How I Overcame my Depression

I’ve never publicly written about this before. What made me think about publicly writing about my depression is that I’ve noted several DUers express feelings in recent weeks and months that border on or are precursors to depression. Our current political situation is certainly something that any liberal/progressive minded person could get depressed over.

Two of the hallmarks of depression are helplessness and hopelessness. Having elected a Democratic Congress and consequently been so disappointed over their failure to achieve or even attempt to achieve what we thought we elected it to achieve, it is natural that many of us would feel helpless to control the events that affect our lives. A feeling of hopelessness follows from that feeling of helplessness. The recent FISA vote, which suggests to many of us (including me) that our Constitution is for sale to the highest bidder, was the last straw for many of us.

Depression is a terribly painful illness. It is also very common in our country, and probably in most countries. What worked for me may not work for most people. But if this post helps anyone to overcome or significantly ameliorate their depression, it will have been worth writing it.

Before getting into my own personal experience with depression I will say a few words about what depression is and what causes it. But before doing that I need to describe my professional background in the subject: I completed four years of medical school in 1975. As part of my medical school training, I took a basic course in psychiatry in my second year. In my third year I took a month of practical training in psychiatry in a psychiatric ward for psychotic patients. And in my last year I took another month of practical training, as an elective, in a mental health clinic.

None of that qualifies me as a psychiatrist or psychologist. For a time I did consider making a career out of psychiatry – which is why I took that elective in my last year of medical school. But in the end, I decided that it wasn’t for me, so I made my career in public health, preventive medicine, and epidemiology instead. My main reason for deciding against a career in psychiatry was that it seemed too complicated of a subject for me. Psychology and psychiatry are not rocket science. They are, in fact, a great deal more complicated than rocket science – which is why we understand so much less about them than we do about rocket science. I found that disagreement on basic fundamentals of the discipline among its professional practitioners was severe and commonplace, so I gave it up for something that was much easier for me to grasp.

Because of my continuing interest, I have read dozens of books on the subjects of psychology and psychiatry since I graduated medical school. However, I’ve read very little on the subject in the past several years (My main reading interests have turned from psychology to history and politics.) So my knowledge on many of the specifics of the subject is a few years out of date. Nevertheless, I doubt very much whether the general principles that I discuss in this post are significantly out of date.


Depression

Here is a pretty good basic description of depression from the National Institute of Mental Health:


Very briefly, depression is a mood disorder that can cause severe emotional pain and render a person virtually non-functional. But like most other illnesses, it is not an all-or-none proposition. There are varying degrees of depression, from relatively mild to severe and psychotic.

Some of the main symptoms include persistent sad, anxious, or “empty” feelings, feelings of hopelessness, helplessness, worthlessness or guilt, difficulty concentrating, insomnia, fatigue, loss of interest in normally pleasurable activities, loss of appetite or overeating, and thoughts of suicide.

To give a more personal idea of what depression is, I’ll give you an excerpt from the first paragraph of my now deceased father’s (unpublished) autobiography. My father suffered periodic bouts of depression through much of his life. I cried when I read his book; I had not previously known about his depression:



The causes of depression

Generally speaking, there are two major categories of causes of depression. There are life events, such as the loss of a job or a loved one. And there is the biochemical composition of the brain. In general, when life events are the cause, psychotherapy is likely to be the more successful treatment. When the cause is biochemical, drugs are more likely to be the more successful treatment.

However, these generalities greatly oversimplify the issue. Many cases of depression, probably most, and possibly all, are caused by a combination of life events and biochemical factors, and it is often quite difficult to determine which is the more important in an individual case. Furthermore, these factors undoubtedly interact with each other in ways that we don’t fully understand, thereby making treatment even more difficult.


Depression as a thought disorder

All through medical school, it was stressed to us that depression is a mood (that is, feeling) disorder, rather than a thought disorder. But later in my life, in attempting to deal with my own depression, I came across a book by David Burns, a psychiatrist, titled “Feeling Good – the New Mood Therapy – The Clinically Proven Drug-Free Treatment for Depression, from the University of Pennsylvania School of Medicine”. That book challenged the traditional view of the causes of depression, claiming that it is primarily a thought disorder rather than a mood disorder. That is not to say that the primary symptom of depression is not a dark mood. It is. When Burns talks of depression being primarily a thought disorder, he is talking about the underlying cause of depression.

I do not know whether Burns’ claim that depression is primarily a thought disorder is correct. He did present a good amount of scientific evidence to that effect, and I have little doubt that a great many cases of depression do in fact have a disorder of thought as the root cause. I have almost no doubt that that was true of my depression, because I used Burns’ methods to successfully treat my problem 15 years ago, and it has never returned.

To the extent that depression is caused by a thought disorder, that means that cognitive techniques can be used to treat it. If a person’s faulty thought processes are the cause of his depression, that means that he must learn to correct those faulty thought processes in order to cure the depression. I’ll get into that in more detail shortly, when I discuss my own depression.


The status of my depression 15 years ago

In the early 1990s I was in my early 40s, and I had suffered through periodic bouts of depression throughout my life for as long as I could remember. Sometimes it was relatively mild, and sometimes it was severe enough to cause great emotional pain, though I don’t believe that it was ever severe enough to be classified as psychotic – which indicates a severe break with reality. I had tried drug therapy, and I had tried professional psychotherapy. Both may have worked to some degree, but not very much. Then I came across Burns’ book. After using his methods and internalizing them into my personality permanently, I overcame my depression and have since remained relatively depression-free for the past 15 years. Prior to that time my bouts of depression had come and gone, but never had I been without it for so long a time.


Recognizing my depression as resulting from a thought disorder

I don’t feel comfortable going into all the details of my depression, nor do I remember them all. Suffice it to say that the underlying cause was lack of self-esteem, as is often the case with depression.

