I just told a rabid right-wing friend of mine off

I've recalled a few personal stories on these boards in the past few months where somebody has told a friend off due to their constant politicizing of everything, too many right-wing emails, and the like. I've unfortunately just gone through the same thing.

I had been friends with this person for several years. She wasn't my best friend or closest friend, but we did grow closer over the years. She comes from a somewhat wealthy family. And, I had always known that she was on the political right (specifically, the pro-rich right), but at least during the Bush years, we generally agreed to not talk about politics and agreed to disagree on those issues.

Then November 4 of last year came, and she suddenly became a lot more political, and generally meaner (I always think of Frank Schaeffer saying that Obama's victory broke their brains). She clearly hated Obama and was upset about his victory, but I tried to get her off political discussion by talking about something else when we'd meet; anything else, for that matter. After Obama was inaugurated, it tended to get a whole lot worse. She started talking about Rush Limbaugh and Glenn Beck a lot. She called Obama a Marxist and whined on and on about how he wanted to take all of her wealthy family's money away. When Dan Rooney mentioned President Obama after the Steelers won Super Bowl XLIII (I live in Pittsburgh), she went on a long anti-Obama rant a few days later; it was still on her mind four months later after the Penguins won the Stanley Cup, as she remarked, "at least Mario Lemieux didn't thank Obama," and went on another anti-Obama diatribe. As time passed, I started to get some chain e-mails (some of which cited Glenn Beck), most of which bemoaned higher taxes on the wealthy, "freeloaders," socialism and the like (and she was never one to really help people out). When we'd meet up or talk to each other, I'd try to keep the subject matter off politics, as it got pretty hairy if it did. But sometimes, she'd just insist. After awhile, we gradually saw and spoke with each other less and less. I even grew to dread having her tag along if I went out with other friends, but I tried to make it work because she was my friend. On one occassion, she went on anti-healthcare rant (again, she didn't want her wealthy family taxed) and we said a few pretty nasty things to each other, but made up by the end of the night.

The last straw was a few days ago. The discussion drifted off to the events at the G-20 in Pittsburgh, and she eventually took the discussion to the police riot in Oakland (where the University of Pittsburgh is located). What happened there was very frightening indeed...something I'd never expect to see in a democracy...heavily armed police that look like Imperial stormtroopers violently assaulting peaceful protesters and even innocent bystanders. It's something that has stuck with me over the past few weeks, and I'm stuck between being shocked and pissed off. Meanwhile, in short, she actually defended what the riot police did to the Pitt students and said they got what they deserved. After that, I said some very nasty things to her (and she to me) that I will not repeat. I told her that I never wanted to speak to her ever again, and even told her that I hated her. She said the same to me. Although I regret saying that I hated her, I truly do not want anybody for a friend that defends what the riot police did on the Pitt campus.

Has anybody else gone through something similar to what I've just described?

but similar scenes like that have definitely played through my mind. Quite frankly I don't have the guts to tell someone off. :(

criticism.

did get a whole lot meaner after November 4, 2008.

He sent me an email touting war during the Bosnia/Kosovo war, a war my baby was in. He is a gimp who couldn't be in the army (and a gimp in every way is he. That word is the only one that fits his addled self) and he is 'prayerful' and glassy-eyed over the military, etc. I told him that my baby was in the war and it SUCKED. I wanted the people to be saved and peace for them but I decried that it had to come to such as this. He wrote back a simple sentence to me that still makes my blood boil: "I feel sorry for you."

Needless to say I told him in essence to SUCK IT! I called him an assortment of things that I STILL don't regret. When I came out to visit and he is married to my sweet aunt Janice, my mom's baby sister he had the good sense not to do anything to me about this. I woulda slugged him in his big fat dimwitted gut.

As you can see, it still bugs me. You done good, honey. Hold your head up.

Before I realized what a true monster the guy really was.

I wonder if they'd put David Grossack back on their list if I called and asked?

but I've used mail block when a request to stop clogging my inbox with trash has been ignored. I have never had to make good on my threat to fink anyone out to an ISP for spamming right wing trash to unwilling people.

However, I have informed a few people that they didn't know half of what they think they know and that unless they manage to walk away from surrounding themselves with Pox News and Limbag and right wing talk radio, they'd stay ignorant and unaware of it. I have also said their selfish and anti American attitude made me want to vomit.

However, I never said I hated anyone. After I've let someone have it with both barrels blazing, they've never brought the subject up again.

says anything to me I'm going to tell them that I don't listen to hateradio bc I think for myself.

Right after the election some woman came in the store and was whining about the organic garden in the White House..obviously believing some lie she'd heard and proceeded to call them "hypocritical" for having it.

I defended them but didn't make it personal like she was doing..it got down to everytime she said something ugly..I would come back with, "I love Obama..just love the President". She was seething and huffed away and didn't come back for months. When she did, she acted all sweet and it wasn't brought up again.

I told her during all that ..that Obama was against the War on Iraq and she said "So is Ron Paul"..I said, but Obama is the President". That didn't seem to cut much ice with her. Like Frank Schaeffer said.."It broke their heads."

As soon as Obama got elected..all kinds of shit came out of the woodwork.

Thank you, President Obama for doing it all.

Which is probably what you won't do from now on. After losing a friend it makes sense not to befriend anyone with such extreme views.

I also stay away from people who wear their religion on their sleeves too. There is no changing their minds just like I'm not going to change mine, so superficial civility is what happens.

I just don't need the grief .....and if we believe so differently, why socialize where there can never be peace, only a silent of unspoken truths.

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I have lost friends over politics. I shed most of my RW friends back in the 2004 election but there were still a few whom I considered reasonable. The election of Obama seemed to have the same corrosive effect on their brains that you describe with your friend. I sometimes wish I didn't get so emotional about this stuff but OTOH I see this as being about people's basic values. I'm sorry but I don't want to be friendly with anyone who thinks it's OK to deny people health care because she wants her tax cuts. Basically, conservatism as manifested in the U.S. today is a philosophy that appeals to selfish authoritarian assholes. Not the kind of people I want in my life.

It's a big world and there are too many opportunities to make friends to waste a moment of time on people like her. :hug:

church."

in the last few years that friendships of long standing can be marred by the curtains of politics being opened. Longtime high school and college friends. We try to stay away from politics and religion, but these days politics may break us. No matter how old I get I learn new things every day.

loved is judgmental, homophobic, or a religious supremacist, or thinks George Bush was God's guy. It really is sad. You'd have to stifle huge parts of yourself, your thoughts and values just to interact with people like that. I do not like to argue with 'friends' and my passions run too deep to avoid talking about what I care about. So I avoid these people, though they may or may not know why.

The former BF surely knows why I went away - too many rants about "lefties". A former client of mine who moved up north and emails me with cutesy stuff weekly or more often also emails me with RW stuff once in a while. She's courting trouble.

have become Republicans, and I have unintentionally confounded liberals who don't understand why I can't fully embrace everybody equally and all the time, including fans of Dick Cheney and members of the Ku Klux Klan. I kid you not. One woman, who I thought was a good friend, says she just can't understand how I could hold that against a person.

There us such a thing as too much tolerance, me thinks.

He states that we should never be tolerant of intolerance. Many people use the tolerance card to push their intolerant views on the rest of us, in hopes that we won't call them out on it.

Ånd I make no apologies for that.

were radically different from mine. Maybe thirty-some years ago I had Republican acquaintances with whom I was on a "friendly" basis, but most Republicans were very different in those days (as in sane and honorable).

Edited to add an omitted word.

:(

I've told a few friends and family off. I make a point of not associating with people that think empathy is weakness. They're generally not good people to begin with.

We were always democrats in my family. My sister became a doctor and makes a very good living. I don't begrude her either. She said she would vote for Bush again if he could for a 3rd term. Not because he was a great president but because he was good for her business. I told her he had been very bad for the working poor and lower middle class. Of course she didn't like it. I told her to cut back on her vacations. I have never been on a vacation. We are suppose to get together for the holidays but I think am going to back out. I did tell her if we came there would be no talk of politics or religion. She said yes but somehow I just don't believe it. I have any other sister that thinks like her. So am I'd rather stay home.

Inlaws are another story, like my Limbaugh-loving dittohead bro-in-law who is 58 working an entry-level job with no health insurance and whose wife has cirrosis of the liver. He complains that the Russian family down the hall from him gets meals on wheels for the Grandma. Him I just say hi to, hug-hug, and then mention a chore I've just got to go finish. BTW, his mom, my MIL, gets meals on wheels, too!

I have a sister in law that keeps emailing me racist, hate filled, reich wing claptrap. Recently, I "replied to all" to one of her stupid emails with a great This Modern World toon that pointed out the hypocracy of her bullshit, in hopes she would take me off her email list, but she got real pissy with me and then accused ME of not having a sense of humor. Projection much?

unique one.:)

My son in law, nephew, niece and their kids manage to work their little wing nut talking points into the conversation at every holiday family gathering. It inevitably leads to me telling them to STFU or get the hell out of our house. They always back down and change the subject.

I used to take this crowd on an annual hunting trip but the discussions got too heated. If my son (6'5" and 265#) hadn't been there to calm things down it probably would have led to fisticuffs.

She, her sister and I went through nurses training together. Her sister was more of a friend to me but she died a few years ago. I get a call about once a month from this one but I doubt if I will get any more. Her sister and I had like political beliefs but this one is conservative. The last call she wouldn't drop her crazy talk. She went on about how the public option will allow you to keep only one eye if you have eye problems, and the death panels, etc. I asked where she was getting all this nonsense from and she said she listened to the likes of Limbaugh, etc. I finally told her I couldn't listen to this foolishness anymore. Haven't heard from her since.

Eventually someone on DU will chime in with "you shouldn't let politics ruin a relationship." Why the hell not? Rabid right wingers have a completely contrary world view than mine, one which I find reprehensible. Why would I want to be friends with someone like that when there are plenty of other people who are not mean-spirited & selfish?

At the end of his movie "Sicko," Michael Moore summed up the difference between other countries (who have health care for all) & ours. He said that they have a "we" culture while we have a "me" culture. You can apply that to individuals, too, & your friend is all about "me" with little or no concern about "we."

Give what you can to the local food bank - you'll feel better! And maybe you'll find a new friend who is more like minded. :hug:

not by being rude to them (esp. someone you care about), but just by being honest.

When someone tells me they're Republican, I react as if they told me they eat worms. "Nah! You're kidding! WHY???!"

I did that to Steve Poizner (now running for California Gov) when he came to my door about whatever office he was seeking then. You should've seen the sheepish way he looked when I told him I was so sick of Republicans I couldn't see straight. He fell all over himself trying to distance himself from his own chosen party.

People love the line "I am intolerant of intolerance" except that is way too fuzzy. What happens is that somebody says "I believe X" and this person, who believes very strongly 'not-X' cannot convince or persuade this other person, so they declare them intolerant, and ignorant, and this and that and the other thing (essentially sub-human) and thus somehow 'not worthy' of being treated decently. And it seems to me that the group of sub-humans keeps growing until it is 'anybody who disagrees with me on any issue'.

When intolerant people try to enact legislation or behave in intimidating ways that discriminate & diminish entire groups of people, then, yes, I believe we need to object to that! Your post implies that you think we shouldn't challenge misogyny, racism, homophobia & cruelty to the poor. If you think confronting prejudice makes me "rabid & intolerant" then yes! I'm proudly rabid & intolerant!!

For the record, I don't try to convert or persuade anyone to my value system. If they want an honest debate, fine. I'm armed with facts & sources to back my claims. But I will not spend time with people whose beliefs or actions I find inhumane & offensive. I don't treat them indecently, but I distance myself from them. It's usually fairly easy to remove oneself from the sphere of people one finds objectionable.

"there is nothing fuzzy about hate"

Really? Because "I just told a rabid rightwing friend of mine off" sounds like hate to me, and most DUers seem to be applauding it. But as for confrontation, it depends on how you do it. Having facts and sources is one thing, having a quick trigger on the f-bomb is another, same with a quick trigger on the r-card. It almost seems like our first response to a statement like "Obama isn't a very good President" is to call the person saying it a racist.

Also, the business of removal seems to me an invitation to bad feelings. If we don't know any of 'them' and they don't know any of 'us' it makes it that much easier for each side to demonize the other side. To think that all of them are always inhumane and offensive.

I have a rw friend who always ends our discussions with, "I guess we will have to agree to disagree," and I usually leave it at that because arguing would result in a whole lot of nothing accomplished. Some people just aren't inclined to critical thinking. Can't get around it.

I did have an Uncle recently call me out of the blue after not having seen him in about 15 years - he wanted to turn me on to Glen Beck. That was a conversation I did not expect at all, especially from him. Wild.

He was a Limbaugh-listening co-worker that I'd see all the time in the leper colony (designated smoking area at work). I told him this when he got around to talking about the upcoming civil war between conservatives and liberals.

Like Limbaugh, he was a cowardly blow hard. After 911 he bragged about every time he got on a plane right before takeoff he would walk up and down the aisle to see if there were any Arab-looking men. If he saw any he'd tell the stewardess that "either they get off or I get off!"

We are still friendly acquaintances but he's knows enough that if he opens his mouth about politics he's going to get an ear full.

...like the un-educated children they have reverted to. I get very patronizing, chuckle at their foolishness, laugh and eyeroll about their rants, just like I do with teenagers or children who think they have things figured out when they haven't.

Seems to settle things down quite a bit when at least one person in the room recognizes that being right means you don't have to scream or yell or even get angry. Also it drives them crazy, which delights me no end.

And yes, "I hate them ALL"! Their stupidity, their ignorance and their elitist cold-hearted arrogance.

I had to deal with him ocassionally and I finally told him to put it where the sun don't shine. I could ignore a lot of the bullshit ~~ but the racist crap pushed me over the edge and I told him, in summary, that he was an obnoxious, chauvanistic tool and he made me ill. I asked him to not contact me ~~ he kept it up, so I blocked his phone number and email.

Asshole ~~ women to him MUST obey and agree with all male ideas...:puke:

he is a former Marine who's job is about to end, needs a knee replacement but has no insurance, but has drank the beck-Limballs koolaid. He blames Obama for "ruining his life". Things came to a head this week when he went on a emotional hate filled screed that frankly scared the shit out of me. I don't even want to repeat what he said.

He's become very tightly wound and becoming unstable imho, a product of the bullshit he listens to on radio and teevee.

It's too bad, we used to be good friends.

They are just going to get worse. While I am sure it hurts, it is better to slough off right wingers.

My bother-in law sent me pictures of him and his wife at the teabagger protests on Sept 12. I don't know what to say to him any more.

"Nice Brainwashing job".:o

I always liked this lady and we had some things in common. She was a music teacher and so was my mother. I had been a music major when I went to college when I was younger but did not get my degree in music. I thought she was a reasonably intelligent person. We were at our mutual friend's house for dinner one Saturday and she began to rant about how she hoped Obama did not finish his term and how everybody would really be shocked when they found out he was not an American citizen but born in Kenya. I said that statement was bullshit but she plowed on to say everybody would really, really be shocked when they found out he was a closet Muslim. I absolutely lost it. I told her I had no idea she was that stupid as I had always thought she was reasonably intelligent and that I also couldn't believe she believed every fuckin' stupid email sent about Obama's heritage. I also told her I had no idea that she was a fuckin' racist. Our other friend tried to calm me down but I just called bullshit and told everybody I was not staying quiet listening to racist shit like this. I never had in my life and wasn't going to start at 55. We finally decided not to discuss it anymore but I will never apologize to that woman for what I said. I don't care if I ever see her again.

Edited for some grammatical brain faster than fingers mistakes.

"you have just worn out my last nerve" button.

It is too bizarre how some talented and smart people can succumb to brainwashing.

And it's so hard to watch my nieces be indoctrinated into this wingnut bullshit. I finally had to tell them we are never to speak of politics again, EVER, and refused to speak to them for weeks until they agreed. We'll see how long this lasts.

We care too much about our friendship to let political and religious opinions determine the path it takes. We can discuss a lot of issues without it causing problems like this. Our friendships are too important to us.

It sounds to me like your ex-friend didn't value your friendship very much.

Said person always had somewhat of a sort of selfish streak to her. I still thought she was a nice person to be around...until she went off the utter deep end with politics.

to vent like that.

"..Schaeffer saying that Obama's victory broke their brains.."

I remember that too and he couldn't be more correct. Thank Goodness for people like Frank Schaeffer who have seen the Light!

She went too far..it was always there but she found the button:nuke:

I had a friend that we used to go girl hunting (at the bar) and target shooting out at the firing range. he got married 18 years ago to a a woman he got pregnant. he knew her 6 months before tying the knot and they have been together ever since. in fact the son they conceived just joined the marines.

Well he and I were close friends through Clinton. it started to deteriorate when I announced the president had every right to receive a BJ. in fact the leader of the free World deserved a harem.
well once Bush was selected he became more and more radical.
until 2004 when he learned i was volunteering with the DEM party.
he (seemed to be joking) when he called me a commie.
by 2008 we rarely spoke except at our 20th HS reunion. one of our classmates that set everything up could not be there as she was working for the Obama campaign. He denounced her as attempting to subvert America. and once Obama was elected he turned over the edge whacko.
By inauguration he was sending everyone the RW emails claiming Obama was not born in Hawaii, Socialism this and that etc.
he began to be ridiculed for his extreme RW views by most of the Class. sorry to say far more extremely than anything he and I stood up against in Middle school.

when I tried to chat and suggested we go shooting like old times via Facebook. He actually accused me of attempting to "lure him and His guns out into the open so I could have them seized." then deleted our friendship link.

se-la-vie! he had tons of potential and once got married never went back to college. He never showed any inclination of racism growing up, but embraces it today.

These days we don't talk.

Well the last time we talked to each other he had the gall to go on a rant about them socialist at DU and that Freepers had it right. Yes, I have met a freeper, a live one.

So both my husband and i asked him when the hell was he enlisting? I even recommended the line infantry... in the Marine Corp. (This is at the height of Bush). He knows both of us are vets... so he shut up so fast it wasn't even funny. Been years since the last time I talked or emailed him.

What galls me is I know he would benefit from them socialist programs such as health care for all (wife has a really bad pre existing, if you get me drift)... and he is all but wealthy... hell barely middle class. But one day he will make a billion bucks and show us all how conservative values are best.

I "know" a few more on line, who are also working class, but will vote republican because of the family values crap (and live in right to work states, so they hate them unions too)

I have not "talked" to them either.

And this is a bad sign... we have talked before about this Kievan, but this is a step towards civil war,