This one should have appeared last week.

On a thread by NNN0LHI: Fitzgerald: Fight crime by hiring felons

"U.S. Attorney Patrick Fitzgerald stood before a room packed with business officials Thursday and asked them to do something they probably have never considered:

Hire felons..."

      nichomachus: Too late -- the banks, hedge funds, and insurance companies already have n/t

      eppur_se_muova: Isn't that the blueprint for a Repug administration?

:shrug:

GD, May 22, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x5702850

This one too. Coarse language and huge font advisory!

On a thread by Aviation Pro: I'd like to ask a fucking question....

...or at least two.

WHO THE FUCK IS THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES AND WHO THE FUCK IS A WAR CRIMINAL TRYING TO PREVENT AN 'ARYAN NATION BITCH' TATTOO ON HIS FUCKING POSER, SCRUB ASS?

Well, MediaWhores, can you answer the question?

      flvegan: That's not a question about fucking at all.

      Soylent Brice: K&R for the use of the word "fuck".

      rufus dog: A good rule of thumb for Fucking questions.....

always use protection

      Canuckistanian: Expletive prophylactics?

I never use 'em.

Like trying to smell a rose through a gas mask.

      scarletwoman: If you had actually asked a fucking question I most likely could have answered it.

I've had considerable experience in fucking.

Since you're not asking a fucking question, I can't help you. Sorry.

      Towlie: I've been trying to start a thread that gets 5 recs and makes the home page. Is this how you do it?

      Catshrink: I'll bite.

Some Dick.

GD, May 22, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x5702592

OP by Drunken Irishman: Who is Barack Obama?

Seriously. Do we really know who he is?

:shrug:

Is he even human? Maybe an alien?

:o

Maybe he isn't even real, just a figment of our imagination. I bet he isn't even President of the United States.

      Maccagirl: He's a Kenyan-born Muslim atheist Commie

and his wife and kids are props. He is the Anti-Christ and the leader of the New World Order who will enslave all white people.

Didn't you pay attention last year?

      Clio the Leo: All I know is I'm gonna be HIGHLY PISSED when I wake up and realize....

.... that Jeb Bush is really President.

GDP, May 22, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x8426886

OP by Dogmudgeon: The Pope goes on-line. He's got Facebook! A Wiki! iPhone! He Tweets!

This is HUGH!!!1!!1!!

Joey Ratz PWNZ teh Interwebz!!!!11!!!1!

http://www.pope2you.net/

No more dialing "Et Cum Spiri 2-2-0" on your venial analog phone ... His Holiness has finally gone High Tech and just in time for the 43rd World Communications Day this coming Sunday!

It's TEH W0RD MADE 51L1C0N!

      rug: Celibates do not tweet.

Religion/Theology, May 22, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=214x209252

On a thread by The Straight Story: single-slice pizza sales part of the crime problem in Adams Morgan (DC)

"Blaming single-slice pizza sales as part of the crime problem in Adams Morgan, a D.C. councilmember is proposing a ban of the popular late-night snack in Adams Morgan.

The crowded bar and nightclub scene on 18th street has had a recent spout of violence, including a shootout that killed a man, and injured two police officers.

D.C. Councilman Jim Graham (D-Ward 1), who represents the neighborhood, tells WJLA-TV that the 'Jumbo Slice' pizza joints that populate the strip are part of the problem.

A recent hidden camera investigation done by the television station showed a recent fight that started just outside of one of the businesses.

However, Graham's proposal does have many opponents, especially among the crowd of people who usually grab a slice after a night out..."

      Buzz Clik: It's probably all the anti-oxidants in the pizza sauce that drives them to crime.

      Kadie: The pizza made me do it?

:eyes:

      angstlessk: guns don't kill people, pizza does! n/t

      RufusTFirefly: Jim Graham? Maybe he wants to increase cracker sales instead?

Or perhaps he's planning to run for Justice of the Pizza.

      C_U_L8R: All we are saying

is give Pizza a chance.

      east texas lib: Brilliant!...I forsee Pizza Free Zones, Assault Pizza Bans, High Capacity Pepperoni Bans...

