Heene Family Faces Terror Probe, Marriage Annulment

(Satire from http://TheDesperateBlogger.com)

During a whirlwind afternoon that appeared to some observers as a sort of “bad reality television marathon,” the Heene family of Fort Collins, Colorado saw the arrest of their three sons, ages 6, 8 and 9, for their alleged involvement in a sophisticated plot to bomb targets in New York City, as well as the surprise annulment of the marriage of parents Richard and Mayumi.

The first surprise came shortly after 12:00 p.m., when Mayumi Heene opened the door to a person claiming to be an executive from the cable network TLC, and instead was served with legal papers informing she and her husband that their marriage had been annulled by Louisiana judge Keith Bardwell. When reached for comment, Bardwell noted that the couple is biracial. “There is a problem with both groups accepting a child from such a marriage,” Bardwell said. “I think those children suffer and I won’t help put them through it.” When asked if he was aware that the couple has been married for quite some time and has three sons between six and nine years old, Bardwell replied, “Better late than never.”

After confirming that the annulment is only enforceable in Tangipahoa Parish’s 8th Ward in Louisiana, where Bardwell has held his elected position for the past 34 years, Mrs. Heene reportedly relaxed. Her husband however, is said to have yelled several profanities before kicking an electronic frequency modulator across their living room.

According to a neighbor, “That’s when things started getting weird.”

Next to arrive was a joint team of FBI and Homeland Security officers bearing a search warrant for the premises and any family property as well as an arrest warrant for the three boys, who it is alleged, are high level al Qaeda operatives. According to a source familiar with the investigation, an alert member of the Fort Collins police force noticed that while hiding in an attic above their garage, Six year old Falcon had napped on a beaded car-seat cover authorities believe once belonged to former Afghan-born Denver Airport shuttle-bus driver and terror suspect Najibullah Zazi. According to Karl Toomey of the Denver FBI office, who spoke on condition of anonymity as the investigation is ongoing, police also found in the attic where the boy was hiding a box of beauty products “that could be used as bomb components”. Toomey dismissed the boys’ accounts that the beauty products belonged to their father, telling reporters, “From start to finish, we see in the case a classic example of kids lying and concealing evidence when they’re afraid of getting into trouble.”

When told his three sons would be taken into custody, Richard Heene reportedly yelled several obscenities before kicking his eight-year-old son, Ryo, across their living room.

Former Vice President Dick Cheney, rejuvenated by his role as ‘Friend #1’ on ‘Fox & Friends’, while commending authorities for their swift action in foiling the alleged terror plot, took the opportunity to point out how, in his words, “the policies of the current administration jeopardize the safety of every American”. According to Cheney, “Why would anyone who cares about our country, our values, and the safety of our citizens hesitate, even for a second, to shoot down an unknown craft heading towards one of our airports just because somebody told them a six-year-old child was on board?”

In a related story, attorneys for Jon Gosselin said their client would never sign-off on the proposed reality show, “Three-Way Plus Eleven”, starring his estranged wife Cate, the Heene’s, and both couples’ children, saying that their client is firmly resolved in his commitment to not allow what he considers the exploitation of his children on any show in which he does not appear.

Oh, never mind.

Well never mind... ;)

... to notice, not to mention the first line always put in the body....