The baby's a...we're not telling!

http://www.salon.com/mwt/broadsheet/2009/06/30/sweden/index.html


The baby's a...we're not telling!


A Swedish couple believe so strongly that gender is a social construction that they do not reveal whether their 2.5-year-old is a boy or a girl.



Only those who have changed the toddler's diapers know if "Pop," which is not the child's real name, is male or female. "We want Pop to grow up more freely and avoid being forced into a specific gender mold from the outset," the tot's 24-year-old mother told the newspaper Svenska Dagbladet. "It's cruel to bring a child into the world with a blue or pink stamp on their forehead."

Pop's wardrobe includes both pants and dresses, and the child usually gets to decide what to wear. "Although Pop knows that there are physical differences between a boy and a girl, Pop's parents never use personal pronouns when referring to the child -- they just say Pop," according to the English-language Swedish site the Local.

Not surprisingly, the pundits are split on the effect this flouting of convention will have on Pop. "Child-rearing should not be about providing an opportunity to prove an ideological point, but about responding to each child's needs as an individual," Susan Pinker, a psychologist who is the author of a book about sex differences in the workplace, told the Local. "I don't think that trying to keep a child's sex a secret will fool anyone, nor do I think it's wise or ethical. As with any family secret, when we try to keep an elemental truth from children, it usually blows up in the parents' face, via psychosomatic illness or rebellious behavior."

Yet, Kristina Henkel, Swedish gender equality consultant, says Pop's parents' experiment could help the child develop as an individual without being boxed in by gender-role stereotyping from birth. "If the child is dressed up as a girl or boy, it affects them because people see and treat them in a more gender-typical way," Henkel explains. "Girls are told they are cute in their dresses, and boys are told they are cool with their car toys. But if you give them no gender they will be seen more as a human or not a stereotype as a boy or girl."

Pop's parents say that they will reveal the child's gender when Pop thinks it is time to do so. In any case, he or she will soon have more company. The family is expecting another child, and with the next bundle of joy, the parents plan to continue playing the "what's it to you?" gender card.

― Katharine Mieszkowski

oh and the parents sound like total idiots.

Gender is innate but it's also socially constructed. If sex roles are so wired into us, then why do societies go to such great lengths to enforce them?

in Ms. magazine called "X: A Fabulous Child's Story."
I wonder if they ever read it.

Found it online here:
http://www.gendercentre.org.au/22article4.htm

i liked it then, and i sure don't see why people are so upset about children being raised without all those stupid gender stereotypes pushed on them.

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If they want to raise their kid gender-neutral that's fabulous. But why keep the actual sex a secret?

Making it known to all and still raising the child gender-neutral and insisting others treat their child in a gender neutral way would seem more appropriate, IMO.

nt

I still don't understand the outrage over this story.

The "gender is a social construct" idea is so deeply silly. Using the gender one has from birth is by far the most appropriate and makes one the happiest for the vast majority of people. Making your child confused to make a point is cruel.

nt

:shrug:

are speaking to a boy or a girl and 99% of it is unconscious. Even at that age, girls are spoken to with softer, more sing-songy tones, and boys are spoken to more directly. It's the gender conditioning of the adults that is the problem. And that is if interactions are restricted to simply talk. The more complex the interactions, the more gender bias creeps in.

It's not just about toy cars or dolls.

the child is male or female, they will take a neutral tone - the difference in tone and inflection comes only when they know the child's gender. By keeping the gender secret they are protecting the child from gender bias.

but don't worry - they will not be able to keep it up for more than another year, two at most. Most of gender is biological and by the time a kid is four or five the biological differences will become noticeable in his/her growth.

It's an experiment that is doomed to failure.

once the know the gender.

that's the point.

:shrug:

Toddlers don't usually care about the length of their hair or what color their clothes are.

I don't see any reason this will necessarily have a negative effect on the child. The article's designated "against" expert's objections are particularly silly:

"Child-rearing should not be about providing an opportunity to prove an ideological point, but about responding to each child's needs as an individual,"

Of course, child rearing is inherently ideological, and to suggest that there is somehow an "ideology free" way of rearing children is silly. But these parents aren't using their kid to make an ideological point any more than parents who choose not to use corporal punishment. They're doing what they think is best for the kid.

She goes on: "I don't think that trying to keep a child's sex a secret will fool anyone, nor do I think it's wise or ethical. As with any family secret, when we try to keep an elemental truth from children, it usually blows up in the parents' face, via psychosomatic illness or rebellious behavior."

Nobody said anything about keeping "an elemental truth from ." They're just withholding a detail for outsiders. It doesn't say anything about keeping any secret from the child.

But that's just me.

If the parents do as they say and don't force this on Pop when s/he is older, then I don't see how any harm is done. It's amazing to me how much backlash they receive for not doing what everyone else does or wants them to do.

unless it's because you treat people differently right from the get-go based on their gender.

nah, it couldn't be that!

:sarcasm: