Palin splits from McCain, declares herself candidate for president

**satire**



Speaking to reporters today, Sarah Palin called her vice-presidential bid quits and announced her own separate campaign for the presidency. Running as the head of her new 'Barracuda Party,' Palin rejected the tired, old politics of McCain and Bush and named God as her running-mate, campaign manager, and master strategist.

"He's the real Maverick!" she exclaimed at her first independent news conference. "I know at the end of the day putting this in God’s hands, the right thing for America will be done, at the end of the day on Nov. 4," she said.

Acknowledging that God, himself, wouldn't be making any appearances beside Palin on the campaign trail, Palin insisted, nonetheless, that “It is that intercession that is so needed,” she said. “And so greatly appreciated. And I can feel it too."

Going rogue and busting loose from the restrictive McCain camp orthodoxy, Palin challenged Obama's pastor Wright to appear in a last-minute, no-holds barred debate with her witch-hunting minister Muthee.

Minister Muthee, she said, would lead an new army of "prayer warriors" along with Focus on the Family Dobson to carry out the "task from God" in Iraq. Asked if God would be presenting any plan for that task, Palin balked.

"That's what we have to make sure that we're praying for, that there is a plan and that that plan is God's plan," she insisted. "God has so richly blessed this land, not just with the generals and the politicians, but with witch-hunters and evangelists," Palin said. 'We'll tap into those.'"

One more flurry of questions from reporters about the ability of Palin to actually produce God as a supporter, much less a running mate, brought a sharp rebuke from the wonder of Wassila: "From the time that dinosaurs and humans walked the Earth at the same time, God has been mocked," Palin said.

"I think the saddest part of that is that faith, not just my faith, faith and God in general has been mocked through this campaign, and that breaks my heart."

Palin then, abruptly ended the news conference, fell to the floor and started convulsing and speaking in tongues as she allowed a rattlesnake she had hidden under the podium to bite her repeatedly.

from her tanning bed

The more shards the Republican Party fractures into, the better I'll like it.

I'm a little slow today.

because its true.

:shrug:

you betcha!