to roll him out in a bamboo cage...
and Palin is going to shoot and skin his captors

response #7 by hisownpetard:

      They're making the stage smaller, to make him look bigger.
Are they also going to use a Fisher-Price podium?

response #14 by elehhhhna:

      They're building 7 stages. He'll pick one whenever.

GDP, September 4, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x6927300

OP by GrizzlyMan:

      My RNC/DNC Media Stooge All-Star Team
First off let me say that what was left of the liberal media myth died this week. All last week we were subjected to Repukes on the cable networks during the Dem convention. And all this week we were subjected to Repug stooges during the RNC convention. I don't know that I saw a real Dem in St. Paul all week.


CNN
Wolf Blitzer: This guy needs to move over to FAUX. He was literally in ecstasy talking about how the confetti had McCain and Cindy the Drug Addict's picture on the pieces. Never heard anyone get so excited about confetti..other than Rip Taylor.

John King: Somebody put this guy out of his misery. I don't think he'll be able to cope with an Obama win.

Alex Castellanos: What a smarmy tool. He's a wingnut, so he fit in quite well in CNN's wingnut panel. When Larry King is the only one on the network who makes any attempt at asking tough questions you got problems.

MSNBC
Tom Brokaw: Hey Tom, I just took your Greatest Generation book and threw it in the trash (shoulda done it years ago). Who knew Brokaw was so in the tank for the GOP. Thankfully he's not moderating any of the debates...oh shit. Scratch that.

Mike Murphy: I don't know whether to rip the guy or hug him. He spoke truth into the open mic yesterday. Somebody needs to burn that hideous yellow plaid jacket he picked up at Goodwill.

Pat Buchanan: I used to have a soft spot for Pat. He was once this crazy bastard who broke with the party on Iraq. And few people know that his grandfather actually died at Auschwitz. Yeah, he fell out of a guard tower. Pat was over worked this week. His cow lick combover was too. I thought they stopped making Brill Cream in the 1950s. Somebody needs to put him to bed. My hope is that this is Pat's last election cycle.

Tweety: As someone said earlier, Evil Tweety is back. I'm done with Hardball for the rest of the campaign because I think we all know what's coming. A lot tingling up his legs for McCain.

David Gregory: What happened to the guy that used to badger Scott McClellan into submission? At some point they implanted the mind chip and he has crossed over to the dark side. A real POS this guy.

The Black Guy: No, not Eugene Robinson. That guy knows his shit. I'm talking about the floor reporter who seemed to get involved in really awkward exchanges all week like Wed. when he asked the random "SO what's so special about the west" question to an Arizona delegate who promptly freaked out on him. Earlier in the week he got schooled by Newt Gingrich who all but called him "boy".


Honorable mention: Candy Crowley, David Gergen, Andrea Mitchell.

Please add your own picks....

GDP, September 5, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x6945169

OP by bleever:

      "Alaska"? Don't bother:
She isn't taking questions.

response #1 by BerryBush:

      If you want to interview Sarah
it's catch-as-Ketchikan.

response #5 by Catshrink:

      Interview her? I can barrow stand her.

response #2 by GreatCaesarsGhost:

      Juneau why?

response #3 by BerryBush:

      Got Nome idea.

response #4 by TheDoorbellRang:

      Wasilla posts these are!

response #7 by bleever:

      ANWR are all the recs?

response #14 by WinkyDink:

      AWESOME!!! Laughing so much I can't keep my Bering Strait!

response #15 by BerryBush:

      I think we're hitting a Homer.

response #16 by bleever:

      Well some of these posts are Whittier than others.

Tons more. Honorable mention to the other responses.

GDP, September 4, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x6936073

OP by IndianaJones:

      the "vote for McCain/Palin" thing is a trap...
we'll give good reasons not to, they'll attack it, and he will win!

Don't fall for it.

GDP, September 5, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x6950204

And don't miss these threads:

OP by itsjustme:

      To further define Sarah Palin, we need a unified nickname.

GD, September 2, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3904110


OP by cali:

      Michelle Malkin pitching a fit about DU's Palin nickname contest.

GD, September 2, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3905666