A letter from a Conservative

I get a few emails from conservatives from time to time. This one is rather choice. My comments will be in italic
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If you ever wondered what side of the fence you sit on, this is a great test!


If a conservative doesn't like guns, he doesn't buy one.
Not quite true that. But then history is not the strong point of modern corporatism.
If a liberal doesn't like guns, he wants all guns outlawed.
Again, this is a really strange one to start with, as it is just not just an up down thing.

If a conservative is a vegetarian, he doesn't eat meat.
Really? Thanks for explaining that. Oh wait a minute, you probably mean vegan.
If a liberal is a vegetarian, he wants all meat products banned for everyone.
Some do. Most of them just want animals to be treated well. 20 years ago Conservatives would have mostly agreed, now they don't care as much. Sadly this is probably your strongest argument and it is pretty stupidly lame.

If a conservative is homosexual, he quietly leads his life.
This is obviously wrong have you ever listened to the news? If a conservative is homosexual, he tends to oppress homosexuals and develop fairly unhealthy, sneaky behaviors while doing so.
If a liberal is homosexual, he demands legislated respect.
No actually he wants to be able to live a life without oppression and to have the same equivalent rights that other people have. Only a bigot would have trouble understanding this.

If a conservative is down-and-out, he thinks about how to better his situation.
Very untrue. They exploit the system at every turn. Poor or Wealthy, they want no price paid and all benefits accrued. Look at Rush, McCain, and Palin, all of these have taken government largess under questionable circumstances.

A liberal wonders who is going to take care of him.
Sadly we have to. Since conservatives are not able to perceive the sides of an issue, we liberals have to wonder who will take care of everyone. Including the ignorant conservatives that want the government to take it's hands off of our medicare. Seriously do any of you ever look up and realize that you are preaching lies based on lies?


If a conservative doesn't like a talk show host, he switches channels.
Oh, my. Where does censorship come from? liberal or conservatives? Remember the conservative attacks on NPR before it became Now Partisan Radio? This one is really not your strongest argument.
Liberals demand that those they don't like be shut down.
We do have an issue with people promoting violence, racism and hate. Conservatives have a real selective memory apparently, since shutting down voices is what conservatives have been doing for ages. The real difference is that your side usually kills voices they don't like.


If a conservative is a non-believer, he doesn't go to church.
This is also wrong. Lots and lots of conservatives dress up all religiously to make contacts and sales. They kind of ignore the practice of what they preach. It is more like they fear not believing. Sure they want to be good, but they don't want the hassle of doing what it takes to actually be good.
A liberal non-believer wants any mention of God and religion silenced.
There are those of us that are that way. I suspect that if conservatives practiced what Jesus preached, this would change quickly. But then you conservatives would no longer be conservative would you?
(Unless it's a foreign religion!)
Not true at all. The liberals who have issues with Christianity, (Not an American Religion by the way) have as many if not more issues with other religions. The whole oppression of women thing seems to be rather an issue to liberals and not so much an issue with conservatives.

If a conservative decides he needs health care, he goes about shopping for it, or may choose a job that provides it.
Hows that working for you?
A liberal demands that the rest of us pay for his.
No in fact liberals actually want you to start paying for yours. A conservative follows leaders who are bought out by insurance companies that profit from the lack of care they provide. Seriously you don't have a leg to stand on here. We are all being robbed by the folk that your leaders have been bought by.


If a conservative reads this, he'll forward it so his friends can have a good laugh.
NO, no, no, I forwarded this so that my friends can have a good laugh.
A liberal will delete it because he's "offended".
You can't just make assumptions about liberal, they are liberal. Probably you should not make such assumptions. Our minds are capable of thoughts you can't imagine, just as your minds constantly contemplate deeds we hate to imagine.
Well, I forwarded it to you.
And I, a liberal, shared it with the world!

a conservative is ok as long as he is doing well (screw the rest of you)

a liberal is not ok until we all are doing well (let see if we can work together to make this good)

Right. And if he doesn't like a book he demands that it be banned. I guess books are more dangerous than talk show hosts.