Words of Caution for Elena Kagan, There's a Far Touchier Reproductive Issue Than Abortion

http://www.alternet.org/story/146822/words_of_caution_for_elena_kagan%2C_there%27s_a_far_touchier_reproductive_issue_than_abortion

Words of Caution for Elena Kagan, There's a Far Touchier Reproductive Issue Than Abortion

For some reason the idea of not having children remains one of the most taboo subjects, especially for women.

May 11, 2010 |

Question for you. Today what is the most controversial thing a female candidate can say?

A) I had an extramarital affair.

B) I am gay.

C) I do not want to have children.

Or forget a female candidate. What about the female spouse of a candidate, or a female vying for a major appointment, such as to the Supreme Court? Fifty years after the pill was created to empower women to take their reproductive choice into their own hands, I would argue that the answer is still C.

Before you ask, no I am not basing this theory on any groundbreaking new study on the subject. This is based strictly on anecdotal evidence, including my recent conversations with a variety of women. Not to mention some not so anecdotal evidence, namely the number of children who continue to be born into unloving, unstable and unsupportive homes. But it's also based on the fact that within minutes of Elena Kagan's nomination to the Supreme Court being confirmed, a blog post titled, "Elena Kagan sends us on the Way to a Motherless Supreme Court" popped up online, as if her parental status has a single thing to do with her qualifications for the High Court.

For some reason the idea that not all people, including plenty of women, have the desire to become parents, and more specifically, the idea that not all people who can have children, should, remain two of the most taboo things any person, particularly any woman, can say out loud. While endless media coverage has been devoted to the so-called "mommy wars" between working moms and stay at home moms and those who are pro-choice and those who are not, the real gulf, is one so controversial that the media hardly covers it at all: the gulf between those who do not wish to become parents and everyone else who thinks that by shear of virtue of being on this planet and not being a serial killer, you should.

I began thinking about this idea more and more after I mentioned to a well-known editor that I was unsure about whether or not I want to become a mother. I then said, "Although I sometimes get the feeling that even today you're not supposed to tell people that. It's somehow viewed as unladylike." I casually laughed at the silliness of it all. She then replied sympathetically, "Honestly, Keli, you probably should be careful who you say that in front of. There are plenty of people who still react suspiciously to the idea of a woman not being interested in motherhood. It makes them uncomfortable--including many of the so-called open-minded, progressive types in the world of media." (I should add for the record, that she is a fabulous mother herself, and fabulously open-minded about those who may make a different choice.)

But the more I thought of what she said, the more I realized that the few times I have shared this sentiment with others in a social setting (only when asked), the reply has always been some variation of the following, "Oh you'll change your mind. You'd make a terrific mother." I always find this reaction so strange, that people feel compelled by instinct to tell someone whom they don't know all that well--whose temperament they don't know intimately and whose financial situation they don't know at all--that they would make a good parent and should therefore make the decision to become one, in part, based on an acquaintance's input.

MORE

Twice-sterilized, never wanted any, never had any and even now at 45 I still hear that I might change my mind....

tells me I might change my mind I tell them that would just be asking for a genetic fuck up. lol. Love the look on their faces.

How are you twice-sterilized?

BTW, I'm almost 30 and don't really care if I do or don't have kids. No baby clock going off for me.

I also have ovarian cysts, which causes infertility but doesn't count as being sterilized!

current work load, "Kagan currently performs what may be the single most demanding job in the American legal profession, and she performs it with distinction. By comparison, her new role as a Supreme Court Justice should be less strenuous." She thought of it more appropriate not to bring children into her life at this busy time.http://thinkprogress.org/

a Senate hearing!


Funny though, I know quite a few women who are/were married and made the specific decision not to have children,. So,e vecause they dedicated all their efforts to their profession. Some because they recognized that they wouldnt be a good parent,and some because they just don't like little kids! GASP!!!!!

So a kick for that.

telling me when i was going to get married that i was limiting myself. i think she has always been for opening doors for women. she is a lawyer who specialized it family law. she never wanted to have kids, feeling we've made up for her lack of contribution since her five siblings have at least one each. heck i have three. she has spent the better part of her years as a lawyer representing kids in family court cases. she abhors child abuse and fights to stop it.

i think people who don't want kids know what they want. I understand the belief that one may change their mind, but ultimately if someone wants to be sterilized, it should be their decision. i think doctors probably won't do it because of a fear of being sued. but there are people who just don't want kids. and that is fine. why can't that be fine!! there are enough people on this planet. it is perfectly normal for some to not want kids. but that is different than most people, so then it must be not right. someday we'll figure it out.... just because it is not what you think or feel doesn't make it wrong!

(actually, I don't tell parents that, it seems cruel)