Candlelight vigils, I have had little experience with these but this week my sons friend in

football and rugby was injured severely and died. The police are treating it as a criminal matter and have charged the 16 year old from the opposing team with aggravated assault and possibly manslaughter. My son 14 has spent the last few days along with teamates and the school in general in a candlelight vigil. I am starting to wonder when this will end he says that tomorrow night they will be there all night and on Monday will attend the funeral. This is the first time he has had to deal with the death of someone his own age and he seems to be taking it very hard he was a friend and someone he looked up to as a junior on the team. I am not sure what to say to him except the his friend will live on in the organ donations his family has made. We are not a religious family so I cannot offer the comfort of saying we will see him again in the afterlife. This really has been a shock to our high school. I did not know the parents well but they are obviously grieving they do not want the police to press charges against the opposing player which is out of their hands. This has been a sad sad week for our kids and for the first time the death of a peer.

http://www.cbc.ca/canada/toronto/story/2007/05/11/rugby-castillo.html

:hug: So very sad for everyone. I love the idea of the organ donations, and I'm not religious either.
I guess, bottom line, you do what you can, and to be able to do that when the situation is so bleak takes courage. Your son should be proud of you, and vice versa.

It's tough to see your child suffer--especially about something you can do nothing about. Tell him it's okay to feel bad--and that he going to feel bad for awhile. Death is part of life and we ALL bow to it and have to make our peace with it somehow. It is a lesson on how we LIVE life--for that is what we have, that is all we have is the depth and heart we share with each other. Your son did this by being a friend to the boy. He did this by having fun with him and sharing joy. He shared his youth with this young man and, this boy did not die; your son remembers him and always will. He is a part of his young years, sports, school, good times. He is still there in your son's heart. He made this boy's life special just by sharing himself and being his friend.

Sharing our hearts and our lives--and not forgetting--that's the most we can do.

Let it happen.

at the school and the news cameras also. The press has been relentless in trying to interview these kids and while I absolutely believe in free press it just seems that this week it has been too much to handle for these kids. My son is feeling especially affected since the news keeps showing him laying his jersey on the field in tribute and he doesn't want this to be shown for whatever reason.

It's always a shock when a friend dies, but all the more so for the very young. The group at the vigil can support one another emotionally and spiritually through the first hardest days and nights. This is a very ancient ritual that gets re-invented again and again, because it's good not to be alone at a time like this.

I understand about not being religious--my own mother believed that at the end of life we simply stop being, and our "immortality" is in our children and in other people's memories of us (this was decades before organ donations were possible). This was not a great deal of comfort for me to contemplate, and I chose to believe otherwise. Your son may take up some of his classmates' beliefs in an afterlife as a temporary or even permanent way of coping with this loss. (I feel I should point out that my mother placed great emphasis on ethical behavior that comes from an inner knowing of right and wrong, rather than morality that comes from some god outside us. This has powerfully influenced me all my life.)

I think you are right to point out that organ donation is one way for your son's friend to live on and make a difference in the world. It is also true that his memories keep his friend alive in his heart.

More tangibly,your son and his team mates can reach out to their friend's family in months and years to come and let them know he is remembered still, because they above all others don't want their son forgotten.

Perhaps classmates can participate in a memorial project at the school, such as installing a bench with a plaque in a favorite outdoor area. Again, this is a tangible activity.

It is for the living to go on, with bravery and with tenderness. My heart goes out to you all.
:grouphug:

Hekate

son to be forgotten I cannot imagine such a horrible loss.

Your son will be OK. He's going through the process.
Are they offering any counseling for the kids?
Lee

are not taking part in this.

Just let him know that you will listen to him no matter what he has to say..

Our son lost 4 friends to car accidents 2 in one accident and 1 each in 2 other accidenst (no alcohol in any of them)..this happened in ONE summer..

It's hard on them, but I think it makes them appreciate their own lives a bit more.

Kids at that age sometimes think they are incincible, and these incidents bring home the reality of just how fragile they are..

:hug: for him :)