How to treat your unemployed friends and ex-coworkers

I know these will be obvious to most of you, but perhaps it will help me (in my unemployed state) to just get some of these off my chest:

1. For God's sake express your condolences when a friend or coworker loses their job. Job loss is one of those major life stresses and your friend needs to know you care. When I got laid off last November, I was probably more hurt by the way I was treated by coworkers than the loss of the job itself. I felt as if they were afraid they would catch "unemployment" from me. The ones I least expected did tell me they were sorry and some I thought were my friends didn't say a word.

2. Understand your unemployed friend is going to go through the stages of grief, especially if they worked at that job for a long time. It's hard to be suddenly ripped from a familiar routine and separated from the people you spent the majority of your time with. Please be there for them if they need to talk about their anger. It is said we change jobs 5-6 times during our adult lives, so chances are good your friend will be there for you someday when you lose your job, too.

3. Keep in touch. Being at home all the time is isolating and job searching is tough on one's self-esteem. When you do call, it's ok to ask how the job search is going but your friend is also going to want to talk about normal stuff, too, like last night's ball game or that great movie you just saw. Try to keep conversations positive, and please don't remind them how awful the economy is and about that article you read the other day about the latest unemployment numbers. Believe me, they are fully aware how awful things are.

4. Try to keep as normal a social life with them as possible. If you and your friend typically eat out and go to movies, etc., please understand they may not be able to do a lot of that until they are employed again but do ask. Suggest matinees and cheap restaurants or invite them to dinner and DVD nights.

5. Help them network! Let all of your friends and acquaintances know your friend is looking for work. If there are any openings where you are, let your friend know -- if it's a position they may be qualified for. Don't get mad, either, if they reject a job opening you send because the pay is too low. If you can't pay your bills with that wage, how would they?

6. Don't whine about how you have twice as much work to do now because of layoffs at your company. I'm sure your friend will be sympathetic, but they may resent your complaining, because, after all, you still have a job. They know you are afraid for your job and it's ok to talk about that.



Now, some tips for the unemployed:

1. Please don't wear out your friends by constantly complaining about your jobless state. They have probably been there themselves and are aware of what you are going through. Be truthful when they ask how the job search is going, but don't dwell on the negative. It doesn't help you.

2. Turn off the TV! Get out of the house, if even for a walk and stay away from the news. It's not good and you don't need to hear it.

3. Take advantage of being home during the day by getting caught up with stuff that needs doing around the house if you can afford it. Also, doing some volunteer work will look good on your resume and may result in a job lead.

4. Take every advantage of whatever is available to you in the way of training from your unemployment office. Your tax dollars have paid for it, so why not? Libraries, too, are a good resource for upgrading software skills, etc., and are free. Also, many churches and other groups have support groups for job-seekers.

5. Maintain a routine and get out of the house at least once a day. Now that it's Spring, you have no excuse! Take the dog for a walk. Play with your cats. Pets live in the moment and remind us we need to do the same.

6. If your friend gets a promotion or bonus, be happy for them. Your turn is coming.

7. Above all, try to stay positive. Worrying and being negative will help you exactly how? I didn't think so.

Just my $.02 from where I am at. I'm sure there are other tips to be had from DU members here and I look forward to reading them!

...she was a vice president at a large firm, and she's handling it so well--like a pro.

I noticed on her FB page that she loves this new little coffee shop, so I'm sending her a gift
card from there. Our unemployed friends need to know that we are thinking of them...and they
need free frou frou coffees too!

:)

--Don't keep asking them every time you see them, "Have you found a job yet?" They'll TELL you when they do. And they get heartily sick of you asking that all the time.


--Don't say you know all sorts of big shots and can help them find a job in a Tennessee minute, if you aren't going to do jack shit to help them.


Great post.

If you own a bathrobe, THROW IT OUT NOW.

You need to get your ass out of bed and dressed every day or you're going to fall into a depressing routine very, very quickly.

You'd be surprised at the difference it makes.

May I add this one? Do something you've always wanted to do, but never could make time for. I was unemployed for a year back at the turn of the century, and I used the time to thoroughly research my family tree. This caused personal satisfaction and also raised my self-esteem as I could write to many cousins about what I had found, and they were very appreciative. I went from doing this to teaching a free genealogy class at the local senior citizen's center--and wound up having lots of positive references to use in job hunting.