Tiger Woods' terrifying lack of humor, By Mark Morford

It is entirely possible that Tiger Woods, AKA the world's most famous athlete who also appears to be the most boring and bland and Jesus dude show a hint of spark and humor and life, would you please? it's entirely possible Tiger is far more messed up and clinically depressed than his juvenile, low-grade adoration of hookers, porn stars and skeevy Vegas waitresses would let anyone believe.

Let us acknowledge that possibility for a moment, as a means to justify the guy's absolutely deadly blandness, his unbearable contriteness, his refusal to show even a wisp of lightness or spark or shrugging get-over-it-edness. Maybe he's really dead inside. Maybe it's deeper and sadder than anyone knows. Fine.

But, oh my God, is this really how it's supposed to be? Is this the example we want? A dour American billionaire "hero" steps up and apologizes profusely, via careful script, to a huge array of people who have no real need for his apology, because no one really cares anyway? A speech that basically comes down to some rich guy no one really knows saying he's sorry for failing to live up to some impossible, ridiculous Mr. Nice Guy standard set by, well, himself, a hundred endorsement deals and an entirely bogus Christian moral code that doesn't really exist? Great.

But oh, how relentlessly depressing. And how utterly silly. Watching Tiger bury himself under an avalanche of sad-faced apologies and surprisingly awful clothing, I'm reminded of a similar reaction I had when I watched Andre Agassi break into tears on camera in front of a delighted Katie Couric not long ago. ...

(click here to read the rest)

(Full URL: http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/g/a/2010/02/24/notes022410.DTL&nl=fix)

And come to think of it, he's probably right about the lack of sense of humor.

"Shall we be honest? About how we live in a country with a 50 percent divorce rate, and probably 27.9 percent of the remainder wish they could split and go their own way, but are trapped by kids or homes or taxes or because it's just too damned annoying/expensive to separate, so let's just stick it out and gently seethe in warm pools of quiet resentment and long, woeful sighs, and maybe we should try an open relationship, honey, please, please, please?"

"Dick Cheney slithering forth and apologizing for being a cancerous, warmongering monster whose brutal profiteering and shriveled soul cost thousands of young American lives? The GOP stepping out and admitting they killed health care reform because they really wanted to ding the scary black president, and don't really give a flying crap about your sick and uninsured children? Now those would be remarkable public apologies. A comatose golfer saying he's sorry for nailing some hookers whilst his family rolls around in $500 million worth of Escalades, diamond-crusted teaspoons and Swiss ski chalets? Not a remarkable apology. Clear?

But here's the bigger truth: Tiger wasn't apologizing to actual people, to his wife or kids or even his confused fans. Tiger was apologizing, straight up and to the bone, to capitalism itself. To his own brand. It was a scary attempt to shore up the multimillions in endorsement deals, his future as a billion-dollar icon. Tiger the man was apologizing to Tiger, Inc., mostly for tainting its earnings potential."

BINGO.

Morford nails it, as usual. I love his stuff!

he's a sociopath. He knows he's not going to change.

good observations!

and the kids and hope that Tiger can find himself and grow in his life. I guess I feel that even though he is so talented it was his "goodness" that also drew me in to see him as an example of a good family man. The kids and his wife, Elin, could not be more beautiful. I remember his Dad giving him that hug a few years ago and his Mom's wide grin seeing him with his little girl, Sam. I remember seeing him in his last tournament and thinking "Can this man have everything he has with no problems?" I have found in my life that no human being is without fault and no one goes through life without some kind of fire to overcome. I hope he can find some closure and Elin and the children and he will truly find a wonderful future ahead. It is when we get older and look back at our lives that we see the sacrifices and the choices we made did make the difference in our and our families lives for better or worse.

Everyone can't be a natural comedian.