When I first read that lack of self-esteem is primarily a thought disorder, it didn’t make any sense to me. Throughout Burns’ book he repeatedly says stuff like, “You’re better than you think you are” – the kind of stuff a doting mother would say. I thought to myself, what a bunch of bullshit! How can he say stuff like that to me or any of his other readers? He doesn’t even know us. But I kept on reading because … well, I can’t remember why.

Then suddenly I achieved an insight into what Burns meant. What he was trying to tell us is that we need to think of ourselves differently. Our depression is caused by a failure to think of ourselves in a realistic manner.


Some general principles for treating depression with cognitive therapy

So how does one straighten out their thinking to overcome their lack of self-esteem, feelings of worthlessness, and such? It’s very difficult to explain, but I’ll try. First, you have to look deep inside yourself to identify why you feel the way you do. Often you will discover that there is no discernable reason. Or alternatively, you will see that it has to do with how you believe society perceives certain things about you.

If you believe that society perceives certain things about you in a very negative light, then you will have a tendency to be ashamed of those aspects of yourself. And being ashamed of them, you will have a tendency to deny them, even to yourself. If you deny aspects of yourself you thereby deny yourself the chance to think about them in a realistic light. There is then no chance to rid yourself of the shame that you feel about them. And that often leads to depression.


How I overcame my depression

What I felt I had to do was make an intense conscious effort to acknowledge whatever I saw as my faults, and not try to hide them. For example, if I had an opinion that I thought might be looked upon negatively by other people, rather than try to hide that opinion I should discuss how I feel about it. If I didn’t understand something, rather than try to cover up that fact I should ask someone to explain it to me. If I had a particular vulnerability, I should acknowledge it rather than try to hide it or overcompensate for it. Once I did those things on a regular basis, it was like lifting an oppressive burden from my shoulders. I felt much better almost immediately.

I realize that what I wrote here doesn’t sound very specific. But the truth is that there was no one specific thing that I did to deal with my depression. Rather, it was a matter of changing my thought processes and actions with regard to a great many little things, and making those changes part of my routine life style.

To be a little more specific: Consider a discussion that I’m participating in. It could be with a single person or it could be a large group. It could be a work-related discussion or a personal one. The principles are similar in either case. Suppose that I have an idea or a personal revelation to contribute to the discussion. But the part of me affected by low self-esteem – the part of me with the thought disorder – is afraid to speak up about it. Maybe people will think I’m stupid. Maybe they’ll think I’m “different”. Maybe they’ll think I’m “bad”. If I give in to that part of me – simply keep my mouth shut because of my insecurities – I reinforce that part of me. The low self-esteem is confirmed and the depression remains or even gets worse.

The other option is to search for the other part of myself and reassess what I want to say in the light of my clearest thinking. Doing that may not help me predict how people will react to what I have to say. But at least I can reassure myself that it reflects my true thoughts and feelings and that it is important to say. Once I do that, I should go ahead and say it. If the reaction is negative, at least I can weigh my thoughts against the negative reaction in an attempt to understand them better. I might change my opinion on the matter, or I might realize that what I had said was better thought out and more constructive than the negative reaction. It could lead to further discussion. Or the reaction to what I said could be very positive. Whatever the reaction to what I said, I have challenged myself. I have therefore given myself a chance to learn and to grow. The likelihood is high that I will feel better about myself and my depression will improve.

For a person to do that kind of thing on a regular basis, one needs to be constantly aware of why it is necessary. It is necessary because there is rarely any productive purpose to be served by pretending to be something you’re not, because nobody can grow as a person as long as they do that, and because it almost invariably comes back to haunt those who try.


Exceptions

I don’t mean to say that one can always safely do this kind of thing. There might be real practical reasons why a person has to pretend to be something he is not. He could lose his job by admitting to certain things, for example. But at least we can admit to ourselves when we are pretending.

I can give two recent examples from my own life. One concerned a recent plane trip, on which I brought along the book by Vincent Bugliosi, “The Prosecution of George W. Bush for Murder”. My wife noticed the book as I was reading it in the airport, and she strongly suggested that I take off and hide away the book jacket with the title on it. My fear of being snatched up and carted away to Guantanamo Bay caused me to quickly agree with her (I’m serious).

Then there’s my current job, which bores me to death. In the presence of my boss and co-workers I strive to hide the fact of my boredom and utter lack of enthusiasm. I do that partly for reasons of job security and partly because I don’t want to spread my poor morale to other people. Undoubtedly, it would be better for my mental health if I felt free to discuss the issue with these people. But for the above stated practical reasons I keep my mouth shut. Maybe I shouldn’t.


Depression due to our current political circumstances

Depression due to political circumstances is somewhat different than the issues discussed above, mainly because it’s hard to see how this could lead to low self-esteem. But perhaps it can.

It is depressing to see our chances of replacing our current fascist government with something better (i.e. an Obama/Biden administration coupled with a heavily Democratic Congress) stymied by election fraud, a corporate news media in bed with its Republican benefactors, and racism. It often seems to me that the task of overcoming such problems is insurmountable, and my own contributions relatively miniscule. Yet, there is only one way of overcoming depression caused by this sort of thing: Talking about it and doing something about it. Exactly what we as individuals can or will do varies tremendously from one person to the next, depending upon our individual capabilities and interests. There is little or nothing we can do about the fact that our individual contributions very well may not succeed. But nobody can stop us from trying. As long as we give it our best shot and don’t give up we are likely to feel much better about ourselves and our situation.

Thank you so much for sharing!

Thanks. You should consider getting something like this published to help other people.

publication in mind?

Also, "Marie Clare," if I have the name right, which is aimed at women of 40+ age group. Then there's the AARP publication, whose editor might be interested in a "life story" that's coupled with positive suggestions.

