Atheists offer to care for Christians' pets after the Rapture (no not the Onion)

and they charge a reasonable fee.


'

You've committed your life to Jesus. You know you're saved. But when the Rapture comes what's to become of your loving pets who are left behind? Eternal Earth-Bound Pets takes that burden off your mind.


Our service is plain and simple; our fee structure is reasonable.
For $110.00 we will guarantee that should the Rapture occur within ten (10) years of receipt of payment, one pet per residence will be saved. Each additional pet at your residence will be saved for an additional $15.00 fee. A small price to pay for your peace of mind and the health and safety of your four legged and feathered friends.










http://eternal-earthbound-pets.com/Home_Page.html


why didnt I think of this?

Of course, when they're all sent down to hell, I'll enjoy standing on the cliffs watching all those self-righteous fucks get cast into the ninth circle of Dante's Hell, reserved for the worst of souls on Earth.

only a limited number of evangelicals believe in the "rapture" (which i define as the second coming prior to the third coming) :eyes:

the rapture, but rather don't give it any credence or thought.

But, you are right, the majority of Christians out there don't give much thought to the rapture.

dispensationalism is limited to evangelicals and they are largely an American phenomenon.

Catholics, Eastern Churches and Lutherans for example specifically teach against a "3rd coming of Christ" if you will and also the idea that the tribulation will exclude all Christians.

Of course, those groups together account for most Christians worldwide.

Pat Robertson might teach it, but the average Christian in the world is either Catholic or part of the Eastern church.

Preterists believe that the 2nd coming and all of Revelation already happened - the beast was Nero - his name codes to 666

but that's interesting.

Edited on Wed Jul-19-06 02:58 PM by Javaman

PR+1: The first thing I noticed when I got up this morning was the quiet. I walked around my neighborhood and noticed all the empty cars that had been abandoned. But the down side is, many of these boobs that got sucked up, were driving at the time so there are many damaged light-poles, fences, front lawns, etc. What a pain, even when they leave, they still find a way to stick to us one last time.

PR+5: Well, now that most of the dead cars have been pulled off the road, traffic is none existent. Infact driving to work is a down right pleasure. And since most of those cars that were "abandoned" were SUV's the price of oil has dropped considerably, due to lack of demand! Who would have thunk it, 50 cents a gallon!

PR+7: funny thing happened today, I was at the supermarket checkout counter and noticed that usual take a penny put a penny thingy was filled to the brim.

PR+14:Quick update: when to a football game last night and guess what? All the sky boxes were open to the public!

PR+19: We were all just stunned and shocked, by the sudden acts of sanity exhibited by the congress, they actually passed the equal rights amendment, no shit!
They actually started doing their fucking jobs! They shored up social security, made medicare more affordable, we can now buy prescriptions from not just Canada, but from any nation, pot was legalized, hemp replaced cotton and patriot act was dismantled and no more fucking spying on us!! Sorry for the swearing but I'm a bit drunk. Everyone is just so happy and is celebrating! Oh, on another note, abortion is no longer an issue, it was included as a right as part of the equal rights amendment.

PR+22: It's like the party never stops! We were all going nuts today with joy and down right disbelief, the troops were finally pulled from Iraq!!!
There was a huge party on my block. the relief in the air was palpable
And, best of all, a real discussion and dialog has begun with the rebel factions over there. Also, multinational talks have begun with Iran and North Korea. I'm so happy I could cry.

PR+25: The now vacant churches in my neighborhood have been turned into shelters for the homeless. They were quickly growing over with weeds and we thought that would be the best use for them. You know the meek will inherit the earth and all that.

PR+27: In a brilliant display of leadership, President Gore, cut Defense spending in half. He quickly established the Denver Project for Energy, with the additional money. Basically, a nationwide effort to build wind and solar farms and make us energy independent. Thus saving the earth.
I'm so glad that the people of this great nation, rallied and made him president. Since bush* and all his goons got sucked up to god (I'm having my doubts about that), we needed a real leader.

PR+30: Dang, it's been a whole month now and so much has changed! I'm so incredibly happy. The most happy I have been in the last 6 years!! I still just can't get over the quiet. Pollution levels have actually dropped! Scientists are stating that the rapture may have been the best thing for the earth. Everyone is wondering if in fact those that were "saved" actually went to heaven? It's pretty nice down here right now.

I love it.

"All looks jaundiced..." - Alexander Pope

and care for animals.

If I could choose an afterlife that would be it.

Sounds like they have doubts in their lack of beliefs.

I don't read this as doubtfulness.

They just need to find customers sufficiently convinced of it to send them $110.00 for the service they provide to the prospective "Rapturee." Once they get their money, that's it. The contract clearly states that all sales are final. Pretty slick if you ask me although I think they need to raise their prices. I wouldn't be surprised if most of those folks would go $250.00 and not even bat an eye.

they accept The Rapture only in "it's" consequences on the gullible chuckle-heads.

And have a desire to part them with their cash.

"There's a Sucker Born Every Minute".

these people have a screw loose

Especially if they get taken in by this. I wish I'd thought of it, I'd probably be able to retire on my ill gotten gains by the end of the year - and who could prove it was a scam and not a valuable service?

:rofl:

I already have two adopted dogs so I'll take three more as long as their Vet bills are taken care of. After all, there is no public option for kitties and doggies either.

guaranteed 50 years, too. Ain't capitalism grand? :rofl:

But no one believes the rapture where I live.

who cheated on their wives while voting a strictly "families values" agenda in Congress.

I suggest Argentina.

wouldn't it be prudent to have a Vice Presidential candidate who is not a born-again, to insure that Nancy Pelosi doesn't take over if the rapture occurs during their term.

If there are horses in heaven, then it is logical to conclude that there are dogs as well. In regards to my cats, well I am sure God has made a place for them as well.

:evilgrin:

They eat horses, you know?

The horse Jesus rode upon could easily be different from normal horses. I'm just playing devil's advocate here. I just don't remember much mentioning of pets in heaven or any animals with the exception of Jesus on a horse.

everyone would take it so seriously. Frankly I don't know.

Eternal Salvation guaranteed, or triple your money back!

May your pipe be ever-full of frop.

IMO exploiting the ignorant is not good no matter who is doing it... that said, it is a funny idea.

I want the Rapture-ized to turn over all their worldly possessions to me NOW.


Or at least leave it to me in their wills...

However, I did notice they don't have a branch in PA yet ...

jk

Typical... :evilgrin:

This place will be SO much more peaceful when the wing-nuts are gone.

:hi:

This is a real business plan? It's kind of awesome. (I say that as a non-rapture believing Catholic.)

I love it.

but YOUR pets are going to hell apparently..

:rofl: