*** DUzy Awards for week ending November 7, 2008 ***

OP by jazzjunkysue:

      "President Palin, It's UK Prime Minister Gordon Brown on the phone."
RRrringggg. "President Palin, It's UK Prime Minister Gordon Brown on the phone."

(giggle, nervous throat clearing) "OOooH-key, put heem ahn",

"Hellllooooooo-ooooooo!"

"President Palin?"

"Yes, Gordy-It's me, Sarah! What's up?! I can call you Gordy, can't I?"

"Uh, Sarah, have you decided what you're going to do about the G8 summit next month? Will you be siding with us on the new economics bill? Are you continuing to ignore your treaty with the european union?

What's your stand on the African militia uprisings? How many troops are you committing to the ethnic cleansing in Uzbekistan? You said your people were going to get back to me. We need to be on the same page if we're going to survive re-election. The tories are all over me. And, what about the pipeline in Iraq? Are you ready to secure that thing, or what?"

(Giggle, giggle, snort, guffaw)

"Oh, golly, gee, gosh, Gordy. We love ya, you know. Todd and I and all americans are so glad we can count on you to support us, even though we threw you under the bus in 1776. But, if it was good enough for the founding fathers, well, it's good enough for me. I hope you won't take that personally, Gordy."

Silence

"In what way, Gordy?"

GDP, November 2, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x7703606

OP by Plaid Adder:

      Just listened to the Palin/Masked Avengers tape. My thoughts are these:
1) The fact that she got pranked is not in itself what matters, really. These guys are apparently very good at what they do and they have done this to people a lot smarter than Palin. One of their diabolical methods is to exploit the rest of the world's almost-total ignorance of the ins and outs of Canada and its politics, which they certainly do beautifully here. As someone who is only about 15% less ignorant about Canada than Palin is, I have some sympathy with her for playing along and trying not to reveal the fact that she had never heard these names that "Sarkozy" was throwing at her. The fact that the call got through to her is, of course, the fault of her press people, especially "Betsy," who I suppose is now not only unemployed but unemployable.

2) Here's what's really horrifying about that phone call: we got to see how Palin acts when she thinks she's talking to a head of state. And it's OMGWTFBBQ HUMILIATING! One DUer on another thread described her as sounding "like a 16 year old meeting Lance Bass for the first time," and by God that's exactly right. Who greets a foreign head of state by squeeing, "We LOVE you!"? Also not pretty was how gushily, desperately grateful she seemed to be--or was pretending to be--to "Nico" for showing her attention and approval. This is something that has just bugged me about her from the beginning, and I may as well rant about it now: What makes it possible for right-wing men to love Sarah Palin despite the threat that she might otherwise represent to the patriarchy as a female VPOTUS is the way she performs that bootlicking, adoration-oozing, oh-thank-you-so-much-for-fulfilling-my-life-by-noticing-me BULLSHIT that patriarchal bastards love so well and which, no doubt by design, contributes to their impression of her as a cute gal who deserves a little help and sympathy because she's gosh darn it trying so hard even though clearly she doesn't have a brain in that pretty little head of hers. She may be a pit bull when she's talking about Democrats but to the guys in her own party everything she does sends the message, "I just love you sooo much and you're sooo great and I'm sooo grateful to you for helping out the helpless little woman that I know I am." Which, OK, works all right when you're sleazing your way up the rungs of the party ladder...but NOT WHAT IS CALLED FOR ON THE INTERNATIONAL STAGE!

3) "Marcel the guy with the loaf of bread under his armpit." Funniest line in the whole conversation.

4) You know what I like best about this? I got done listening to it and I said to myself, "I better go write up a thingy on it now, cause come Wednesday nobody's gonna give a shit about her." And THAT is gonna be a beautiful thing.

response #11 by yardwork:

      Sixth grade friend, more like. They sounded like two middle schoolers calling boys.
"Hey Sarah (giggle giggle), Nicky's on the phone" (giggling in background.)

"Oooooooh, hold the phone, hold the phone, I'm here! Nicky? This is Sarah!" (louder giggling in background)

"Nicky? I LOOOOOOOOOVE you. giggle giggle. You're the greatest!"

"Wolf hunting next Saturday night? I'd LOVE too! Let's not tell John, though. I wanna be president soon, er, eight years from now."

"Your girlfriend is jealous? (giggle giggle) Well, give her a hug from me (giggle giggle). Maybe we can have a threesome..."

response #39 by Dr.Phool:

      It could have been much worse. Imagine Ali G. conducting an interview with her.

GDP, November 1, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x7701961

OP by Enrique:

      "Palin is touching something that hasn't been touched in a long time"
sez Fred Thompson on Meet the Press. :shrug:

response #1 by Phoonzang:

      McCarthyism? nt

response #8 by lapfog_1:

      What an odd pet name for his... well, I guess it fits. - n/t

response #7 by Truth Hurts A Lot:

      the part of one's brain that causes cringing to the point of pain?
:shrug:

response #15 by vixengrl:

      That mental picture is second only to Cindy McCain's
reference to how her husband was going to come from behind.


:hide:

response #17 by NickHasHope:

      Show me on the doll where the bad lady touched you.

response #18 by O.M.B.inOhio:

      She's been stroking his Reagan!

response #26 by rvablue:

      Could it be my last nerve?? n/t

And see below for a totally brilliant Special Visual Achevement award from this thread.

GDP, November 2, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x7710282

OP by Tallison:

      Will you guys stop posting for two hours so I can finish my homework?
Self-discipline is failing me in this final stretch.

:evilgrin:

response #3 by gratuitous:

      Oh for the love of Pete
42.
True.
The Battle of 1812.
Cosine 90 degrees.

You're done. Read and post guilt-free.

GD, November 2, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x4356626

On a thread by sfexpat2000:

      Can anyone post updates to the DU Panic Room on Election Night?

response #34 by conscious evolution:

      Here's your update
Theres a flame war In the lounge.
The Woos,skeptics,and medical proffessionals are going at it in the Health forums.
Same with the atheist and christians in Religion.
A troll is casting asparagus in GD: P
And in GD everyone is going apeshit because OBAMA IS WINNING!!!!!!

GD, November 2, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x4356545

OP by cliffordu:

      OMFG!!!! The Poles are closing IN!!!!
Mrs. MAGURSKI from next door is bringing over a nice pie and

Old man KOWALSKI is heading this way to retrieve his lawnmower!!!!!

HAAAALLPP!!!!!!!

GDP, November 2, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x7710622

OP excerpt by JohnMcCant2008:

      When Freepers resort to a 48 hour prayer vigil, does it mean they have truly lost hope??
They have a sign-up sheet and everything! If you're going to try to pull off a Heavenly fillibuster you have to have this shit pretty organized, I guess.......

response #2 by Arkana:

      God: "Buddha, dude, you gotta come here and see this shit.
Come on, man. Confucius, Jesus, you too. Look at these crazy fuckers!"

response #7 by MichiganVote:

      Rupture or Rapture...take your pick.

response #12 by LiberalFighter:

      If they want to be heard they need to climb to the top of the highest mountain naked.

response #18 by codjh9:

      It ain't gonna work for 'em. I prayed for Kerry to win in 2004 and THAT didn't work! :^) n/t

response #27 by progressoid:

      Those prayers don't work on dial-up.
You need at least cable. But if you want assured success get a T3 line.

response #31 by Sebastian Doyle:

      Since God seems to give me the opposite of whatever I ask Him for (if He answers at all)
I'd be more than happy to help the Freeps pray for McCain O8)

GDP, November 2, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x7713709

OP by DemocratSinceBirth:

      Who Is Going To Teach The Re-Education Classes For Freepers?
ROFLCOPTER

response #1 by RichGirl:

      I'll take dress code. We'll be going with the unisex brown...right.

response #6 by Hippo_Tron:

      Sorry, I'll be too busy having abortions for fun and getting dozens of gay marriages

response #7 by mcctatas:

      Ever see 'Shawn of the Dead'?
we can chain them up and make them bag our groceries ;)

response #8 by Motown_Johnny:

      Dunno his name, but he has been working in Gitmo for the last few years

GDP, November 2, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x7714833

OP by Mayberry Machiavelli:

      Expressions I will be happy to never hear again after this election:
-Thrown under the bus

-Talk me down (damn you to hell Rachel Maddow if you are in fact the one that got people to start saying this)

Add your own!

response #3 by JoeIsOneOfUs:

      Joe Six-Pack, Joe anything but Biden, jump the shark, swing state, red state, blue state. nt

response #6 by treestar:

      tightening
:rofl:

response #10 by SoonerPride:

      Sarah Palin

response #19 by Sebastian Doyle:

      Republican party
Hey, why not dream big? :evilgrin:

response #47 by progressivebydesign:

      EPIC FAIL!
I got tired of that after reading it only 1,304 times.

GDP, November 2, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x7715223

OP by Lautremont:

      "Big Mac attack!" roars fired-up, confused candidate
On a brisk fall day in Pennsylvania, before a crowd of several hundred supporters, Republican Presidential candidate John McCain made a bold prediction. "My friends, on November 4th, Senator Obama will face a Big Mac attack the likes of which he's never known - and I am that attack! My friends, the Big Mac is back, for a limited time only!"

The feisty underdog's passion spread to his mostly elderly fans, who cheered weakly and waved their arms at nearly every applause line or attack gambit. The Big Mac catchphrase, obviously held in reserve for just such a point in the campaign, found the greatest response, and so the elderly candidate ran with it.

"My friends, a Big Mac is a funny thing. A lot of layers there - a lot of surprises. It contains ingredients you never suspected were there, maybe didn't want to know were there. That's me all over, and my friends, let me say once again that the Big Mac has returned. I'm back!"

response #3 by Blue State Native:

      His Happy Meal will not contain a toy.
x(

response #13 by Ghost in the Machine:

      He's a few fries short of a happy meal... n/t

response #4 by grannylib:

      Sounds as though he's been hitting the "special" sauce...

response #8 by C_U_L8R:

      I think we've deserved a break today
So McCain please go away.

response #9 by lwfern:

      A few lessons here.
1. You never look cool when you try to introduce your own new "cool" nickname.

2. Don't chose a metaphor for yourself that gives people digestive problems.

3. If you are running for office, don't pick a nickname that represents empty calories, no nutritional value.

response #11 by TahitiNut:

      Two all-bullshit patties, specially sauced, let us sheesh!, pick hell, unyuns, on a plumbers buns???
:dunce:

response #36 by Solly Mack:

      The man's gone from telling Whoppers to comparing himself to a Big Mac
Guess that makes Palin the fries.

They put the junk in junk food

response #39 by Hubert Flottz:

      The man who would be king?
Burger King?

response #53 by Buns_of_Fire:

      "Big Mac/Mayor McCheese '08?" Sorry, it won't fit on the campaign buttons. n/t

And see below for the inevitable Special Visual Achievement awards.

GD, November 2, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x4358111

OP by DemocratSinceBirth:

      Memo To Our Republican Friends
Be sure to vote on November 5th.

GDP, November 3, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x7719728

On a thread by Zombie2:

      Rob Zombie supports OBAMA.....

response #6 by Rob H.:

      Well, OF COURSE he supports Obama
All zombies love brains. :evilgrin:

GDP, November 3, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x7723050

OP by malaise:

      Hey Orrin
Shut your Hatch!! Your right wing crap is over.

GD, November 3, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x4361505

OP by Bicoastal:

      How high is YOUR approval rating?
According to a recent survey of my friends, co-workers, and loved-ones, I'm holding steady at 64%, but down from an all-time high of 71% last month.

I'm also up among minorities and the elderly, but still have a little ways to go with the crucial white middle-class demographic, where I trail my roommate by 4. An unforeseen incident this coming week, like being late for work or wearing socks with holes in them, and the numbers may change dramatically.

Overall, a vast improvement from this winter, when my infamous "bad haircut" gaffe had me polling under 50% for the first time in my 26 years of life.

Is anyone else going to be happy when this is all over?

response #1 by cliffordu:

      I'm polling at about 20% favorable because I fed the cats an hour ago and now
the ungrateful bastards won't come near me.

My wife thinks I'm ok, though, cause I'm cooking the 10 grain cereal right now.

I expect my favorability rating will drop further right after breakfast....

response #3 by Morning Dew:

      I'm a solid 84% approval among my base
that is, my parents. I don't live with them so they don't experience my occasional crabbiness which tends to drop me by 12-16 points.

With the white teenager (age 17-17) age group, my positives fluctuate between 52 and 73% - as long as there are still some twenties in my purse, I should retain those highs through this election cycle.

response #7 by grace0418:

      I'm going to make homemade lasagna tonight, so I imagine my numbers will
be quite high in tonight's polling. My kitty pretty much always loves me, he's like Bush's 19-percenters, only he's smart and good.

response #8 by wyldwolf:

      I didn't take the garbage out last night so I've dropped three points with my wife... BUT...
... I pandered to my kid and took her to Monkey Joe's yesterday and my approval with her is through the roof.

response #10 by FreepFryer:

      I've got a big show tonight, so despite my stable 65%* I'm projecting a 10-15% post-gig spike...
* FreepFree Polling, Inc.


I'm FreepFryer and I approve this message.

GDP, November 3, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x7724864

On a thread by babylonsister:

      Sen. Stevens (Ted/Rethug crook -AK) Pins Re-Election Hopes on Two Minutes of Television
"... Stevens’ effort to win a seventh full term in the Senate has been made more difficult by the words of a federal court jury in Washington, which found him guilty on seven counts of knowingly omitting expensive gifts and services from an annual form designed to illuminate places where personal gain and political connections might come together.

Stevens is appealing and in a debate said he believes he wasn’t convicted and will be exonerated in the end..."

response #1 by Bicoastal:

      "Stevens is appealing..." now there's a lie.

GD, November 3, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x4359435

On a thread by Ichingcarpenter:

      Man with a ski mask and gun waving a flag on an overpass on the 101

response #1 by cat_girl25:

      Where's Cheney?

GD, November 3, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x4361976

OP by cliffordu:

      Tuesday: BARACKOLYPSE NOW

response #1 by Curtland1015:

      Barack to the Future!

response #7 by byronius:

      Barackacallifragilistic expialidocious.
Sounds atrocious.

But the medicine is goin' down, with a spoonful of sugar.

response #8 by PretzelWarrior:

      Barack of Ages

response #13 by Boo Boo:

      Cryptobamicon, Barackalypto...

GDP, November 3, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x7719353

OP by Husb2Sparkly:

      Is the hairdo getting bigger?
Caribou Barbie is on from "Mizzuree" right now.

The hair seems bigger than I've ever seen it before.

And her voice is rising with her hair. Shrill.

Oh ...... does Kit Bond drink *every* morning to maintain that red face?

response #2 by Marlana:

      The higher the hair, the closer to God.
;-)

response #5 by luvs2sing:

      She's working on her Ph.D....
Um...that stands for "Pentecostal Hair-Do" :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin:

Must give full credit to my dear, departed mother for coming up with that one. O8)

response #6 by InternalDialogue:

      She's stealing pens and notepads from the campaign plane and hiding them up there.
It's the only thing she'll get to take away from this experience, having dropped her dignity long ago.

response #9 by Virginia Dare:

      Maybe it's like Pinocchio's nose...
it gets bigger the more lies she tells... :shrug:

response #11 by NCevilDUer:

      Question is,
is the voice rising with the hair, or is the hair rising with the voice?

If she were to REALLY shriek, would it stand on end, looking like Don King?

GD, November 3, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x4361889

OP by asdjrocky:

      Mika Mouse on McCain: "This is a guy who doesn't go down easy."
Tell that to his planes! :rofl:

response #2 by Ichingcarpenter:

      Bush would disagree
LOL!!!!

response #8 by Orsino:

      Most Americans are finding him hard to swallow. n/t

response #14 by southpaw:

      Same could be said of Rasputin
And I wouldn't have voted for him, either!

response #15 by Opposite Reaction:

      Now I understand the tension between him and Cindy.

GDP, November 3, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x7722050

On a thread by MJDuncan1982:

      How long should I continue to put our Obama signs up after tomorrow?
I've been in a constant battle with the neighborhood (very red area in a red county in a red state). I've "lost" several signs and am now forced to take them in at nightfall.

So how long should I continue to put them up after tomorrow? :evilgrin:

response #3 by BushDespiser12:

      For as long as it brings you more pleasure than angst.
:hi:

response #9 by MJDuncan1982:

      Oh man! I can't keep taking them down and putting them up for eight years! nt.

GD, November 3, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x4365885

OP by MrScorpio:

      Breaking News: Barack Obama caught breathing Republican air
Film at eleven

response #1 by alcibiades_mystery:

      redistribution of air!!!

response #3 by markevil:

      95% of republican air comes from Rush Limbaugh's ass....Fact

GDP, November 3, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x7725937

Poll question by Ken Burch:

      What's hidden in Sarah's health records?
There's gotta be something. And it may not be what we think.

:bluebox: Proof of her extraterrestrial origins

:bluebox: Records of her stint in rehab for moose addiction

:bluebox: Location of the storage jar containing McCain's testicles

:bluebox: proof that she's Amy Winehouse's mother(dominant hairstyle genes)

:bluebox: Evidence that State of Alaska health plan paid for removal of prehensile claws

:bluebox: Adoption records of the children she bore with Sasquatch

:bluebox: None of the above

:bluebox: Other

:bluebox: Really Other

:bluebox: Really, Really Other

response #1 by bob_weaver:

      Ken Lay

response #8 by damntexdem:

      None of the above: she's had dental surgery to emplace bridges to nowhere.
And she has X-ray eyes that can see the head of Putin way over the horizon.

At press time, "Evidence that State of Alaska health plan paid for removal of prehensile claws" was winning with 27% of the votes.

GDP, November 3, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x7728831

OP by TomClash:

      Amandla Awethu!
That's my first response to the first Repuke/Freeper/Neo-con who crosses my path after Barack wins.

Amandla Awethu!

That'll scare the hell out of them. :rant: :rofl:

GDP, November 3, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x7729349

On a thread by DS1:

      Meet Captain Fantastic Faster Than Superman Spiderman Batman Wolverine Hulk And The Flash Combined.
"The record-breaking name, now thought to be the world's longest, was the idea of music graduate George Garratt, 19. He changed his name by deed poll online for £10 last week. Captain Fantastic said: 'I wanted to be unique. I decided upon a theme of superheroes.' Captain Fantastic joins a number of people with unusually long names, including Rhoshandiatellyneshiaunneveshenk Koyaanisquatsiuth Williams, a girl born in Texas in 1984. The teenager, from Glastonbury, Somerset, added that while he thought the new name was 'crazy', his grandmother was no longer speaking to him.

Last month in Italy, a couple was banned from naming their son Friday - Venerdi - because the name could expose him to ridicule. Named after the manservant of Daniel Defoe's famous novel Robinson Crusoe, the court ordered the boy's name be changed to Gregorio, named after the saint's day on which he was born. In February, a judge in New Zealand made a young girl a ward of court so she could change her name from Talula Does The Hula From Hawaii."

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/3369609/Teenager-changes-name-to-Captain-Fantastic.html

response #1 by Orsino:

      On the dole for life.
Imagine the reception his resumes will get.

response #2 by Peake:

      Imagine the reception his flirting will receive.
If he doesn't die from his action, yet is still removed from the future gene pool via his action, is it a Darwin Award?

response #3 by DS1:

      I'd have to vote yes, on the condition that he doesn't donate to a sperm bank

response #5 by jpgray:

      All former girlfriends who could be reached for comment agree with the new name

The Lounge, November 3, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x8209864

OP by WCGreen:

      Twas the night before elections and all through the land...
Candidates were scurrying to make that last stand...
The ballots were ready, the machines they were cocked...
To determine tomorrow the haves and have nots...

When out of the Midwest there rose such a clatter...
Twas Obama exclaiming your dirt will not matter...
I bring hope, vim and vigor with me you shall see...
That your attacks and your slander can not deter me...

But down from the North an ill wind did blow...
A woman whose husband drove machines through the snow...
Cable pundits did clamored whats this, something new...
Is this baked Alaskan Barbie Caribou...

The answers came quickly and sprung from her mouth...
You betcha I'm ready to hold down the south...
But Obama was wise and he stuck to his plan...
Rallied all troops, loudly proclaiming yes we can...

Alas and alack for McCain it twas late...
Palin was drawing a much better gate...
And as the election drew nearer and nearer...
Sister Palin grew weirder weirder and could not deliver...

All that is left is to pick up the peices...
Keep that hope growing until election day ceases...
Then America, the world together will celebrate...
The future is coming, and we just can't wait...

response #4 by az chela:

      Hey will you get that broad and her moose off my roof???
Thanks

GDP, Election Day, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x7740243

Poll question by givemebackmycountry:

      At what time in the next 24 hours do you predict a complete DU meltdown?
We have 12-15 posts about the Dixville-Notch results.
It's starting early.

I implore you to be kind to Skinner and the boys (and gals) and maybe take a $5-$10 or $20 out of your wallet and give it to DU.
Name me one thing that didn't involve you being naked, that provided you with so much fun and excitement as DU?

So, with that being asked, at what time in the next 24 hours does DU completely BLOW UP and MELT DOWN with sheer exuberance and joy?

:bluebox: 6:00 AM if we're lucky

:bluebox: NOON. High Noon and it's the DU Panic Room. (are you a member?)

:bluebox: 3:00 PM and things start to get crazy. DU slows down and people start to post about how slow DU is.

:bluebox: 5:00 PM and folks start to get off work and want to join the party.

:bluebox: 7:00 PM and Tweety starts freaking out and 10,000 posts about Tweety freaking out bring DU to a crawl.

:bluebox: 8:00 PM and Keith says something funny or smart or profound and 20,000 posts about Keith drive every DU member to their keyboards.

:bluebox: 9:00 PM and Palin is wrestling a Polar Bear LIVE on Sean Hannity

:bluebox: 10:00 PM and they are calling some of the swing states for Obama, DU collectively explodes.

:bluebox: Wait! It's ELECTION DAY!!!! OMG! OMG! OMG!

:bluebox: 11:32 PM and we win in a landslide. DU is up and healthy and please remember Andy he's responsible for this in a couple of BIG ways.

response #1 by WilliamPitt:

      At 9pm EST, we will reach maximun freakoutossity, and then burn up in the atmosphere.
;)

response #2 by billyoc:

      OMFGTWEETYSUCKS OMFGTWEETYSGREAT
:rofl:

response #5 by blue sky at night:

      I have to tell you....
I did it, been meaning to donate again, but you pushed me over the edge....and fucking eh, you are right, where else can you have this much fun without being naked?


YO....Thanks givemebackmycountry and ya, that too!!!!


NOw for SOme PIE!!!!


CHarging AHead into the FUture at the SPeed of PIe.........!

response #6 by TahitiNut:

      After the 867th "OMFG!" subject line???
:eyes:

At press time, "5:00 PM and folks start to get off work and want to join the party." was winning with 33% of the votes.

GDP, Election Day, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x4366521

OP by MazeRat7:

      To do list:
1) Start up the smoker in the next hour.
2) Put brisket on around 4am
3) Call work @ 8am explaining I wont be in today.
4) Check brisket on smoker @ 9am - add more mesquite
5) Put beer on ice @ noon.
6) Call everyone in my phone book to make sure they voted. Offer to help if they think they can't for whatever reason.
7) Put Ribs on smoker around 4 pm.
8) Check on food when polls are closing on the east coast.
9) Get into the beer.
10)Get food off smoker, finish potato salad & beans.
11)Sit down around 8ish CST to watch history being made.
12)Midnight, roll a fatty and celebrate a new day in America.