This could really take off and lead the way to a safer, more orderly and structured cholesterol-free
society. THIS IS BIG!!! Use a pizza, GO TO JAIL!!! :woohoo:

      Stevenmarc: Any pizza outside of NYC is a crime

      KamaAina: But in NJ and CT it is only a misdemeanor

:-)

      KamaAina: People will just ride the Metro over to Virginia

which, as you know, is a staunch concealed-slice state. :P

      Ikonoklast: Dirty Harry Pizza.

"I know what you're thinking. Did he eat six slices or only five? Well to tell you the truth in all this excitement I've kind of lost track myself. But being that this is a triple cheese, quadruple meat, double anchovie pizza, the most powerful pizza in the world and would blow your head clean off, you've got to ask yourself one question. Do I feel lucky? Well do ya punk?"

When pizzas are outlawed, only outlaws will have pizzas.

GD, May 23, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x5708343

On a thread by Are_grits_groceries: Riot erupts at Indiana Old Navy over $1 flip flops

"Shoppers pushed, shoved and screamed at each other as they fought over $1 flip-flops Saturday morning at the Mishawaka Old Navy store, customers and police say.

'It was insane, worse than the day after Thanksgiving,' said Renee Becker, of Osceola, as she stood in the parking lot with 20 new pairs of sandals in bags at her feet...

'You couldn’t move as the doors opened,' Becker recounted in disbelief. 'If the manager hadn’t jumped out of the way she would have been trampled...'"

      Liberal_in_LA: Yeah, flips flops aren't much better than old tire treads tied to one's feet.

And really...how many pairs do you need? They last forever.

      Posteritatis: Maybe they're collecting the entire visible spectrum?

"Okay, I just need 475, 510 and 700 nanometers and I've got the whole set!"

      leeroysphitz: Well at least we have our priorities straight in this country... n/t

      LostInAnomie: As a native Hoosier, all I have to say is...

... it's Mishawaka. Almost any time something crazy happens in the state it's connected to Mishawaka. :evilgrin:

      NoPasaran: So what you're telling us

Is that Mishawaka is the Florida of Indiana?

      dana_b: damn... i'm such an idiot for paying $2.99/pr at Walgreens!

I should have stood in line for an hour or so to play "Mortal Combat" with other moms over flip flops so I could save $1.99. Stupid me.

      Uncle Joe: If it had been .99 flip flops, I could understand it, but a dollar!

People are crazy. :crazy:

GD, May 24, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x5712166

On a thread by Why Syzygy: Catnip Repels Mosquitoes More Effectively Than DEET

"Researchers report that nepetalactone, the essential oil in catnip that gives the plant its characteristic odor, is about ten times more effective at repelling mosquitoes than DEET — the compound used in most commercial insect repellents.

The finding was reported today at the 222nd national meeting of the American Chemical Society, the world’s largest scientific society, by the same Iowa State University research group that two years ago discovered that catnip also repels cockroaches..."

      DJ13: "Well I got rid of the mosquitoes... "

"... but now the neighborhood cats keep trying to hump my legs!"

      razorman: I'd rather have the mosquitoes than the damn cats.

      jberryhill: What An Insane Idea...

Cats don't just "like" catnip. Some of them become quite aggressive in going after it.

Traveling abroad, I'd rather take my chances with malaria before I'd put on catnip essential oil. God only knows what you'd catch from feral cats.

"I'll be back in a while, hon, I'm going hiking in cougar country."

"Oh, hang on, here... put on some catnip oil."

My ass.

      intheflow: Catnip repels cockroaches?!?!

Where was this info when I lived in Mississippi and was constantly invaded by 3" long roaches?

      DCKit: You could've sold them as pets up north.

At 3" they'd be big enough for a leash.

Health, May 24, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=222x60151

On a thread by Mike 03: Guitarists: Do you change your own strings?

      mitchum: I let the neighbor kid do it for me after he has mown my lawn and walked my dog...

