Need help with a personal issue

First, thanks for anyone who takes the time to give a suggestion to me.

Second, I know there are horrible problems all over and others have much worse things going on.

Third, DU always seems to find the right answer, so I pose a situation to my fellow DUers since I am not sure what to do, and here it goes:

I have a neighbor who I considered a close friend. I had to leave town recently for a few days and I asked her to house sit for me. When I got back, I noticed some things missing. Nothing of great value, but more like she had skimmed off things that maybe I would not notice ~~ like extra household supplies.

But...one thing that was missing and about which I am really upset: RX pain meds which I keep on supply because of a very painful back problem.

It is not like she was not compensated for doing the house sitting ~~ $100 for two nights and a fridge full of things like Rib Eye Steaks plus all sorts of movies and entertainment.

It's not the value of what is missing, but the pain meds and the petty thefts are really eating on me. I am sure she knows that I know what she did. Usually she calls me on a nearly daily basis ~~ and I have not heard from her for days since she is aware I discovered the pain meds are missing.

Besides never letting her in my home again, what in the hell should I do? I considered this person like a little sister and felt we were close friends. There is no doubt she took things however.

So I need advice on how to handle this. I am both pissed and very hurt. Any ideas?

Thanks in advance...:hug:

...I am wondering should I say anything to her? I keep thinking it is best to just let her stew in her own juice and not say a word.

Thanks for your response...:hi:

Perhaps first make a suggestion that maybe she invited someone over who might've made off with the pain meds. That might allow the neighbor a graceful - if possibly dishonest - way to tell you the truth.

...but what if she just says that no one was here but her?

I have discussed this with a mutal friend and we have come to the conclusion that the lady in question has a substance abuse problem and most likely her drugs of choice are RX meds.

I don't think she is going to admit that she is abusing meds ~~ so this most likely will not work.

If you're not worried about some paper towels or dish detergent or whatever, don't even mention it. The medicine, however, is serious. Just tell her your pain meds are missing and ask her! If she says no there's really not much you can do. If you think she took them, tell her that! And be aware that by suggesting things you think might have happened you're just bullshitting yourself and her and avoiding telling the truth. Being honest is hard sometimes, but it beats playing those bullshit mind-games.

on edit: well, since you've asked about the household supplies, are you now assuming she took the meds? (I admit I haven't read this whole thread, so you may have asked her this too) Asking her over the phone is just a convenient way of continuing to avoid facing her. Steel up and talk to her face-to-face.

someone else.

And then have an honest conversation with her. Tell her how close you consider her to be and tell her you noticed some things missing and wondered if she was in need. Maybe she invited someone over who took the meds or maybe she has a sick relative she thought she was helping. Maybe she's in a financial pickle and saw some easy money.

Communicate with her and either she will have a reasonable explanation which you can address or maybe she will confess. Either way, there will be a resolution and you won't have to fume any longer. And who knows - you might be able to help and at the same time, save a relationship.

My 2 cents worth. :) Good luck.

-JB

may have gone rummaging behind her back. But.
I would echo groovedaddy's advice.

...a visit. That way I will know for sure that she is the one who took the items in question.

If she does not fess up at that point, yes, dropping her and cutting my loss is what I will have to do.

Thanks to all with that request to make sure that someone did not do this behind her back. However, I really think with her silence towards me, she did it. Here is why I think this:

On Friday, we had a nail appointment and before I picked her up to go to this, I had found that the RX meds were missing. I said to her on the way over there that my back was killing me and I could not wait to get my nails done, get home, and get on the heating pad with a dose of the pain RX I take...and thank gawd I had enough so I did not have to go to the drug store on the way home. Having done a lot of trial work, I watched her reaction and listened to the tone of her voice ~~ her statement and her reactions were off for the rest of the morning and she has not called me since this happened.

So, I am at least 99% sure she took the meds.

It seems to me that your friend has decided on a course of action. Maybe it is time to let the silence come between you, at least for a while. If she is an addict, maybe someday she will seek treatment. On the fourth step you are likely to hear from her again. If she reaches out to you before that, remember that we have all done things we are not proud of. If your friendship is dear, let it be water under the bridge, and never ask her to house sit for you again. Sometimes it is a good thing to forgive debts. Often it preserves flawed but very fine relationships.

In the meantime, take your cue from your friend.

There are people I see on a regular basis and I'm friendly with them, but they would not sit my house. They are acquaintances, the others, the very few others are friends.

Sorry you had to find out the hard way.

