Best advice to a 15 year old female:

Trust in yourself.

Do not let others define your self-worth.

You are much more than a vagina.

because attraction from many/most men is initially driven by appearance almost exclusively.

...which doesn't mean don't practice good grooming, hygeine and don't take care of yourself. Definitely do all that - but know that YOU are NOT just your "looks" and that other people's judgements of you are irrelevant. What matters most is your OWN opinion of yourself. BELIEVE in yourself, even if no one else does - ESPECIALLY if no one else does (and especially if they're guys).

:)

(I wish someone had told me this when I was a teen)

Most men will run from a good looking woman with certain personality flaws.

Men are attracted in general to the most "exciting" woman in the room - the one who attracts attention with an outgoing personality. Self confidence.

If the prior post didn't offend you, the one I mimicked, why should my post bother you?

Why is it you didn't respond negatively to a post maligning men, but found a similar post about women objectionable?

no where. there is not even a little piece, not a word in your post that offends me. if i felt it was offensive, then i would have posted it was offensive.

no,

i think i said

that you had excellent parental skills with sons, not so much with daughter.

which you didnt address. but you did address an argument i did not make.

that older males including teachers leer at 15 year old girls?

You might find some time for outrage regarding that.

Or is that the boys' fault?

as a matter fact i see lots of males high fiving and see women aggressively debate those males that high five.

do you address those males high fiving the rape of the boys?

Gimme my babybackbabybackbabyback

I hate to ruin the inspirational spirit of your words, but a little practical advice would go a long way here as well.

If my fictional 15 year old daughter was even thinking about having sex, I would hope that she would be pro-active in this respect. One has to protect themselves physically, as well as emotionally.

Keeps a box of condoms in a place it can be accessed quietly. They refill it as needed without comment.

lets our daughters know that any of their friends can come to her for their needs with no questions asked and no disclosure.

She's helped out a couple over the years.

edited for punctuation

Do it only when you want to on your own terms :)

There really is no such thing as safe sex.

you won't think it's HIM, but your own body.

is your oldest a freshman yet? it is so interesting this teen boy stuff.

Just got cast in the school's fall play. The 13 y/o hates me at the moment, but it's all part of gaining her independence & she'll get over it. Still both getting great grades and not too into boys...and thank god they aren't attracted to the bad boys at all.

PMS week 'round here is a nightmare.

the sex is so much better overall when you know the person and trust them.

But I agree.

lucky enough to find someone to be in a relationship with. I've accepted that. But it doesn't mean I have to have a sexless life.

No way was I going to do that. I don't care what other people do and I am not going to tell them they should or shouldn't wait.

But not being in a committed relationship is no big deal, as long as you are smart about it.

the sex is so much better overall when you know the person and trust them.

Find something you're passionate about and do it. Get a degree in a field you like. Actually... just get a damn degree.

Finish college and work a few years before getting married. Better yet, don't marry until at least 25.

Live within your means. Period.

The vast majority of boys are fine human beings, but being who and what they are, they will make a lot of promises in order to get into your pants. Don't believe them.

If anyone tries to tell you "the truth" about you, tell them to fuck off.

Use a condom, every time.

If you a get a bad feeling about a situation or a person, get the hell out of there!

I'm sure that saved me more than a few times, back when I was young, invincible & immortal. ;)

If you feel uncomfortable, don't try to talk yourself out of your fear or concern. Trust yourself and your instincts. It's OK to not want to go somewhere, stay somewhere, of do something because it doesn't feel right for you. I know this saved me more than a few times.

Women internalize the "can't make anybody upset" mode a lot, and that can get us into big trouble.

Read the Gift of Fear. He writes about how we all should listen to our gut feelings in situations
that seem wrong. It doesn't make you paranoid. He explains what these feelings are trying to tell you. Women sometimes have the problem of thinking we'll hurt somebody's feeling if we about face or duck into a store. But hey, that's not what it's about.
I gave my daughters this book and it came in handy for one of them last week. She was at the store and a guy was following her around and pretending to look at stuff and then followed her outside. She went back in the store and waited till left, also taking a roundabout way home.

...THAT is a sure sign of an ABUSER - not necessarily a physical abuser (though it can and often does lead to that) but an EMOTIONAL and psychological abuser (which can do much more lasting damage to a person).

If ANY MALE says that to you - whether you're a teen, pre-teen, little girl, or grown woman of any age: GET THE HELL AWAY FROM HIM - or at LEAST do not get into or remain in any intimate relationship with him.

PERIOD.

