OP by cleveramerican:

       what Gonzo said boiled down to one line
I want to assure all Americans that the firings, which I cannot recall and played no part in, were handled properly.

GDP, April 20, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x3227018

OP by Contrary1:

      Haircuts...
Nothing else. I just wanted to start another thread on the subject.








Still waiting....







for that feeling of satisfaction. I'll let you know. :hi:

GDP, April 20, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x3227097

On a thread by slater71:

      So now they are building a wall in Iraq

response #1 by bahrbearian:

      Mr. Chimpy, Tear Down this Wall

response #3 by 11 Bravo:

      That should give Lou Dobbs a chubby.
Let's keep them damn Mexicans out of Iraq!

GD, April 20, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x716847

On a thread by MissMarple:

      Gasp!.... Olympia Snow is wearing Nancy Pelosi pearls! This is not trivial, guys.
I just saw a short clip on Olbermann, the large bead necklace is a part of current fashion, but it is more small "d" dem. Nancy, however, has made them quite popular as multi colored pearls...

response #1 by lapfog_1:

      Republican women like their pearls like they like their men
white, tight and small.

GD, April 20, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x717394

On a thread by RobertSeattle:

      All in one spot: The Top 15 Most Embarrassing Photos of George W. Bush
All of W's "finest" moments captured on one webpage.

http://www.thedailybackground.com/2007/04/18/the-top-15-most-embarrassing-photos-of-george-w-bush

response #70 by SoCalDem:

      Only 15? (I have THOUSANDS)
broken down by category :)

http://socaldem.smugmug.com/
Walking
Faces
Hats& Halos
Hands
Dogs & bike
Podium
Bush costumes,photo-ops, props & animals
Bush sportsman/manly-man

and lots more

GD, April 20, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x712823

On a thread by NightWatcher:

      George Bush is a Damn Moron

response #16 by MN ChimpH8R:

      The Chimp's IQ cannot be above room temperature
I mean, this monkey gets stupider every day. He's walking around with about 20% of normal human brain function. That this simpleton has the authority to decide anything more substantive than whether to wear his X-Men or Spider-Man jammies is existentially terrifying.
:scared:

GD, April 20, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x717597

OP title by Stoic:

      As usual, when CNN has nothing to say, they say it repeatedly

GD, April 21, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x723161

OP by jgraz:

      Republicans intervene to save Alberto Gonzales
April 21st, 2007, 4:20 pm

Gonzales feeding tube removed, GOP urges quick intervention

Following his disastrous appearance before the Senate Judiciary Committee, Alberto Gonzales' wife, Rebecca Turner Gonzales, has decided to remove the feeding tube that has been keeping the Attorney General alive for the past ten years.

"We have always held out hope that Alberto will someday achieve normal brain function," said Mrs. Gonzales in a written statement. "But after Thursday, it has become clear that there can be no recovery from his current vegetative state."

Congressional Republicans responded quickly to this news, introducing "Alberto's Law", which would prohibit the removal of any life support device even in cases of gross incompetence and extreme toadying.

Speaking from his home in Tennessee, physician and former GOP Senator Bill Frist offered his own diagnosis. "I have reviewed the video footage of Thursday's hearing," said Frist, "and in my medical opinion it is clear that Alberto does exhibit some limited mental activity. With the right treatment, it's possible that, someday, he may even be able to understand and respond to questions."

While Democrats maintained that this is a private matter for the Gonzales family, Connecticut Senator Joe Lieberman(I) immediately declared his support for the legislation and called on news outlets to dramatically increase their coverage of his statements on the issue.

For its part, the White House continues its unqualified support for Gonzales. "The president has no plans to ask for his resignation, " said White House Deputy Press Secretary Dana Perino. "We remain confident that death will in no way reduce Judge Gonzales' effectiveness as Attorney General."

Pic with equally funny caption in the OP...

GD, April 21, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x723493

On a thread by rurallib:

      Man this Rich Little STINKS!

response #15 by TahitiNut:

      In comedy, timing is everything.
His time was 1975.

GD, April 21, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x725108

On a thread by hiaasenrocks:

      Who the hell dragged Rich Little out of the mothballs?

response #1 by havocmom:

      Be kind. It's been tough for him since all the people he impersonated
DIED decades before most of today's audience was born.

response #5 by rurallib:

      Wonder if the audience liked the vultures circling overhead?
I may be premature here, but I think his career may be at an end. Look for him to be working with Elvis at that donut shop in Detroit.

GD, April 21, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x725157

OP by Atman:

      Rich. Little.
Can you think of a better-named person to entertain Bush?

response #3 by BerryBush:

      * said he wasn't going to be funny
and following in his footsteps, Little decided not to be funny either.

GD, April 21, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x725347

On a thread by LSK:

      is the White House Correspondents Dinner worth watching??

response #3 by BlooInBloo:

      Only if you wanna see something that sucks.

response #15 by rurallib:

      Ya like train wrecks?

response #18 by FloridaJudy:

      Rumor is they plan to substitute the video for waterboarding n/t

response #23 by BushDespiser12:

      Only if you like to spend your time
wearing mohair shirts and having dental extractions without Novocaine while buried up to your neck in scorching sand while army ants decide on how they are to re-arrange your features.

GD, April 22, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x728838

On a thread by jmc247:

      Chalabi Accuses the US of abusing and "Provoking Iran"

response #5 by NanceGreggs:

      Knock, knock ...
Who's there?

"Chalibi."

Chalibi who?

"Chal-I-be getting more money from the WH this week, or Chal-I-be getting a better offer from someone else?"

GD, April 22, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x729907

On a thread by proud2Blib:

      Why do they keep dragging out Newt?

response #13 by bemildred:

      Who else have they got?
Compared to Rudi and McCain, Newt almost looks good. You could put a little lipstick on, straighten the curly tail, tape the ears down, and he wouldn't look too much like a pig. Maybe people have forgotten the last time he was in office.

GD, April 22, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x727017

OP by global1:

      Late Breaking: Bush Vows To Put Up A Wall In The Center Aisle Of Both Houses Of Congress.....
In an effort to quell the partisanship and bickering going on in Congress - Bush said today in a news conference "that a wall will be going through the center aisles of both houses of congress". This is one way to stop the problems on the "other side of the aisle", he said...

Remainder of OP is serious, and well done...

response #3 by zbdent:

      One word which might describe the wall I'd like to see Bush behind ...
Amontillado

GDP, April 23, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x3230575

On a thread by sabra:

      Condi: "I don't think we really understood how broken the fabric of Iraq was"

response #9 by antifaschits:

      but she has a degree in Soviet 5 yr. food planning of the 1970s!
And she's the brightest person in the President's immediate circle. Oh wait. that's not saying much, is it?

response #10 by antifaschits:

      no one could have anticipated that her Pradas don't match Givenchy skirts.
horrors!

GD, April 23, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x732786

On a thread by pstans:

      Tancredo Isn't As Wacky As I Thought

response #2 by IanDB1:

      I bet Tancredo picks David Duke as his running mate.
Only because Hitler is already dead.

GDP, April 23, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x3230035

On a thread by hnmnf:

      Tucker has Herpes

response #2 by Hobarticus:

      That nasty, red pulsating sore, oozing pus? That's just his mouth.
No worries!

response #3 by Horse with no Name:

      He just got too close to the Mother Ship
(Did I mention the Mother ship was Newt's ass?)

GD, April 23, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x735345

On a thread by mdmc:

      DU spell check Why does Leiberman come up but not Kucinich?

response #1 by NYCGirl:

      Did you spell check this post? Lieberman is spelled wrong. NT

GD, April 23, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x734112

On a thread by sabra:

      WH: "It's important for everybody to understand this is an enemy determined to kill Americans"

response #4 by louis-t:

      FEAR!FEAR!FEAR!
BE VERY AFRAID! OUR FEARLESS LEADER WILL SAVE US. HE'S SO BRILLIANT!!1!!1!1!11! I'M SERIES!11!1!

I can't seem to get the freeper '!11!!1!' to look right.
:eyes:

response #9 by Lerkfish:

      you have to learn to type without an opposable thumb
to get the freeperisms spelled right.

GD, April 23, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x733903

OP by Feles Mala:

      It's real good, Georgie...
It's real good you invaded Iraq, Georgie, real good. Now wish it into the cornfield...

It's real good you want Harriet Meirs to be on the Supreme Court. Now wish her into the corn field.

It's real good you put Bernie Kerik in charge of organizing the Baghdad police, real good. Now wish him into the corn field.

It's real good you made Alberto Gonzales attorney general Georgie, real good.

Etc. Etc. Etc.

GDP, April 23, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x3230285

OP by Philosoraptor:

      My house is on fire!
My dogs, my cats, my belongings, my children! Oh my God the flames, the smoke, the impending deaths! But, like our president, I simply REJECT any "Artificial Timetable for Withdrawal", so I guess this is it folks, been good to know ya'. I'm doomed to a fiery, miserable death, as are my cats, and my dogs, and my kids, but, I said what I meant, and I meant what I said, people who support an artificial timetable for withdrawal are better off dead.

response #1 by dist22dem:

      Well, you're wise to stay the course,
and you're doin' a heckuva job. But next time, please report all the good things that are happening.

Mission accomplished.

response #6 by Oreo:

      Stop emboldening the flames

response #13 by IDemo:

      Why do you hate charcoal?

response #15 by sinkingfeeling:

      Pour some gasoline on those flames! A 'surge' in the fire is a noble cause.

response #16 by John Q. Citizen:

      Have you put out a no-bid contract for reconstruction, yet?

response #13 by BlooInBloo:

      See that French guy over there? The one alive & without scars? HE cut & ran! Don't be French!

response #42 by Philosoraptor:

      I'm toast, but at least not french toast.

Many other burningly funny responses in the thread...

GD, April 23, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x735687

On a thread by Proud2BAmurkin:

      Hey celebs concerned about global warming: shut the fuck up about toilet paper

response #2 by Bornaginhooligan:

      Yeah, that totally hurts the cause.
When I hear that, I want to go out and hurt the environment.

response #5 by Bluebear:

      I have to agree on this one.
"they'll take my toilet paper from my sopping wet hands!"

response #6 by joe_sixpack:

      Can I continue to use my recycled TP
that is manufactured from old plywood from building construction projects? It's a little rough at first but you get used to it.

response #8 by Dr.Phool:

      There's a reason Sears and J.C. Penny put out a catalogue.
I prefer U.S. News and World Report myself.

GD, April 23, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x735360

On a thread by babylonsister:

      Perino Snaps At Crow And David, Demands They Show More ‘Respect’ For President Bush

response #1 by marmar:

      Like, omigod, he is the president and stuff...
:dunce:

GD, April 23, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x3230788

On a thread by madokie:

      I've heard the blivet use the term strategic objectives many times, WTF is it

response #5 by acmavm:

      For all that clown knows it could be a breakfast food.

GD, April 23, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x733718

On a thread by hedgehog:

      Orange Alert?

response #3 by Kurovski:

      Why? Do our oranges come from China, too?

GD, April 24, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x741570

On a thread by Erika :

      OK. What happened to the Rapture?

response #3 by leftofthedial:

      it came
it saw

it took the honeybees

response #11 by Old Crusoe:

      I'm thinking they're waiting for the May sweeps.

response #13 by jobycom:

      It's Bush's fault. Jesus tried to get here, but he underbudgeted for the gas increases.
I hear he's really pissed and building a special corner in Hell all for the oil company folk behind it. Then he's got to get some more cash and get that VW bus running again. Might take a few more years...

response #22 by DeSwiss:

      The angels that God put in charge of the Rapture....
...attempted entry into the country with swords and other weapons of mass destruction. Of course they were immediately arrested by Homeland Security and later renditioned to undisclosed locations.....

GD, April 24, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x739328

OP by 11 Bravo:

      The Repugs are going to hit back HARD with a litany of Democratic scandals.
Any day now you can expect to read on Drudge that Hillary Clinton's neighbor's best friend's butcher's cousin's pool boy once saw Hillary wearing white after Labor Day.

response #1 by SpiralHawk:

      "Bill Clinton has a penis." - republicon corporate propaganda media wankers
"Whereas Commander AWOL does not. Our Olde Reliable Propaganda Meme." - republicon corporate media propaganda wankers

response #2 by ThoughtCriminal:

      And then it will turn out that is was beige
And was 4 days after labor day. The correction will be buried on page 7c.

GD, April 24, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x740445

On a thread by IChing:

      Laura B*sh to recieve Honorary Law Degree and be Commencement speaker
"Pepperdine University is pleased to announce that First Lady Laura Bush will be the 2007 Seaver College Commencement speaker and recipient of Pepperdine’s Honorary Doctor of Laws degree..."

response #6 by thoughtanarchist:

      Honorary Law Degree?
There's our next Attorney General!

NOW Gonzo can safely step down.

:yoiks:

response #7 by ruiner4u:

      AG? hell she will be nominated for the next opening on the supreme court

GD, April 25, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x754149

On a thread by babylonsister:

      Just...ugh
"Today is Africa Malaria Day. Over one million people die each year from the treatable and preventable disease; 80 percent of the deaths take place in Sub-Saharan Africa. Today, President Bush called for “a smart and sustained campaign” that involves distributing insecticide-treated bed nets, expanding indoor insecticide-spraying, providing anti-malaria medicine to pregnant women and delivering cutting edge drugs to people living with the disease..."

response #1 by sutz12:

      I suppose this will be handled by the pharmaceutical division of Halliburton?
:sarcasm:

GDP, April 25, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x3234196

On a thread by babylonsister:

      Priceless! Letter to Gonzo from Leahy and Specter

response #5 by BOSSHOG:

      By next Friday he won't recall getting the above letter

response #22 by myrna minx:

      He knows *of* letters, he's heard of mail before, but he can't
recall ever receiving a letter, not even at camp.

GDP, April 25, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x3234120

On a thread by The Count:

      Why are none of my threads showing on the "latest discussion?"
I get the "bug" screen after i post, then they eventually are in the GD forum, but never on the latest page...Anyone else gets this?

response #1 by Bluebear:

      Everyone has you on ignore except me, I was supposed to be the last one to tell you

GD, April 25, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x749956

On a thread by hnmnf:

      New Faux show to be called "The Money Shot." I can't make this stuff up

response #6 by MathGuy:

      Whoever came up with that title should end up with egg on their face.
Or something.

response #8 by PreacherCasey:

      Actually, it is an apt analogy.
Fox's viewers are kneeling before their TV screens with their eyes closed, mouths open, and ready to swallow whatever Fox gives them.

response #21 by gatorboy:

      You should see their new Sunday show: "The Beltway Gang Bang"

response #26 by Buzz Clik:

      You know, you guys know a helluva lot about porn.
:evilgrin:

GD, April 26, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x760722

On a thread by Purveyor:

      McCain: Gonzales Should Resign
"Presidential contender John McCain joined the growing number of Republicans calling for Attorney General Alberto Gonzales to step down in the furor over the firings of eight federal prosecutors..."

response #1 by xultar:

      McCain is crazy. I wish he hadn't opened his cake-hole. What he says won't make a diff.
You've lost the election McCain. STFD and STFU.

response #2 by Tempest:

      Hey, wait a minute
There's nothing wrong with McCain dragging Gonzales with him as he goes down in flames. ;)

response #4 by xultar:

      No. The problem is that McCain ain't gonna help. It's like Ted Bundy trying to save Terry Schiavo.

LBN, April 26, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=102x2823743

On a thread by LSK:

      anyone else notice that most of the crowd signs are for Edwards?
In the background of the MSNBC panel behind Tweety and KO?

response #5 by MannyGoldstein:

      Isn't Part of Edwards' House in SC?
I think the indoor polo arena and skeet shooting room are.

GD, April 26, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x766623

OP by XemaSab:

      I'm leaving DU
There is too much fish bigotry around here these days.

-Trout

response #5 by Ptah:

      Trout are not inherently bad, it depends on their owners.
:popcorn:

response #17 by Robeson:

      This thread smells....
... :P

response #23 by MikeH:

      Are you doing so on porpoise?
Or just for the halibut?

The Lounge, April 26, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x6458259

On a thread by ck4829:

      Talk about cautious, Chairman of the AEI lives in a reinforced Mansion
"Bruce Stanley Kovner (born 1945 in Brooklyn, New York) is an American businessman. He is the founder and Chairman of Caxton Associates, LLC, a hedge fund that trades a global macro strategy. Kovner is also the Chairman of the American Enterprise Institute... His 5th Avenue Mansion in New York City features a lead-lined room to protect against a chemical, biological, or dirty bomb attack..."

response #1 by Buzz Clik:

      Lead lined room? So much for cell phone service.
"Can you hear me now?