IMHO, if you submit this article to other publications, you'll need to tone down the lament about the Democrats failing to do that which we've elected them to do, and any allusions to fascism. Anyone who is depressed because of political events, however, doesn't need a guide to lead them from Point A to Point B in that regard.

Very good OP. Can't believe I read the whole thing, because I ususually merely skim these sorts of posts, but I'm glad I did. I might add that I agree with the concept of thought disorder. Thoughts, after all, are energy, and thus are capable of generating changes at levels we do not yet thoroughly understand. I used to keep a rubber band on my wrist; every time I had an unwarranted negative thought, I'd snap the band. Simple but effective, as I learned not to waste my mental energy on "vicious cycle" types of negative thinking.

:thumbsup:

That was an eye opening post.
I appreciate you taking the time to share it with us.

I've been there too. For far too long. It is hard to climb up from depression. Doing something is indeed a major part of the cure, and the only cure AFAIC for political depression.

This was so well done.

Thanks for sharing such a personal story. Going to keep a copy of this. Hugs.

and it definitely helped! I noticed I had been using a lot of "always" and "never" statements in my thinking. Examining them ultimately led me to reject them as distortions, which helped gradually lift me out of my depression.

I highly recommend the book.

That's an important point, maybe I should have talked about it some in my OP. It's a sign of black and white thinking, definitely an indication of a thought disorder that predisposes a person to depression.

"I’ve noted several DUers express feelings in recent weeks and months that border on or are precursors to depression."

Seriously, thanks for posting. Your job may be boring you but if it is what's giving you time to write these points, well that's a blessing to us anyway.

K & R

Fortunately, the immediate environment at work (my boss and co-workers) is supportive and friendly. Also, our schedule is very flexible, which helps a great deal. And we get a reasonable amount of vacation time (which I'm on right now), which is more than can be said for many people in our country today. Still, the boredom is hard to take.

I believe the biggest problem comes from the very top. I work for the U.S. Food and Drug Administrion. By insinuating its political appointees into the system, the Bush administration has made what is supposed to be a public healh organization with its mission oriented primarily to American consumers, into a primarily corporate friendly organization. Here's one of several articles I've posted on the subject:

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=364x1461671

Back when I worked in offices I used to watch the office dynamics. This is one conclusion I came to: if over 60% of the people were interested in their jobs and less than 40% were interested in talking up themselves and down everyone else instead of their jobs, the company was relatively healthy and could survive awhile. But once the backbiters got over 40% a kind of tipping point was reached and soon even the people who loved doing their jobs would join in on the decline.

I worked at this one sweet little company where the ratio was right on the border. It went along happily (for me) for several years. Then the CFO left and a horribly dysfunctional CFO took her place. A real nasty backbiter who rewarded the backbiters. Suddenly the formerly productive people started backbiting. The company crashed so fast it spun my head around. He wasn't the head, but he had the ear of the head and the head didn't do anything to correct him. Fascinating. I do love group dynamics.

You could write a book on the decline of the FDA due to crony poisoning. As an epidemiological study, tracking toxic ideas as if they were viruses.

I am bookmarking your link for later reading. Thanks!

I will digest this later on tonight. :hi:

:hi:

about those you barely know and providing such a great resource.

Many, many, :hug: to you!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vr3x_RRJdd4

My copy is completely worn out from much use. I need to buy a new one.

for me, as I have been and still am frequently in such a state. People like you and posts like this have been that light.

:thumbsup:

regards
bmc

DU has been a light in the dark for me too. Certainly a better source of light and news than anything we get from the corporate media here.

When i first went in for depression, it was because of the powerlessness I felt to change things, so I can clearly see how the political climate can foster depression. It began and still is spilling into other aspects of my life, and now that I have a family, the stakes are higher (and pressure just does wonders for functionality :sarcasm: )

I'm going to check out that book you recommend, and kudos for stepping forward to address something very very important to individuals, families and society. Your perspective and clarity are a big help, as I'm pretty sure I need to be treated again.

when was this book published???

I graduated medical school in 1975, so I never learned anything in medical school about thought disorders as a cause of depression or cognitive therapy for treating it. I still hadn't heard anything about it when I read Burns' book in the early 1990s. New ideas often take a long time to catch on, even if they're very worth while.

http://books.google.com/books?hl=en&id=UaEg_ujTKEcC&dq=%22feeling+good%22+david+burns&printsec=frontcover&source=web&ots=C_MLIeob9s&sig=Z0LGG47ITajzS_iuIobfu4Ba4O0&sa=X&oi=book_result&resnum=3&ct=result#PPR17,M1

that what I said helped to clarify things for you.

I hope you find the book helpful. Lot's of people do, but then there are others who need drug therapy or something else. But it can never be a bad thing to straighten out one's thought processes.

I find a lot of this to be spot on. I practice mental hygiene on a regular basis. I find that I do better when my words are more optimistic and when I'm not allowing myself to indulge in catastrophic thinking. I've also made a deal with the pharmaceutical hydra because it turns out that lexapro, while destroying my interest in sex, doesn't destroy my orgasmic ability and most importantly, it doesn't muddle my highs or lows, just helps me stay away from the very ill place. My psych doctor has a belief that once the brain has gone to a low set point a few times, that is its preferred point. I don't know whether that is true or not overall, but in my personal situation it has been true. So, I'm a lifer on the med, but I'm also a lifer on the healthy thoughts train too. I really think I wouldn't stay as balanced without both.

I am most appreciative that you chose to share your personal experience and knowledge.

This is a wonderful post. Thank you so much for writing it and sharing it.

Very wise and insightful!!

:loveya:

KR

"A courageous and excellent post. Tfc, you are such a gifted writer and communicator."

For me, it is definitely politics that is causing my depression.

My life is great...but how can I enjoy it when I see so many other people's lives and the very fabric of our Country being ruined by this government. I can take care of my own kids, educate them myself but what kind of Country will they have to work with when they are of age? I have really awakened in the last 8 years, but now I see that this is so much bigger than Bush and Cheney, our entire Country, the Congress, the media, the courts, the schools, the churches, the police....my Gawd the task we have at hand is huge! Monumental!! If we don't stop this soon we are lost forever and it is really hard to see any progress that has been made. We are looking at a third stolen election if something isn't done soon, our Congress needs to be replaced but how can we do anything if our elections are fixed and the media controlled by the Corporations? I use to have hope...but I somehow lost it along the way. I sure would like to find it.

I have this sense of being emotionally "hard-wired" to the collective psychological (and therefore political) field
of consciousness.

That's just "who I am" in a very real sense ... and it's been that way for me ever since working on RFK's primary
campaigns in Oregon and California ... and ... well ... when Bobby was suddenly murdered by The Man, I knew it was
my destiny to become the change we all envisioned together ... to be a good seed for better and brighter days ...

not that I've never been thrown "off course", but it's been my personal, professional, psychological "true north" ever
since, and I've mostly stayed on course.

Fortunately for me and many others, some psychologists and mental health practitioners DO understand this phenomenon,
about how it's all connected, and how the collective field of consciousness profoundly effects seemingly "autonomous"
individual members of the field; and are integrating these otherwise disparate notions of personal/individual, intimate
relationships, and the collective societal field.

Here's a link to one such resource, if you're interested:
http://www.processwork.org/about.htm

BTW - It must be a trip to be an Alaskan these daze, huh?

But remember that things have been very bleak in our country before.

We got rid of slavery. We won voting rights for all of our citizens. We responded to the Great Depression with the New Deal, which went strong for nearly half a century, before it began to be dismantled with the coming of the "Reagan Revolution", starting in 1981.

The corporate news media can also be beaten. Here are some of my thoughts on that, with the help of some excellent books on the subject:

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3856559

The bottom line is that our fascist leaders can only keep the people in line to their liking with the aid of constant deception. Once the people catch on (and they are beginning to do that), it becomes a different ball game.

I've heard that anger turned inward is depression.

We should all have some symptoms.

make a point of coming downstairs whistling. It brought him immediately out of it. He made a decision each morning to be cheerful and hopeful and he was. I grabbed that behavior and it has stuck with me my whole life. I will never forget watching him do that.

... to make it easier to find your posts. I could read your journal for hours on end. Thanks, T4C! :thumbsup:

The book you mentioned could be good for me ... I'll definitely check it out.

I hope that you find the book useful and effective.

I suffered it in the late '90s. Now I just get pissed off.

It isn't even close. Thank you for your post. Those who haven't been there try to understand, but can't. But I appreciate the trying. As I did then, even though it didn't help.

I've just stopped and thought about what these egg-sucking republican bastards have done to my country. After a few minutes of this, all those feelings of hopelessness and despair begin to fade away and are replaced with feelings of white hot, seething anger. Works for me.:grr: :grr: :grr: :grr: :grr:

May I add my words to those urging you to publish. The need for clear, meaningful insight into depression and how to overcome it never goes away. One of the damning paradoxes of the illness is that it frequently leaves the sufferer either too apathetic and despondent, or too anxious and skeptical, to investigate alternatives and make good choices in their own treatment. Recovery ends up depending on whether you're lucky enough to stumble across a professional who is either very knowledgeable and flexible, or whose preferred approach to treatment just happens to match your needs.

I can never be sufficiently grateful to the common-sense family practitioner who knew enough about depression to know there were more ways to treat it than simply referring me to a shrink. A combination of medication and cognitive therapy from a good psychologist made it possible for me to stay alive. The key was learning to monitor my own thought patterns and recognize the ones that contributed to the spiral of bad thinking/bad brain chemistry. And then learning to consciously re-direct those thinking patterns.

I agree, we're seeing a lot of depressive-type "bad thinking patterns" here on DU lately. I recommend spending a couple of hours at any local Obama campaign HQ. The energy and drive of all those committed volunteers is more powerful than Prozac!

appreciatively,
Bright

Yes, it certainly can help to have a doctor who knows all about how to treat depression. I've read several books by the psychiatris M. Scott Peck, who has a somewhat different, but to me refreshing, approach to psychiatry that what I've generally encountered. It's a very complicated subject.

I'm glad you had the right doctor treating you. I think that something that is just as important as knowledge in treating depression is empathy. I believe that without a good amount of empathy, no matter how much knowledge the doctor has, s/he is not likely to be effective in treating depression.

'shame' aspect of depression. I had always heard it was 'anger' that was turned inward and resulted in depression.

Thx.

But I'm pretty sure that not all depression is related to anger. I don't know what percent of depression cases are related to anger, but I'm pretty sure there's a lot of differing views on the subject.

it lets you know when Justice is lacking and your boundaries have been crossed.

I'm reading a fascinating book...'State of Confusion: Political Manipulation and the Assault on the American Mind' by Dr. Bryant Welch.

It has really opened my eyes...I have an undergraduate in Psych and Poli Sci and the 2 are blended in this book as well.

I think that some depression can stem from not assuming our own power.

This is a great topic...especially considering the times we live in.

the current political situation and what is doing to my family. Based on reality - that is - real things to be depressed about. I will read that book but what is keeping me going right now is 6 great grandchildren. I am almost always baby sitting one or the other or two or three at a time and they are funny, eager and loving. They energize me. It is when I am alone or at night when I am over tired that I feel helpless or just plain beaten down. This site both helps and hurts but I am a firm believer that we need to know the truth even when it is inconvenient.

is always a great antidote to drepression.