I can't believe he actually thinks I'm Jimmy Page. My English accent is pretty terrible.

The Lounge, May 24, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x8795056

On a thread by denem: 'Single Payer' is stupid.

Why on earth use this term with it's Orwellian overtones for Universal Public Health Insurance. In 1947, in both the UK and US. the term was National Health Insurance or National Insurance.

Medicare for all, Universal Public Insurance - whats wrong with that? Seems a lot more palatable to me than Ein Volk, Ein Reich, Ein Zahler.

      NYC_SKP: I agree. Can we have a snappy acronym instead?

Like the "Secure Managed Enhanced Governmental Medical Act"?

:P

      angstlessk: I do believe that acronym would be SMEGMA...

      konnichi wa: Wow, that's amazing...how the heck did you guess that?

:D

GD, May 25, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x5717346

On a thread by ihavenobias: TYT: Rush Limbaugh Resigns as Head of the Republican Party

      rpannier: He never was the Head of the Republican Party

He's always been the Ass of the Party

      rambler_american: For lunch?

A bottle of oxy and a dozen donuts. He runs on Drunkin.

      badgerpup: Rush does seem to harp on the word 'titular', doesn't he...

...somebody ought to very quietly take him aside and explain that 'titular' and 'moobs' are two very different things that have nothing to do with each other.

Political Videos, May 25, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=385x316733

On a thread by Shagbark Hickory: When was the last time you saw a doctor?

      Mika: This morning. While shaving.

:hi:

      nichomachus: Wow -- I would be so freaked

if a doctor showed up in my bathroom while I was shaving. That must have been weird.

GD, May 25, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x5717435

On a thread by steven johnson: Nudity Complaint Near Maine Topless Doughnut Shop

"Prosecutors will review a complaint that a waitress from a Maine topless doughnut shop was outside the business without a shirt on.

The Central Maine Morning Sentinel says a state trooper was sent to the Grand View Topless Coffee shop on Saturday after someone called in a complaint. Police say no one was charged, but the matter has been turned over to the district attorney for review.

It's unclear whether nudity outside the cafe is prohibited..."

      EndersDame: That sounds like the most magical place on earth

      JimGinPA: Imagine That - Troopers Investigating A Doughnut Shop

How unusual.

      Robb: A *topless* donut shop

...Sign on wall: "Days without a robbery: EVER." :D

The Lounge, May 25, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x8796007

On a thread by AlphaCentauri: U.S. Army switching over to Windows Vista

      Wilms: Maybe NOW the wars will end. n/t

      MilesColtrane: Why not just wave a big flag out of the Pentagon that says, "Attack Us Now"?

Gives a new meaning to the old Blue Screen of Death.

      tucsonlib: I'm Sorry, Dave. I'm Afraid I Can't Do That.

      WillYourVoteBCounted: FInally, the military finds the weapons of mass destruction

pwned.

      Blue_Tires: some 14-year-old punk kid in Indonesia is gonna control our launch codes...

      Canuckistanian: No! Our job is to make the OTHER bastards use Vista

What a SNAFU.

      nichomachus: That's a great idea

We'll just send over bombers to drop copies of Vista and then wait for the countries to implode while they wait for their Service Pack 5.4.3.2.2 to load.

      Akoto: "An unidentified program wants to access your military: dickcheney.exe"

If only we'd been able to hit Cancel years ago. Paranoid security system, where were you then? :(

LBN, May 25, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=102x3892672

OP by Saboburns: So then I says "Yeah, but he was President for EIGHT years".

Replied I to WingNut standard line of, "Bush kept America safe for SEVEN years".

That shut him up.

Quick.

GD, May 26, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x5719844

On a thread by rpannier: From 2001-2005 they blamed every failure on Bill Clinton

Now they just blame everything on Obama

      BlooInBloo: DUers can be shitty like that.

GD, May 26, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x5719881

Poll question by ck4829: What do you like most about our current health care system?

"Health-care reform must preserve the things Americans like about our health-care system"
- Max Baucus

What do you love the most about the system we've got?

:bluebox: The long lines and waiting periods we get all the time with private medicine

:bluebox: The profits-are-more-important-than-patients factor

:bluebox: That GREAT doctor-insurance company-patient relationship we got

:bluebox: The 45,000 Americans who die because of the lack of medical insurace every year

:bluebox: That cancer cells and bacteria have more human rights than people who can't pay for treatments

:bluebox: That people who have no medical knowledge or skill at all are deciding who will live and who will die every day

:bluebox: The high prices are amazing

:bluebox: Other (What)

      ConcernedCanuk: OTHER -

.
.
.

It's south of our border

:silly:

      TahitiNut: Houses don't cost an arm and a leg now. But operations on an arm and a leg will cost you your house.

:crazy:

At press time, "The profits-are-more-important-than-patients factor" was winning with 33% of the votes.

GD, May 26, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x5721535

On a thread by Newsjock: Schwarzenegger budget plan would eliminate welfare, close most state parks

      MilesColtrane: It seems he knows this scene by heart:

The evening arrived; the poor children of California took their places. The master, in his Governator's uniform, stationed himself at the copper; his Republican assistants ranged themselves behind him; the gruel was served out; and a long grace was said over the short commons. The gruel disappeared; the children whispered each other, and winked at Oliver; while his next neighbors nudged him. Child as he was, he was desperate with hunger, and reckless with misery. He rose from the table; and advancing to the master, basin and spoon in hand, said: somewhat alarmed at his own temerity:

'Please, sir, I want some more.'

The master was a flabby, large-headed man; but he turned very pale. He gazed in stupefied astonishment on the small rebel for some seconds, and then clung for support to the copper. The assistants were paralysed with wonder; the boys with fear.

'Vhat!' said the master at length, in a faint voice.

'Please, sir,' replied Oliver, 'I want some more.'

The master aimed a blow at Oliver's head with the ladle; pinioned him in his arm; and shrieked aloud for the beadle.

The board were sitting in solemn conclave, when Mr. Norquist rushed into the room in great excitement, and addressing the gentleman in the high chair, said,

'Mr. Nooorquist, I beg your pahdon, zir! Olivah Tweest has ahsked for mo-wore!'

There was a general start. Horror was depicted on every countenance.

'For more!' said Mr. Norquist. 'Compose yourself, Schwarzenegger, and answer me distinctly. Do I understand that he asked for more, after he had eaten the supper allotted by the dietary?'

'He deed, zir,' replied Schwarzenegger.

'That boy will be hung,' said the gentleman in the white waistcoat. 'I know that boy will be hung.'

      scentopine: After bailing out ultra-rich, republicans seek to punish children

Wow! Do we love the rich or what? Until we take to the streets in mass protest, the rich will continue to move the rest of us into servitude. Privatization of parks? Imagine what hell will come from that.

How about naming rights for parks? :sarcasm:

      XemaSab: Naming rights for parks? That's a great idea!

Betty Crocker's Angel Food Island. Kohler Big Basin Redwoods. Hungry Man Donner Memorial. Carpeteria Beach. Spode China Camp. Fort Ross Dress for Less. Lake Ore-Ida. Smirnoff Diggins. Malibu Rum Lagoon.

Cash4Gold Discovery. White Wave Tufa. Pfizer Big Sur. Shasta Cola State Historic Park. Cache Creek Casino Indian Museum. Chevy Tahoe State Recreation Area. General Electric Watts Towers.

And so many more...

LBN, May 26, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=102x3894165

Poll question by HopeHoops: Is there anyone who looks more like a walking circumcised penis than Karl Rove?

I mean there isn't any question that the guy is a dick, but put glasses on a penis and you've got Rove!

No, I haven't tried it (don't have any glasses small enough for the right effect). Besides, it wouldn't last 5 minutes on YouTube.

If you select "Yes" or "Close", please elaborate.

:bluebox: No

:bluebox: Yes (please elaborate)

:bluebox: Close second (please elaborate)

At press time, "No" was winning with 67% of the votes, but see below the Special Visual Achievement awards for a couple of eerily apt alternative candidates.

