Why should children always "do better" than their parents?

For decades, this has been the mantra of parents, or at least we are all told it has been or should be.

More , more and then even MORE has led us to where we are, at this very moment in time.

Did we "succeed"?

Are our children happier, more well adjusted? Are they "better"?

Better than what?

Us?
Their grandparents?
Their neighbors, whose parents may have had a higher starting point?
The "poor kid" in their class?

Perhaps the "more" they really needed was more of US, more TIME from us, more guidance, more limits, more discipline.

When we look back at what we lost along the way to More, was it worth it? Will they thank us?

Why is "better than" always considered in monetary terms?

In my 60 years on this planet, I have seen many people who were truly happy, and they had NOTHING to be happy about. I've seen young mothers simply ecstatic, just to know that their child's tumor had shrunk, while still knowing that the child would most likely be gone within a year or two. I've also seen people so angry they were about to pop a vein because someone took their parking place.

Is "better than" just a mirage that we all chase? Do we ever "get there"?

If we did, would be recognize it? or would we keep trying for even better?

I want them to be better educated, make wiser choices and be happier.
I don't want them to go through a lot of the shit we have gone through, and we want them to have more CHOICES than we had (more freedom).

It has nothing to do with material things.

Better or worse is a very subjective term. It's not necessarily material wealth. It could be they smiled 10% more over the course of their life. It's only our recent focus on materialism that equates better with more crap from Walmart.

Clearly the typical US Laborer today has it better than their early Industrial Age equivalent. Shorter working day/week, overtime pay, workplace safety requirements etc.

Measuring using quantitative measures (bank balances, square footage, etc.) gives a convenience. But the non-quantifiable measures of happiness are typically more important as you are already aware. Most people with a few years under their belt already understand that the tradeoffs of persuing that big promotion, buisiness venture are not worth the costs in life quality. Being a slave to a mortgage, car payment, traveling 3 out of 4 weeks or relocating to Singapore.

We may have not traveled as much as we desire in a day. But may have traveled more than we dared dream in a generation.

depending upon what you value.

I will not be as financially successful as my father, but I will "do better" when it comes to raising my children.

To not have to work as hard. To be able to enjoy our lives.

On my mother's part this meant not going hungry, not being abused, not being afraid.

To my father it meant getting an education so we could choose our own path in life.

These are not bad things.

most people really didn't have anything and it was a legitimate goal. Back then, to have it better all you needed was a flush toilet. It was based on the the basics, a roof over your head, a decent job, education, etc.
These days , for most, it seems to be based on material goods.

How many parents don't want their kids to be successful or care if they are better of than they were. I certainly don't wish anyone being born to a parent that wants their kids to fail. And I agree back 90-100 years ago doing better meant the first generation Americans children went to school, got a house... basically moved from a blue collar day laborer into the white collar middle America.

It's a variation of "Your reward will be in heaven".

and meaning. I think that's where this natural "desire" (to see the next generation live better than this one) goes wrong.

I've always said that I don't care WHAT my kids "do"- for a 'living'- I care that they live life well, what ever and where ever that may lead them.

Working at something that doesn't bring one satisfaction for 40-50 years in hopes of "retiring" to the "good life" is not my idea of living well.

We may only have this day. If that's true, why not live it as fully as possible? Tomorrow may not come- for any of us.

Mindfulness- being here now.... that's a gift

imo

damn near every one of us is descended from immigrants, most of whom arrived practically penniless - a great many as slaves and indentured servants and convicted criminals.

"Doing better" was pretty clear cut, for the first three or four generations. In parts of our society, it still is - there are still more than a few who remember our segregated society, and portions of our society are still segregated.

"Doing better" is increased opportunity, increased security, increased access, increased rights.

IMO.

You are not doing your kids a favour by removing all the roadblock that you had in your life. Removing your own roadblocks is what life seems to be about.

However, on the other hand, I could have used a little less character. My parents came her when I was a kid with no money, and no belongings, and so I had very few advantages at all.

As well as, by some means, Freedom. On individual cases, it isn't as important as the ability existing prevalently in the entire society. Without the average person doing better than their parents, it suggests an enslaved caste system in which people are perpetually exploited by the rich.

BTW, the US has the lowest rate of intergenerational mobility (with UK) in the industrialized world.

The mom knows what really matters, while the dirver has lost perspective.

Better means not having to work double shifts as a waitress to keep a subsidized apartment. Unless you like working double shifts as a waitress and living in a subsidized apartment, of course.

It means not having your back give out at a young age due to physical labor, or getting sick from an inadequate diet, or losing your teeth from lack of dental care, or your baby from lack of prenatal or medical care.

Doing better isn't upgrading from a Play Sation 2 to a Play Station 3, though some people seem to think it is.

Parents who feel like they're struggling to make ends meet or who need to work 60 hours a week just to stay afloat want life to be easier for their kids. That's what it means and why it's important to many. I went to college with many wealthy kids and their parents wanted them to be well educated, well mannered, and positioned in the "right" sort of jobs but never worried about them doing better than the parents. Hell, they all had money in trust funds that would take care of them even if they failed at every occupation.