A letter to my son

I'm going in to surgery soon, there may be some complications, and because I don't want anything bad to happen without my getting to say some things to certain people in my life I prepared a few letters to those special people. The hardest was the one to my son.

I'm doing this anonymously here, and I wasn't going to post it - it's very personal to me, but maybe it will help someone else.

Hopefully he won't have to read this anytime soon. But if something happens, there are some things I want him to know.


S______,

I’m sorry that I left you so early.

I cry as I write this. I had hoped you never had to read this.

It has taken me a long time to be able to write this too. I love you so very, very much.

You’re reading this because something happened to me. Something I can’t fix.

You have been the singular constant joy in my life. My relationship with your mother had problems, as you can guess, but it had nothing to do with you. At the time she was having problems, and I went out of my way to try to keep you safe. She seems to be doing better now, but nothing was more important to me than keeping you safe.

I wish I knew exactly what to say. In fact, I want to say so many things, it’s hard to pick. You know I’ve always loved you, and always will.

Maybe I’ll just give you some advice points I wanted to teach you…

- Do well in school and educate yourself. You’re incredibly smart. Don’t take the easy way out. Make the most of what you can while you’re young.

- Save money. Just 10% of your income. Don’t worry about the latest big-screen TV. You’ll appreciate the money later on when you want to get a house, credit, whatever, not to mention protecting yourself if you get unemployed.

- Always be respectful of your girlfriend or wife. Don’t ever abuse women, instead treat them with love.

- When looking for love, don’t ignore any red flags that bother you about relationships. The first one(s) you date won’t be perfect. Everyone’s learning at your age. I loved your mother, but we just didn’t get along. I then knew what I did and didn’t want in a marriage and didn’t get married again until I found K____. That’s not to say your mother is a bad person, she just wasn’t right for me. K_____ was right for me.

- As you know, I have/had a problem with drinking. It has been a lifelong problem. Not the cause of my death, but very difficult to deal with. You will be tempted to drink and perhaps use drugs. It’s okay to experiment, but be careful. If you drink and drive nowadays you can end up in jail. I got in trouble for it some time ago, but it was before you would get sent to jail. Now, not the case. You can seriously screw up your life.

- I can’t tell you never to try drugs, because I did, and you might in college (hopefully not before) but for god sake’s, never sell them. Using them is bad enough, but selling them will get you in jail before you can say “blueberry pie” (see Pulp Fiction for that reference). But be careful of any addiction.

- Don’t be afraid to visit other countries and cultures. I always wanted to take you places like Germany, India, Asia, England, whatever.

- Don’t believe everything you hear from the government or the media (radio, TV, whatever). Listen, but apply your own judgment. Some things are correct, other things are said for a specific purpose, to further their own agenda. Think for yourself.

- Protect your rights as a citizen. A lot of work went into getting those rights, and some of them have been tossed out the window because people were afraid to say anything. If you can look in the right places on the Internet, you’ll find I posted many articles, and ran a blog, trying to expose hypocrisy in government. Hypocrisy is when you say one thing while secretly doing another. Such as “homosexuality is evil” while being one themselves. Homosexuality is where a man loves another man, or a woman loves another woman. Some people say it’s evil while they’re secretly one themselves. That’s creating hatred and division while doing the same thing they’re arguing against. That’s hypocrisy.

- For that matter, don’t engage in racial hatred, or hatred of a certain group (like homosexuals). I have some friends in all categories, none of whom chose to be what they are, but they are what they are, and they’re all decent people. Fight hatred whenever you can.

- Indulge your love of music and the arts. And please, try to get into reading more. You’d be surprised at what interesting things are there to be read.

- Follow the news, not something biased like Fox News, but something like NPR, and educate yourself about what goes on in this country. If nothing else, you’ll be better prepared to, well, be prepared.

- Don’t lose your sense of humor. I think I taught you well on this one.

I love you. I’m sorry I can’t be here for more.

- Dad

Good luck with your surgery, and I hope you don't have any complications.

Your son is very lucky to have such a thoughtful and loving father.

K&R

will report back soon!

:kick:

I will think good thoughts for you. Be strong and visualize how wonderful it will be to have your surgery behind you! Peace, love, and good thoughts for a successful surgery, Kim

Such wonderful advice. This heartfelt letter is appropriate to give him when you come home from the hospital, as well as a good bye.

I have been working on genealogy for a few years now, and the written word means so much more than can be imagined. With today's technology we have the tapes, video's, and such, but the outpouring on paper, from the heart means so much.

I have copies of letters from cousins in England written to my relatives in the early thirties. These letters give the later generations insight into the person you are. My Mother wrote of her life on pieces of paper that we transcribed after she passed. Cousins as well as immediate family were able to share the wonder of this magnificent woman after she left this earth. Your son's children will cherish this letter.

May the spirit be with you during your surgery.

:toast:

best wishes with your surgery.

for the past year.

I guess what's important always rises, and a good dad never really dies.

My son will be a good dad too. I cry as I write this. God bless you, and good luck.

Kind wishes to both you and your son.

Thanks for sharing it, and I too hope all goes well and your son never has to read it.