If you're married, how long, and is it worth it?

I do wonder. My out-laws went for 39 years and got a divorce. Don't ask.

My husband is currently my best friend, and has been for about 27 years, through lots of 'thick' and thin.

And you?

married for 3. Totally worth it.

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

2 kids 3 grandkids and a great grandkid.

It ain't exactly the same type of relationship it was at first but I'd have to say it agrees with me.

And I hope with her too.

We (step"kids" for me) have 2, and 4 grandkids.

And it's pretty darned agreeable here, too. Thank you!

After my first marriage I swore I'd never marry again. But then I learned that not all men (in fact, not most men) are like my first husband. Call Me Wesley and I have been married nine years; not sure what "worth it" means, but he's my best friend, the funniest, most compassionate and well-adjusted people I've ever known. It's a good balance, but I think it'd be a good balance whether we were legally married or not. :hi:

She tells me that he is too quiet and really, she tells me she just wants someone to make her laugh.

I didn't understand it until I fell in love with my new guy six months ago.
Guess what-- he makes me laugh!
Keep laughing and loving is now my motto.

:hug:

:hug:

One of the reasons CMW and I got legally married was so that we could be together without either of us living constant threat of deportation. Whether we had settled in the US or here in Switzerland, one of us would have faced a mountain of immigration difficulties if we hadn't been legally married. Not very romantic, but it does give us a chance to tell people that between my former immigration status and the impending arrival of our "son," we "had" to get married. :rofl:

Meet our nine-year-old, born less than a month after we married, The Wiley and Excellent Boy Cat Named Ginger:

WE? were best friends (still friends)
ME? I'm a serial f*ckup

edited to add - was the best 10 years of my life.

I left my husb when he assaulted me, and am now awaiting separation agreement. Its been just 25 years. Worth it because of 2 fine daughters. Otherwise, fergit it.

even say to make you feel better. 25 years? I hope he only did it once. :(

Sure wasn't going to hang around. Cops took him away, and I left the house next day.

how awful that you experienced this, elleng.
so glad you were able to leave, though. (sure it wasn't easy).

i know so many women w/children (daughters in particular) that didn't leave (felt they couldn't).
but unfortunately it sent a strong message to their girls that it was ok for a guy to be abusive. :(

:hug: appreciate your sharing.

Daughters recognized emotional abuse for years, occasionally said 'Why don't you leave?' Was only 'easy' when girls were gone (college), cops took him after physical abuse, and I was actually logistically 'free' to go.

Life being what it is, girls now are upset. House (beautiful house which had been our home) has been sold, I'm living 'on my own' with another. I'm afraid children will always be somehow injured by these things.

Thanks.

than what we thought it would be. i decided in early teens wasnt going to marry. went thru my twenties with no interest. got married at 32. husband and i have no desire to battle thru life, so we dont.

on edit: is it worth it? we have two kids. to have a safe, peaceful, structured environment with both a mother and father setting example for children makes it well worth it and beyond.

two children (one recently married, one in college who still lives with us), and for the past 15 years we've run a business together. It could be better, it could be worse, but it's definitely been rewarding in so many different ways.

Thank you, and enjoy your love, your friend, and your family.

You are right, we should be celebrating what we have.

:fistbump:

love him unconditionally and has been worth it . but, i'm still in a wait and see mode...

Mine was in the military and got transferred. "Shit or get off the pot" time. Did I or didn't I?

We got married after we knew each other for about 6 months. !

but your hard work has paid off!

Hard to believe that much time has gone by. We are still best friends and very fortunate.

one of those couples who were happily married for 75 years. I just bet! You are fortunate.

are facing some hard financial times. Thanks for this thread because it helps me to remember how lucky we are. 3 great kids, two out of college and one 18 year old that is a total non conformist and not working in his best interest. He is understandably bitter about the state of the world but I hope he can find his way. He comes to DU a lot so I hope he sees that he is not alone in frustration. If I could just get him to do his homework and graduate from high school, never mind college!

