5 years ago tonight - and a rant about bigotry

At 2:06am mom passed away.

Not a perfect person, who is? But she was mom.

And she, more than anyone else in my life, defined me.

In an age of racism and hatred, it was mom who showed me the way.

She grew up in a small town, mostly white. Her dad was the police chief and mayor (A republican). He built a park for kids to play in, and it is still there.

When the first black family moved into our neighborhood, she and her best friend Mary (mom #2 as we called her) baked a cake for them - while others were moving out and showing hatred towards them.

When my best friend told me he was gay, and I told mom, she did not care. She just loved people for who they were. Period.

Yeah, she voted for JFK and Carter, She also voted for Reagan cause she liked him. She didn't get into politics much. If she liked you, that was good enough for her. She hated the bush folks.

When she died and I stood there with my brother at her funeral, he told people about how she would buy groceries for people - even if they were jerks to her and she did not like them or the things they did. She said to him, when he asked her about it one day, that whether or not you like someone you do what is right by them.

To let others suffers because you don't like or agree with them is just wrong.

That was mom.

She was a Christian. Not a fundie by any stretch. But she had her bible, her ideals, and most of all she had her love for others - a love she often said was part of her belief in God.

God had loved her for who she was, in all her imperfections. And she gave that love back to others whenever she could. It did not matter your race, sexual orientation, whether you were a church going person (which she wasn't), etc - she just loved people for who they were and accepted them.

When I hear people here say that Christians are bad/evil/etc I think about mom. I can choose my religion, or not to have one, but I cannot choose the faith those I love have. Mom was a Christian. And she did her best to always make others feel welcome and loved.

This is my mom:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oGOq-M1dFHw

She was a good woman. And at 2:06am this morning, I will raise a toast to her for teaching me to love others based on who they were, not on who I think they are based on my own biases.

Your mom would be proud of the man you are...

Thank you for this great essay!

K&R

:hug:

She just had this way of forgiving others and moving on from it all - because to her love trumped all.

Damn. I am a mess tonight. I just remember the last night I saw her. She was not her - she was out of it. And yet - she was still worried about others.

She was yelling to dad, wanted a knife to cut the baby out of the pillow, was worried it would suffocate. And I stood there thinking WTF is wrong with mom?

Two nights before she died. And while going through all of that she stopped.

She saw me standing there, and snapped out of it. And said "Mick, why is he here? He does not need to see this, send him home." Whatever place she was in she left to protect me. She made sure I was ok and sent me home, and then went back into her dementia (my sister related to me later something about mom seeing turkeys and feeding them).

Even at the end, mom made sure I was ok.

That's a wonderful legacy that she left,
and that is priceless. :toast:

You have been blessed, my friend. :hug:

Hekate

:grouphug:

:hug:

It is awesome and frightening how the pain of loss can be new again, unexpectedly or not. This is a beautiful tribute to her, and I believe she does approve.

I taught myself to be tolerant in reaction to mine.

Unfortunately it was the reason I left DU when I came here years ago. There are many Christians, Wicca, Muslims, Jews, Buddhists, Shintos, Hindu, Baha'i, Zoroastrians, Shamans, Neo-Pagans, and Pantheists who are kind, open minded people and they and their beliefs have nothing to do with people who were killed in the name of certain Gods long ago.