10 amazing truths you already suspected, Mark Morford

10 amazing truths you already suspected
Go ahead, pretend you didn't know. Pretend it wasn't obvious. Are you sure?
By Mark Morford

Let's start out easy. How about a big, dumb, obvious, forehead-slapper of an of-course-you-already-knew, shall we?

1) Let's start with, say, tanning beds. Turns out they cause cancer like a mofo. I mean, as bad as arsenic. As mustard gas. Smoking. Chimney sweeping. The Jonas Brothers. I mean, obviously.

Like you didn't already know. Like you thought it was all healthy fun and games to strip yourself naked and lay on a bed of giant blue light bulbs and have ultraviolet rays blasted into every inch of your skin for hours per week and think, yeah, this can't be all bad, can it? What with my skin turning a bizarre shade of orange and that weird tingling in my brainstem and my genitalia melting like bubblegum in the sun? Like it's not the transdermal equivalent of placing my mouth over the tailpipe of a Chevy Tahoe and gunning the engine? Mmm, stupid.

2) You are green to the core. Organic everything, grey water, solar, Prius, compost your nail clippings and your urine and your condoms, the works. You have a child, maybe two. You are considering having a third, or maybe even a fourth or fifth. You say you care about reducing your carbon footprint? You say you care deeply about your impact on the ecosphere? You might be lying. ...

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(Full URL: http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/g/a/2009/08/07/notes080709.DTL&nl=fix)

of course.

Mornin', madokie. :hi:

:kick:

I wonder if he even bothers to write this stuff himself. There's probably an iPhone app that churns this clever garbage out sans human intervention.

"The late infomercial pitchman Billy Mays' OxiClean powdered miracle cleaner? Really just sodium percarbonate. A standard chemical you can buy in bulk right now at your local swimming pool supply shop. Whitening toothpaste? Just regular toothpaste with extra grit."

No idea whether Moford writes for Craked also.

Mark Morford, beautiful eyes and a gorgeous brain and he isn't afraid to use either.