Who do you identify with more: Your Paternal or Maternal side of the family? Both? Neither?

Just positing this random question. I was wondering with what side of your family do you identify or associate with more? Your paternal i.e. father's side or your maternal i.e. your mother's side. Or if your parents are not M/F but rather F/F or M/M, which parent's family do you side with more? Do you identify with both equally, or do you not equally?

I was just wondering the opinion of others on this subject. I, for example, identify more with my mother's side of the family, mostly because that is the part of the family that I have most contact with, given the fact that my paternal family lives across the Atlantic Ocean in Portugal. Thus, when I identify my ethnic heritage, I am more likely to associate with my Italian heritage than my Portuguese, despite the fact that it is pretty much a 50/50 split between the two. I am also more familiar with my maternal families history, who have been living in the US in some form since the turn of the last century (1900s). On the other hand, my father spent most of his young life in Europe and then met my mother on a cruise ship he was working on and the rest was history. He is the only member of his family living in the US.

As far as grandparents and great grandparents, and even to an extent great great grandparents go, I am only more familiar with my maternal ones as well. However, I only knew one living grandparent in my lifetime and that was my maternal grandmother, although I did have a number of great uncles and aunts on my maternal side. I know absolutely nothing about my paternal grandparents, mostly because they died when my father was a child. As a result, I know very little about my Portuguese surname and the family history behind it. I really don't even associate much with my surname. In many ways, I would prefer to have my mother's maiden name instead.


I was just wondering if the same, or something similar, could be said of other DUers?

I never saw my father again, and I only saw my father grandmother a few times.

So I am closer to my maternal side.

I am not close with my family at all.

Both parents had 8 siblings. I can't throw a rock without hitting someone I'm kin to here. I don't dislike my Daddy's side.

We were kind of the definition of the "nuclear family" - My father's family looked at my mother and her family as "white trash", while my mothers' family (being white trash, honestly) were dead-set against her marrying a "mongrel." We didn't really have much to do with either side of the family until after the divorce, when I got the feeling that my paternal family was trying to buy us, or something.

That said, it's my paternal ancestry I identify with most - perhaps because it seems most of my genes come from that side of the family. No disrespect to my mother's irish / welsh background, I just lean much more closely to my dad's Choctaw line.

are/were, so there were more people there to relate to. Emotionally I was closest to my mom's parents, but that was probably due to geographical happenstance and their younger age allowing more quality time together.

I consider my father and grandfather and great-grandfather's birthplace to be my "ancestral home" where I even might retire to. No such attachment to where my mom's family is originally from.

birthplace to be my "ancestral home" where I even might retire to."


Interesting, I share pretty much those same sentiments, only change father to mother and so forth.

i was never comfortable with my dad's side of the family. then my parents divorced when i was 15. his parents made no effort to stay in contact with me or my sisters.

my dad remarried and i have 2 half sisters. never felt like they were any relation to me. had my mother had more children i would have felt connected to them.

on edit: i was born in 1941 -- 2 months before pearl harbor. my dad went into the navy and we lived with my maternal grandparents. a few of my uncles still lived at home too.

She was the eldest in a large family and has brothers closer to my age. We get together as an extended family for Thanksgiving most years. I also have four cousins in Germany who I love visiting visiting with whenever there's an opportunity.

My father has one sister who he rarely sees. I have three cousins I haven't seen in about twenty years, even though we've been friendly in previous visits. Although there is no schism, that side of the family is small, reserved, and not particularly close.

Our Irish comes from our dad's side, though, so as far as ethnic identity, it's hard to resist the lure of the Gael.

...although my uncle and grandparents are now gone, but at the time they were living ~~ I ID'd far more with the maternal side of my family.

everybody. Real interesting to hear others opinions.

What is inflammatory or disagreeable about this post? :shrug:

I identify with both although like you my father's side is more mysterious since his parents died when he was young and he died when I was young. I just look at it as a greater research challenge.

I don't understand your distance from your father's identity and family unless you just didn't have a good relationship or good memories of him. I only had my father for a short time in my life but luckily he was a great dad...and a loyal democrat to boot!

with my father hasn't been the best, but my relationship with his family isn't that bad when I get the rare opportunity to see them. Heck, I'd prefer them to him any day, as crude as that may seem. That being said, even if I wanted to find out more, I really cannot. He was born and grew up in some little isolated very old village in Eastern Portugal practically on the Spanish border. His father died when he was like 2, and by died I mean he actually offed himself. His mother did her best to raise her children, all four of them, but when my father was a little older, she developed cancer and died. So even he, and his surviving siblings don't know much about their family history. Not to mention the fact that there are virtually little or no family records to speak of as record keeping in such places was poor or rarely done.