"Can you hear me now?

"$%##^**!!!! What's wrong with this @#%@& phone?

"2.5 BILLION DOLLARS AND I CAN'T GET CELL PHONE SERVICE IN THE MIDDLE OF NEW YORK CITY?"

response #2 by Virginia Dare:

      Yea, but he doesn't have anti-missile devices like Darth does...n/t

GD, April 27, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x769513

On a thread by Frustratedlady:

      ABC Breaking - It must be Friday
Breaking News from ABCNEWS.com:

THE PENTAGON SAYS IT HAS ONE OF AL QAEDA'S MOST SENIOR OPERATIVES IN ITS CUSTODY, HE WAS CAUGHT BY THE CIA.

response #3 by SaveElmer:

      Probably the guy that empties Bin Laden's chamber pot...
In the morning...
"Bush Administration Official: This guy knows where the shit is buried"

response #10 by Merlot:

      So that's what they mean by "#2 guy"

response #9 by Patsy Stone:

      Is this the same guy they just keep finding over and over?
Like a catch and release program?

GDP, April 27, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x3238024

OP by hang a left:

      In anticipation of the DUZYs tomorrow....
Have you been funny enough in your postings?

Have you kept a high level of snark?

Who will you be wearing to the awards?

Who will you be "doing" for the awards?

What color is your limo?

And if you don't mind, we will have a "blue carpet"! Kay?

response #2 by NanceGreggs:

      I'll be wearing ...
... a Bathrobe designed by "Vinny".

According to Brian Williams, if I have bathrobe, a modem, and an opinion, I can put him out of business.

So I'll be trying my best tomorrow night at the awards ...

response #7 by SoCalDem:

      FIRST rule of DUzy
Never talk about DUzy ..capiche??

response #11 by orleans:

      are you sure that's the first rule? got a link? n/t

response #17 by Hubert Flottz:

      I'll just say that George Bush is about as popular as a stale dog fart...
and let the chit fall where it may...that is all...

response #18 by hang a left:

      Quit joking around now.
We are talking about the DUzys

I would expect us to remain serious.

Awards resulting from this thread are purely coincidental, and have no relationship to its topic...

GD, April 27, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x767909

On a thread by hang a left:

      You know what burns my butt?
These sleezy pols that get raided, busted, found out, uncovered.

Then they go on the TV and loudly proclaim their innocence, blame their circumstances on partisan politics or witch hunts...

There HAS to be a special place in hell for these bastages.

At least, I am hoping.

response #7 by ElboRuum:

      There is...
They've recently divvied up the 8th circle of hell into 4 parts since everyone there is having trouble being tormented harmoniously. These guys are slated to be moved to 8C once they get the dividers up, the carpet laid down, and the walls painted cinder-block grey. Then, after the hellhounds come in and urinate all over the new carpets, they'll be treated to an unending series of mock Congressional inquiries where they are asked the same kinds of ludicrous questions over and over, probably something along the lines of...

"So, what did you know after the time that you claim you knew it but before the time that we knew you knew it and just after the knowing would have resulted in you knowing it a hell of a lot sooner than you did, but forgot? You have three seconds."

If they don't start answering something sufficiently different than their last answer within the three second limit, some punishment ensues, such as dropping a piano on their heads, having one of the demons flick their earlobes for about an hour while reciting passages from one of Sylvia Plath's lesser works, or being vomited upon by an elephant whose last meal consisted of battery acid, 14 bales of moist hay, a bushel of apples, and the oil from the crankcase of a Datsun B210 that's been sitting in a junkyard for the last 30 years.

If they do succeed in the required level of originality, they are hit in the face with a pie by Rip Taylor's evil twin while Vlad the Impaler does his best Sergeant Schultz impression.

After a day of such inquiries, they are to sit at the desk playing with an online widget whose sole button's function is to scream insulting remarks out of the speakers.

GD, April 27, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x770754

On a thread by Roland99:

      $3/gal gas here in Louisville already
$2.999 all over the city yesterday.

Wheeeee!!!!

response #1 by Hissyspit:

      Yipes! That brings back memories of the George W. Bush administration!
Oh, wait...

Kentucky, April 27, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=154x1623

it came
it saw

it took the honeybees