"I need your help"

I taught school, and every now and then a class would be all whompy-sided from the beginning. Whatever started the kids going off the rails began before they got there, and it would just get worse. Nothing suited anybody and if you weren't vexed when you came in the door, you were soon vexed by something. It was like a virus was infecting everybody, and I would catch it too.

I learned to catch on quick to the whompy vibes. As soon as I knew we were heading for the ditch, I tried to grab control.

The first thing I said was, "I need your help. Please listen to me." I would repeat it if need be. That usually got their attention because they couldn't imagine what a teacher would need their help for. I would tell them flat out that I knew something wasn't right, but I didn't have a clue.

I would tell them to get out a sheet of paper, and write down what was bothering them. I didn't want names, and I told them I wouldn't compare the notes to the handwriting samples I kept for each student(kidding). I asked them to be honest. I was going to stand in front of them and read them to myself and try to sort out what problems I could. I was going to hear what they said.

One time a lot of them were het up because a fight had broken out in the hall. They weren't involved, but it got them going anyway. So we talked about that for a little while.

I would usually get at least one note "complimenting" me on something and an assignment of a name that someone felt was appropriate for my actions. One time they were all in a huff because the homework didn't go like I thought it would. They hadn't understood what they should do when they got down to it. So we tried to figure that out.

Then there was one time when the answers were nonsensical. The kids were just sideways and even they couldn't say why. So I told them I thought they might all have brain fleas. These were teeniny thoughts that were too hard to catch, but they were bothersome anyway. So we talked about brain fleas.

And the one I really remember was when I got a note from a kid who said her kitten had died and she was lonely. I asked the class if the they knew that someone in the room had lost their best friend - they didn't have Fluffy anymore. That hushed them up, and got their minds on something besides themselves.

And so it went. I didn't get a lot of these days, but I always asked for their help. I tried to remind them of that a lot.

I don't think town halls help. They are really clown halls because that is who gets the attention. People should be asked to bring their bills and their problems written down. They wouldn't have to show the details, but it would be a reminder that everybody has something to worry about.

When that lady in the wheelchair was heckled, I wish she had turned to one of those loons, and said "I need your help. I can't get to where I need to be without it, and I want to help you too." I wish she had said, "I want to hear what you have to say, but I can't because it's too loud. I can't hear your words because the anger gets to me first."

"Will you help me?"

...the truly gifted educators from all the rest. :hug:

:hug: Thank you for your service. I'm sure every student you taught remembers you :-).

I tried. I never knew if I a gave kids wings or walls.

"brain fleas"
I like that.
K&R

:toast:

Excellent method for those times when that's not the case, however.

When people know you "see" them and know their faces, it can make a change.

I substitute taught for a while. Subs have a hard job. I learned to memorize a kid's name the first time I called it. If they misbehaved and I said "Johnny" instead of "you in the blue shirt," it stopped them cold. Probably because they thought I had magical powers in order to do that.

Ask someone who hollers their name. Point them out and ask them for help.

But still disagree with the analogy to teaching kids. Kids - despite what we sometimes snarkily say - are not there with no purpose other than to disrupt.

It is a very hard thing, to ask for help, but hopefully someone will listen. I hope that with the publicity of that lady someone will hear what she was trying to say and help her.

:applause: :yourock: :woohoo:

:applause:

It gave me a lot to think about. You were doing very good conflict resolution without even knowing what the conflicts were. That takes a very special skill.

I'll tell you what I feel right now over this health care fiasco. Frustrated and betrayed by a president I supported and thought I could trust. My perception is that he threw aside his promise and is ignoring the majority of the people who elected him for what? I don't even know. I did a rare thing for me. I trusted him and believed what he said. I had hope and now I don't. I don't know what to believe any more. I only know that he blew it big time so he could seemingly show the Republicans what a nice accommodating guy he is. You have to be both at times, but now is not the time. People are sinking financially and dying because of Republican manipulations and the pressure from insurance companies. Obama says little or nothing. He does not address the hecklers and their actions. He acts as if none of this really exists and everything is swell. I thought of him as smart and definite, but now I see a man who doesn't seem to know what to do with himself or this situation.

So, good teacher, thanks for listening. Next time I'll vote for you.;) I think you would do a much better job.

I'm not sure what is going on with President Obama. I keep hoping.

I liked the kids I taught. I could pretty much rock and roll with them. They also understood one thing very early. I meant what I said. They might not like what I was saying at some moment, but it was something they could bank on.

I just read about Van Jones resigning because of "inflammatory" remarks against Republicans. Isn't that what political parties do? They denigrate each other. They always have. It may not be the best behavior but it makes it clear what side you are on.

What is this thing Obama has about protecting Republicans while ignoring Democrats, Progressives and others? It is his job to be a Democratic president. We elected a Democrat because we did not want the Republicans. They have put us on a steady downward trajectory since Reagan took office. Bush tried to end our Democracy as we have known it, and as the Founders intended it to be. But it seems that all Obama is interested in doing is kissing up to the Republicans and in many ways trying to emulate them. This is not acceptable. We wanted change, not the same tired old policies. They have nearly gutted us, and now it looks like Obama is eager to finish the job.

I think my last straw was when he seemingly caved to the two year old mentality of the Freepers disrupting the town hall meetings, and then said that the Progressives should be "good soldiers" and go along. No way. I had eight long years before Obama of watching what I consider to be pure unadulterated evil in the form of the Bush administration. I protested then when it was a real risk to do so, and I am not going to lie down for them now. If Obama keeps this up when it is so senseless to do so with the majority of Americans supporting his promises and prior stated policies what will he do later when his popularity slips because he sold us all out? Everyone in the U.S. who voted for him wanted a positive government and real change, not what we're getting now.

I thought he had courage. I thought he had integrity. I'm not seeing courage now. I'm not seeing integrity. If you don't have the courage to stand up for what you believe, then you have nothing, and what do you see when you try to meet your own eyes in the mirror? Or do you even think that something may be wrong with what you are doing? Hope is all we had, but somewhere along the line mine got stretched pretty badly. Call it my "brain fleas," ;) I will gather my somewhat bruised Quaker values around me and keep fighting for what I think is right, but once again I'm pretty sure the government is not fighting with me. That is a bad place to be, but not unfamiliar after Bush.

Thanks for reading this, all of you and letting me vent. As the Gumbys would say, "My brain hurts." :argh:

However, I also think he tried to carry the bipartisanship idea too long and too far. There was a point that he should have reached much earlier when he should have stood up and rhetorically whacked them all.

I have no problem trying to mediate and negotiate. However, I also have a point that I get to where I won't reach any further.
My rules of thumb are:
1-First I will ask you.
2-Then I will tell you.
3-After that I will make you. These are all predicated on working from a position of strength. You have it as a teacher. President also has it with a Democratic majority and the support of the people.

The worst thing you can do is say you are going to do something, and then not do it. That undercuts every other action you try to take. If, and only if, you can make a concise and cogent reason for a change that is understandable should you change course. Getting Republicans on board for health reform isn't a good reason.

A large majority of Americans want health care reform, and the public option is a choice they like. Put together a strong bill with basic goals that are easily understood.
1-You choose what plan you want.
2-You choose whether to keep a private plan or enter the public option.
3-Medicare will not change.
4-Then define the public option as Medisave or Medihealth - Medicare for younger people.

I don't like triggers, but why not phase it in.
A- ages 45-65 are eligible the first year (This will help get some people out of jobs they have to work to keep health insurance thus opening up some emploment opportunities)
B - ages 25-45 are eligible the second year
C - under 25 who need coverage the third year
If you don't sign up if you are 45 and want to later, open enrollment every year for 3 months.

I have no idea if this would work or some variation of it. I'm not aware of enough details.

I like it.

And I loved your OP.

I agree with most of what you have written. My problem is with the phase in. There is inevitably the end of the "honeymoon" period with a new president. If Obama's has not come already, it will later. Then it will make it much more difficult for him to exercise his authority to trigger the next part of the phase in. In the meantime, the town hall thugs and their ilk will have presented this as a stunning victory and I am almost positive the whole process we are going through now will begin again.

I think that if Obama is going to give us a meaningful health care bill, he needs to do it now. For a lot of reasons. Now is when he has the most back up for it. The Democrats are already beginning to splinter. That won't get any better. Also, what about the people who are suffering and going bankrupt right now? They need relief and they won't get it if something is not done for them, soon. For me that is the saddest part. It is people's lives they are playing with, and lives cannot be replaced.