What will you all be doing later today ?

response #4 by Vickers:

      I'm heading over to your house.
:headbang: :headbang: :headbang: :headbang: :headbang: :headbang: :headbang: :headbang: :headbang:

GD, Election Day, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x4366538

OP by Old Crusoe:

      With apologies to e e cummings
John McCain’s defunct

Who used to ride a media-complicit unchallenged hero image
And make
1 2 3 4 5 baseless assertions
Just like that
Jesus he was a mediocre man
And what I want to know is
How do you like your blue-eyed boy, Mr. Political Dustbin?

-----------

GDP, Election Day, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x7741271

Poll question by rucky:

      VOTE HERE!

:bluebox: I Like to Vote

At press time, "I Like to Vote" was winning with 100% of the votes.

GDP, Election Day, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x7748671

OP by JeffreyWilliamson:

      And now, a FREEPTASTIC Interlude...
http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/2124613/posts

"FreeRepublic Best Organized Site By Far

Posted on Tuesday, November 04, 2008 7:48:43 AM by BlueStateBlues

Thank God for FR. I went to Dem.underground and a couple of other sites to read their threads, looked for their threads, found them but couldn't figure out how to read them, and saw they all had some kind of voting system just to get the thread on the screen. All of them have tiny print. Thanks to Jim Robinson and his crew for giving us a readable and workable format!"

:rofl:

response #17 by truthisfreedom:

      hmm...


GDP, Election Day, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x7747149

On a thread by cat_girl25:

      I voted today only wearing my bra. They made me take my top off. :)
Well not me but the woman in the article...

"During early voting, the clerk's office got a report of a woman who showed
up to a polling place in west Harris County wearing an Obama T-shirt.

She was told she could cover the shirt up, turn it inside out, or not wear
it. She chose not to wear it, and voted in her bra..."

response #2 by cliffordu:

      This thread is absolutely useless without pictures.......
:rofl:

response #13 by Ilsa:

      You always say that, don't you!
:rofl:

BTW, what if she was 5'4" and weighed 200 pounds, pear-shaped figure?

response #15 by cliffordu:

      Don't care. I can objectify just about anyone. I'm an American man.

response #5 by bob_weaver:

      quickly writing "Obama/Biden" on the back of my pants with a magic marker

response #10 by KansDem:

      I'm surprised they didn't accuse her then of campaigning for McCain and Palin...
...giving support to a couple of boobs. ;)

response #20 by nichomachus:

      One more reason to always wear clean underwear -- just like your mama told you n/t

response #27 by rug:

      GOBRAMA!

GD, Election Day, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x4369086

OP by EconomicLiberal:

      McCain: "I'd rather lose an election than lose a war"
I think we can handle that, John.

GDP, Election Day, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x7753341

OP by LuckyTheDog:

      I was overcome by the 'Bradley Effect'!
I just could not bring myself to vote for the bitter, old white guy!

:evilgrin:

GDP, Election Day, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x7747989

OP by leftofthedial:

      Will they ever get that fried wiener smell out of the White House
do you suppose?

GD, Election Day, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x4370725

On a thread by NeedleCast:

      Diva On the Loose
"Savoring her final solo appearance as a vice presidential candidate, Palin lingered for several minutes in front of local and national media, taking question after question despite multiple attempts by her staff to end the press conference..."

response #2 by kirby:

      Bluster's Last Stand n/t

response #3 by MazeRat7:

      My dyslexia kicked in while reading your subject line...
I had to then double check because I swore it read "Diva on the Moose"

GD, Election Day, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x4370686

OP by gratuitous:

      Early returns: Two Democratic Senators about to lose their seats
Obama of Illinois and Biden of Delaware.

Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk.

GD, Election Day, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x4372528

On a thread by Sebastian Doyle:

      PUMAtroll "Team Sarah" site is claiming that "Black Panthers" are showing up at PA precincts
Supposedly saying "The Black Man gonna win, no matter what"...

response #11 by ContinentalOp:

      BREAKING: Yippies showing up to harrass voters in FL. Diggers seen intimidating voters in OH.
:eyes:

response #20 by Goblinmonger:

      Flappers are dancing in the streets of New York!!! n/t

response #24 by ContinentalOp:

      Wobblies spotted stuffing ballot boxes in Wisconsin! -nt-

response #35 by Withywindle:

      PUMA vs. Panthers!
Sounds like one of those XTREME!!! shows on Animal Planet.

(I'd watch it.) :popcorn:

GDP, Election Day, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x7750859

Poll question by rug:

      Call Obama a name.

:bluebox: Muslim

:bluebox: Terrorist

:bluebox: Liberal

:bluebox: Elitist

:bluebox: Liar

:bluebox: Antichrist

:bluebox: Inexperienced

:bluebox: Hussein

:bluebox: N

:bluebox: Mr. President

At press time, "Mr. President" was winning with 95% of the votes.

GDP, Election Day, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x7753481

Poll question by onehandle:

      What are you going to do with your share of Freeper's redistributed paychecks?

:bluebox: Gay marry children

:bluebox: Enslave white people

:bluebox: Pay my Socialist dues

:bluebox: Give it to my radical mosque

:bluebox: Fund the gun collection vans

:bluebox: Invest in the "abortion industry"

:bluebox: Other

response #8 by azmouse:

      Buy lattes... lots and lots of lattes.

response #9 by asdjrocky:

      Smoke pot, eat ho-ho's.

response #10 by deadmessengers:

      Move to France. n/t

response #11 by Curtland1015:

      Arugula salad, baby killing, I need a new Fridge... lessee here... and a new soap making machine.
So we can turn God fearing Republicans into soap.

response #13 by Blondiegrrl:

      I'm donating all mine to the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster!
The one true religion!

Ramen ...

response #15 by gkhouston:

      Nothing. Freepers get paid in money with choo-choo trains on it. n/t

response #19 by Skittles:

      buy some Twizzlers
yes INDEED

response #24 by racaulk:

      Convert half of all good Christians to Islam. The other half to Atheism.
Then I'm gonna find a few good men to marry, have sex with a few farm animals, and convert a whole bunch of innocent, impressionable children to homosexuality.

I'm also gonna paint the White House pink and have it moved to the Castro district of San Francisco.

Next, I want to buy and stock several vending machines for condoms and birth control pills, and have them placed in every high school nationwide.

Then I'll lobby Congress for mandatory abortions every Friday, so all loose women can have fun on the weekends without worry.

Whatever I have left of their money will be spent on pot and crack cocaine.

I'm totally series.

response #28 by Juche:

      Abortions, abortions, abortions
I'm going to start a door to door abortion business.

response #38 by iamahaingttta:

      Abortions. Definitely abortions.
And lots of them.
As many abortions as I can get in 4 or 8 years.

Oh wait... I'm a dude!

response #43 by NoPasaran:

      Fund fruit fly research

response #52 by kenny blankenship:

      Honestly, I don't think they can afford me

response #56 by mmonk:

      Calibrate voting machines the other way.

response #60 by mainz_68:

      So few freepers, so many needs
They're just going to have to work a lot more hours with no vacations, at least until they start forming unions.

With whatever is left over after liquor and socialist dues, I'll spend it on spreading software that makes their computers act funny sometimes. And balloons, lotsa balloons for us now. It's why they lost, not enough balloons.

response #71 by ladyVet:

      Well, you didn't have "All of the above",
so I voted "other". Then, I'm going to single-handedly win the war on Christmas.

Then, I'm going to retire to Hawaii with a smokin' hot cabana boy. See ya!

response #74 by KathieG:

      I would like to start up a low cost mobile spay/neuter van for republicans...
we need to stop unwanted republican breeding, and of course get them vaccinated for rabies. :D

At press time, "Other" was winning with 30% of the votes.

GDP, Election Day, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x7755292

On a thread by democrat2thecore:

      Rockefeller Center Ice Rink - an electoral map - is that cool or what? -nt

response #3 by BerryBush:

      It's MSNBC's Democracy on Ice!!!!!!

Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls…don’t miss the excitement of a star-studded political show broadcast right into your home…

Live from the Rink at Rockefeller Center in New York…

MSNBC presents

DEMOCRACY ON ICE

The greatest political spectacular of 2008!

Featuring all the brightest stars of MSNBC in a brand-new, one-night-only performance!

Starring...

DAVID GREGORY
His performance with dance partner MC Karl Rove gave you chills…now watch him perform spin after amazing Republican spin as the star performer of MSNBC’s Election Night Extravaganza!

KEITH OLBERMANN
Watch MSNBC’s silver-haired “Golden Boy” triple-axel his way over Republican and Democratic spinmeisters and even his fellow stars as the final count draws closer and the network prepares to project a winner! Top-notch entertainment for those scoring at home…or even if you’re alone!

CHRIS “TWEETY” MATTHEWS
Enjoy the laugh-filled shenanigans of Warner Brothers’ Looney Tunes characters in a spotlight performance featuring the star of “Hardball” as Tweety Bird himself, with tittering tomfoolery and amusing antics created especially for kids…ages 2 to 92!!!!

RACHEL MADDOW
She’s as talented and tough as Tonya Harding—only without the legal issues! Watch this brilliant beauty bedazzle the brains of everyone on the MSNBC analysis panel with mental footwork no one else can match!

PAT BUCHANAN
Known as “The Human Blur,” the charter member of MSNBC’s “Boys in the Hood” will surprise and bemuse you in the dazzling white (and we DO mean "white") spotlight with his most incredible spins as he attempts to make the election outcome look positive for the Republicans…no matter what! Don’t miss his pairs performance with Rachel Maddow as she shows him how to stop skating around reality!

NORA O’DONNELL
She skates through statistics with the most graceful motion…don’t miss our lovely Princess of Pregnancy as she returns from maternity leave to glide over the results from across the country. A charming performance with a winning smile every time!

CHUCK TODD
The man who brought the “figures” back to “figure skating” does the math for you, as he makes all those crazy eights seem like child’s play! Be amazed as he triple-lutzes over the statistics and crunches the numbers all night long!

ANDREA MITCHELL
She moves with an economy of motion…whether as a pair or part of a solo act…don’t miss her as she thrills spectators without reserve…Federal or otherwise!

With Special Guest Stars

BRIAN WILLIAMS
The “Big Kahuna of 30 Rock” makes a special guest appearance that adds a sprinkling of Mothership Magic to our MSNBC cast!

TOM BROKAW
Yuuuuuuuuuuul be deliiiiighted to see thuuuuuh veteran staaaaar of thuuuuuuh “Greatest Generatiuuuuuuuun” oooooof NBC newscaaaaaasters perfoooorm in the spotliiiiiight on this speciuuuuuuuuhl uuuuuuuhccasiuuuuuun!

And Featuring...

A Spotlight Performance by Ann Curry and Her Magic Special Effects Synchro Team

And...A Special Salute to Tim Russert Starring His Son, Luke

DON’T MISS IT!

GDP, Election Day, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x7762328

OP by IWantAnyDem:

      DON'T FALL FOR THIS WINNING THING, PEOPLE, IT'S A ROVIAN TRAP!!!!
It had to be said.

:evilgrin:

response #1 by Jackpine Radical:

      I knew it! I knew it! I gave away my tinfoil hat too soon!

response #6 by DarienComp:

      OBAMA'S PEAKING TOO EARLY! WE'RE SCREWN!!1!

response #8 by Ryano42:

      Watch...tonight at midnight...
Diebold special code X101110 engages...

and them flip...flip flip..

RESURRECTION MY FRIENDZZZ!!!!

GDP, November 5, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x7790877

OP by ZombyWoof:

      The Ballad of Sarah Palin ("Wasilla Hillbillies" Theme)
Come and listen to a story about a woman named Sarah
An ex-beauty queen, her screechy voice I really dread,
Then one day she was shootin' at some moose,
And up through her mouth burblin' somethin' really rude.

Oil that is. Drill, baby, drill. You betcha!

Well, as you all know, Sarah's head is full of air
Smart folk said, "How'd she get elected up there?"
McCain said, "Vice Presidency is the place you ought to be"
So they loaded up the plane and went on a spendin' spree.

Donor money, that is. Saks. Neiman-Marcus.

Well, now it's time to say goodbye to Sarah, Todd, and kids
And they would like to thank you folksy fools for tryin' to vote her in.
You're all invited back again to Sean Hannity
To have a heapin' helpin' of 2012 inanity.

Wasillabilly that is. Helicopter shoot, knock some wolves off.

Y'all come back now, y'hear?

Thanks, but no thanks!

GDP, November 5, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x7792960

On a thread by Make7:

      FREEREPUBLIC: "Day 1 of the Resistance"
"Day 1 of the Resistance
The mind of Infidel Puppy | Nov. 5, 2008 | Infidel Puppy

Posted on 11/5/2008 7:33:50 AM by Infidel Puppy

Today, America is told that it has a new president. His name is currently Barack Hussein Obama. His history has been obfuscated and hidden more successfully than any agent in the annals of spy history. We really don't know who he is, and in light of the lack of any reliable, objective data or basic background verification, we can only infer based on his associations.

Through these inferences and foggy fragments of information, we know he was a senior ACORN operator, an organization dedicated to the destruction of the American voting infrastructure.

It would seem that the CEO of Foxes Inc. has just been elected by 51% of the hens, but strangely, there were a large number of foxes in chicken suits for the vote (not to mention imaginary and dead chickens).

For a few of us chickens who don't endorse the validity, let alone wisdom of the results of this fox-heavy faux election, there is only one course forward:

Resistance We will take pages out of all the books of all the revolutionaries in history, and add to them. We will work individually and cooperatively. We will work quietly and in the dark. We will use all tools available, and all techniques proven successful to wrest power from and devolve the abomination squatting in our structures of power.

We will all work to make Mr. Fox's position guarding our hen house both exceptionally unprofitable, and manifestly difficult.

No matter what he proposes, we will object. No matter what he says, we will gain-say him. No matter which direction he turns, we will criticize and deride him. No matter what authority he claims or exercises, we will sue and refuse and obstruct him.

With the blessings of Providence, we confidently proclaim that we are one day closer to freedom, and that the falsehoods of this monstrosity are one day closer to exposure and recompense. May we be on the side of the will of the Almighty in every effort.

This is the first day of the Resistance."

response #2 by jpak:

      WOLVERINES!!!!111
:rofl:

response #33 by rfranklin:

      Time to circle the PortaPotties...
before Obama socializes them!

response #57 by tridim:

      But PortaPotties are already socialized
Spread the poop!

response #24 by Kerrytravelers:

      Day 2 of the Resistance: Everyone save money by moving into mom's basement.
That'll show 'em.

:eyes:

response #35 by Javaman:

      so beyond sipping diet coke at their keyboards, comparing rifle calibers...
and creating new and interesting ways to spell, what exactly are they, the five people registered over a freep land, going to do?

more tough talk by the 101st keyboard commandos.

response #42 by JHB:

      ...And then Mommy called for them to wash up...She made them Cookies!
And Infidel Puppy said "Yay! Cookies!"

So Infidel Puppy, MrB, and bergmeid had (melamine-free) cookies and milk (good, wholesome milk from well-regulated and health-inspected dairies) and said "Ahhhhhhhh!". MrB burped loudly, and the other boys laughed.

And so they went back to their fort to play "Resistance" some more, as the heroic Freeper Force once again defended a Merrikah from the evilcommielibsocialist would-be tyrant Obama Commander and his minions in C.O.B.R.A.M.A.....

response #55 by quiet.american:

      "We will work quietly and in the dark" -- and post that we are doing so on the Internets! nt

response #61 by Rob H.:

      "We will use all tools available..."
Well, since they pretty much are all tools, that makes at least one list item they've got thoroughly covered. :evilgrin:

response #91 by paparush:

      I hear a Hank Williams Jr song in the making -
Watch me shake my tiny angry fist
While I resist.

Shorten up my shopping list
While I resist

I won't support the Socialist in D.Ceeeeeeeeeee

I'm going to resist, who's with me!

GD, November 5, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x4384585

OP by Ghost in the Machine:

      Thanks DUers, Project X was a HUGE success!
We got our secretly muslim Marxist Socialist installed as President of the United States. It took a lot of effort from a lot of good people here. Now the *real work* begins...

For Project X v.2.0, aka 'Operation Blue Turban', we need to start gathering our supplies. You'll need to get a copy of the Koran, a blue turban, and a lot of blue shirts. A stun gun and handcuffs will be required, too.

After Inauguration Day, we must don our blue shirts and turbans, then go round up anyone and everyone who supported the Bush regime and the McCain/Palin run for the White House.

Please know ahead of time that we will be joined in Project X v.2.0 by our GLBT brothers and sisters, too. They will be running the interment camps, spreading 'teh gay' to all of the inmates we've rounded up.

This is the *only* time we speak of Project X v.2.0 in public. Any future references should only include the words 'Project X v.2.0' or 'Operation Blue Turban'.

Project X v.2.0 is now activated. This message will self destruct in 30 minutes...

GD, November 5, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x4388866

OP by KamaAina:

      So Sarah Palin winks at Todd and says, "Honey, tonight you'll be sleeping with the Vice President"
as the early returns come in.

A few hours later, after the truth is known, Todd turns to her and asks, "So is Joe coming here or am I going to his house?"

The Lounge, November 5, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x8216291

OP by GTRMAN:

      Breaking: "Search On For Missing Bar"
11/5/08,Washington DC:

Today marked the beginning of the search for the "bar" that has gone missing for the last several years now. At the beginning of the Bush administration, the bar was lowered anytime the President needed help answering tough questions or making tough decisions. Finally, after resting on the floor for about a year, the bar was buried to make it easier for President Bush to step over. White House Press Secretary Dana Perino said earlier today "after while, the damn thing was just a nusiance and he kept tripping on it, so with the help of the mainstream media we just buried it."

Today, the problem is, no one remembers exactly when and where the bar was buried, but it is rumored that it was around the time of Hurricane Katrina. Members of the media along with key members of the RNC set out this morning with shovels and metal detectors in a frantic search for the bar, a search which has a deadline of 1.20.09, although the RNC and media wonks expressed a desire to raise the bar before the inauguration.

Historically, the bar has been raised to it's highest levels during Democratic administrations and lowered during Republican administrations. The Bush administration represents the lowest levels the bar has ever been set at.

"We'll find it" quipped Karl Rove,"and this time, we'll weld that sucker in it's highest position."

GD, November 5, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x4385747

On a thread by babylonsister:

      Rep. Blunt to give up whip post, sources say
"Minority Whip Roy Blunt (Mo.) is expected to announce that he will not seek another term as the second highest-ranking Republican in the House, according to several sources familiar with his decision..."

response #1 by IanDB1:

      He was disapointed when he learned he wouldn't actually get to whip minorities anyway. n/t

GD, November 5, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x4388273

OP by auburngrad82:

      Freepers call for worldwide boycott
Because of the overwhelming support around the world for Barack Obama's election, the Freeper community is compiling a list of "enemy combatant" states whose products will be boycotted. So far the following items are on the list:

French Fries
English Muffins
Polish Sausage
Canadian Bacon
Spanish Moss
Mexican Jumping Beans

More items will be added as the liberal, baby-killing enemies of America voice their support for the President Elect.

The only country generally thought to be safe from the boycott is Germany due to the huge demand for Nazi paraphenalia in the Freeper community.

response #2 by SurfingAtWork:

      I'd prefer they all go for the gusto, and boycott oxygen.

response #6 by liberalmuse:

      In honor of the Freepers, I am boycotting...
Ding Dongs and mixed nuts.

response #7 by amybhole:

      Chinese Checkers

response #10 by NI4NI:

      Swedish meatballs n/t

response #17 by new_beawr:

      Please tell me they won't boycott Russian Roulette.......

response #18 by danagsk8:

      French Toast
Swiss Cheese
Swedish Meatballs
Irish Soda Bread
Scotch Tape

:rofl:

GDP, November 5, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x7789154

OP by 11 Bravo:

      A limerick for lurking freepers. (Feel free to pile on.)
Your President's name is Barack.
And you clowns are clearly in shock.
You cry for your mommy,
You say he's a commie,
So I say to you, "Suck my cock."

(OK, maybe I'm not ready to make nice just yet.)

response #1 by PetrusMonsFormicarum:

      I had a good one going, but
I can't find anything to rhyme with "deluded ignorant gasbags".

response #5 by Oregonian:

      Mine:
By now it's more than "projected" --
Barack has indeed been elected
So, the choice of the Freeps
and the fundies and creeps
Finds himself soundly rejected.

response #9 by Bucky:

      There once was kid so insane...
There once was a hopeless young Freep
Who posted his rants on the cheap
He'd attack and demean us,
Blame his lot on the Clenus,
While his dementia grew ever more deep.


Oh this kid (who appeared so insane
That he seemed not to have a full brain)
Was a permanent dweller,
Who, in the depths of mom's celler
Swapped his hatred toward President Hussein.


Now our lad fell on terrible days
Trapped down there in delusional haze.
Oh he'd bitch, moan, and pout
And Rimjob never got out!
(but survived thanks to mom's PBJs).

GDP, November 5, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x7796714

OP by Erin Elizabeth:

      What President Elect Obama has done to me so far:
1. I was so distracted thinking about the amazing victory last night that I walked out the door for work this morning and wondered briefly what was wrong with my pants. Something was wrong with my pants. I got in my car, drove off (LATE!) and realized I HADN'T PUT ON ANY UNDERWEAR. OBAMA MADE ME FORGET TO PUT ON UNDERWEAR. He's amazing.

2. I got all the way to work before realizing I had forgotten to take my pills. And I felt ok all day. Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, y'all.

4. I had to do a VERY long presentation at work today to about 40 people. Every now and then, I'd think "OHMYGODBARACKOBAMAISTHEFUCKINGPRESIDENT" and I'd suddenly look like a fucking loon, grinning like my ass was on fire. My panty-less ass. I think at one point I took a few dance steps. Later, my boss said people were wondering if I felt ok. "Forgot my meds today" I explained. She takes the same meds, so she nodded.

4. I fell getting out of my car when I got home from work. I landed on the knee with the torn ACL. As anyone knows with a chronic knee injury, that shit isn't funny. I saw stars and little birdies. But then I thought OHMYGODBARACKOBAMAISTHEFUCKINGPRESIDENT and limped into the house GRINNING.

Do you SEE what he does to people?


(And seriously, that no underwear stuff is not cool.) I wonder if this is what they call "cloud nine."

response #4 by hnmnf:

      Not to mention, Barack made you skip 3 and count 4 twice...right?
:P

response #8 by burythehatchet:

      44

GDP, November 5, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x7801887

On a thread by Bluebear:

      Good heavens! FOX reports Palin did not know Africa is a continent, or the countries making up NAFTA

response #9 by lapfog_1:

      I swear to god that they picked her out of a lineup of Jaywalking All stars. -n/t

response #15 by marmar:

      What is her college degree in? Aerobics?
She's an extra-heavy level of stupid.


:dunce:

And see below for a Special Visual Achievement award from this thread.

GD, November 5, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x4391062

OP by volstork:

      Well, the freepers were right!
The Obama gun trucks came by today and took all my water pistols and nail guns. Then they turned me gay and forced me to have an abortion (and I'm not even pregnant).

response #2 by Elrond Hubbard:

      They filled my house with Mexicans who stole my job and forced me to learn Spanish.
It was horrible. :cry:

response #30 by dicksteele:

      Mi casa tambien! Y a hora, no puedo entenderme! nm

response #4 by jobycom:

      My new circumcision is hurting, but the Qur'an really is beautiful.

response #5 by deadparrot:

      Which bus are you taking to the re-education camp?
Bastards suck me with the 5AM slot. :banghead:

response #7 by orwell:

      They made me a muslin...
...and I always wanted to be a spandex...

response #11 by Warren Stupidity:

      They drove the UN trucks down our street spraying The Gay everywhere.
All of us are queer now. Even our dogs. Too bad we can't get married anymore. I love my penguin, but it is a slippery slope.

response #77 by Ikonoklast:

      You were one of the lucky ones.
They forced Rick Santorum to divorce, and now they're moving his things into MY place.