Luckily I have a two very close friends who I would trust with my life ~~ long time friends who are wonderful. Glad I found out before she really did something bad that this person was not having as a friend.

Guess I gave this person too much credit. However, it could have been worse.

:hi:

well, you know what sort of person she is now. Avoid her, and if she asks why, tell her. I don't see a point in confronting her first, it would just give her an opportunity to deny it (how dare you accuse me of stealing!), or make excuses, or give you a sob story to make you feel bad. She sounds like a very crafty, manipulative person to have earned your trust the way she did--and then to steal from you...yep, bad news. Stay away.

tell her you are very disappointed in her and then drop it and drop her. She will totally understand the reference. This approach is low key and will make you feel better.

Since you said some of the material was household supplies, maybe you call her and tell her you're looking for one or more of the items and ask where she left them (I don't know what supplies, but maybe "I was looking for the Windex, do you remember where you used it last?") That's a neutral way to open the discussion.

As to the Rx, please make very sure your counts are accurate. My stepdaughter and her mother have not spoken in a long time because of this very thing. The mother made an error, made an accusation, and turned out to be incorrect. Because she had been on them for so long and had such a stock, she got her counts wrong and the damage was terrible for both of them.

...and, yeah, I am positive she skimmed some things.

Here is why:

I am a bit OCD ~~ especially about drawers and cupboards. I can pretty much tell you to the exact number how many of any given item I have and where it is. The first thing I noticed after I got home was that a box of tablets for the dishwasher was missing and I assumed that she ran it and put the box back elsewhere ~~ so I called her and asked her and she said that there were only a few tablets left and she had run the dishwasher, thrown the box in the trash, etc. I knew better, so I looked in the trash and there was no disposed of empty container. That put me on notice real fast that something was off ~~ so I started looking around.

I know to the number the pain med RX pills that was there ~~ because I have another RX in my wallet that I needed to fill and I re-fill when I have a certain number left in the pharmacy container I keep in the kitchen cupboard. When I went to get a pill after I got back, the pharmacy container was there, but it was empty. I can guarantee you that I would under NO circumstances have left and empty RX container in my cupboard.

I am one of those over organized people that drive most people batty about "everything has a place and everything in its place." I could go into my room, in the dark, open a dresser drawer and pull out a particular color of sock and I could go into the kitchen and do the same thing about any particular item in my pantry.

I didn't realize the Rx container was actually empty. Not much mistaking that!

Betrayal is a tough thing to deal with.....

and lay it on thick. Let her know how disappointed you are. Then cut your losses and walk away.

If she returns the items, you can reconsider a friendship. Just don't have her house sit the next time.

Stealing pain meds is really bad juju. She's got a real problem there. Next time you go away, put those puppies into a different bottle. I keep mine in a blood pressure med bottle since a burglar stole them some years ago.

You could drop a dime on her for the pain meds. I don't know if you want to ruin her life over them, though.

if she stole from you or doesn't come clean about having company over who could have stolen from you. I have had people close to me rip me off. Totally felt violated especially since I did not even own much to begin with. Dump her if you feel that she did it after talking to her. She is not your friend because she cannot be due to her issues. Let her go. Find better friends.

She is damn lucky that the OP didn't call the police on that one.

If it was me I would tell her factually that you know what is missing then like someone else said, drop her like a hot potato. She may be pissed and whine and moan, but that's one less lying addict in your life--and ALL addicts are liars!

....I googled "friend stole my pain meds..." and there are hundreds of hits on this. Much of the advice is that stealing such RXs is a crime and I am seriously considering filing a police report and letting the chips fall where they may. One of the googled items I read on was about how this caused someone to get into rehab. That would be a good thing for this person, IMO.

So, yeah, I am seriously considering turning her in to LE for the theft of the meds.

that your meds were stolen. She needs to face her problem. I'm sorry that it falls to you to do this. Sure, she just might have a problem with stealing in general. But she might also have an addiction. Addiction kills.

What happens when she gets so far gone that she breaks into someone's home to steal more meds?

I'm just so sorry that you have lost a friend and that you need to deal with this. But you have and you do. Because you are a better friend than she was. For your final act of friendship you must report it. You might be saving her life.

Even so, she cannot be your friend anymore. She violated your trust and put your health at risk and put your relationship with your doctor at risk. Maybe you had a refill due anyway, but this woman couldn't have known that. Yet she stole from you anyway.

A real friend tells the truth and doesn't enable their poor choices. By reporting the drugs stolen you're opening the door for her getting some help, hopefully (just remember that things quite often don't end up nice and neat with a bow on top).

Good advice. :hi:

meds from me, that could be quite dangerous if not now in the future. Call the police.

She could have let someone in. She could have used the cleaning supplies for a spill or something. You might have used them and not remembered. She could have dropped the pills by accident. How much is missing?

I would recommend communicating with her. Ask her about the missing items. There may be a valid reason.

On the other hand, if she provides no rational explanation then you know she has an emotional problem. Would you dump a friend if they confessed they had a mental problem? Wouldn't you try to see if you could get them help?

If you considered her a little sister, would you dump your little sister without an explanation?

At least give her the opportunity to apologize and or explain.

But I would keep her away from unsupervised access to your property unless you get a good explanation.

I think I need some time to pass before I say anything more to her. She should be aware by now that I know some things are missing ~~ primarily the RX meds.

So, in a way, it is a good thing she has not called me for days ~~ she probably is afraid knowing what I might do.

Make that your last official meeting.

...thank you. This is something that most likely would work. :hug:

If she really does have a drug problem, they probably know, and they probably know they need to do something about it. I think going to the police would be overkill on this one, but reaching out to her family might be a way to get her some help, which it sounds like she needs.

....only the elderly aunt and that would not work. Her ex husband is a drunk and uses drugs...so that course of action is out, too, even tho they are still in contact.

Thank her for house sitting, then mention that you miss some pain medicine, and ask if anyone came with her as it was taken and you need it.

You do not need friends like this.

That you had to find out this way that your neighbor has issues. Either for pain meds or for selling pain meds for extra money. To take from someone you consider a great neighbor and sister tells me that her judgment is faulty.

Does she have any kids? I'm just thinking that she may have allowed someone else in the house to and they took the medications. If she was the only one then you have some tough decisions to make. I personally would let it go but I don't think my friendship with her could be the same. I have a sister in law who's an addict, and while I still love her, I'm very aware that she could trade me and our friendship for her fix.

Again I'm sorry, and you only have two options really. Let it go or report it to the police. If you need a new prescription because you're unable to fill it then you will have to report it stolen. Since you know who had access to your home the police will have something to work with. Brutal but true. If you can refill it, or get another one called in then you're fine. I would suggest you do what we did. We have a metal lock box that is mounted on the wall and a key is needed for it to open. We put it in the back of our closet so it's not noticeable.

Again I'm sorry but now you know and it will never happen again.

...it really hurt to have to accept that this really happened.

There is just too much evidence that she took things. One of the other things that sealed it for me that she did it was that I had to be gone again ~~ just for the day ~~ she she volunteered to come over without any charge to keep an eye on the house for me and let the dog out, etc. I think there were a few things she wanted to put back. Too late ~~ way too late. She was just too insistant that she wanted to do this for me and I was only going to be gone for a few hours. Made no sense to me ~~ unless she wanted to cover some tracks she had left.

and face her on it. it will in time resolve and saying out loud, as painful as she may feel it is (not painful for you cause you are not taking it personally and not sittin in judgment, just is what it is) this can heal. if you stay quiet will always be there and you will always want to say something

IF

she is not as close as you say and you are more than willing to let her go.... leave it be, let it go, and detach. detaching is easy for me.

BUT

we can all justify actions and convince ourselves to do things. as wrong as this is... people. good and bad of who we are

I would be grateful that I found out and leave it at that. Neighborhood feuds have ruined lives. I would also discreetly change my locks - what if she had a duplicate made while you were away? Make up an excuse if she asks you about it or sees the locksmith car in the driveway - say you got a weird email from an old boyfriend who still had a housekey and you're changing for security.

...I am not gonna take a chance that there is an extra key floating around anywhere.

I'd say to her that you just can't remember where you put your damn meds, would she have seen them at all when she was in the house? If she has anything about her she will use that as a chance to return them, unlikely as that might be, it would be up to her to find a cover story (eg she brought her own meds to your home and took yours with her by mistake when she left).

Other than that it's just hard to see what else you can do, but by asking her the above she'll known damn well that you know what she did.

Taking any of your stuff was bad enough, but it's just unforgivable for her to take your meds, unbelievable.

Best of luck with this Hepburn.

...if the entire thing had been missing, I could have bought that it had been a mistake and she picked up my RX bottle along with hers. But only the pills were gone...and this RX bottle was in a kitchen cupboard where no one would have put his/her meds for any reason and taken my along with theirs by mistake.

Yeah, when I had a severe back problem and found the RX meds were missing, I was in so much pain, I could not get to the pharmacy to get a re-fil...had to wait until someone got here to help me out.

That pretty much tore it for me ~~ she knows the kind of back pain I have and to leave me stranded ... I just cannot forgive that kind of conduct.

An empty RX container? Wow, it gets worse.

Just to clarify, I wasn't suggesting at all that she might have taken them by accident, just that if she wanted to right the wrong she might use that as an excuse. I wouldn't believe it for a minute, but if she had any remorse it might be the only story she could come up with.

Does she have any relatives/friends who might have been in the house with her? If you want to confront her you could start with the softly-softly approach, explain that your meds are missing and you're just concerned that someone (a young friend/relation of hers) might have removed them and, if they take them, could be harmed by them?

That puts her on the spot, it would be interesting to hear her response.

...by a former marriage. The lady is about 85 and in poor health.

Not very good with covering her tracks either. And yes, I grew up in a family of an addict (alcoholic and mental disease) so know the pattern of behavior.

She's probably lied/made up a lot of stuff before this so now you have no idea what's true and what is not.

...that do not jive. I got one story ~~ she got another.

Then by confronting her would only give this person a chance to get it off her chest, so to speak, and by doing that she will go forward without any feelings of guilt. My advice is if you have no plans to take it any further then to say nothing, just write her off and she'll sooner or later get the picture. You may even be getting an apology at a later time because of the guilt she will feel. But if you confront her she will not likely be feeling bad about this going forward because she will have changed the subject to whatever it is you wind up saying or whatever it is she says to try to explain it away. Let it go and learn from this.
This episode shows to us what a great person you are by your actions up to this point. :hug:

...it really helped that you congratulated me for being concerned about what to do.

I do think that if I confront her, she is gonna make it that I am the bad person. I do think she has a substance abuse problem and is in denial about it and that is why the pain meds are missing. The small amount of other items she took ~~ it seems to me ~~ are because she needed them. People with substance abuse problems do usually have money problems unless they are very, very wealthy and that is not the case with my former friend.

You know, if she had come to me and said that she was hurting for money and needed to go to the store, I would have filled her pantry and never had asked for the money back. But what gets to me is that she got $100 for house sitting ~~ that should have more than covered some dishwashing soap and trash bags.

Just amazing to me what she did.

By the approach you've taken this very well may be the first step in her acceptance of her problem as no longer will she be able to deny to herself the reality of where she is. :hug: Remember the price you've paid very well may be the down payment on a better life for her.

Have a great day, you've earned it. :hi:

I am trying to be rational about this ~~ I do realize that people with substance abuse problems need the meds and that comes before anything else in their world and what was done was not personal to me. She would have done this to anyone. That does help me deal with how hurt I am over this. Our other pal is just plain, old pissed off that someone stole from me. I talked to her, the other friend, because I wanted to be sure or my suspicions before I made the final conclusion that this person really had stolen from me. And no matter how I tried to spin the facts, there really was only one conclusion.

Thanks again for how sensitive you are on this issue. :hi:

at a later date now that the neighbor knows what she has. This is too dangerous.

As several have suggested find out if she possibly had any other persons in the house, then if not and if she is a friend this gives her a chance to fess up one way or the other, if she denies all of it that pretty much says it all, she most likely has a drug problem. From that point on you need to decide how good a friend she is and whether you can talk to her and possibly head her in the right direction towards getting help, when users/addicts start stealing to support their habits they are a long way down the road towards self destruction. You do not mention in here anything about other friends/acquaintances who you may enlist in an effort toward confronting/discussing her possible problem, always helps in this type of situation to have backup. Good luck..

Did anyone else have access to your house while you were gone? Could the woman's kids or their friends have been there, with or without her knowledge? Don't assume anything.

Lastly they sell a cheap strong box for about 20 bucks with a digital keypad to open it to keep your drugs in. Can't leave that kind of thing laying around ever. Even when you are home. Stuff like that is too tempting. I recommend you get one and use it. Keep in mind that the locks on your front door aren't there to keep burglars out. They are mainly designed to keep friends out. A professional burglar can go through them like a hot knife through butter.

Good luck.

Don

We have one primarily because of the teens who regularly come through our home.

I live in a bit of a fishbowl and I have a wonderful, but VERY nosey, and dear older neighbor who can tell you about anything and everything that went on in the neighborhood minute by minute. She sits in her front window all day long and this is her hobby. Don't get me wrong ~~ I truly love this gal and her being nosey, IMO, is more from anxiety and worry about others than about anything related to bad issues ~~ like gossip. She just worries about everyone, their pets and anything that goes on. So if anyone had been here, she would know. I am going to raise the issue with her today. But...I am pretty sure that the person I suspect of stealing was here alone. I would say I am 99.99% sure she was here alone and that she took my pain meds.

some things went missing while you were away.

Maybe it wasn't her...maybe she had a friend come over to help her and the friend did it...you don't know...

But I would definitely say something and then never leave her alone in my home again.

Also...and I'm sure you know this now...never leave any kind of meds around where curious/nosy people might find them. Lock up any small items you don't want taken. Invest in a small, relatively inexpensive wall safe or something.

I never trust anyone in my home. Whenever we have a gathering here of people and I won't be right there the whole time, I always hide my purse in the clothes dryer and put away little stuff on top of my dresser.



PS...edited to add:

For the future, in case you ever have anyone watch your home again, even if it's a trusted family member...there are relatively inexpensive surveillance cameras on the market.

It sucks that people have to resort to such things, but that's the way of the world. Plus, with a video, you have proof you can use to press charges if you want to.

You might consider getting the locks changed, too. :hi: :hug:

First thing I did when I realized the meds were gone.

Hope your friend realizes what a good friend she lost.

...I do believe she has a substance abuse problem ~~ prescription RXs ~~ and she has been abusing them for a very long time. I am hurt, but I truly understand the craving that she does have for the substances she abuses. She is hooked and what she took has nothing to do with me. She spends her life looking for her next fix.

I just do not want to give her another chance to rip me off. She caused me problems because of her addiction ~~ I went without what I needed and what I do not abuse because she took something vital to my well being. That I can do without.

:hug:

prescription. My oncologist required a police report when my drugs were stolen.

Several people have used the word "confront", I'm not sure that is the term I would use. But to me the best thing to do is sit down with her, tell her that you know that she took those things and violated your trust. Give her a chance to admit it and hopefully apologize. She probably feels remorse, assuming that this is a one time lapse in judgment and not a short stop in her career of thievery. If you are willing to forgive her, you can tell her that everyone makes mistakes and that you don't hate her but that you are disappointed and that making choices like this will ruin her life at some point. She may be at a big crossroad in terms of her decision making. She will either take your forgiveness and never do something like that again or it will be lost on her and she will continue making terrible decisions. Either way, you can perhaps make a learning experience out of it, and if not, you tried. After that she's on her own. I think taking a conciliatory approach is best, although you obviously don't want her housesitting, and you might even consider changing the locks if she's ever had a key.

...I do think that she needs to know that I know. I am concerned right now that I would blow up because I am very upset over what she did.

:hug:

And I can't improve on it. He's right -- being straight with her is the best way to go, as uncomfortable as it might be.

I know exactly where you're coming from -- years ago, my best friend came over for a visit; later on, long after he was gone, I went to take some prescribed anti-anxiety medication. I opened the pill bottle, and all these papery, swollen, useless globs (former pills) fell out into my hand -- the medication had been soaked with water, and was ruined. It was obvious that my friend was helping himself, and dropped the bottle into the toilet or sink, and said nothing to me about it (of course, he was stealing my medication). I was straight with him, he was contrite and we got our friendship back on track, but I never trusted him again to be alone with my medicine cabinet. When he visits, I still take the prescriptions out of the medicine cabinet and stash them where I can barely remember wherer they are.

It a sticky wicket, but face-to-face honesty is the wisest avenue to take. You could even open with something like, "You know, it's the strangest thing, but when I left for vacation, I had a full bottle of XXXXX in the medicine cabinet. When I got home it was gone. Do you know anything about that, or why that should be? (At this point, it's human nature to get defensive; after all she's all but been caught in the act, so let her act indignant.)

And the big question remains -- if she comes 100% clean, could you ever trust her ever again? If you stay friends with her, do *not* leave any medications in the medicine cabinet when she comes over!

Good luck with this --

1. No more house-sitters. Kennel your pets, set up drip waterers for your houseplants, and stop your mail at the post office for trips longer than a couple of days. Leave some lights on timers so that the place doesn't look deserted.

Set up free-feeders and waterers for pets for a weekend gone.

2. You have a choice: confront, gently, this woman about the missing items; be prepared to create an enemy, and be prepared to call in law enforcement, even if there is nothing they can do. At least the suspicion would be on record, in case she house-sits for others.

