Some can only survive because of DENIAL.

I was so terribly dramatic when I was seven. I watched my Dad put his shoes on, grab his coat and say he's leaving my Mom. She laughed in his face, but then keyed right in on me, who was crying, begging my Dad not to go and laughed harder at my over-reaction, saying "Don't be so ridiculous."

I knew she was horrible to him; hell, she was so verbally horrible to all of us, but she shut us all down but good. She had it all down right, and man, was I so off base! (in her very strong opinion); until he really did leave her after all of us grew up and had moved on.

You see, nothing was allowed to be brought up that was "uncomfortable". We would be called downers or even shit stirrer's. What trouble makers we were to bring up things that were real in life, hard things that happen in everyone's life, the things that needed to be worked out instead of swept under the carpet. Naturally, it took a lot of practice and failed attempts to get a connection that mattered on a human level of any sort; silly things like feelings of self doubt or frustration from a hard day or god forbid a need for improvement in communication in the family, when a misunderstanding or even a disagreement took place. In order to overt the thrice weekly sessions of, "God damn it! My dinner is stuck in my throat! Can't we have a pleasant dinner for once?", fake smiles were mastered.

So now, some forty plus years later, everything is rosy when Mom is on the phone. Kids are great, I am great, the house is great and the weather is pleasant. Meanwhile, my seventeen year old told me to fuck off, my thirteen year old has a learning disability that he's struggling with, the house is falling off it's foundation, the car's rear window blew out, my husband is disabled and I still can't find where the freaking mice got in last fall, which I'm anticipating their arrival at any time now. Dad lives in the apartment upstairs in our home, getting older, very lonely and is probably going to lose every dime he has, because it's in the stocks. All of it.

I decided to ask her how she felt (being the little shit stirrer that I am) because I knew all her money is in the stock market too, and she said, "Oh, I'm sure everything will be fine."

I said, "That's great to hear Mom."

She is voting for McCain and that very smart woman Palin.

She's probably sleeping like a baby right now, while I sit here and type this shit out, to people I hardly know. I guess it's sad, but I think it's important enough to write this.

I feel it can be a bit of help for those who are worrying about their families now, to know that you are not alone in this. I hope it may help those who are so frustrated, because family members have voted and are still going to vote, against their own best interest.


Lastly, I really hope that it helps some of us here, understand more about how some people just do NOT deal with life in REAL terms; they live in such deep denial, because otherwise I believe that THEY believe, they would just FOLD. That's the saddest part of all; they don't believe they are strong enough to get through life as it really is.

widespread. There are so many people who would rather live in the dark rather than light a candle. They are afraid of what the light would show them..
If only it were possible to reason with such people, but it is futile in most cases. Sad, very sad.

I think the types of people that like to sweep things under the carpet (very OLD saying; proving the staying power of it's existence), are the kind of people that don't believe they can handle it, and/or don't think they could make any difference. Agreed... very sad.

The days are hard and they will be getting tougher. I can't help but think of what so many people are going through. I can only give what I have, and that's just some experience and hopefully a helping hand.

I had one of those "disfunctional" families too. no sense in elaborating, many of us did, just different flavors.
That's why, now, disabled, after a 40 years career in a dead end job, four failed marriages because of money troubles and a family that I barely can speak with (same reason as yours) I finally have peace alone in my hermitude. I am poor but the hassles are over.

Peace is not "chump change". :hi:

my mother is also a narcissistic character. All image, truth be damned. I love her deeply though.

that love can accept even the strongest of differences?

This is timely and powerful. Thanks. Tell your mom I said, "Hi!"

I appreciate your feedback. Hopefully when some people feel like banging their heads against a wall, in desperate need to understand what makes some people tick, this may apply to those they question.

whole culture DEMANDS that people live in denial. After all, who wants to be "Debby Downer"? Who can deny the power of "positive thinking", So many tell us "you create your own reality" that no one dares to admit to the dark side. Even Oprah preaches the power of belief. We are told that we are a nation of optimists--unlike those dour Norwegians or Russians and this characteristic is what keeps us "young" and vibrant. We worship youth.

......I guess all I am saying is that it is a national psychosis to live in denial.

I know exactly how you feel but tonight I think I had a breakthrough with my 85 yr. old mother. She said she "saw" the lobbyists surrounding McCain on tv somewhere. She used to not know what a lobbyist was. She said regarding the Presidential race "I am voting Independent on that one". Thank God! We are getting somewhere!!!!!!!!! I had thought she had been living in another universe prior to that. Somewhere where I could not get to her or she couldn't hear me. She has always voted Repug.

in the markets, but that is MY FUCKING INHERITENCE HE IS LOOSING!!!

You'd laugh, if it didn't affect you directly. That's real maturity.

Your inheritance should be taxed at a level directly opposite to the amount of affection for the old guy that your post displays.

OH, and it's LOSING, not LOOSING. I'm guessing he didn't spend any of his money on your continued education.

he was a life long democrat until w. Now he cant understand why I vote democrat and gives me shit about it. He is still a hell of a guy but he is voting against his own interests. All i really hope to get from an inheritence are plane tickets for my family to come to his funeral, anything else I will put aside for my daughter.

:pals:

There are some very interesting perspectives I am reading in the feedback here. I have noticed similarities across the boards, specifically pertaining to a desire to understand why people will vote against their own interests. I found denial to be just one aspect, of many.

I'm not kidding. I think I originally read it from a DU science post, but I don't have the DU link. Here's the article link:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2008/09/14/AR2008091402375_pf.html

Divide Republicans into two groups. Feed both groups Bush lies, feed one group Bush lies and a well-made report refuting Bush. RESULT: one-third of the only-got-lies group believes the lies, but two-thirds of the got-lies-and-truth group believes the lies.

Interesting finding.

I share your pain.

I know it took us 18 months for the first disability check to come. If it weren't for family, we would've lost our home, shabby as it is, it's still a home. Hang in there and remember, change is inevitable; when times are unbearable, then the prospect of change can be comforting. Sometimes, that's all we've got, until it changes, of course.:pals:

Management perks, it's only 75percent of your income but it currently supports the both of us. It will be another year before the disability takes hold, we have six months left on the income maintenance, then I will be super nervous.

I hope it's enough and you have enough time, to prepare/plan for at least meeting your basic needs until disability kicks in.

It's so hard! I really know where you are at. If you ever are at your wits end, you can alway drop me a PM and I'll do anything I can to help, even if you just need to vent!