I hope that rat-faced bastard can cook.

response #19 by Erin Elizabeth:

      For some reason, they sent me a gay baby.
It's really weird.

response #73 by Sebastian Doyle:

      Paperwork error
They were supposed to abort it and then offer it as a blood sacrifice to Satan :evilgrin:

response #25 by blondeatlast:

      I got my check from the forcible redistribution of K Street wealth about 4:30 PM AZ time.
I bought a Prius and sent the rest to a commune in Quebec.

response #27 by Kristi1696:

      Yeah, well, Putin came into the airspace and is now sitting on my couch drinking all my beer.
I fucking knew this would happen if Obama got elected!

I think there may be a sleeper cell in my cupboard now too!

:grr:

response #43 by illuminaughty:

      Yeah, well, they got ME sleepin' in the cupboard
and Al Quaeda (yes, dammit, all of them) are on my couch with Bill Ayers buyin' shit off QVC with all my new welfare money. :wow:

response #29 by Gore1FL:

      They fucking came
and tie-dyed all my clothes, gave weed to my kid, and replaced my carpeting with wall to wall prayer rugs.

response #33 by Hissyspit:

      Bill Ayers blew up my kitchen and ate all my Cheetos.

response #34 by grantcart:

      well the freepers have to admire that efficiency - wait there is a knock on the door
oh shit

response #40 by dgauss:

      I just found a block of government issue cheese in my refrigerator
I think Obama put it there.

response #45 by Feron:

      They'll have to pry my hot glue gun...
from my glued together hands!!!

response #46 by KathieG:

      All I can get on TV is Al Jazeera, BET and porn.
:shrug:

response #52 by grace0418:

      I checked this morning and had NO MONEY in my bank account or 401K!!!!
Oh wait, I didn't before either.

response #62 by Spike89:

      They fixed my roof...no more trickle down

response #65 by Danascot:

      They gave me a yard guy
name of Tom Delay ... f*n useless!

response #66 by windbreeze:

      What are you bitching about...they coulda given you a plumber instead...n/t

GDP, November 5, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x7801819

On a thread by redstate_democrat:

      I think Rahm is dragging his feet because he really wanted the senate seat or maybe Nancy's job

response #9 by CrispyQGirl:

      I suspect if you were to ask the average American on the street,
"Who is Rahm Emmanuel?" you would hear answers that vary from "a terrorist held at Guantanamo" to "a romance story novelist."

GDP, November 5, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x7799366

On a thread by orleans:

      Breaking: Barney Bites White House Reporter

response #4 by CJCRANE:

      Headline: Dog Bites Lap Dog

response #6 by Sentinel Chicken:

      I hope Barney's OK.
He may need a shot or something after that.

response #11 by Dr.Phool:

      Blue Dogs send strongly worded letter to Barney.

response #17 by CanisCrocinus:

      Until I saw the story elsewhere...
...I thought you were talking about Barney Frank!

response #33 by Peake:

      Now that's the kind of change I voted for.

GD, November 6, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x4395514

On a thread by sniffa:

      ***BREAKING*** Barney the WH dog bites John Decker

response #5 by politicasista:

      Was Barney behaving like Smith Barney or Barney Smith? n/t

response #7 by Bornaginhooligan:

      Are they going to put him down?
What about the dog?

GDP, November 6, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x7806484

On a poll by ColbertWatcher:

      How the hell did Palin get a college degree?

response #9 by malaise:

      That old towel trick
with several professors in five colleges :rofl:

GD, November 6, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x4399713

Poll question by Ken Burch:

      Make YOUR predictions for Sarah's next career move

:bluebox: Guthy-Renker pitchwoman from 10 to midnight on QVC

:bluebox: Contestant on "Survivor:Wasilla"

:bluebox: Bodily Ascension to Heaven in Waco, Texas

:bluebox: Leader of an evangelical guerrilla army that takes to the Saint Elias Mountains

:bluebox: dumps the "First Dude", becomes Hank Williams Jr's future ex-wife

:bluebox: She's in my front yard eating raw moose right now!

:bluebox: Other

response #5 by ginnyinWI:

      Well she might as well go to work for Neiman-Marcus
She already owns all of their clothes--might as well become a celeb sales rep.

response #22 by jules1962:

      Will become an Alaskan hunting guide
Will disappear in the Denali National Park, while leading a group of "real American" fundies on a hunt for moose. A massive search,led by her friends Hasseback and JTP,will ensue. After days of searching,the discovery of bones will be found. A pack of fat and happy wolves will be found nearby,with one of them wearing a Palin 2012 doorag on it's head. This story will get little media exposure because the rest of the nation is so "over her".

At press time, "Other" was winning with 34% of the votes.

GDP, November 6, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x7802335

OP by Armstead:

      William Ayers for head of Homeland Security.
That'd drive them wild.

:evilgrin:


(yes, I'm kidding.)

response #8 by PurityOfEssence:

      Rezko for HUD
Wright to head the new national church, and run faith-based initiatives 'til then

GDP, November 6, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x7805546

OP by Jackpine Radical:

      Election 2008 as the The tale of the Four Joes--
Joe Sixpack, who came out in surprising numbers and voted for the black guy just because it was the obvious, logical and sensible thing to do.

Joe the Plumber, who got momentarily famous for talking like a bigshot to a passing political candidate, and who will very shortly be returning to his regular job of delivering crack while crawling under sinks in Ohio.

Joe the Biden--well, you all know about him.

And Joe the Rat, who followed McNasty around throughout the campaign, keeping him from falling off stages and explaining the difference between Sunni and Shia, and who now, having discovered that he had hitched a ride on the Titanic, is looking for a welcome back on the ship he abandoned. See Joe swim. Swim, Joe, Swim.

GDP, November 6, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x7806329

OP by H2O Man:

      Inevitable: Palin's Lawyers File in Court!
(WP) Washington, DC : Attorneys representing Alaska’s Governor Sarah Palin filed an emergency brief with the U.S. Supreme Court, in a case that legal experts believe has the potential to split the republican party, and which challenges the outcome of Tuesday’s presidential election.

In the legal papers, Governor Palin’s attorneys have requested the following:

--The Court grant an immediate divorce, thus ending any legal relationship between Palin and John McCain.

--The Court issue an Order of Protection, keeping anyone associated with the McCain campaign from talking to journalists about Governor Palin.

--The Court order the RNC to maintain the level of support to which Ms. Palin has become accustomed to during the past three months, ie: a $250,000 clothing allowance to cover Ms. Palin’s wardrobe needs for the Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays.

--The Court to order emergency child support from the estate of J. Howard Marshall, until such time that it can be determined if Ms. Palin actually gave birth to Baby Daniellynn on an unidentified airplane flight from reality.

--The Court grant and enforce a judgement against Joseph Biden, for emotional pain and suffering that resulted from his verbal assault upon Governor Palin’s ignorance, in the Vice Presidential Debate.

--The Court issue a "cease and desist" order against any and all journalists who have quoted her accurately, thus infringing upon her Amendment 1 right to free speech.

--The Court grant an emergency hearing to determine if Tuesday’s presidential election results are a denial of Ms. Palin’s religious rights, as granted in Amendment 1 of the Bill of Rights.

"Governor Palin prayed daily that the republican ticket would win the election," her attorneys told reporters outside the Federal Court Building. "She believes that God intended for Senator McCain and her to win, and for McCain to be declared deceased in early February of 2009. By electing Barack Obama and Joseph Biden, the American public has certainly acted in an unbecoming manner that denies Sarah Palin her right to practice her religious beliefs."

U.S. Supreme Court Injustice Antonin Scalia is expected to hear oral arguments from Governor Palin’s attorneys later this afternoon. An associate of Scalia, who asked to remain unidentified, said that the Court will consider the precedent set in Bush v Gore in determining the case.

Senator McCain has refused to comment on the case.

GDP, November 6, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x7804647

On a thread by underpants:

      LOL The GOP is dispatching a lawyer to *take Palin's clothes BACK*
"... Sarah Palin left the national stage Wednesday, but the controversy over her role on the ticket flared as aides to John McCain disclosed new details about her expensive wardrobe purchases and revealed that a Republican Party lawyer would be dispatched to Alaska to inventory and retrieve the clothes still in her possession."

response #9 by Buck Rabbit:

      I foresee a lawyer accidently mistaken for a moose.
I'm sure though the Palins will discover their mistake once he is field dressed.

The GOP will have to find one brave or stupid lawyer. If they have more than one apply they can choose the one that best squeals like a pig.

response #24 by Nothing Without Hope:

      Field-dressed? Maybe we should be saying FIELD-UNDRESSED!
:hide:

response #15 by PA Democrat:

      Rich Lowry of the National Review has volunteered to retrieve
any underwear purchased for Palin using campaign funds.

response #28 by bobbiejo:

      It's way past midnight, Cinderella. Give 'em up.
:rofl:

GDP, November 6, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x7811819

On a thread by PretzelWarrior:

      OH MY GOD! I just saw the most amazing thing outside my window

response #1 by Madam Mossfern:

      That's ridiculous
I don't even know where you live.

GDP, November 6, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x7816444

OP by cliffordu:

      I don't want any of the picks Obama has made so far. He is a fool to pick any
of them, just like he was a fool to ignore all my advice during the election. REALLY.

i'M SERIES!!!111!!! ELEVENS!!!11!!!!

response #1 by billyoc:

      It's almost like he's not listening to me at all, as hard as THAT is to believe.

response #18 by chimpsrsmarter:

      after my Hot tuna melt mailer for Obama went wrong (who knew?) they benched me.
hangs head in shame.

GDP, November 7, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x7816768

OP by volstork:

      How bad are the riots in your city?
They are so bad in my neighborhood that they have knocked all the leaves off of the trees. I went to the store yesterday, and ALL the cranberry sauce is off of the shelves! It is mass hysteria here, I tell you!

response #2 by donco6:

      There's a big flaming ball in the sky here.
:scared:

response #12 by LynnTheDem:

      Really bright, round and yellow??? Sorta looks like a sun???
We got one here, too!

:scared:

response #16 by donco6:

      It's gone nationwide! ZOMG!
What's next? Frozen water falling from the sky?

response #5 by cali:

      bad. One of Mr. LaCrosse's cow was wreaking havoc after
she broke out of the field yesterday.

response #17 by Arkansas Granny:

      Around here, large groups of men have taken their guns
and large amounts of food (and liquor) and have headed to the hills.

Oh, wait. What's that you say? Saturday is opening day of deer season?

response #20 by ogneopasno:

      The Dairy Queen closed and boarded up its windows! They put a sign up saying "See you in 15 weeks,"
but clearly, that is just a front. They're only trying to protect themselves. Either that, or maybe they straight-up went out of business because of the Obama election!111!!!!1!111

response #69 by swampg8r:

      msr swampg8r was prepared to be ravaged
when no one showed up
i had to ravage her my own damn self
she insisted on being ravaged!

its been 3 days and i need a sammich bad

GDP, November 7, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x7819304

On a thread by backscatter712:

      What's the future of GD: P?

response #1 by Amerigo Vespucci:

      General Discussion: Palin
Monitoring the Moose Mom's daily activities between now and November 2012. Skinner just announced it. Let me see if I can find a link for you.

:rofl:

GDP, November 7, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x7823409

OP by rucky:

      So I watched all the Emanuelle movies today...
and I'm still confused about why Obama picked that Rahm guy. Which one was he, BTW?

response #2 by csziggy:

      Maybe you need to see "The Story of O" to get an answer to that question

GDP, November 7, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x7825817

On a thread by Pisces:

      Rahm and Barack mean "Thunder and Lightning" in Hebrew!!

response #1 by Jackpine Radical:

      Rahm means "cream" in German. And, I would assume, in Yiddish.

response #4 by Raster:

      Thunder Cream.
Sounds like a gay male porn star. I thought Rahm looked familiar.

GDP, November 7, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x7825791

On a thread by Bluebear:

      "F_ck the Liberals that will sell this coutry out to the enimie!!"
From freeconservatives.com:

"WHAT DO WE DO NOW???

TWO WORDS - CIVIL WAR!!!!
CIVIL WAR!!!!
CIVIL WAR!!!!
CIVIL WAR!!!!

Don't let the Liberals ever compromise your beliefd!!!!. Cling to your Bibles and most importantly your GUNS!! Fight the Gaustopo Socialist, Marxist BASTARDS that would sell you out to the enemies of this nation just to be more progressive.

F_ck the Liberals that will sell this coutry out to the enimie!!

Obamanation will never be my President, just as Bush was never the traitors to this country's President!!"

response #3 by NRaleighLiberal:

      So, beliefd is his past tense of belief? Gaustopo is a good Italian restaurant, though.

response #12 by Aristus:

      I thought Gaustopo was one of the lesser-known Marx Brothers.
And "CIVIL WAR! CIVIL WAR! CIVIL WAR!" is six words, genius! :eyes:

response #4 by Starbucks Anarchist:

      Gaustopo? How do they spell Gazpacho?

response #18 by IDemo:

      "T-O-M-A-T-E-R S-O-O-P"

response #6 by curse of greyface:

      Don't freepers have a spell-check or Microsoft word or a brain or something?

response #17 by silverojo:

      You're joking, right?
Give those people a dictionary, and all they'd do is eat the cover. :eyes:

response #43 by tanyev:

      You heathen. Haven't you ever heard of faith-based spelling?

response #7 by CLG_News:

      They better cling to their Bibles, because we *know* they're not clinging...
to their dictionaries. :)

:rofl:

response #20 by Jade Fox:

      Gaustopo.......Wasn't he a French mime?

response #22 by IDemo:

      No....a FREEDOM mime!!

response #37 by HeeBGBz:

      No, It was the Italian mouse on Ed Sullivan. n/t

response #29 by yurbud:

      now we can ignore these guys (unless we go on canoe trip with Ned Beatty)

response #46 by Ezlivin:

      He wrote that just before his mother called him up from the basement to take out the trash
"Gee, mom, I was bein' all patriotic and stuff," he whined.

"Now Jeremy, you've been down in the basement all day. Goodness! You should get some sun."

"Aw, mom...."

GD, November 7, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x4412169

On a thread by sabra:

      (Senator) Kyl issues warning to Obama on Supreme Court appointments

response #22 by pattmarty:

      Fuck Kyl!!!!! What about the reactionary Alito and ..........
.........the other right wing ass hole that "junior" appointed???? If the opportunity arises, I hope he appoints fucking Karl Marx. Fuck all those right wing shitbags. IT IS OUR TURN NOW!!!!!

response #71 by tclambert:

      I don't think Karl Marx would be such a good choice for the Supreme Court
I mean, he is dead and all.

response #90 by pattmarty:

      Satire, my good man/woman.......

response #120 by tclambert:

      Satire right back atcha!
I thought the "dead and all" part made the satire clear. Although, with Supreme Court Justices, I'm not sure being dead is that big a sticking point. The Constitution doesn't explicitly say. And apparently, Justices don't have to be "natural born citizens" either. So, the fact that Karl Marx was German might not be a sticking point, either.

You want to see Republican heads explode? How about this? Michael Moore for Supreme Court! We can pretty sure corporate personhood would be on the chopping block.

PS. I am not a hermaphrodite.

LBN, November 7, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=102x3589012

On a thread by babylonsister:

      Lieberman Aide Threatens Reid: He'll Bolt Dem Caucus

response #6 by PeterU:

      Lieberman to Harry Reid: Tombstone me right the fuck now!!!!!!!!
Harry Reid: Okay.

GD, November 7, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x4406174