Or: Let it go, never ask her to house sit again, and begin distancing yourself from her. You won't create an enemy that way.

Whatever you choose, change the locks.

...she is beside herself all the time I am gone when she is kenneled.

But...there are pet friendly hotels where I go and I am looking at options of taking her along with me and leaving her at licensed day care during the day time. Her main problems are at night when she is not close by me.

I think I am going to do the last alternative re the housesitter ~~ distance and let it go. I really don't think confronting someone who has done this is going to accomplish anything. Just more ugliness. And, yeah, the locks are changed already.

Guess it is time for me to heal and just move on ~~ hopefully she may decide the same for herself. I have to face it: If she steals from me, I really do not have the talent or the time to rehab her. She has to do it herself and go to a professional for help. Hopefully she will make some good choices now.

:hug:

Thank you my DU friends. I know that compared to the ills of the world and huge problems that others have, this is nothing much. But like always, DU helped me out. What a great place!

:loveya:

My dog, too, is anxious when I'm not here. I HAVE to have someone come out, since I have horses that need to be fed. I get my son or a friend to stop by, feed the horses, and play with the dog. Twice a day, since that's how often the horses have to be fed. I just don't give out the key to the house. The dog comes out the doggie door for attention.

I doubt it was malicious. It sounds to me to be a klepto thing. Better she be confronted by you then a angry person or the cops for a later theft.

your prescription? That could cause you problems with your doctor on refills if that is the case. And then you will have to jump through all sorts of hoops to get back into your doctor's good graces.

If so, you may need to take formal action as in filing a police report. They won't do anything about it, of course. But at least you will have documented the situation for your health care provider to see.

If the theft didn't make you run out of pain medication too soon, you still need to confront her about it. She was playing around with your life in a horrible way. She had no way of knowing whether you had enough pain medication to meet your needs after she stole from you. She needs to know directly from you that she is no longer a part of your life. People who steal prescription medications have a problem. And I'm sorry to say that it is now your responsibility to confront her about it and cut her out of your life. That is the only way she will begin to understand how much harm she has caused. And it might just save her life down the road.

It has been a rough several days dealing with the pain. She really, truly screwed me over. Right now, it most likely would not be a good thing for me to confront her. As badly as I hurt and as angry as I am, I could not be civil in the least. I am distancing at the moment and plan to say something to her when I know I can control the situation and not wish to beat the shit out of her for what she put me through.

Edit to add: I can have a refill, but I could not get the doctor to take care of a problem since it is too soon to refill. Like I said above, when I have a few pills left, I refill so that I am never without in case I have a bad spell.

or to even speak to her again. Let the police deal with her. That is the only thing that will help her. It'll never go to court because they won't be able to prove that she did it and not somebody else. But it'll be documented and she will be on notice from here on out.

Just don't let this woman off the hook. It's not good for her and it's not good for you. I'm in constant pain, too, and take pain meds. I would feel so violated if somebody did this to me. And I know that if I didn't do something about it, I'd feel so damned weak on top of everything else. In essence, she is causing you bodily harm right now, just the same as if she beat you with a baseball bat. And she knew it when she stole the medication. That's cold.

does she have teenage kids?


If pain meds are missing you need to say something

My so called "best friend" fucked me over one too many times. She is no longer a friend.

that you are saddened by this breach of trust. Then the ball is in her court to take the first step to repair the friendship or walk away. At least you will know that you gave her an opportunity to make amends. Good luck.

she may be going through something bad that is making her act out......this is not normal behavior - heck, I housesit/pet sit and have only ever had to cop to the theft of an occasional chocolate

The mother of my grandbaby reappeared after two years recently and the very first day she stole three bottles of pain medicine, one of which was 90 oxycontin, right out of my bedroom......

We immediately called the police because bottles and all went missing and had my name on them. Plus I couldn't get the pain meds replaced without a police report.

Call the police.

In this society, I think that we don't speak with each other nearly like we need to in order to have a society.

All the silence is the stuff of soap operas.

You know yourself, and you know her, and you know the situation, so you are the best one to decide how to handle it.

But I think that speaking out in some fashion, however you choose to do so, is the best, not only for your own inner health and peace, but maybe even for her.

In any case, I'm really sorry that you suffer from such pain... there is nothing like constant pain to drive a person off the edge!


I'm also sorry you found your neighbor to not be trustworthy. That is a real loss.

Best to you! :hug: