HI, I'm Osama Bin Laden

Bet you're wondering what I have in store for the American Public this Sept/Oct.

Do you even have to ask?

Ok then, here ya go.

I will not launch a large attack such as 9-11.

I absolutely love the Republican Party - they have destroyed America from within much more completely than I could have done from without, and created allies for me and additional terrorist networks devoted to America's destruction. (With the help of the ineffectual Democratic Party, of course. But I'm a little worried what might happen if that party actually got control of all three branches of government and didn't actually need balls to get their way.)

So of course I'd like to see the Republicans re-elected, just as I wanted to see it happen in 2004 and released my video at the proper time to scare some security moms and rally the ignorant around Bush.

If I launched a large attack now, it would undercut the Republicans' argument that they have "kept America safe" for the last 7 years.

So instead I'll release a video praising Barack Obama as a brother, urging him to return to his "muslim roots" (which don't really exist but as you know the truth is completely irrelevant.) I'll suggest that he is the best candidate and threaten to launch another attack if McCain is elected instead. This will of course have the reverse effect since Americans hate me and fear muslims.

I might launch a couple of coordinated attacks on some smaller targets such as churches, though. Just to help emphasize that we're still at war and rally those pesky fundamentalist Christians that aren't too fond of McCain. But if I do that, I'll make sure to let them foil a much bigger plot at the same time - perhaps let them capture a few low-level people I don't really need or trust. Or maybe I'll just let them foil the plot and skip the attacks. Whatever floats my boat.

Why am I telling you this? Because it doesn't matter. You're a fringe website and even if you really knew this in advance, the people I'm trying to reach with my actions are much too brainwashed and boneheaded to recognize that I'm just helping to herd them like sheep in the direction the media has already prepared for them to go. There's nothing you could ever do to get through to these people.

So neener neener.

Sincerely,

The Boogie Man

P.S. I live in Pakistan near the border with Afghanistan. Come get me ya ninnies!

Tanx for the recs!

:P

who's your Internet provider? Must cost a bundle to get Internet service out there in Bumfhuq, Pakistan. Probably not too reliable either, I would imgine.

Hey, have you been working out?

and teaching creationism in schools - even if you'd use a different 'textbook'. Plus the Wasilla policy of forcing rape victims to pay for their own rape exams under Palin would have gone down pretty well under the Taliban, I'd think. Abstinence-only education must be a big plus for you, too (I know you aren't in favour of any education for women, but baby steps, eh? First, you make them ignorant about human biology, and evolution and science in general, and then you move on ... )

And, of course, you'll feel a lot in common with a fellow book banner - even if she didn't manage to do it at her first attempt. You must be pretty pleased to see a woman who hates women almost as much as you do.

I am the only one who truly knows what will happen!



Trust and follow me, for I am the Light and The Way and you can only get to the Father through me!

America, do not be fooled by this deceiver!

...Thank you so much for all you've done to help me (and my ideological buddies) in our quest to move America away from it's Constitutional heritage/law -- and replace it with our dark/paranoid and aggressive agenda.

We could never have been able to do this without you.

Also Osama -- thank you for your previous service to America (while in the Muja Hadin) when you helped us win the Cold War against the (then) USSR.

Thank's bin Laden for accepting our aid in Afghanistan, as you fought the Soviets (our common enemy).

isn't it...