The Lounge, May 26, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x8799489

OP by CatWoman: The one and only thing I want to know about Sonia Sotomayor

Has she paid her taxes?

GDP, May 26, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x8432644

And this week's winner of KamaAina's Golden Pineapple Award

On a thread by BR_Parkway: Prop 8 upheld 6 to 1 - 18,000 marriages still valid

      bullwinkle428: EXCLUSIVE : Next week, California to declare GLBTers as 3/5 of a person!

:mad: :mad: :mad:

LBN, May 26, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=102x3893276

On a thread by Berry Cool: KOEB Meeting 5/26/09 Korean Nukes and Gay Marriages and Supreme Court Nominees, Oh My! Edition

      Patsy Stone: Hi, Robert Gibbs!

:loveya:

      bleever: Gibby! The Gibster!

The Gibertarian!


Okay, I'm done.


:hi:

      SharonRB: The Gibmeister!

      bleever: Gibmelibertyorgibmedeath!

Somebody stop me.

      Patsy Stone: The Gibbanator.

The Gibbmeister. Gibby, Gibby bo bibby...

:hi:

      GigiMommy: Gib gibminey Gib gibminey Gib gib ger-ee!

I couldn't help it. I had to join in. :rofl:

      SharonRB: ...

Supercalagibbiliciousexpealidocious

Countdown/Keith Olbermann Group, May 26, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=315x146171

On a thread by OhioChick: Study: 1 In 5 Adults Uses Pool As Toilet

"A new study by the Water Quality and Health Council found that nearly one in five adults admits to urinating in a swimming pool instead of using the toilet.

Eight in 10 adults are convinced their fellow swimmers are guilty of such a crime, the study said..."

      SidDithers: Just like the non-smoking section of a restaurant...

I only swim in the non-peeing section of a pool.

      Akoto: That must have been an awkward study to request funding for ...

"Hey, we need some study funding. We'd like to see how many people piss in pools."

"Yeah, okay. I guess cancer can wait."

      SharonRB: The Gibmeister!

      onenote: next study: 4 out of five adults lie about whether they pee in the pool

      shadowknows69: Stuff like this is why the aliens haven't come to save us yet

Would you go out of your way to rescue a bunch of sewer rats?

GD, May 26, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x5720662

OP by Bucky: I did not get the memo where jumping the shark hit the wall & was thrown under the bus

Perhaps I have empathy fatigue.

      sharp_stick: But

at the end of the day the bottom line is we all have to stand outside and salute what we run up the flagpole after thinking outside the box and de averaging our internal processes.

Whew, that was a long one. I should use that the next time we have upper management come around for a meeting.

      PassingFair: I like the cut of your jib....have your girl call my girl and we'll set something up.

Failure is not an option.

      azmouse: That only happened after its feet were held to the fire

causing it to march in lockstep.

      jobycom: You think inside the box and so missed the paradigm shift a propos of the new reality

vis a vis the evolving ideation of the current human asset subset.

      tularetom: You have clearly embraced

the dominant paradigm.

And you must continue to search for a window of opportunity to effect a win win solution.

Just spitballing here.

      Adelante: Talk me DOWN

Thanks.

GDP, May 27, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x8435638

On a thread by arbusto_baboso: Food that makes you...uh...sick.

      Generic Brad: White Castle

I have eaten there three times and gotten violently ill within an hour of ingesting their food each time. Coincidence? I think not.

I consider it Republican food because it does not agree with me.

The Lounge, May 27, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x8802091

On a thread by Fuzz: Freeper looks for help, thinks he's falling in love with a liberal, hue and series!

"Sorry for the vanity, but I'm in serious need of some freeper advice here. I think I'm falling in love with a liberal. She's beautiful and has a big heart, but we have conflicting political ideologies. Does anyone have any tips for being in a relationship like that? Thanks FRiends..."

http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-chat/2259338/posts

      Ganja Ninja: Here's a tip for him: Brush your tooth. n/t

      BR_Parkway: Retain an attorney now for the inevitable stalking charges

      cliffordu: Wear a cup.

GD, May 28, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x5734601

On a thread by WilliamPitt: GOP auctioning off a chance to have dinner with Newt Gingrich

      Kalyke: I'd be afraid he'd eat my share, as well.

:P

Or ask me to have an affair with him while his wife was home with the flu.

      Ikonoklast: I'd pay money to NOT attend dinner with him.

Anything the man said would trigger my gag reflex, instantly.

      tanyev: They'd raise a lot more money that way.

America! Newt Gingrich is going drop by somebody's house unannounced and stay for dinner! But for only $25.00, you can guarantee that your house will not be the one.

Worth every penny.

      underpants: How much extra for a lap dance?

I'm sorry, was everyone planning on eating later? :puke:

Lots of other mouth-watering responses.

GD, May 28, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x5737355

OP by Stinky The Clown: Notice: Stinky The Clown posts have been outsourced to a crew working out of a small office on .....

..... Katsurba Road Cross in Bangalore, Karnataka, India.

The actual Stinky the Clown will periodically monitor the posts made by the new writing staff, but rising costs and recent government dictates have necessitated that the Actual Stinky The Clown find a way to more economically continue his posting activities on Democratic Underground.

The Actual Stinky The Clown will enter into a government-mandated moral bankruptcy as soon as this coming Tuesday. It is hoped that, with full cooperation of his moral creditors and moral bond holders, he can emerge from bankruptcy by noon of next Wednesday. Or maybe a bit longer. But surely stronger.

Maybe.

Or maybe not.

While the Actual Stinky The Clown sincerely hopes the owners and operators of the Democratic Underground will allow him to maintain his donor status, he recognizes that his donor star may now look like this:



The entirety of the forgoing is satire, which ought to be obvious, but which, to some, probably was not. It should be. But it might not be. So we do this. Post disclaimers. Way below the post needing clarification. In case it needs clarifying. Yanno?

      The Straight Story: Is your new name Steve from Kansas now?

:)

      Gregorian: Corparate whore!

I hereby boycott all Stinky posts.

Although, I am awfully busy. It would be nice to have a little cheap help. :)

      Stinky The Clown: Outsource your outrage

It will save you on blood pressure meds, if nothing else.

GD, May 29, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x5744512

On a thread by MindPilot: US judge refuses to dismiss 'Day of Prayer' suit

"A federal judge has refused to dismiss a lawsuit that claims the National Day of Prayer is unconstitutional.

U.S. District Judge Barbara Crabb ruled this week the case brought by the Madison-based Freedom From Religion Foundation can move forward with discovery..."

      MineralMan: Could we please have a National Day of Thinking?

That'd be good, for jebus' sake.

      MindPilot: Heh! Someone in the comments section asked that very question.

"Hubcap 22 minutes ago
How about a National Day of Thinking? It could be during Atheist History Month."

      MineralMan: Crap! I'm always too late! ;>}

LBN, May 29, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=102x3898406

OP by tridim: Burger-gate II is officially underway

Just heard on MSNBC that the President is now ordering his burger with mustard AND jalapeños!

He's obviously a muslin-commie, and much much worse than Hitler.

      gratuitous: Son of a bitch!

That's it, man. Game over. We had a good run, but it's all over now, man. The big one. Just obliterated the United States, man. We're done. At least we got to hear about it on MSNBC just before the end. I loved you all in my own particular way.

      Hassin Bin Sober: He's a Mexican mole ... I knew it!

      Liberal_in_LA: Obviously he doesn't want to protect our borders!

:sarcasm:

      Tangerine LaBamba: To think I voted for him ..........

I'm sick over this. Just sick ..............

      lamp_shade: The noive.

      onehandle: I like white truffles, caviar and gold leaf on my burgers. So the fuck what? nt

      MineralMan: Jebus help us if he orders a mushroom swiss burger.

I knew he had something to do with those bild-a-burgers. Where's my goddam foil hat, anyhow?

      rurallib: Jalapenos a tip of the hat to Sotomayor?

Can't wait til Rushie gets all over this.

      Chovexani: At least he didn't put arugula on it

GD, May 29, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x5744157

OP by Bucky:** EMERGENCY NOTIFICATION ** DUers, you have used up your allotted quota of the word "fuck" for 2009.

As many of you know, in order to cut down on electron pollution contributing to the greenhouse gasses that accellerate global warming, Congress last year established strict (albeit voluntary) quotas on the use of the word "fuck" and all its varients, hoping to reduce the total number of non-critical electronic words expended on the internet by each website.

This action was based on an estimate issued by the German chapter of the Union of Concerned Scientists in the semenal 2006 study, "Ver Der Fücken Schlossen," which found that the total number of extraneous uses of the word fuck on the World Wide Web ("Das Cyberbaun") consumed enough electrical energy to power seven thousand orphanages in the Third World. That's right, every time you say "fuck," it's like you're forcing an orphan in Uruguay to shiver through the cold winter night. You had to choose between learning a new emphasizer word and fuckity-fuck-fucking, and most of you chose to fucking indulge yourselves.

And now, based on our 2009 quota, DUers are all used the fuck up.

Overindulgence in the word fuck has accellerated on this website. I would think that last year's emergency rationing would have taught us a lesson about ignoring our fuck quota. Who here doesn't recall the near disaster when, five weeks before the presidential election, we all had to start referring to John McCain as "that frak-faced neocon enabler"? How many votes did it cost the Obama-Biden ticket because we could only inform lurkers here that Dick Cheney had "messed up the Constitution"? That hardly panicked any swing voters at all! And worst of all, how many fucks did Sarah Palin deserve only to be denied the sound fucking she was due... because we finished our fucks up before fucking Labor Day?

Yet, rather than curtailing our wasteful abuse of internet electrons this year, we've fucked ourselves out by late May. And I remind you that based on DU's 2004 usage patterns, we as an online community were licenced to type out over 4.2 million fucks, or an average 30,000 fucks per registered user this year. Cursing our way through our entire fucking quota before even the halfway mark in the calendar year is just embarrassing. Because some of us couldn't control their fucking, the rest of us will be forced to develop a decent vocubulary. Remember that next time you're forced to insist that all DUers "notify Congress right farting now." Doesn't seem so urgent anymore, does it? What terrible laws will the Blue Dog-DLC-GOP working majority pass because we couldn't rally enough email petititions "right fucking now" instead?

But the greatest tragedy in all this fuck is the continued devaluation of fuck itself. Our ears and eyes are practically callused from all the concentrated fucking around here. Used to be, we could issue disdain for matters by "not caring" and savoring those moments of heightened unconcern for "not giving a damn." Soon people started "not giving a damn" about a lot of things and truly important apathy required "not giving a fuck." Nowadays most people don't give a fuck about anything that's even slightly unimportant. Now, if our fucks are already not given out up, what will we not give now when something we genuinely don't care about comes along?

And all this, because we collectively couldn't shut the fucks up already.

As I told my now-ex wife once, we really ought to conserve our fucks. It's the socially responsible thing to do. Let "Save the Fucks" be our motto. If we allow fucking to go unchecked across our flamewars, we only abuse the internet and overheat the loving Gaia upon which we all depend for life. Too much fucking could melt the polar ice caps and end up getting our coastal cities all wet. But if we fuck right... if we fuck responsibly... we can save the world so that future generations can fuck as we once fucked.

Please, fuck with moderation, DUers. Think of the children.

And let's just say every response gets a DUzy and leave it at that.

GDP, May 29, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x8439277

On a thread by AlBrattOnline: One More Conflicting Pole on Abortion

      DFW: Is his name Kowalski?

GD, May 26, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x5720924

On a locked thread: Are we sufficiently in a lather yet? Sotomayor, Prop. 8...I was

      cbayer: Locking

Going, going, gone. Again.

cbayer
DU Moderator

GD, May 26, 2009