This is when the pain begins - Democratic Underground

abbeyco

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Sat Aug-29-09 06:58 PM
Original message

This is when the pain begins

To me, the cemetary service is the toughest - it's the final.

My heart and best thoughts go to Vicki and the family as this is a duty thing and having done it, it's good but so difficult.

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DainBramaged

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Sat Aug-29-09 07:01 PM
Response to Original message

1. Having been there only recently, driving away is the toughest.

:cry:

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gateley

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Sat Aug-29-09 07:06 PM
Response to Reply #1

7. I went back to the cemetery after the people left my house - I didn't want

my mom to be alone.

Now, I find it one of the most comforting places I can go (and my dad has joined her), but it takes time.

I'm so sorry for your loss. :hug:

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DainBramaged

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Sat Aug-29-09 07:12 PM
Response to Reply #7

10. I have mom and Dad's wedding picture on my desk now

I truly hope she gets to talk to Teddy soon.:hug:

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x8806964

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SalmonChantedEvening

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Sat Aug-29-09 07:20 PM
Response to Reply #10

12. DB

:hug:

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DainBramaged

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Sat Aug-29-09 07:22 PM
Response to Reply #12

13. .......

:pals:

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gateley

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Sat Aug-29-09 08:36 PM
Response to Reply #10

20. Awwww -- what a wonderful woman! And such a beautiful, loving tribute.

:hug:

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greenbriar

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Sat Aug-29-09 07:02 PM
Response to Original message

2. I think it is after all the ceremony and everyone goes back to life

while the closest to the person who has died is left alone

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EFerrari

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Sat Aug-29-09 07:03 PM
Response to Reply #2

4. Plus this is their second funeral in only two weeks.

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babylonsister

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Sat Aug-29-09 07:05 PM
Response to Reply #2

6. Vicki won't be left alone. She's a Kennedy and they love her.

She might 'want' to be left alone!

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gauguin57

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Sat Aug-29-09 07:03 PM
Response to Original message

3. I was just thinking that. When you have a funeral to plan and participate in, you delay grief ...

... once the burial is over, reality sets in. But then you have the thank-you notes and the returning of the casserole dishes.

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malaise

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Sat Aug-29-09 07:15 PM
Response to Reply #3

11. When my good friend's mom died a few months ago

I drove her around to make the arrangements for the funeral. He mom died at home after refusing any more treatment and while she had a full-time nurse there, she looked after her mom's meals. At noon as the church bells were ringing she turned to me and said time to feed mom. We looked at each other for a minute and I said mom won't need any more meals. Even while planning the funeral, the reality of he mom's death hadn't sank in yet.

Taps - farewell Teddy! Day is done!!

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lapfog_1

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Sat Aug-29-09 07:04 PM
Response to Original message

5. No, the toughest for the immediate family

is when this is all over, and the well wishers and old friends have gone back to their lives, and the politicians and pundits move on to new topics of conversation, when you are left all alone. So very very finally alone.

That is the toughest.

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gateley

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Sat Aug-29-09 07:08 PM
Response to Reply #5

8. Yes, you walk in the door and automatically look around for your loved one.

Then you remember...

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greenbriar

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Sat Aug-29-09 07:09 PM
Response to Reply #5

9. exactly what I said in post 2

That was the way it was when my father died

all teh family came from all over the US...they treated it like a family reunion

when they left it was like ...no skin off them...

but us kids of the man we burried were just hollow and lost and alone

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SalmonChantedEvening

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Sat Aug-29-09 07:25 PM
Response to Reply #5

15. That's how it was for us.

After the wake, we came home to a house that had not known Dad's absence in a half a century.

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gauguin57

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Sat Aug-29-09 07:37 PM
Response to Reply #5

18. I try to remember to send a note a few weeks or months after a death ...

... because I remember how much it meant to me (when each of my parents died) to hear from people when the funeral is long over and all the cards have stopped coming and all the well-wishers are long gone.

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Iterate

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Sat Aug-29-09 07:23 PM
Response to Original message

14. Or maybe when you first walk into "his room" alone, and it's so forever empty.

The tradition always was the widow/widower was never left alone, not during the funeral week, and not for three weeks later. But there does come the time.

After yesterday and today, I feel we should all go over to the house for coffee after the burial, sit around, and tell good stories.

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pipi_k

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Sat Aug-29-09 07:26 PM
Response to Original message

16. For me, it was when the protective cloak of numbness wore off

and all that was left was the pain that kept coming back in waves and there was no way to get through it except by feeling it, days, weeks, even months later.

Getting hit by a truck would have hurt less.

:(

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Iterate

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Sat Aug-29-09 07:31 PM
Response to Original message

17. I remember Joan Didion's book, "A Year of Magical Thinking"

After her husband's sudden heart attack during dinner, she left the hospital and returned, alone, to their home just a few hours after it happened. She picked up. I could never understand that.

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Peregrine Took

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Sat Aug-29-09 08:05 PM
Response to Original message

19. I knew someone who eschewed the wake, funeral and all and started showing

up the next day and days following - when all the fuss was over and the real aching begins.

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