In fact, the only possible identity of my paternal family's heritage is an anecdote from my uncle. For some reason, they had blueish eyes and brownish to blondish hair while most everyone else had dark, black hair and olive skin. My uncle reasons that some distant ancestor may have had an affair with a Napoleonic soldier when Napoleon came marching through the area in the early 1800s.

your paternal history actually sounds kinda interesting. There may be more records out there on your family than you think. Even in a small european village there were land and church records on local families. I don't know if you're male or female but since your paternal uncle is alive you can resolve the question of your paternal ancestry through DNA genetic testing for about a $100 bucks. You just need to get your uncle to give a cheek swab. I had it done myself.

I am really going to consider doing that whole DNA testing thing. I'm sure it will reveal some interesting finds.

side Xtian fundie southerners. I have a problem identifying with either although I get nostalgic whenever I hear an Arkansas Accent or a Spanish one. I have carved out my own identity as a Californian, the place I mostly grew up in and went to school. Most people think I'm Jewish on first contact. It's not that hard to understand considering that a Chilean actress, Cote De Pablo plays an Israeli on NCIS.

Wow, that sounds like one interesting mix. It's pretty interesting how marriage can bring together two people from such exceedingly far off ends of the spectrum.

that was trouble. Fortunately, each family was on a different continent or there might have been some fire works. Although my Latino family was far more accepting of my father than the Southern one was of my mother. Both families seemed to be okay with me though even though I'm sure they thought of me as a half...well you know.

so I never even met most of 'em.

mostly because nearly everyone on my paternal side died off before I was born.

Or paternal.

Mom is full-blooded Irish, Dad is Italian/Slovak.

Extended family was never a big deal, I kinda feel bad about it. Living near my Aunt has helped a bit, and I see a lot of the same stuff happening with my Brother and his family.

But that's more "family business". . .

stayed on the east coast. For that reason, I never got to meet many of them.

I was lucky in the sense that I was the first grandchild, and the ONLY grandson. I grew up literally across the street from my maternal Grandparents, and they had a serious "travelin' bone". They took epic road-trip vacations, and once took me from L.A. to OKC to Miami to Pittsburgh to NYC to Montreal to Alberta to Vancouver to Seattle to Portland to San Francisco and back home again. Seven weeks on the road.

my mother's nieces & nephews were like brothers & sisters to me. My father's family are very nice but not very close or affectionate.

My father is a saint among men, but he comes from a family of gangsters, when my dad arrived in Southern California during WW2 he had Bugsy Siegel's address and phone number in his pocket. Virtue has not come easily to the rest of his family that includes a prominent pornographer, a deceased alleged hitman and other less noteworthy garbage.

Kind of difficult to relate to the guy across the table at thanksgiving when you work in regulatory affairs and the guy across the table just directed Anna's Anal Adventure 27. (made up title... i hope)

but since my mother's side are a bunch of psycho shrews, I'm defaulting to dad's side.

no in the picture, their choice.

We have spent time with both sides. I can say we kids were closer to my mothers family even though my cousins, grandparents, uncles and aunts all live in Italy. We always were close to that side of the family. We have been with my fathers side of the family but that side is pretty controlling. So after dad retired we moved to a state that his relatives weren't living in. After my dad died we cut the cord from them. They didn't treat my mom right. They tried to run her life until my brother took the reins and said it was enough. Now my parents are dead and l of my brothers died and we try to stay close because that is all we have left. We try and keep our family traditions especially during the holidays. It is getting harder because 2 sisters live in other states. We call each other mostly everyday to keep in touch. It is important to keep together if at all possible. Get rid of the dead weight.

the few I do talk to every few years are on my mother's side.

Plus I started doing some genealogy stuff a few years ago and my dad's side was easier to find. My mom's side not so easy...there were lots of girls (my mother's mother had five sisters, no brothers) and the maternal line on that side isn't very easy to track.

Not to mention that my mother's grandfather has lots of discrepancies in his records and it hasn't been easy to find out anything on him either.

In fact, Mom's side is a big mystery...

Mostly because I really don't know my maternal relatives all that well, they live in a different part of the state. and my Paternal relatives are much more interested in genealogy than those on my maternal side.

only met one of my grandparents as my parents were much older when i was born and they were the youngest children and late births as well. Got a huge family and imean huge with cousins spread throughout the planet (we are a bit of a plague) and we have huge family groups with lots of kids. History wise everything is oral in the form of stories and songs but it goes back a long long way and theres lessons to be learned from it all.

criminals, we broke off all ties to them, long, long ago. I loved my father's family :loveya: we we're always close, sadly most of them are dead now and I miss them so much. :cry:

My family is Scots-Irish on both sides with some French on my dad's side as well. I was partially raised by my mom's parents, so naturally I was closer to them and that side of the family. They always had the more raucous family celebrations (lots of great southern cooking with some boozing on the side) and I lived for the holidays. My dad's side was quite a bit more subdued and had more of a stuffy, professional air about them. If I see one of my maternal cousins now, it's always a nice reunion. If I see one of my paternal cousins, we usually try our best to get away from one another.

...and I have more pleasant memories of interacting with them, but in terms of identifying with, as in feeling that I'm part of them and their heritage was passed down to me, I have to say, neither. I've made my own family, and I'm far closer to them than I ever could be to "blood relatives."