I liked your breakdown of your mediation techniques. I believe in conflict resolution. It works. My method is to sit down and talk to the person/people I am having difficulty with. The first thing I do is listen, really listen, because you cannot discuss a problem unless you have listened. Then I ask if they will listen to me. They usually do, because people feel better when they are heard. After we have listened to each other, I point out the areas where we agree, then the areas where we disagree and ask them to do the same. Then we discuss each point we disagree on and ask if there is anything we can release from the disagreement to bring our ideas closer together. Then we negotiate. For as long as it takes. If everything goes well, then we can resolve our problems and come to an agreement. If either one of us is happy with the agreement then we have probably failed to have a meeting of minds. If you resolve a conflict, some of the conditions will satisfy you and some will not, but both sides have to give and that usually doesn't make people too happy. But at least you can go your separate ways and work on the things you can fix instead of fighting over the things you can't move at all. It sounds kludgy and complicated, but it really isn't. Not being a teacher, or a person of authority, I have no position of strength to come from and we have to deal as equals, which is a lot harder sometimes.;) It is also a Quaker thing. We believe that all people are of equal importance and should be approached and given the respect we would want to have shown to us.

What you are describing as a plan for health care was what I was thinking of as single payer. The template exists in medicare. You overlay a plan meant for people of all ages on the medicare framework with provisions for a prescription plan and base the cost on the ability of the individual to pay for it. Those who are rich could pay for those who have nothing without breaking a sweat. I pay for my medicare now out of social security. It could be withheld as an additional Social Security tax out of wages for those who work, or as a self pay program the way people who are not employed pay for self insurance now. It would not be subject to pressure from privately owned health insurance companies who might then have to lower premiums and live up to the contractual obligations they already have.

I'm glad you have your hope and your belief in the President. He does need them. I was speaking only for myself. I have had it. I was dubious when he began vamping on bi partisanship to such an extreme in the beginning. The country was and is in a shambles and he is courting support from the very people who helped put it there. He should have steered his own course and asked them to join if they could or try to keep up later if they couldn't, but this is too much and I think it needs to end now. If I never hear the word "bipartisanship" again, it will be too soon. This is going to part of another letter my husband and I will send to the White House. Perhaps someone will even read it.

We needed to be building Golden Bridges.

President Clinton's trip to North Korea was a perfect example. They saved "face" by having him come to talk about the journalists. Ultimately that lead to their release. We saved face because we got the journalists back in good condition without threatening WWIII. Of course the Republicans acted like North Korea was given a free pass to invade Disneyland and take over the Teacup ride.

In our political situation now, unfortunately we are well past trying to do that. We are going to have to build the damn bridge ourselves, and drag the other side across. You can't be afraid to negotiate, but you also can't keep using that tactic forever. You end up shaking hands with yourself.

Politics is poker. You don't show ANY of your cards to begin with. When the administration made health care the central piece of their agenda, they showed much of their hand. It should have been presented as just one part of our national puzzle that needs to be put together. It should have been mixed in with cap & trade, "Cash for Clunkers", starting to solve the financial problems, the strategy for the the Middle East, and so on.

That doesn't mean it wasn't high on the list. That would have lowered the profile of it. As it is, health care reform has been set up as the flag in a mudball fight. Remember D-Day. The Germans knew we were coming, and we knew they knew. Eisenhower had to improvise and make them think we were coming ashore somewhere beside our actual landing zone. It wasn't perfect, but it worked well enough. Even then, however, we had to fight like hell to get where we were going.

My point is that Eisenhower didn't blast out messages that the invasion would be by a certain date, and it would be for all the marbles. It didn't matter if they still knew that. They were kept on their toes just by the thought, and it tied them up trying to cover a lot of possibilities. In addition, when we committed our forces for June 6th, it was done with everything we had.

I think everybody in the administration needs to read Sun Tzu's "The Art of War." Throw in some Clausewitz and Machiavelli. They seem to be using Norman Vincent Peale a little too much.

I completely agree that in politics you need to build alliances, and that sometimes those are best established quietly and out of the public glare. That way, whatever happens, no one loses face or has to stand up and explain the discussion. which may have been contradictory to previously stated positions. The exact position Obama is in now because he did not proceed carefully, or logically even though he is a very bright man.

