People being tortured are generally eager to please, especially if they have an idea of what you want to hear. Shaikh Muhammad is especially willing to confess to unsolved crimes; this waterboarding is finally getting to him. And let's face it, every police jurisdiction in the country has a few loose ends they'd like to tie up.
Frankly, we're missing an opportunity not to put Shaikh Muhammad to good use, so that sheriffs and police chiefs from Valdosta to Tacoma can clear their books and start afresh. Here are a few candidates:
- Mrs O'Leary's cow didn't start the Chicago Fire. That was Shaikh Muhammad's friggin' goat! An apology should be made to the O'Leary Family.
- Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid weren't real desperadoes. The third partner, Khalid Shaikh Muhammad, was the one who put them up to it.
- The Umbrella Man at the Grassy Knoll across from the Texas Book Depository was, yup, you guessed it, Khalid Shaikh Muhammad.
- Who really snatched Patty Hearst? Folks blamed it on an entity called the Symbionese Liberation Army, but that was CIA code for Khalid Shaikh and his boys.
- KSM assassinated the Archduke at Sarajevo. He sunk the Maine. He fired on the Maddox in the Tonkin Gulf.
- He was Aids Patient Number One.
Any other ideas?