Attn. (some)Straight Women: Gay men are not your accessories

If you have consumed any amount of pop culture directed at straight women over the past decade, you know of the "gay boyfriend" phenomenon: the superfabulous, showtunes and shopping-loving queer friend who shows up whenever a female lead character needs entertainment, romantic advice, or a plus-one.

Think Stanford in Sex and the City. The eavesdropping assistant in Obsessed. The gaggle of gays who advise Drew Barrymore in He's Just Not That Into You. I could go on and on... Much like the black best friend, the gay boyfriend is the perfect match for a neurotic and insecure (but still skinny, white, beautiful) leading lady because he is depicted as sexually nonthreatening and non-spotlight-hogging. I think Sady summed it up well:

Sadly, not everybody can be a White Heterosexual. However, if you are not, I have good news: you, lucky person, get to aid the White Heterosexuals in their quest for love! Gay folks and/or people of color make fabulous accessories to the single White Heterosexual girl's lifestyle.

Which brings us to Thomas Rogers, who describes his plight in Salon today: He's a gay man who has repeatedly been targeted by straight women looking for a gay boyfriend, despite the fact that he has little in common with these women:

As I moved away from home, to bigger and bigger cities, I discovered that there were lots of scruffy and poorly dressed drone-rock-loving gay men in the world -- especially of my age group -- who had nothing in common with the Sanfords and Wills I'd seen on TV. Just because I was into dudes didn't mean I had to suddenly love dance music or fine furnishings. And yet, despite my continued shortcomings as a stereotypical gay man, I remained a strangely alluring target for a large number of straight women.

http://www.feministing.com/archives/017312.html

Kidding! Kidding!

:P

I do know what you mean though. On television, the gay sidekick is the new black sidekick. Maybe that means in, oh, twenty or thirty years, there will be gay main characters that AREN'T mincing stereotypes.

You would think the gay guys would be cheered by possessive str8 guys, but they usually end up kicking out asses for being pansies.

I thought they were going to take away my Secret Gay Agenda Decoder Ring, now I don't have to worry about that! :P

face it, hollywood is incapable of thinking of GLBT characters as anything else but, UNLESS a GLBT producer/director/star is involved.

sad, but true.

a cultural phenomenon. I've never thought of gay male friends as accessories, dating coaches, fashion consultants or any of the other shallow media driven cliches. I think the attraction was mutual and I hope the relationships were mutually beneficial.

While I understand and respect the sentiment in this article, I also think it's a little bit mean spirited. Women, too, are portrayed in ridiculous and shallow ways on film. When straight women seek the company of gay men, it isn't always for the reasons depicted above, even if though might seem that way on the surface. I am really grateful that my friends didn't assume I just wanted a gay supporting character in my life. I would hope that others would give friendship a chance before assuming the worst.

I answered the hotline and tabled and marched and supported my friends who were going through hell. Stereotyping straight women is a hell of a way to argue against stereotyping gay men. Thumbs down.

Geeze.

lesbians. unless it is strictly as a "challenge". so at least gay men are wanted for their friendship.

I don't see them as "gay."

I see them as FRIENDS.

dg

But is that OK because I'm not straight? What a weird article.

:-)

a woman with ANY guy, may be "seen" as being on a "date".

I've always had gay friends of both sexes, and when we went out together it never mattered to me what "other people" thought we "were" to each other:)

I wasn't gay, but I was sexually non-threatening, handsome (so said a few "older" women :P ) and strong. I used to work out in the gym before everyone and anybody was doing that.

I got to visit some interesting places, the kinds of places they'd never ever let a penniless crazy kid into unless he was with someone important. I was a "safe" date, that's all it was.

Like Rogers, shopping still gives me panic attacks, "for most of high school I had the social skills of a terrified third-grader" and "I didn't particularly understand what I had to offer as a confidant to anybody, much less straight women with endless romantic problems and a passion for trying on Capri pants."

In the comments section of the feministing article Flowers wrote this:



I was utterly clueless then and pleased with the attention, but maybe that's all it was.

Imagine the slumber parties I might could witness....