She, and my kids, are among the few bright spots in my life. :)

Few? Puhleeze!

OK, I'll stop. You, my dear, are doing what you want, afaik, so you have the added bonus of having kids who support you while you support them.

Sounds just about perfect, except for that stuff families do, like disappoint.

I could go on, and I won't, and very nice to see you, dear. :hug:

but bright spots come in different sizes...I ain't complainin' :D

Nice to see you babylonsis. :hug:

curious. i see so many threads and comments bashing marriage and the idea of marriage and they are all failures, i have thought of asking anyone out there happily married besides me????

was wondering your reason

Really? Should I go sit on my hubby's ... bed... or invite him into mine? He's asleep. I think.

I think my bed sounds better, with my music.

The Sandman has arrived.

that ole sandman

Two Capricorns, same age, me from America, he from Japan. We are so alike, it's creepy

We didn't get married due to a pregnancy and it wasn't arranged. There was no religious reason as we are atheists and we married at the court house. I was 16 and she was 15. Under Texas law we became emancipated the moment we were married and we were on our own. We did it completely by choice. And yes it was worth it.

both for knowing what you wanted!

My husband and I were 19 and 20, and pregnant, but we grew up together. It's hard work but so worth it! Good for you guys.

Congratulations to you and your spouse.

:dem:

-Laelth

But we grew up in towns right next to each other in CT. Sometimes I wish we had met at 16 and 15 (we are a year apart too).

SHAKE IT!

... How many who've posted think that letting LGBT folk join in the "party" think that that would undermine their relationships?...

when my father was alive -- even though they never legalized the relationship.

I hope GLBT people here would feel comfortable adding to this thread.

We've been separated at least five times, but we keep coming back.

Mating and love are vastly too complicated for me to understand, justify, or explain. It is what it is. 99 days out of 100 I am very happy to have a mate.

:dem:

-Laelth

Definitely worth it. We've had our difficulties, but we've talked our way through them. Two beautiful daughters and two gorgeous grandchildren...

He is my bedrock, my shining knight, the love of my life...I would be lost without him. He says the same of me...

I know how lucky I am!

:hi:

Worth it? It wouldn't have been worth it WITHOUT her.

We met in a cabaret in West Berlin in July, 1974.

She is sleeping lightly beside me as I type this now.

It was worth every second.

We've been married 22 years. I helped raise his 2 sons from a previous marriage and we ended up with custody the month after we married. We have a son and daughter together and all are great kids. I love him more now than when we first married and he is the mmost decent person I know.
We've struggled financially over the years, but he's a hard working man and between us we're doing OK. I consider myself very blessed.

:loveya:

Been together five years, married almost three.
I love being married, and I love that its to the best man I've ever known. :)

Had good examples, too.
My parents married for 38 years in January, and they just adore each other.
His parents married 43 years in September, and they still hold hands.
My grandparents married 53 and 57 years before one of them passed away - my grandfather cried so hard at the renewal of their vows (50 years!) that he couldn't get the words out.

So yeah, its worth it...

I was 17 & he was 19. I was not pregnant & our oldest daughter can tell you that because she added it up many year's ago, lol. We have two wonderful daughter's & three beautiful grandson's!

And undoubtedly worth it.

through them. People do change over the years, and now, there isn't anyone I'd rather be with! Never enter a marriage with the attitude "if it doesn't work". If you decide to marry someone, both your attitude must be "We will MAKE IT WORK!"

She's asleep right now and I'm perusing DU. Usually our roles would be reversed, but we like to mix things up now and then.

So far, it's been good. There have been some rough spots.

and thin.

I'm alone tonight for the first time in ages. My husband and some friends are camping out tonight with a friend who is dying of cancer. His wish was to make it to spring in order to camp out and fish one more time so that's what they are doing. I forgot how quiet and lonely it is without my husband but I'm glad he could be with his friend.

mine is doing field work for three months - so it's just me, my work, a dog, and three cats... what a wonderful and precious time your husband is having with his friend.

