Massive Flow Of Bullshit Continues To Gush From BP Headquarters

Massive Flow Of Bullshit Continues To Gush From BP Headquarters

June 7, 2010 | ISSUE 46•23

LONDON—As the crisis in the Gulf of Mexico entered its eighth week Wednesday, fears continued to grow that the massive flow of bullshit still gushing from the headquarters of oil giant BP could prove catastrophic if nothing is done to contain it.

The toxic bullshit, which began to spew from the mouths of BP executives shortly after the explosion of the Deepwater Horizon oil rig in April, has completely devastated the Gulf region, delaying cleanup efforts, affecting thousands of jobs, and endangering the lives of all nearby wildlife.

"Everything we can see at the moment suggests that the overall environmental impact of this will be very, very modest," said BP CEO Tony Hayward, letting loose a colossal stream of undiluted bullshit. "The Gulf of Mexico is a very big ocean, and the volume of oil we are putting into it is tiny in relation to the total volume of water."

According to sources, the sheer quantity of bullshit pouring out of Hayward is unprecedented, and it has thoroughly drenched the coastlines of Louisiana, Mississippi, Alabama, and Florida, with no end in sight.

<snip>

http://www.theonion.com/articles/massive-flow-of-bullshit-continues-to-gush-from-bp,17564/

What a fucked up nation we've become where the only outlets reporting real news are comedians, comedy channel news shows, and satirical newspapers! :crazy:

When they put Hayward's words into context, it turned into the truest article yet about BP.

Dispersants are now being injected into the bullshit, but this just breaks the bullshit up into tiny particles that can be claimed not to exist, resulting in more bullshit.

I swear this is the truest news I've seen yet about all this.

I'm not sure they know HOW to tell the truth.