Salon: "I have 2 college degrees, sold a book to Random House, & clean strangers' toilets for money"

http://www.salon.com/mwt/feature/2009/08/17/pinched_golden/

Excuse me while I stick my head in the toilet

Ever wonder what it would be like to clean strangers' homes for money? Well, I don't have to

Editor's note: Pinched is an ongoing series about life during the recession.

By Rebecca Golden



A tiny, pale woman with a baby on her hip greeted me. She looked at once exhausted and imperious. She'd just come back from three months in New York, and her husband hadn't cleaned anything – he never so much as wiped the kitchen counter during the 90 days he spent alone in the condo. He didn't tidy up after shaving and left tiny pieces of hair on every surface. I could probably have braided the bathtub had I but time and inclination. (That tub alone made me want to kill myself just a little bit.) I instantly regretted giving my quote over the phone, but I’d given my word. And that’s how I ended up spending Sunday on my knees in front of someone else’s commode.

I clean strangers' toilets for money. I have two college degrees, and I sold a book to an overseas division of Random House. The money hasn’t come rolling in (though I pray to Oprah on a regular basis), so I clean houses as a way to pay the bills between royalty checks.

This toilet was particularly brutal: It mocked me with all its nasty human feces stains and the dusting of wiry black hairs around the base. White surfaces and human hair have become the bane of my existence. Hair clings to the outsides of toilets like Romeo to Juliet, Brad to Angelina, or me to the strawberry vodka and cranberry juice that this work makes me crave.

My college friends have prospered, and they worry about investments. The last guy who dumped me (“I can’t do the boyfriend-girlfriend thing,” he told me as we snuggled together in bed) drove three hours to Columbus so he could rescue his money from Charles Schwab. As I detail the rim of the bowl with a toothbrush, I think about Barack Obama.

I went to see him speak just before the election. Funny how politicians love to visit Ohio in the fall every four years or so.

“Your 401K might be a 101K,” he quipped. “The question isn’t, Are you better off than you were four years ago? but, Are you better off than you were four weeks ago?”