I strongly agree with you that it is almost always better to know the truth, even when it's inconvenient. Avoiding the truth causes things to fester, and it prevents you from developing an accurate view of reality.

i have been doing a lot of traveling, walking, and talking since this spring. those things in and of themselves have lifted my mood. and made me feel less helpless. the content of those conversations is a whole nother level. even though i have run into some wingnuts, the many, many people who share my hope have made it grow.

we had a woman come to a dfa meeting last week, and she raised her hand, and rattled off the litany that we all know about what is happening out there. she said over and over that she was afraid. after the meeting several of us went up to talk to her, and all told her pretty much the same thing- if you walk enough precincts, knock on enough doors, and talk to enough voters, your fear will quiet down. if nothing else, you will be too tired to worry.

i think that this is not just philosophical, but biochemical. and i think that howard dean has really taught us that our little efforts do add up.

That's what we all need to keep in mind.

No matter what.

Period.

If I go off my meds for whatever reason, then hunt me down with a tranquilizer gun, shoot me in the butt, and check me into the psych ward for seventy two hours against my will if you have too.

My own depression sucks that bad. First thing that goes away is my ability to judge my own mental state, to comprehend that it's just my own brain chemistry out of whack and not that the entire lot of humanity hasn't gone whack.

When I'm in my black hole of depression friends, family, and self included, are utterly rotten and hardly worth having normal sorts of social interactions with. Off my meds I suck, you all suck, everything sucks, and I might as well live in my car behind a church and hope someone feeds me, for God knows whatever twisted reason, like they might feed a feral cat.

I screwed around too long thinking that by some magical mental gymnastics I could "overcome" my depression. For me that was simply bullshit. For me the answer was meds, and that's not a bad thing.

She emphasized that although the symptoms of depression are the same no matter what causes it, there are some people who get depressed regardless of their external circumstances. You are obviously one of those people.

I have a family history of depression, but circumstances definitely make it worse, especially the current political climate. I've noticed how happy and relaxed I feel when I'm out of the country.

Due to my nature, the tranq gun isn't necessary but other than that, I'm much the same. Obviously, life's events modify my mood a little but without my meds, I'm still a maniac.

Incidently, I do feed feral cats and have adopted two of them.

At first she simply couldn't trust people. If you looked at her she'd cower and pee on the floor. It's taken more than a year to gain her trust, and she still has her moments of terror, especially if anyone moves unexpectedly and she thinks they might hit her. But when she's happy it makes me happy, and sometimes she is just overflowing with joy, especially when we take her someplace to run and she knows she has people she can return to anytime for safety and reassurance.

It's my own nature to be "mostly harmless" when I'm suffering my worst depressions, especially if I fall into a place where people leave me alone. When I'm at my worst I can be mean if I'm forced into social situations, but I'll also go to extremes to avoid those social situations. I've also got a raft of socially acceptable (or at the very least innocuous) powerful compulsions and obsessions that get me out of bed in the morning even when I'm entirely feral and haven't put a single word on my thoughts for many weeks because I simply don't give a damn if anyone knows what I'm thinking or not.

The reason I can be diagnosed with depression is that anti-depressant drugs work so very well for me. They don't solve all my problems, some of the ruts in the roadways of my mind are worn so deep I need counseling ("talk therapy") to knock me out of them when I get stuck, but talk is entirely useless to me without the meds.

The social expectation that anyone can pull themselves out of depression by some force of will without drugs is extremely damaging to people like me -- I wasted too much of my life believing that shit. It's even worse for those who are suicidal or dangerous to others when they are depressed. Some people need to be on meds before they are in so deep they destroy their own lives or the lives of others.

That's why I loathe threads like this.

But not all people.

The belief that ALL depressed people need meds and can't be helped in any other way may be as harmful as the belief that NO depressed people need meds.

but I want that life to include joys and frustration and all the pallets of emotional tenor. Without the meds, I am in bed crying. And that isn't just an amotive moment, it's a month in which I plot to end my life. With meds I live a joyful life and don't make plans to end it. The pills don't dull my emotions, they just allow me to apply external control over which ones will have the biggest roll at this time and the next.

That misunderstanding so boggles me. When I've fallen into the pitts of hell, which is what an unexpected true depression feels like to me, breathing is a struggle. What they call depression is wordplay.

For people whose depression is due to abnormal brain chemistry, trying to "overcome" it without antidepressant drugs is like trying to "overcome" pneumonia without antibiotics.

caused by benzos. I have a family member going through this now....it ain't pretty. Not a recreational user, but they went in to see their primary doctor due to stress and the doctor kept jacking up that benzo dose until they went into tolerance withdrawal.

They're seeing a specialist now and have tried every anti-d on the market. They were told that the depression wouldn't lift regardless until the benzo was fully weaned off of. From what I've seen.....benzos are harder to wean off of than heroin. Sad situation.

Some meds cause more harm than good....:banghead:

On edit to add: Thank you for your post/suggestions and bringing light to this illness. I will pass them on.

Benzos can be very dangerous when used incorrectly, as your family member is learning the most awfully hard way. Diminishing returns when used chronically, and then the worst kind of withdrawal you can imagine. Green tea, GABA, THC, there are many non-pharma things out there worth researching that can help with the anxiety due to getting off of them. The very best of luck to you and your family member. :hug:

I'll check into them. I can "see for myself" that my family member is in the bowels of hell and no meds out there will take away the withdrawal.....just tapering and time. Sadly enough, they weren't using them "incorrectly" but according to a doctor's advice/care. As I once said in the past....that doctor needs to be put on a benzo drip for a very long time and then removed and be told to "tough it out." I've seen heroin withdrawal easier than this.

:hug:

... except to say that family history and various events put my personal set-point on "low" many decades ago, though for a long time I was really good at hiding it. I did figure out that something went wrong on my Mom's side of the family with everyone's brain chemistry by midlife, and that helped me be able to ask for help myself a few years ago -- even though my family doc's reaction was to scoff and I had to realize that although he's good at what he does, that's not his specialty.

Thanks for your insights. Time for me to find "Feeling Good" and read it. Incidentally, it sounds Buddhist in its emphasis on one's own thoughts as key...

Hekate

:kick: & R

Thanks.

and still often fights with my own depression, I thank you for this great post.

(My problem now is my destructive anger---I realize I need to talk about it.)

I second everything all the other posters here have said to you. You deserve a big:applause:

Some long posts tire me, but never yours! You inspire me.

As always, TFC,
:grouphug:

My cousin wrote a book titled "Anger -- The Misunderstood Emotion" many years ago. I thought it was very good:
http://www.amazon.com/Anger-Misunderstood-Emotion-Carol-Tavris/dp/0671675230

Good luck with your anger problem :hug:

I will order and read both books.

:hug:

You hit the nail on the head about this dreadful illness.

Effexor XR 300 mg qd is my ticket, for now at least.

Depression will be a lifelong battle for both of us.

Best wishes, my friend!

:hi:

:hi:

I appreciate you sharing your insight into depression. I have worked in the mental health field and it is a devastating illness. I really enjoy your cognitive therapy approach and examining it as a self esteem related thought disorder. I think you are right. Here in Alaska we have an extremely high suicide rates, especially for teens. Services here are lacking and underfunded. I will never forget losing one particular young man to suicide 2 years ago. He flew to Anchorage for treatment and we were unable to get him residential, which he needed. A few days later we received a call from his family in the village that he had shot himself. The whole team was devastated, I can only imagine what his family felt. Back to what you said about self-esteem, I think you are right on. This is why working with depressed youth is so tricky because so many of them have difficulty identifying how they feel and labeling it. Thanks again for the great post. I think that you would have made a great psychiatrist.

Sometimes I think that psychiatry would have been a good career for me.

K+R

Nothing would make this country feel better again than taking the secrecy out of our govt.

That and holding Bush and Cheney accountable for their many crimes.

Most satisfying is that this post appears to have been helpful to some people.

I should also note that participation on DU has been a significant depression preventing activity for me over the past few years.

:hi:

As for depression due to political circumstances, I am definitely affected by this. Tuesday, I think, there was a highly recommended post here on DU about how the fix is in and all that. The writer explicitly stated the objective was not to discourage but to express a feeling.

That post had a (good) point but I really regretted that I ignored the warning and read on. It depressed me to no end and I couldn't manage anything afterwards that day and the next.

That doesn't mean we're not going to win. Their cheating abilities are not infinite. Remember 2006? A lot of people were saying that we couldn't win then because of their cheating. The bottom line is that we have to register a lot more voters than they purge, and then re-register the ones who are purged.

I'm in like a black hole because of the extinctions we're causing and how dirty the future looks because of what we do with energy and food and trash.. and the wars, totally caused by the number of us.. our population has quadrupled in a VERY short Earth-time.
I am 100% certain that I'll see nothing but a decline for the rest of my life. I'm trying to learn to just laugh at what a joke it really is, trying to be all big-picture about it, knowing the Earth will come back strong someday after it's squashed us clowns out.
I will not be making many new friends but that's alright.
I have at least 40 more years to watch this trainwreck probably, I'm broken down by it, but I'm staying around for my cats and my husband and my best friend.
I will not be surprised a bit if Palin is president by 2011.. It's like a sick comedy I'm watching clowns play out.

Very mad uber-props to anyone who's found how to OVERCOME! My strategy is to laugh the happy/sad clown laugh.

I had never heard your story.

About ten years ago, I tried half a dozen antidepressants but found that making changes in lifestyle was more effective.

As a psych major, I was taught that depression was a prime example of equifinality, where a single outcome could have multiple causes -- from environmental (eg loss of a child) to genetic to chemical to behavioral. This may be true, but the prognosis varies greatly depending on which one of the options you believe.

Behavioral or cognitive methods are liberating because they put the depressed person in control, which as you note is part of the issue. Ascribing depression to genetics or other uncontrollable biological factors results in a fatalistic approach that reinforces depressive thought patterns.

It is true that behavioral or cognitive methods can be liberating. But they don't work for everyone.

If I take antibiotics for pneumonia I don't consider that to be a fatalistic approach that enforces my pneumonia. The same thing can be said about depressed people whose chemical imbalances in their brains require them to take antidepressive drugs in order to get relief.

Thank you so much.

I'm saving it for future reference, and I totally agre! K&R

Very enlightening. It sounds like we are in similar situations, but I haven't figured out how to deal with the low self-esteem demons completely. They seem to attack me form the inside. That leads to anger issues. I am again single after my girlfriend of 11 years couldn't take me anymore. I view this as a tangible result of depression, the "collateral damage" to people like me who suffer with it.

Good luck with your anger issues.

I'm going through this right now. I've been seeing a psychotherapist for two years now and it's been slow going and frustrating at times. But your description of the causes of depression is very familiar to me and I've learned to see the things you relate in my own life. It's comforting to read about others going through the same things and especially how they overcome it. Thanks for posting this!

Thanks.

During my last war with depression, I lived by the now famous "Ten Thinking Errors", found in the 1970's book "Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy". http://powerstates.com/?p=129 I found that using these thinking examples would help me for a minute or so, then I would succumb to the same feelings of hopelessness, worthlessness, guilt, worry and, in my case, severe anxiety and fear. I was in therapy with an excellent therapist and I was also taking an antidepressant.

My depression lasted a little over two years, regardless of how much effort I made to overcome it. It was a very slow process. Being an MD, I'm sure you are aware that there are some people whose depression is hereditary and biological. That is not to say that there aren't things people can do to help themselves. When I was depressed, I forced myself to go out and socialize, even though it was the last thing in the world I wanted to do. I exercized, I took nutritional supplements and ate carefully.