I hoped for a long while that Obama was silently bridge building, especially among the Dems, but now I don't know anymore. I seriously doubt it. There has been a lot of storming and very little clarity. The media has added to the situation and honed the general aura of hysteria to a fine point. People have stopped thinking and are simply shouting. Obama, like everyone else has a learning curve, and maybe that is why he is stumbling, but the result feels more like a sell out. I realize that feeling and knowing are two different things, but we are feeling beings and sometimes feelings obliterate logic.

I'm a Quaker. I'm bound to negotiation. Peaceful resolution of disputes are part of my core values. There are many different kinds of negotiation and resolution. Not all of them involve simply sitting and talking, or writing and taking positions. Sometimes you have to take a chance and put yourself at risk. There is civil disobedience, non violent public protest and vigorous public debate. Educational outreach is always useful. Clinton built a bridge in North Korea using his reputation and diplomacy. Quakers helped build a bridge in Iran at the time when it looked like Bush was going to widen his wars to include Iran. A team of Quakers went there, quietly, to try and reassure the Iranian government that the majority of the American people did not want a war. They offered themselves as hostages, if it came to it. They went quietly because they knew what Bush would do if he knew, and that it would completely destroy their efforts to calm the Iranians and ease the tensions there. It was also illegal for them to go at that time. Not wrong, but under Bush many things that were not wrong were made illegal. They returned home late last year, never in any peril, because they did talk and build a bridge. They risked their lives on their own, because the only life you have a right to risk is your own.

Then there was Tom Fox. He tried to build a bridge in Iraq and ease the burden of the civilians there, as well as to expose what Bush was doing there. He paid with his own life. It was his free choice to be there and he understood that it might end his life. He did a lot of good, as did the other peacemakers who were with him. Negotiation always has a place. It is the best alternative to violence that we have. It has weaknesses, and can become circular unless care is taken to avoid that. It doesn't always go as one would wish, but if I consider the alternatives which are constant conflict which feeds itself to the point where reasonable people are silenced,++++++ or violence, I'll stick with negotiation.

By the way, I read the Art of War myself. Good book with a lot of wisdom to offer the reader.

If anyone assumes that I am advocating "asking" for help as begging, I'm not. I asked for help straight up and as a statement of fact. It can be a tricky thing to ask for help, and retain your dignity. However, it can be done.

Looking someone in the eye and making that statement reveals that you are only human. Everybody needs help with something. It also puts the ball in the other person's court. They will either rise to the occasion and retain some of their dignity or look small and petty.

It can be hard especially if someone has made you so mad that you have an urge to drag them around the room by an ear.

And yes, there are some people who won't learn or listen. They have let their ears atrophy by not using them, and their mouths and vocal cords are way too big. They might accidentally swallow an idea or two if the concepts aren't too large. Concentrate on those that you can, and they might shut that other ones up.

:hi:

Most people in the profession do if they are paying attention.:hi:

I don't "do" Facebook, but many read. The healthcare message "status" that went viral the other day was heartening.

This post reminds me something I've been saying of late that shuts up right-wingers. The lady in the wheelchair at the town hall meeting was no doubt surrounded by many who consider themselves "good Christians," yet helping her was the furthest thing from their minds.


I believe Jesus exemplifies what many conservatives in the USA call "bleeding-heart liberal." If He were alive today, how would He feel about the hypocritical rhetoric being spewed by His so-called followers? It's one thing to encourage personal responsibility; it's another to be selfish, greedy and judgmental and make assumptions based on ignorance. Would today's right-wingers crucify Jesus all over again?


Alternately, I could simply say: I believe Jesus exemplifies what many conservatives in the USA call "bleeding-heart liberal." Would today's right-wingers crucify Jesus all over again?

;)

if he bit them on the butt!

Thank you so much for writing this!

He teaches 4th grade in a lower income area. This is his first year with that grade, he preferred 5th. Long story, the principal trying to show another teacher who was boss by assigning them to 5th grade, rather than 4th like they requested.

Anyway, he says there is a world of difference between those two grades. Out of 25 students, 13 are learning English. For whatever reason, those kids seem to respond well to him. As you can imagine, it makes for a long day, with a lot of frustration on the kids' part, sprinkled with bits of humor. "Your name goes at the top of the page" results in several students writing "Your Name" at the top of their assignment. :)

Your approach makes a lot of sense, and not just for the young. We could all learn from it.