It's not perfect, but we both agree we're very lucky.

I remember when we met in Hollywood, we both worked at Ontra Cafeteria on Hollywoood and Vine in Hollywood, CA. I was 18, he was 23. God, how I loved that man. He didn't speak English and I didn't speak Spanish when we met, but through the years I learned Spanish, and he learned English. 45 good years, 4 great kids and 6 beautiful grandchildren. Many wonderful years. Julio was a wonderful man and I am so thankful that I had him as long as I did. He passed on 1/12 years ago and I'm alone with my memories now and I just want to remind everyone that it can all change over night, so cherish every moment that you have with each-other because some day it will end. I count every day that I had him with me as a blessing.

I'm so sorry about your loss. What you wrote is a lovely tribute to him.

:hug:

Thanks for sharing your story.

a woman of wisdom and an inspiration. I'm glad Julio was in your life, and you can still see him in your family. :hug:

Like you my wife is my best friend. Almost my only friend truth to tell. I hold her up as she does me. When we are tired we bow our heads together touching tenderly, because we know we can count on one another.

Every moment isn't grand, but every moment is together.

And I thank SoCalDem for inviting me here. Thanks again, I owe you kiddo,

Scuba

very cool story--sincere congratulations to both of you!
:thumbsup::party::toast:

and he still makes my heart go pitter-patter!

But there were 13 years before that to someone else, mostly very thin and very difficult, until we divorced in a fairly amicable manner, being better friends than marriage partners. Then there were three years of "wandering in the wilderness" before meeting this wonderful guy, also free after having amicably divorced his first wife. The major benefits: six shared children (none of our own together); eight living grandchildren (we lost two under sudden and tragic circumstances); and even two great-grands from his side of the equation.

It either works or it doesn't; there is no magic formula. The keys for us have been mutual respect and tolerance, acceptance of the other for who they are, lots of patience and hard work inside the home and out, many shared interests, time alone when necessary ... and that is a necessity for us both, without taking anything from either of us.

A sense of humor is also absolutely necessary.

Married for 1 and a half. TOTALLY worth it. :)

I love this thread.

:crazy::crazy::crazy::crazy::crazy::crazy::crazy::crazy::crazy::crazy:

He's not my best friend, but he's working on it! :)

We are best friends

I have not been happier ever in life.
First time was just terrible, for both of us.

mark

Still my best friend. Stuck by me when I liked galavanting around the oceans of the world as a Naval Officer. Sticking by her now, after massive stroke left her blind and bed ridden for the rest her life. Do not regret one minute of these 36 years.

so far so good
I far prefer it to singlehood, which I lived for 35 years before we met

:rofl:

Our line is that we're the only two people who could put up with each other. We've always considered ourselves best friends and have endured a lot of highs and lows. Two wonderful children and a lot of shared history...it's nice not to have to travel this journey all alone.

Kudos to you Sis...looks like we're in good company around here.

in August and married for five in December. "Thick and thin" is a huge part of it, as well as communication and honesty. Congrats on 27 years of marriage :).

I did not expect to remarry after the loss of my first husband (we were married for six years before he died) since he was such a wonderful husband, father and best friend. My current husband is an amazing person also. I believe that I got incredibly lucky twice. It is so worth it if you find the right person.

I had been married before. It ended badly: she got the house and $, and I got custody of our two sons. I invested all of my energy into being as good of a single father as I could. It didn't leave much time for things like dating, and to be honest, I was not interested in any serious relationship.

In fact, I was sure that I didn't want to have any serious relationship. But then, this new person started working at the clinic. She would later tell me that she had had interviews for a couple of jobs, was offered both, and took the one she did, because she saw me walking by outside. (Maybe she needed glasses?)

She had been born in upstate NY, then moved to Los Angeles, before returning to upstate NY. I had been born here, and then lived in Los Paranoia, so far as relationships. I did not trust females of the opposite sex anymore. But, long story short, she quickly became the Yoko Only of my life, and I could not be happier. When she walks into a room, my heart still starts thumping. I have had the opportunity to have an interesting life, and to meet and become friends with some fascinaying characters. But, without question, she is the single most outstanding, awe-inspiring person that I have ever known.

Around here 7 years is not that long!

two or three friends in the whole world, I would want her to be one of them.

and well worth it.

Two wonderful women. Worth it? Wouldn't change a thing!

Happiest 9 years of my life :sarcasm: LOL

Glad I did it......

Yes it's worth it. 2 great kids. A best friend for life.

Smartest decision I ever made in my life.

Don

Of course people thought they would never make it -- got a lot of heat. They have been married 29 years.

I can remember that day like it was yesterday.

My brother who is 4 years older than me has been married 3 times that I know of. Might be more?

He would take a woman on vacation with him and come back married.

The next year he would be filing for divorce.

Don

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

sincerely sorry if that's how you feel.

And ftr, I'm not a bigot, and you're being boneheaded to assume everyone who is married is.

This is why the timing of this thread surprised me. And obviously, I know plenty of married people, so I really don't need instruction about who and who is not a bigot. Gay people live in the same society you do, our relatives are heterosexuals and usually married.
But face it, my rights are not the same as yours, and the reason for that is bigots who are heterosexual. Those bigots are coming along to revoke standing marriages from a group of people the bigots do not like. The decision in CA comes next week, just after this weekend.

So this is a weekend of great tension for many millions who wish they could join in on such threads as this. Me and mine have been together far longer than many of the real citizens here.
Maybe I should have just posted that I'd noticed that not one of the celebrating marrieds on this thread noted the context of the CA decision, front page news on DU this week. Not one of the marrieds here thought to note that what you are celebrating is not shared by millions of Americans, and many DU ers, and that this very week will see either a nice step forward, or yet another slap in the face by the majority. I could have just said 'gee, how nice for you all. I'll let you know on Tuesday if I'm married or not. Please keep the thread kicked until then."
Just one of those moments when you notice how different lives are for those who have and those who don't. And I would hope those who have might notice that as well.

Mr. D and I are "as married as we are ever going to be" and we both know this is the real thing, we knew it almost from our first meeting 10 years ago.
We are both past 50, both previously married with grown children, and both lived alone for long sretches of our lives, happily.
And we have no piece of paper from any authority that gives us "permision" to be deeply in love with each other.
Nor do we want the state or church involved in our relationship.
( You can imagine how well this goes over in red state, fundie, small town)

I know many "straight " people in long time relationships who share this view.

Our gay family members are also in long long time relationships,
2 of which ended only by death of the partner.

I've been in love twice, but neither loved me in returned and both left me for someone else. Now I'm 44 and will probably never have as much as you have right now. I hate living alone. I hate the loneliness-but that's what life is-I'm too old now so there's no use dwelling on it.

The government may withhold a marriage license from you, but they ultimately CANNOT tell you who you can spend your life with, who you can love. Yes, bigots suck and sometimes I think they do what they do simply to be assh*les because it makes them feel special and superior for whatever reason. But don't let the bastards get you down. You have the most important thing even without the sanctioning of the government and church; each other.

i'm sorry for butting in here, but 44 is not "old" and certainly not too old for love, if that is what "you" want.
i admire my female friends that chose to live single lives, and i hate that our society tells women they are nothing w/out a man.
i also know what it's like to feel lonesome.

you're talented, intelligent and clearly have a lot going for you as a human being.
just wanted to say, don't throw in the towel--unless you want to. it's never too late.

:hug:

They had to go to Massachusetts to do it, but they are now legal. It was a happy, happy day, their son was with us and read them haiku about love and family. It was so very beautiful! I am not a bigot, nor are the people who posted in this thread. I'm sorry you are bitter. I'd invite you to stay with us and cross the border and do as K and M did but I'm not sure I would like your company. Some of us heteros speak out and stand up for your rights all the time, why lump us all together????

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

that nerves are a little raw this weekend and people are on edge.

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

Sub-thread removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

Sometimes yes, sometimes no..If we divorced or he died, I would NOT remarry.

Totally worth it so far... best friend in every way.

... on my third. I left my first for the second. She left me for someone else 12 years later. What goes around comes around. The second gave me two great kids.

But the third, well this is the real deal. I never knew or even suspected I'd ever find a woman like my wife. We are very happy, even though she has serious health issues. We've been together for almost 12 years and cherish every day.

"Life begins at 40?" Well I used to think that was a bullshit fable but now I get it.

It's really all about finding the right partner.

As for "is it worth it?". Well it is for me. I like being married. I like having one woman that is my world. Have all my eggs in one basket? Yes, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

I met my wife upon returning from 'Nam, we had a brief courtship then went our separate ways. I was bug nuts having just come home from the war and all and I knew our relationship wouldn't last because of it. 20 some years later we reunite and well the rest is history. I got married at the ripe old age of 42 to a girl I fell in love with 20 years earlier, how nuts is that? Today I have two Stepsons and one Grand daughter and couldn't be happier with how things have turned out.
Congrats to you and your husband.

yep, worth it

It seems folks stay married these days because they can't afford not to.

It's wild to look back at how we were at 20 and see how far we have come in mid-40's. Not just as a couple but as individuals. We have definitely both blossomed and our aspirations have mingled. So much of what we have is unspoken, as I have told my daughter, "it just works".

married for 23.

Some days I wonder, but mostly it's definitely worth it. But it's work. Always work.

...and miss him every day since he has been gone. He was not merely my husband, he was the other half of me.

I'm glad you met such a wonderful person. You also help me to appreciate the here and now more, because who knows? :hug:

...and do make the most of it. You truly never know what tomorrow will bring.

:hug:

After dating a year, we decided to move in together. We found this great rental property that had been a Quaker run schoolhouse during Reconstruction. I fell in love with the house. The sweet older couple who were renting the house just assumed we were married. I couldn't lie, so we went to the Court House and got married. The first year was rocky. Had we not been married, I am sure one of us would have left. Twenty five years and two houses later we are happily married.

There's a lot to be said for compatibility and shared interests. Plenty of "thick and thin". But, we finally got over the "serious discussions about our relationship" and started paying attention to each other rather than talking about it.

Worth it? You bet.

Miracles like this tempt me toward magical thinking. I'll at least testify to the divinity of match.com, back in the day.

We met on Super Bowl Sunday and married July 4th. It's been worth it. We have fought cancer together and other major health problems but we are still laughing.

We have about one word spat every three years or so. For now, we are on a roll. No harshing since 2005.

BFF, no lie.

On Edit: We shacked up for about two years before we married. Link to my last Happy Anniversary animation: http://www.mooneyart.com/vicki/annivfinal_h264.mov

would have split up on a couple of occasions if not for the kids. We both stubbornly did not want them to go thu a split up of the family more than we wanted out. it's as simple as that.

Two major stressors...raising kids, especially when they're really little, is tough (and of course delicious at the same time). They constantly need some sort of care - it's a 24/7 job. Now couple that with not making much $ and voila...you and your spouse can turn on each other, instead of the opposite. Outside distractions start to look appealing if for no other reason they offer an escape from the frustrations at home. But if you can stick with it and get through to the other side of the tunnel, meaning kids are old enough to take care of themselves for the most part (the teen years brings different challenges), and the career building finally starts to offer some relief, then you find time for yourselves and each other and have a little $ to have some fun, weekend getaways, etc.

Through it all though, and it was really bad at times, spouse and I always had good chemistry...we always can and could make each other laugh our butts off and we both think the other is pretty ooh la laa. We couldn't be more different on some things, but it's not like you're supposed to be each other's clone. Out of all our kids friends, almost all of them come from families that have split up. I've often thought that if these folks didn't have an escape hatch (divorce) they could probably find a way to work thru the tough times and find each other again. Not always, but maybe some of them.

