The Rude Pundit: Words to Use to Explain Why You Kicked Frank Luntz in the Balls

This document is based on recent polling of one person who would like to kick Frank Luntz in the balls. The poll indicates that those polled understand who Frank Luntz is, with 100% of the respondent saying, "Frank Luntz? He's that helmet-haired fucker who looks like a hundred pounds of bullshit in a fifty pound bag." Beyond physical assessments of Luntz, 100% of the respondent knew that Luntz is responsible for outlining rhetorical methods by which conservative politicians, especially Republicans, can misrepresent even vaguely progressive policies to the public, thus turning public opinion against policies that might actually help the public.

When asked in the poll "Do you believe Frank Luntz is an amoral cocksucking whore?" 100% said, "That fucker guzzles right wing chowder like a drunk Massachusetts fisherman." 0% said, "Well, he just does it for the money." The respondent added, "Luntz thinks it's okay to outright lie to the public as long as it sounds like an anti-establishment political statement. It makes my foot itchy for kickin'."

Shown Luntz's recent memo detailing how conservatives can portray minor adjustments in financial regulation as Stalinist governmental infiltration into the pockets of Americans, the poll asked, "After thinking about Frank Luntz for a few moments now, what would you like to do to him?" 100% of the person polled said, "Goddamn, I wanna kick that son of a bitch right in the balls."

When one addresses a rolling-on-the-ground Frank Luntz after kicking him in the balls, never forget the impact on Frank Luntz. And above all, never minimize the pain that one has caused Frank Luntz.

Words to Use:
-Accountability - as in, "You are now finally accountable to something, Frank Luntz: a foot in your balls."

-Never again - "Frank Luntz, never again will you write one of your fucking democracy-damaging memos without thinking about how much your balls hurt today."

-Hard-working taxpayers - "How do you feel about exploiting the real fears of hard-working taxpayers in order to line your own pockets? Your balls know the answer."

-Special interests - "Gee, Frank Luntz, you should be used to being on the ground since you are a scabby-kneed special interests cock gobbler."

-The devil is in the details - "What's that Frank Luntz? I also kicked you in the taint? Taint, balls, whatever. The devil is in the details."

-Government failures and incompetence - "For years, you've been assisting Republicans in government in spinning their failures and incompetence into success. You haven't helped the problems. You've exacerbated them exponentially. Now, here's a line-up of people who were denied health insurance or lost their houses due to unregulated banking practices. They all want to kick you in the balls, too."

(Disclaimer: This memo does not advocate kicking Frank Luntz in the balls. However, it does provide guidance for those who might do so.)

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