BJU

I just got an email from my nephew who recently started classes at Bob Jones University. He wanted me to know that he has a new email address through the school. At 28 he's older than most of his classmates, but he was never supposed to be able to read and write at all, due to hemiplegic cerebral palsy. He is a spectacular young man who has worked extremely hard to overcome his limitations.

I was there the day he was born and marveled at how much he looked like his daddy did. He has always held a special place in my heart and always will, even though his parents have since become the fundiest of rightwing fundies. My sister and I walk on eggshells in order to avoid being barred from communication with our nephew; we have both suffered periods of banishment for offending sensibilities we weren't even aware of until the punishment was meted out. They are resigned that we will burn in hell for being Democrats, and they suffer our existence only for 'the sake of family'. Ironically, the attitude does not extend to our other brother who, even though he has become a Democrat in recent years, is redeemed by his status as a veteran.

It's been years since I've had a simple conversation with my younger brother. Within moments of "hello" it becomes a sermon; relating a story about something I've done or someplace I've been is construed as an invitation to "correction" - as in, "you should have done..." or "you should have said..." What makes it all especially heartbreaking are the memories I have of my brother, first as a little boy and then as a young man who knew how to smile and laugh. Now, if there is any joy in him he keeps it well hidden on those rare occasions when we speak.

I don't get it. I have many, many friends of just about every faith and/or philosophy, so this isn't an argument against faith or religion; especially since I hold a faith that gives me great joy, even though its celebrations aren't confined by any building or determined by any mortal's words. And where I find both joy and comfort in the same book that, somehow, informs my brother's life, but I've never found any part of it that demands a joyless existence. Sad that he puts so much effort into something that brings no happiness, life's too short.

But what I really don't get is this: the faith that my brother espouses is centered around one particular figure, ostensibly the founder of the faith. That figure dominates every conversation, governs every decision. And yet, when the child who overcame so much becomes able to study and learn he is sent to prepare for the ministry in a school that doesn't even bother to carry in its name any indication of its purpose. Rather, it's named for a man who was so impressed with himself that he named it after the one who mattered most to him. In that, the school's monogram is singularly appropriate.

I hope that my nephew will be okay.

your nephew is lucky to have you in his life, and the fact that he's taking the time to let you know how to reach him suggests that he wants to keep the connection, so I bet he loves you as much as you (obviously) love him.

The word "should". As soon as I hear it out of someone who's facing me, I go deaf, because, honestly, unless I asked him what he thought I might have done differently, it has no place in civilized conversation.

I have family members like yours. I no longer have anything to do with them. They're irrational, and I'm only human, and I just don't need them in my life. Most of it, strangely enough, seems rooted in anger and resentment. They don't seem to draw the peace and contentment you'd think they'd find by having such a strong commitment to whatever they're calling their religion.

Bob Jones University is a frightening place, but I hope your nephew has fun, and is safe, and gets a great education. He sounds tough - he's had to be tough - and I hope for him all the success and joy in the world.

For you, hang in there with him. His parents sound lost, but the young man is, maybe, still open. It's good he has you....................

This was back when they were proper crazies, even by their current standards. Any music with lyrics that wasn't an official hymn banned, students would be expelled for dating outside their race, etc.

She's still a conservative Christian, politically and doctrinally, but also said that the "Christianity" espoused at BJU was extreme enough to make her aware of just how crazy fundamentalism could get. She doesn't begrudge her experience there at all (from what I hear at least some of the programs there are fairly solid), but it took a lot of the edge off her prior tendencies towards inerrantism, legalism and various other scriptural idolatries.

Of course, this is the total opposite of what the school wanted, but hey. In any case, starting a couple of years after she graduated from the place she became vastly easier to talk to on a variety of subjects. Part of that was just due to figuring out what she'd been into there, part was BJU and its alumni hassling her (and other alumni) post-graduation for doctrinal purity, and part was probably just the passage of time. These days she's at a point where I disagree with her on quite a few things, but we tend not to talk past each other in terms of rigid absolutes about things at all.

With luck your nephew might get similar results in the long term, especially if he's got what it takes to claw his way into university with the the obstacles you suggest are there (both physically and in family terms).