I have made it really clear to our kids who are now 21 and 16, that in romantic love there is no such thing as unconditional love....that of course there are conditions where you wouldn't or couldn't love your mate any longer. I've taught them that the "one true love" nonsense will damage them more than anything because it doesn't exist, yet when we don't have it we wonder what's wrong with us and we move on to greener pastures, when we had a pretty good working pasture right in front of us. Mostly I've told them that the first ten years are the hardest but if they can stick with it they'll probably make it to the other side and it's pretty damn nice once you arrive there.

Yes it has been worth it. We are each others best friend, and love grows deeper each year. There have been rough spots, but we got thru them. Life has been full of much happiness togther, and each of us have grown in our own way thru the years. Hope to have many more yet as we are very young at heart and healthy. It is constant care and understanding that makes a difference.

I can only hope we can attain that anniversary!

What sustained us during bad was that both of us had a strong committment to each other and to the concept of marriage (not based on religion). Now we joke that neither of us has the energy to look for anyone else,.

My best friend, my soulmate, the ying to my yang, my peamate in the pod, the mother of my beautiful boys, the worst cook in town, the sweetest person I've ever met.

I have never even had to ask myself if it was worth it. Total bliss.

So I wouldn't know.

...I know in my heart it will. :hug:

Unless the momentum just totally fizzles out somehow.

the momentum is just getting started. i am getting on a plane tonight, otherwise i'd be joining a few thousand people at lake merrit in oakland to protest the cowardly CA supreme court decision.

Both of us are veterans, childless, atheists and it's our first and only marriage. Never met another couple like us, though we'd love to. Too bad we can't afford to live in a liberal town (we live in the red heart of Republicanville--Dallas/Fort Worth, Texas).

We've been through our share of thick and thin, but I love him, and he loves me, too.

A successful marriage is hard work, and yes, I believe it's worth it.

No. It was not worth it.

Which is why I've not only sworn not to every MARRY again, but not to ever DATE again, let alone involve myself in any version of an intimate relationship.

I couldn't imagine my life any other way or being any better than it is now.

through the death of 3 parents (both of my husbands and my Dad)
The spontaneous abortion (miscarriage) that was so bad that I had to have 2 IV's in the emergency room to replace lost fluids. My husband had to squeeze one of the IV bags to get fluid into me quickly. He helped save my life.
2 children, one born premature who almost died at birth
One devastating financial loss that had us move back in with my Mom. (You live through that! Oy!)
2 stints of working together at the same place of employment
Me working nights, him working days
Him working nights, me working days
4 apartments and 1 house, 5 moves
promotions and layoffs,
Financial ups and downs, imminent gains and near financial disasters
paying for college, retirement, and so forth

And we are, in the words of the Sondheim song from http://www.songlyrics.com/stephen-sondheim/i-m-still-here-lyrics/">Follies, "Still here"

It was worth it to marry my eight month pregnant wife to make mother and mother-in-law happy.

Six years, and, yes, it's worth it. The last time was 17 years, and, no, it wasn't.

However, if anything ever happened to my current husband and I was left alone, I wouldn't be looking for new companionship. In my experience, most men are too much trouble to live with, and at my age I don't feel like training another one.

i am with you. at 48, i would not have any interest in doing it again. would be quite content, happy, even blissful on my own. and i am really happy in my marriage. lol. i think that is what happens to a lot of women as we age. just tired of the endless little boy syndrome, as much as we may love and enjoy man. older women are tending to not remarry, and the men tend towards remarrying

extreme highs and extreme lows, like sitting on a powder keg which explodes into an avalanche of rose petals and diamonds.

but then we're both intense people. We've got smooth sailing now but it hasn't been easy.

Our child is a miracle. A beautiful souled artist.

Our other children from earlier marriages have fared not so well.

Still, lots of love. We progress.

So much pain and a few glorious triumphs. Tears of laughter despair etc. New babies come along and bring joy.

Still we cling to each other and enjoy our unique heated romance.

pumpkin ice cream and homemade wine

Congratulations!

I'm gonna go get a lawyer right now, or a bus ticket to Costa Rica and a new identity, whichever is cheapest.

I've become a better person because of our ups and downs and I like to think he has too. There was a time in this country when we would have been denied our right to be together and my heart goes out to the GBLT community.

into a nursing home. She sometimes knows me, sometimes not. I go to see her, take her things she particular likes ---grapes, apples, cherries, chocolate. Then I come home and weep.

huge chills...

:hug:

so sorry to read this. But you had 50 grand years hopefully. Huge :hug: for you.

I am so very sorry for your loss.

My heart goes out to you, Liberty. I know it doesn't help much, but :hug:

And hope I would and could do the same if life brings that sadness.

:hug:

Thanks for sharing that. I really can't say anything other than try to express how powerful that image is.

Don't know how or why I lucked out but I married my best friend too. :-)

My wife is the only reason I'm halfway sane. She's the light to my darkness.

it will be 32 years being married. I have had a great time. My only question is how can 32 years go by so fast?

He is my best friend. We have been through major ups and downs.

The 11 has been worth every second.

The 25 produced my two sons.


On edit .... that doesn't sound right.

The 11 has been worth every second.

The 25 had two bright spots ...... my sons.

That's better! :)

She's a keeper.

34 years together. Yes, it is worth it. There have been bad times but the good outweigh those. We probably wouldn't have made it official but legal things made it advisable. So we did the bare minimum to make it legal and it has stuck better than many of our friends who did the whole religious rite crap.

And I am sad that everyone can't have their long term commitments recognized by society and the law, no matter what the mix is.

Soul mates for 24.

It's not all easy but it's worth it and I hope it lasts until Death Makes it impossible.

married for 15 .. seems like yesterday sometimes .. :) Two kids, 8 and 4 and I wouldn't change a thing!

that was close!

My wife and I have our share of ups and downs and "spats" but neither of us hold grudges and/or manage to stay upset at each for very long. Plus, we have a beautiful toddler together and there are definitely some good "fringe benefits" to being married. It can be challenging at times and it's never going to be 100% perfect but being married and having a constant companion is always much more fun and therapeutic IMHO than not.

We have a boy and a girl.

We're a happy family. :)

I was the one who initiated the proceedings - I moved out in March of that year and had to wait six months to serve divorce papers due to some weird state law. I think, overall, it was a good decision to divorce. We were making each other miserable.

I'm currently in love with someone much younger than me, and we've been talking about marriage again, and starngely, I'm not horrified by the prospect. I've never been into "playing the field."

PS: it fucking SUCKS that my GLBT buddies don't even have this basic human right. IT pisses me off to no end. Even though my mariage ended badly, EVERYONE should be able to experince matrimony, cohabitation, and the constant, daily unsexy sacrifices that go along with marriage. Oh, and the benefits, of course...

was my best friend ever.

My parents have been married since 1963. They are so close that even now, as my father is going through chemo, she is the only person he trusts to see him as he is going through this.

It awes me to see relationships that last this long and are this intense.

Anyone who is able to make this work, my hat is off to you. You have my admiration and deep respect.

Unfortunately, I just happened to hate my first two wives...

And died 3 months apart, each heartbroken that the other was leaving them (he died first but knew she was dying). They were loved by many and are very sadly missed.

Despite their modelling an imperfect but genuine marriage of souls I am happy living alone.

Thanks for the sweet thread.

I HAVE NO REGRETS. HE IS MY BEST FRIEND. WE HAVE BEEN THROUGH MANY HARDSHIPS BUT THAT MADE US STRONGER AND STRONGER. WE HAVE BEEN MARRIED 30 YRS. LIVED ALL OVER THE WORLD AND SEEN MANY THINGS. YET WE 2 STAY TOGETHER THROUGH IT ALL. THERE ISN'T A DAY GOES BY THAT I DON'T FORGET TO TELL HIM I LOVE YOU AND HUG HIM. EVERY DAY.

the first time I met him, literally while I was shaking his hand, I thought to myself, "This is the guy. Hey, isn't this the guy?"

Married 10 years. Definitely worth it.

We met when I was nine and he was 10.
He was my best friend and my hero, still is.

All of them legal.

They've all been worth it, from the one on 1971 with the flower garlands, purple lace bell bottoms and psychedelic wedding presents (that lasted 7 years), through the 20 year marriage to an alcoholic, to my coming marriage to a powerful, transcendent crone.

My parents, on the other hand, have been happily and fulfillingly married for 63 years, and will doubtless remain so.

The only certainty in life is change, and if you understand every experience as a lesson for growth, everything that happens is worth it.

Worth it! Thanks for asking. We were a couple for a year and 1/2 when we married at the age of 18. Right out of High School.

who just should not be married. I always got bored very soon after getting married but having been raised the way I was I behaved like Mickey Rooney - I married every man I dated, it seems. Too confining.

It was such a scandal that my wife four was four years older than me back when we got married in 1976! We had to keep it a secret.

She is my best friend. We laugh together, get crabby, fight about stupid things, and laugh together!

Why am I posting on DU - we're supposed to go out to dinner soon!

somewhere in there. It can work...and there are some very bad times when both go separate ways...but the "thread" still is there. Sometimes the thread is short...sometimes like (to quote Springsteen) you need to let the thread out like "Catfish Dancing on the End of My Line"..so that one or the other has Freedom! But, it can work. It's hard work and takes much sacrifice that might not always be possible for many, though. Just saying. It can work...but sometimes there are such circumstances that there is a breach that can't be bridged.

But...it really CAN WORK...if you have a friend and make sure it NEVER get's boring in the "sometimes."

Whatever....I'm just shooting my mouth off here...it's what I've found but my advice is definitely biased, because of my experience.

On EDIT...and YES...sometimes the Sacrifice is unbearable for one partner or the other...

My parents, though, were married 50.5 years, before my mother died of a brain tumor. She was in the hospital after surgery on their 50th anniversary, and my dad brought her two dozen red roses. It was amazing to watch him care for her at the end. I still hope for someone to whom I feel that devoted.

just enjoy each other as long as you can. time is the only one that knows how long it will last.

and that does give freedom ...if one looks at it that way...it can work...giving "opt outs." But, still there are sacrifices if one wants anything to work long term. That's the decision...sometimes.

I'm the PIA so you should ask him, hehe!

Really, I feel damned lucky to have married not just someone who's a great husband, but the best DAD to my kids a person could ever ask for.
He is kind and has a good heart, although I'm working on his political affiliation still. :P

Married 7 years before divorcing the first time.

We have two great kids, a daughter - age 38 and a son - age 40. Our son married a family giving us two granddaughters, two great-granddaughters and a great-grandson. Our daughter is currently single and has our two grandkitties who just happen to be visiting this weekend. This gang makes it all very worthwhile.

I met my husband, and after spending two days together, he asked me to marry him. We've been together 20 years now, and it feels easy and familiar, but also fresh and new. 20 years doesn't feel very long.

I think it helps that we both know how much we need each other and that we are good at working together. Today we dug 20 holes and put in 20 fence posts. It took a lot of effort to get the posts, get the post hole digger, and drill into the rocky soil to get the post holes. --The project was mine, but he was a huge help in making it possible. The pay off will be those summer dinners with pesto, and lots of fresh salads for a long time to come.

Needing each other, and being able to rely on each other takes trust and it takes time. I'm just really glad that I found him, because he's a rare breed!

known each other for 20, dated for 10, always been in love.

I thought liberals hated "family values?!"

:sarcasm:

It was worth it. It was not long enough...and try as I might to tell myself that I was lucky to have those years with him when others never experience that...I cannot not.

Losing him was losing my life. Living without him is counting the days until I don't have to live an ill constructed charade anymore. Strength is not my song suit. I am not a hero. I hate this and I just want my baby back.


That said, I would do it all over again if I had the chance. Only, this time, I would save him. And, in saving him, save myself.