I'm very glad that you were able to help yourself out of your depression, and I know that this is not your intention, but you can make some people feel worse about themselves by claiming that they, too, can do it your way. If it doesn't work for them, a person can be made to feel even more of a failure and more worthless.

Please know that I'm glad you were able to provide some excellent information to people suffering from depression. I just had to write about my experience.

For some people the original post is akin to telling cancer patients that dietary supplements and positive thinking are sound alternatives to surgery and chemotherapy.

The huge problem here is that "depression" is such a mushy word covering a broad range of symptoms.

In a society such as ours with a propensity to blame the victim, such confusion is deadly.

Just as there are people for whom medications are inappropriate, there are people for whom medications are essential.

Our fear of dispensing effective medications to people who don't "need" or "deserve" them leaves too many people in extreme pain. For people who have internalized a social obligation to "be strong" in the face of adversity our societal aversion to pain and psych medicines can be deadly.

For all the people who abuse strong pain medicines, and for all the doctors who prescribe psych medicines without sufficient followup, the greater damage is done to people who do not have adequate pain relief, who do not take appropriate psych medicines, because our society labels certain people as "weak" and "worthless" if they do not have the "strength" to "tough it out" when faced with very real and chronic biological problems that the majority of people will never experience and do not comprehend.

"When the cause is biochemical, drugs are more likely to be the more successful treatment."

It's a powerful component of U.S. society -- people are not oppressed so much as they are taught to oppress themselves.

We are social creatures, creatures of community. "Self help" shouldn't be any sort of ideal we strive for.

One of the survival skills I learned early on in my life adventure was to establish supportive social networks. When those social networks failed, that's when I failed.

At the same time, even when I'm at my most unlovable wackiness and fully supported by people who, if they had any sense at all would throw me out on the iceberg as food for the polar bears, I can still maintain my sense of self, my individuality -- those things that make me who I am.

I disagree with this: first you have to look deep inside yourself to identify why you feel the way you do. Often you will discover that there is no discernable reason. Or alternatively, you will see that it has to do with how you believe society perceives certain things about you. I don't think either of these things matter all that much. The situation inside your head is probably irrational, and if you try to bring rationality to the broken process you might not get far, and you may be setting up a recursive mode of failure.

Instead I think the first thing you have to do is figure out a way to be as functional as you can be within the confines of your circumstance, and then you need to build a social network capable of supporting you regardless of what's going on in your head. Once you do that every success beyond that is gravy.

It's very good to discuss these things in the open, isn't it? Too often mental illness is kept in the closet, and when you bring it out into the light it doesn't seem so scary.

is from the section "Treating depression with cognitive therapy". I make it quite clear that that is just one of a number of treatments that work for different people, and no one treatment works for everyone.

Cognitive therapy does work for many people. Don't think that just because it doesn't work for you that it doesn't work for anybody. Depression has many causes, it is a very complex disease, and very different things work for different people.

What probably needs to happen, and it's not going to happen right away, is a change in the language. The word "depression" is too general for medical use, and confusing to people who don't understand the medical condition.

Someone who is not suffering from the mental illness of depression might say on a day when they are feeling a little down, "I'm depressed." But a person can't look at their quite ordinary freckles and say "I have cancer."

We have to either own the term "depression" for the medical condition, and reject depression as the casual term for feeling down or sad or grieving, or else we have to come up with a new term for the medical condition of depression.

But before we can do that our society has to recognize mental illnesses in general as medical conditions, which is something we haven't done yet except for the most extreme cases, for example, schizophrenia and severe forms of autism. Our social expectation is that most everyone else suffering a mental illness, anyone who has demonstrated the slightest ability to remain functional, should simply pull themselves out of it somehow.

My own family tree is full of people with very obvious mental illnesses -- autism, depression, bipolar disorder -- and the expectation of society is that one can deal with these things by self-discipline, by "being strong." The most miserable people in my family are the ones who have internalized that social expectation. They live day by day "being strong," not asking for help, until they eventually self-destruct by suicide, by alcohol and drug abuse, or by isolating anti-social behaviors. My own crazy grandma was finally removed from her home after a four or five hour stand-off with police and paramedics. She was kicking and screaming and clawing and biting all the way to the hospital... Not pretty.

The happiest crazy people in my family are the ones who have asked for help, found good therapy or effective drugs, and those who simply don't give a damn about any of society's expectations and have built themselves an alternative autistic universe where it's perfectly okay to ignore people at the picnic to watch the ants.

Politically, here in the United States, we must address the problems of mental illness. I'm not so much interested in requiring the health insurance industry to cover mental illnesses the same way they cover other illnesses because I think the health care industry does a pretty crappy job in general, but I would accept that as an interim solution. I'd much rather have a universal single payer health care plan that treats mental illness the same as any other illness.

But that is a very complex issue. Even among professionals there is little agreement on how the language would be changed. One thing that makes depression very different from cancer is that, unlike cancer, there is a steady continuum of severity such that it is difficult or impossible to draw a line where "mental illness" begins and "feeling down" ends. And there are many different aspects of depression, so that some people might have a lot more of one aspect, while others may have a lot more of another. Nor does susceptability of the depression to drug therapy indicate where the line should be drawn. Some people whose depression may be treatable with psychotherapy or cognitive therapy may have more severe depression than others whose depression can only be treated with drugs. If professionals are so confused about it -- and they are -- it's no wonder that the public at large is so confused about it.

Given that a type of depression that is amenable to drug therapy runs in your family, it is no wonder that those of your family members who accept that and are willing to use drugs to treat it are happier than those who don't.

I do believe tha the bottom line of the point you're making should be more general than just applying to depression and mental illness. I believe that way too many people in this country are willing and ready to judge other people for the problems they have, period. In other words, there is way too much of a "blame the victim" mentality -- the thought that if someone is suffering or is the victim of some terrible misfortune (poverty or whatever), it must be their fault.

I said that in the OP.

I most certainly do not claim that everyone can do it the way I did it. It all depends on what the underlying cause is. Only some people can. Others can't because the primary problem is chemical/biological.

There is no reason that people should feel like a failure because they need to take drugs for their disease, any more than a person should feel like a failure for needing to take cancer drugs for cancer.

I wish you the best of luck with your problem.

I wholeheartedly recommend the Burns book. Burns' techniques, in combination with other cognitive therapy and neurolinguistic programming techniques, have helped more than one person in my family tremendously. And I mean "big, life-altering help," not "little nudge to keep going along" help. And hugs because I've been there. :hug:

:hug:

...keep going.


I've been suffering from depression for about a year and a half... mostly due to some career changes that resulted in a move which led to marital problems, and the kicker is that due to other issues the career move hasn't panned out the way it should have. Top it off with some family illnesses and this stupid election...

sucks.

I've lost my mojo... but I basically know that there are some new situations on the horizon and I just need to make it through this being as productive as I possibly can so that when we push the next career move I'll be marketable.

Soldier on... it's the only thing to do.

Thank You! I can relate to a lot of what you wrote here.

Thanks. I'm glad I have you all in this depressing period. I hope we'll all be celebrating an Obama win in the near future?

:hi:

Btw, I just purchased the book you recommended at Amazon...I look forward reading it.

K&R, and many thanks.

I hope the book works for you.

I understand you're talking about the kind of depression that takes over no matter what the circumstances but you certainly have a lot of support & company from those of us for whom it's primarily related to watching the country being driven into the ditch.

Anybody who isn't depressed about what's happening in this country is probably so delusional they're voting for McCain.

There is a depressive malaise everywhere. So many are under stress. The plastic TV smiles aren't convincing anyone.

I'm communicating with people openly about this--it's as though we've all been hit by a hurricane. Or live in a war zone. We must take back this country. There is a job to do.

I have never been clinically depressed, but I have been humanly depressed, and I think you are addressing that issue to a large extent by your comments about self-esteem and how we handle our own thoughts. Harnessing worry and negative thinking are projects that are ever before me.

I wanted to give a nod to your discussing modalities *other* than mood-altering drugs. Before I go on, I want to acknowledge that I am aware that many people are "saved" from their depression through the use of drugs, and I do not intend to be critical of those who have thoughtfully come to such a decision. I simply have always been concerned over the fact that mainstream medical practitioners give too little attention to the matter of diet, exercise, focusing/meditation as very effective ways to avoid and/or fight depression. We are the pill-poppingest nation on the planet.

I have often said that when I am depressed, the life I'm living has not changed. Today I'm sad when yesterday I was reasonably happy, and the outer circumstances of my existence are the same. What *has* played into my situation through time is biochemical imbalances of various kinds. I am hypoglycemic; I deal with adrenal insufficiency; I have an intolerance to gluten.

When I am watching my diet very carefully, and getting exercise regularly, I am rarely depressed. Even with all that is happening to me personally, and with consideration of our political nightmare, I am enjoying life most of the time. I am fortunate to be able to work from my own home, and I therefore have time to consider what I want to cook and eat that is both healthy and enjoyable. Too many people, I'm aware, are too rushed with trying to pay the bills to even cook their own meals any longer. Or they opt, out of stress, for processed foods rather than fresh ones. We could solve a lot of the country's problems by just starting to advocate and educate for simple, healthy cooking at home.

Over the last eight years, I have given much thought to the idea that we are going to face collapse at some level of our society. After all, many experts say the oil will be gone and we'll be scratching for roots and berries in the depleted soil of our planet. When I allow myself to contemplate such a fearful scenario, I take some comfort in the idea that if pharmaceuticals are no longer available to us, if we can manage to grow a garden and eat the right things, we'll be all right. Much short of collapse, it seems that depression is a growing phenomenon, and before reaching for the pills, walking, talking, and eating real food will do a lot to help us all navigate through the shadows of our lives.

Thanks for writing this meaningful article!

I'm glad you mentioned exercise and diet, which I neglected in my OP. Exercise helps a lot of people with their depression, and diet can also be important.

I agree with you that many psychiatrists are too quick to go to drugs for depression. A good psychiatrist should recognize that there are many different types and causes for depression, and that different treatments work better for different people. It is generally best to start off with a non-drug treatment, unless there is a good reason to believe that the depression is drug dependent, or if it is severe. But as you acknowledge, there are also very large numbers of people whose depression absolutely requires drugs for treatment (including some on this thread).

An excellent and insightful post. I have tended to react to the supremely negative posts here with anger and sarcasm; hardly helpful. I suffer from depression myself and have been on meds for several years now. I am having to re-learn how to live, basically. In my case, it is moderate bipolar syndrome, tending toward depression. The hard part is living without the "highs." I counted on those to "get things done" and to look forward to during the lows. I suppose my reaction to the despairing posts is due to fear; fear of being sucked down into that state myself.

The extraordinary number of responses shows what an endemic problem this is among progressives. Thank you for raising the topic.

Not just among progressives but among all kinds of people. Best wishes to you in getting through this.

I don't really see the progress myself. I need others to tell me. Not my family; they are oblivious. But friends and colleagues are a big help.

:hug: :yourock: :thumbsup:

and the thing about it is that there are very clear and proven steps one can learn to use to confront the lies your mind is believing.

It is so amazing- I have a complete set of "tools" at my disposal to use after only the weekend course. I took the course ten years ago and it changed everything for me. I VERIFY what my mind is telling me, and in doing so I retain or regain control over my life.


More To Life

vanlassie

MoreToLife.org

sorry!