Signed,

BeenThereDoneThatTriana

EDIT: Wanted to add that the rest of your advice too, is RIGHT ON and excellent advice - esp the part about getting a degree and being INDEPENDENT for a few years before getting married. Women NEED to know they CAN take care of themselves if they need to and they largely should - relying on a man to do it puts her in a VERY dependent and vulnerable position. NOT good. Have your OWN money - separate from HIS - that HE can't get to or doesn't know about. You never know - you may need that money and your financial independence someday. You never know. You just don't. "Prince Charming" doesn't EXIST.

some people tend to do that. and about wrong every time they try. but yes, when we are young, much harder to recognize this. actually both boys pretty clear on self and doesn't allow it, they are young.

what is it with people that think they even have a clue about another.

The same holds true for any other activity that is known to impair your judgment.

"You are so much more than a vagina to me."

:rofl:

Use your brain and personality for social success not your vagina.

When you are sure, use protection.
If you feel pressured, get out of there.
If it doesn't feel right, it isn't right.

From a dad with a 17 year old son.

Ignore the prudes.

Having sex with someone, or many, will neither make nor break you. What other people think of you, whether libertines or prudes is irrelevant. What matters is what You think of you.

Yes dear you are more than a vagina. But who you are also includes that vagina.

Be informed that if you use it you may become pregnant, or infected with a serious disease. There are methods for reducing the risk of either, but nothing is guaranteed.

just take proper physical and emotional precautions.

Sex is a part of life -- ideally, a very good part. Unfortunately, for too many people it's a political and even religious issue. Ignore those people.

Sex is more fun for some, than others.

BTW...saving oneself for marriage is ridiculous. Read the statistics on blowjobs & the kids who vow purity. There are also more births by unwed teenage mothers in the most religious states.
Grow up.

interacting and talking with her. not one. that just doesnt seem normal

i guess we are suppose to be accepting but first reaction and out loud was a huge ass eeeeeeeeew.

The pressure on females is truly frightening to behold.

Whether they are ten or fifteen, they've still just kids.

but then there is also a reward in it for him too, if he is perceptive enough to recognize the pressure on females and doesnt take an advantage of it, then he is all that more within, and bares out in later years.

other words

he can look self in mirror.

Our ability to stay in control of our animal impulses.

Self control is a discipline that should be mastered before undertaking anything that could have far reaching consequences.

I thinks it's important for us men to try not to leave any victims in our wake.

i think it is important for us females to try not to leave any victims in our wake, too.

females have their own ways....

but i agree. it is both gender. not attacking one gender. and not creating one gender as victim only.

Not some religious one, either. By the time people go to college, they pretty much know what they want and have the freedom to do it.

But I certainly wouldn't give any 15 year-old girl any advice about getting sexually active or enjoying her body while she still can. That too is pressure.

Hedonists are predators, they're always recruiting. They're always looking for fresh meat.

Those poor girls :cry:

I would never, ever tell my kids that.

It's not a matter of prudery. It's almost always a matter of delegitimating female desire. In this thread as elsewhere. Needless to say, such work is often masked as "care" for the woman's social existence, as it always has been. It is the first and structurally primary method of enforcing patriarchy in society. In this thread as elsewhere.

and life is an adventure. As in any adventure, it is wise to know the lay of the land, so to speak, and to take necessary supplies with you.

Men will stoop to anything to get sex... ;)

First and foremost lie like dogs...

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because we are open, talking about everything and have from day one. they know i am fair seeing both sides of gender issue. i dont buy into the conditioning. and there are plenty fo example on a daily and regular basis that reinforces what i say

now

for sons to find girls where parents actually took time with them too. wink.

:hug:

According to people who have been saying an intoxicated person can't give consent.

:shrug:

nt

nt

:applause:

;)

From my own experience, and from the experiences of my close friends at that age:

1. Alcohol isn't nearly as fun as it seems. Please, please, PLEASE consider just staying away from it completely. If you MUST try it just to "see what being drunk feels like," then please consider trying it in the safety of your own bedroom. If you get drunk at a party, there is NO ONE there to protect you. It's far better to risk getting busted by Mom and Dad than to risk getting drunk-raped, or killed in a car wreck because your best friend HAD to make it home before curfew and insisted on driving drunk. I can absolutely promise you, your parents would MUCH prefer you to experiment at home than out somewhere where they can't protect you. They can't come right out and tell you this, because they're parents, and they cannot appear to "sanction" alcohol use at all--it's illegal. But if given the choice, I would 100% guarantee that they'd rather see you safely buzzed in your own bedroom than intoxicated while out with other kids at a party. Trust me on this one. Being grounded because you got caught drinking at home is a hell of a lot better than being disfigured, broken, and/or dead.

2. Don't have sex with older guys, period. And yes, oral/anal/manual sex "counts." It doesn't matter how unfair it is. It doesn't matter how mature you are, how much "older" you act than your peers. It doesn't matter how careful and respectful of you he is. It doesn't matter how much you love him, or how perfect you are for each other. The reality is that you are only fifteen. If you have sex with an older guy, both of you are risking prison for him, and a lifetime on the sex offender registry, which could basically ruin his life--and YOURS, if you actually end up marrying him. For the record, yes they CAN still prosecute him, even if you refuse to admit it or testify against him. And no, your parents will NOT understand. All they'll see is an older guy trying to put his hands on their baby girl, and react accordingly. If you really, truly, deeply love him...don't have sex with him until you're of age. If he really, truly, deeply loves YOU, he'll be willing to wait a few years for the sex part. If he's not willing to stick around and wait, then obviously he didn't deserve you anyway.

As for the boyos your own age--use two kinds of protection, and don't ever let anyone pressure you or guilt you into sex. "Blue balls" is bullshit, and so is the "cockteaser" crap. Don't fall for it. You don't owe ANYONE an orgasm, regardless of what they try to claim.

3. Those asshole girls at school who constantly make you feel inferior? They're going to have shitty lives. That's because they value beauty and fashion over intelligence, values, and substance, and they tend to attract men who are exactly the same way--in essence, shallow assholes. Ignore their snotty stupidity. They might get the Homecoming Queen crowns, but you'll get the good job, the healthy marriage, and the happy, contented life. All they'll get are crappy college grades, fuzzy memories of their drunk sorority days, and herpes from their cheating husbands. Karma is a bitch.

4. If you have one of those best friends who usurps all of your time/attention, leaves you feeling constantly drained, and makes you feel like you have to walk on eggshells around her ego/temper...drop her and find another best friend. Those types NEVER get any easier to deal with. In fact, they get worse. Better to end it early, because she's an energy vampire and she thrives on making other people miserable.

and havent thought about, since on the other thread talking about my boys responsibility, you point a responsibility a girl does absolutely have. do not have sex with an over 18. talking prison for him. yes, girl has responsibility in that too.

we say our kids are adult like and should have the freedom to be sexually active. and then we say they are kids and cannot control or have the responsibility when it comes to sex. cant have it both ways.

Most of it is good advice for both sexes.

Don't tease. Getting people excited then dumping on them is cruel. Attractive young people don't need to dial up the pressure, there's already plenty.

The idea is to go home safe everyday, not just survive the night.

Don't give it up no matter what line they are handing you.

Make sure to have your own money even if you're married.

Remind her that she is a human being, not a sexual object to be used and oogled. Remind her to only have sex if she wants to and not to please others. When you are at a party never let your drink be unattended, lest someone sneaks date-rape drugs into it. Be on the look out for guys trying to get you drunk just so they can screw you.

Don't carve a backwards B on your face then claim a black guy did it.

That 20 something body doesn't last forever. Flaunt in the bikini, toss the hair, flirt your little heart out, have sex if YOU want to, make love if YOU want to in any safe way you choose.

And IMHO waiting for marriage is BS. There would be less divorces IMHO if we test drove the car before signing on the dotted line.

It takes two or three years for someone to stop being on their best behavior.
After two or three years you will see them at their worst, and figure out if you can deal with that.

I repeat what the person above says. DO NOT get married without having sex first, and finding out if you are physically compatible - as in "do the parts fit together ok?"

If you want to have sex with multiple guys, don't lie about it later when your girlfriends think you're slutty.

And don't let others talk you into thinking you were raped when you weren't.

Don't accuse boys of rape when you were a consenting participate.

Believe in yourself, always be self-confident, things will get better.

be finding out stuff about who you are with each relationship. Be open to all kinds of people because the greatest friend you'll ever make may not be part of your current group.

(And for anyone in between genders.)

is all i am lookin to teach my sons.

but often you are funny....

:P

and often filled with the consequences of the choices made today.


I'm 44 and STILL need reminding of that. . .

You know. The one who doesn't always wear the latest fashions? Maybe her clothes are kind of old? She maybe looks funny, or people make fun of her looks or call her a dog? Maybe she's from another part of town, or from out of town, or even another country. Maybe her family isn't intact but she doesn't have a great relationship with both her parents like some kids of divorce do. Maybe she doesn't even know one of her parents. Maybe she doesn't have much money. Maybe her skin color is different from everyone else's. Maybe she's not a personality queen. You know who I'm talking about.

Well, next time you see her in the cafeteria sitting all alone, invite her to your table. Strike up a conversation. Get to know her, and help your friends get to know her. Invite her to your house after school. Have her over for dinner. Go shopping with her. Find out things about her that you never knew that are really cool. Share things with her about yourself that you never thought you could tell anyone because they might think you weren't cool. And if other kids act like you're nuts to have made friends with her, tell them where they can stick it.

She just may turn out to be the best friend you ever make.

reading about on the front page of tomorrow's newspaper.

Sid

Actually, that should go for both genders.

and learn to change your tire.