Did anyone else grow up in an abusive home?

From the day I was born until I was about 14 Me my mom and sister lived with my dad. I don't really remember him hitting her but I do remember him doing crack,pot and drinking a lot I know now that he did meth but I never saw him. I don't think he ever hit me or my sister but he still abused us. When I was 7 I remember coming out of the shower and he told me I was not clean enough so I had to take three more he did this every day for over a year. I was a little chubby and he told me I was fat I don't remember him doing anything like that to my sister. About six years ago my mom left him and he now lives in South Carolina but comes to visit every year and he bugs me about getting a girlfriend and that if any of his kids went queer he would kill them(my half sister did date a black guy a few years back and my dad tried to shoot him).

PS. I am gay if you did not know.

I am really sorry you have to endure him. one day you will look him in the eye and give him truth. my suns were finally able to do that to their dad, but not until they hit their thirties.

good luck, ccharles000

:hug:

You're not alone. :hug:

You're not alone. :hug:

PS Didn't know that.

PSS I'm not.

It's very complicated, but yes there was several kinds of abuse going on. My sister and I survived (we are 45 and 43 now) and it has been a rough road. We have both been through a lot of counseling and we've had to figure out how to not let it get the best of us.

What is so hard right now is having to take care of and make decisions for this father who was abusive. It's tough separating those personal issues at times.

I wish I could give you a big hug...please keep up the writing and your growing social conscience! You are a breath of fresh air on this board.

look at titties for your birthday?

:-(

Personally I did not grow up in an abusive situation, but I had a serious bout with mental illness that opened me up to a string of abuses which I am only now starting to feel at peace with (its been 12 years since it started).

He's dangerous to you, and no one needs to be exposed to someone like that. If he learns that you're gay, I shudder to think of what he might do.

Your father serves as a great example of exactly who you do not want to be, so keep that in mind. That's about all he's good for, sounds like.

When you can, I hope you can set up your life so that he can't find you. He sounds frightening.

You are not alone, honey ....................

:hug:

Do what you have to do.

No child growing up should have to deal with that, or be made to feel unclean, or that there's anything wrong with being who they are sexually. It sounds like he's not a person one would want in their life, though understand how hard it is to quit a parent.

My mom was abusive. She could only beat the crap out of us for so long, since we quickly outgrew her (she's about 5 feet tall, LOL), but she still did pretty well with the mental abuse, and scared the crap out of us because she saw 'things' at night, so we were scared of the dark well into adulthood. Religion mixed with crazy is not a good combination. Anyone looking at her life would assume she was probably a crack addict, but the truth is, she's taken one too many hits off the Jesus bong. Nothing like your abuse, though. She's manageable and although I can only take her in small doses, she's dying of cancer and all that shit is pretty much meaningless now. I love her, and see where she meant well. She wasn't mean, or at least she didn't really mean to be cruel, she was just crazy, and was abused as a child herself.

I think most people live fucked up lives but you have to put it in perspective.

My parents split when I was eight. My mother ended up in a mental institution reminiscent of "one flew over the Cooko's nest and was subjected to shock treatment. I got farmed out to relatives who didn't want me. Very hard to take when you are eight. Long story short, Yeah, I think my life sucked but... compared to what? I didn't grow up in Afghanistan. I didn't grow up in Dar fur. I always had enough to eat, maybe not what I wanted to eat but always enough. I was sexually abused but I wasn't gang raped so I guess it's all a matter of perspective. Yeah, life sucks, but if your idea of "Life sucks" is based on the perspective of most white folk in the U.S.of A., it doesn't really suck compared to life else ware.

I think you need to get over yourself and accept that things could be a fuck of a lot worse than anything we pampered Americans have ever experienced.

Does this make it right? Fuck no! It is, however, the way life really is. And I don't care what the Christians tell you. By the way, Heaven is a fantasy.

and in my opinion unnecessary. Just because people are suffering elsewhere doesn't make his any less of a thing.

Maybe it is all a matter of perspective... but precisely how does that lessen the pain we ourselves go though? Precisely how does that minimize the abuses we suffer?

What is the precise and relevant threshold passed in which we may morally and rightfully complain about the degradations we suffer? On what objective is that threshold based?







Or maybe the abuses, beating and degradations we suffer become internalized to the point in which we actually deny the severity of them, accept them as part of life, deride those who suffer them too though a sense of projection, and finally wind up continuing the cycle. Just a thought-- as we are none of us so wise as to minimize the pain of others...

the perspective is that some people work to overcome the trama, some people become hardened, some cynical. Perspective can make you a more caring, loving person or can make you cold and/or negative. The idea is to help each other through life in this 'fucked up' world... and it wouldn't suck so much though if you had a different 'perspective'

a desperately poor child born to loving parents in Afghanistan can still be richer than an abused "pampered" kid in America - like you. Got that???

Totally uncalled for. Congratulations, you managed to compound the abuse began by another selfish, unfeeling fuck.

I spent years doing nothing but trying to hide from my past and it did nothing but emotionally destroy me. The only true way to "get over it" is to deal with it head on and to analyze all the issues and mistakes. By doing that you can figure out that it wasn't your fault and you are going to be okay. It's a good learning experience to vent this stuff.

Relative abuse does not negate the fact that a kid was traumatized by the actions of his or her parents. Try explaining "relativism" to a kid and you'll get a blank stare back. I didn't know that some kids parents were being killed as my dad dragged my mom in to their bedroom as she screamed the entire way. If I did, it wouldn't have made me less horrified. That horror transformed into deep seeded issues.

Your comments are unnecessary at best and harmful at worst.

even though you may feel she should have done it sooner. I was an abused wife, and it's very difficult to leave that situation because part of the abuse is playing with your head and convincing you that you and your children would be homeless and starving without him. Leaving him at last was very brave of your mom. Try not to let your dad's poison continue to hurt you. I wish you health and happiness and love.

And so far, I have successfully raised my own children in an atmosphere of support, love, and peace.

My father was a drinker and was verbally abusive and very controlling. It took years for me to finally stand up to him even after he quit drinking. We have a good relationship now.

I'm sorry about your situation with your dad and that you can't be who you are around him. That sucks.

Father was an ex-con and heroin addict. Physically abusive until he lost his legs, then emotionally abusive. He was a methadone addict after he was released until he passed.

He had me mentally and emotionally cowed until just a year prior to his passing-- I went over to parents house for Thanksgiving dinner and he and I got into a bit of a fight (I instigated it-- was feeling chesty and proud), knowing full well what would happen). As he was about to hit me, I grabbed his arm, looked him in the eye, and stated "You may hit me this one last time, but know this-- before God and your family, it WILL be the last time you EVER hit me-- after this, I will ignore your wheelchair, ignore that you do not have any legs, and ignore everything you've ever told me... except to stand up for myself."

He was an unpleasant person to be around. Lots of them in the world these days...

He was a great dad until I was about nine, and then things started to go horribly wrong. I think that it was the stress of trying to climb to the top in a new city, trying to get his Phd, who knows what all. But that's about the age I was when he started to go off the deep end. His depressive state was OK to deal with, but in his manic phase, he was hell on wheels.

I took the brunt of his abuse, I think because he found me to be different and thus threatening. But I also interposed myself between him and my mom and sister, taking those lumps to when I got the chance.

Too many weird stories to tell, too many scars, but let me give you some advice. Give yourself some space between yourself and your father, for a long time if necessary, and give the situation some time. When I moved out of the house after high school, I quickly put my father out of my life for a number of years. Didn't see him, didn't talk to him, and frankly my mindset was such that the sooner he was dead, the happier I would be.

This lasted for about seven years, and then my dad had his first heart attack. It's amazing what that first touch of mortality can do to a person. It straightened my father right out. He cleaned up his life, he went on meds to control his bipolar, and most of all he both reached out and apologized to me for his actions.

We had ten more great years together before he left this earth. I cried when he died, a miracle considering at one time I was ready to dance/piss on his grave. I gained so much in those last ten years.

I'm not saying that your situation will end up with such a happy ending, I'm not that naive. But you need to get away from this man, for your own safety and for your own mental health. My dad drove me crazy for a couple of years(literally), don't let that happen to you. Establishing your own space and place (if I remember right you're young, 19-20) to carve out your life is vital, do that. Cut your dad out of your life for awhile, let him stew in his own juices, and see what happens. Yes, leave a link there for you to reach him, or for him to reach you, but still, cut him out and go on with your own life. That will force him to have some respect. And if he's as drugged out as you say, he's going to be getting that touch of mortality here pretty damn quick, and like I said, that can change the whole dynamic.

Good luck, don't let the bastard drive you crazy too, I've been there, done that, it's not fun.

you are not alone. It is pretty difficult to reconcile the disconnect of an abusive parent. It took me until I was in my late thirties. My brother finally refused to visit or speak to my mother and hasn't for years. I left home the night of my HS graduation and moved out of the state as soon as I could. You are ok! take care of yourself.

:)

I have parents who, warts and all, accept me and all my mistakes as they are. Not that they are perfect... far from it... and I have the issues to prove it.

Having said that, I feel for you and your tumultuous childhood, and I am really happy that you are comfortable with yourself now. He's proven that he's not a worthy father to you....

Didn't realize you're gay, but it doesn't change my opinion. You're a cool guy and we love having you hear.

Thanks for sharing, friend.

But not to the extent you went through. And it was most definitely a different form of abuse.

My parents were married for 15 years. I lived through 11 of them. I had no clue that my parents were having problems until about 7 or 8 when my dad started going on trips without my mom at odd times. Looking back on it, he must have been staying in hotels because my mom kicked him out.

I remember one night, I told my dad that my mouth was hurting from my head gear. My dad told me to take it off and my sister told me to wear it. Things got heated and my sister called my dad an asshole and he snapped and chased her into her room. My mom stepped in and next thing I know my dad is dragging my mom into their bedroom and the door slams shut. All I heard was yelling and screaming.

5 minutes later the police come through the front door and the shit hit the fan. That's when I realized that my dad was mentally ill. He suffers from substantial mental problems. Violent outbursts, delusions of grandeur, emotional break downs, sex addiction. The whole works. He has basically lived his entire life as one continuous state of failure. He starts a business and it fails. He marries and gets divorced. He has kids from other marriages that I never even knew about.

The only thing he is good at is manipulation. I've never seen a person with such issues act so smooth in public.

I am fortunate enough to have never been subject to any physical abuse (unlike my sister or mother). But the meltdown of my parents marriage and my fathers subsequent emotional breakdown has traumatized me severely. He use to tell me how he had fantasies of killing my mom and step-dad. He told that to his own son. He still owns multiple guns, and I fear for mine and my families safety 24/7. He leaves sobbing messages on my cell phone every couple weeks about how much I've hurt him, but how much he still loves me.

Now, every year, I see my father for lunch because I forget how much of a fuck up he is. He is the shell of a man. Completely emotionally washed up at 60. He begs me to come work for him. He tells me how much of a liberal he is. Of course this is nothing more then an attempt to win me over. It's no different then when he use to take me to the mall and buy me tons of toys, or when he would promise me "big things were coming".

It's not your typical form of child abuse, but I believe it has done irreversible damage to myself and my siblings. Not to mention my mother.


I feel for you, and I hope you've gotten through it okay. I saw a psych and it helped tremendously. If you have problems, I'd suggest seeing one. Good luck with everything.

He was a total asshole, not abusive to her, but distant, he married several times, garbage women, if you know what I mean.

SOMEHOW, though, she survived and prospered, and is a healthy, well-adjusted woman now. I am so proud for her, that she overcame all that.

I have another friend who is gay who was physically abused by his father and who fled home at 18 and hates his father now. He is another example of someone who was able to adjust as an adult and survive and prosper. :)

By the way, I have always liked reading your opinions here, and I am glad you are more-or-less out of that situation. Don't let him drag you into the dirt.