I'm writing to my Dem. Party vice-chair for the first time.....

I have been thinking about getting into the non-profit or public sector for some time, i hate corporate and private entities & need to have a cause to feel good about my work. So the idea hit me this morning and I cranked this letter out...who knows maybe there's a job there? so why not help my fellow dems too?
~~~~~~~~~~~
I am writing to you as a party member in the South __ __ area. I am a single mom of 3 and have been unemployed and on cash aid since 2008. I have been working as a self employed freelance writer, web designer, and communications manager while attending classes at CSU Sacramento last year.
Thanks to programs like the Workforce Investment Act, I was able to achieve something I have always wanted, alumni status with a university. Unfortunately, this is often not enough to find a job in the current economy. Interestingly enough I went to school for a certificate in HR management, which, ironically there is NO need for since there are no jobs!
Well, this is where one has to learn to hustle. I have lived in ____ ____ long enough to know that one job is usually never enough, and to make it work you have to be able to use ALL of your talents in all sorts of ways. My mentor and ONE steady client in writing business has been taught me about workshop planning and development and group facilitation for ten years. The part of HR that appeals to me most is training and development. So, I am hoping to give my services to ____ County and the EDD, offering workshops for those who are suffering from long term unemployment. I hope to eventually get into the field of working regionally with non-profits to assist those who may need to re-think their livelihoods in the face of a changing and struggling economy.
As a member of the Democratic Party and a little of a self-proclaimed activist, I would like to open communications with my party and understand where I can assist in the platform for jobs in our region.
I am sure you have some real time data on the current state of jobs and unemployment in our county. Where are the new jobs going to come from, and what do you think is our biggest hurdle socially with unemployment? I’d be interested in seeing how my skills and personality can fit into the political arena, perhaps the public sector is the way to go…
I look forward to continuing our conversation and hope that I can be of assistance to you in the upcoming election.
Thanks for your time.

~~~~~what do ya think?

anyone...?

and mailed it, i'll post the response if any...

Looking for work is very draining and the year and a half point is often when we humans hit the wall.

So it is admirable that you are still out there looking.


Please don't take these suggestions in the wrong way - but as my inner cranky editor gets its mojo from people requesting help, here is what I see as needing a fix:

To inquire about a job in communications field, be concise.

Reduce the wordage by ten to twenty percent. It might take you two days to do that, but it is lengthy. You can work on this while you are watering your petunias, or standing in line at the unemployment office or wherever. Most of everything we write is usually too long by one third.

Scrap this sentence I have lived in ____ ____ long enough to know that one job is usually never enough, and to make it work you have to be able to use ALL of your talents in all sorts of ways.

You have already explained where you live, and this sentence sounds like you are willing to clean kennels at night while working part time as writer/communications specialist during the day. Since this letter represents your ambitions, go for it! What is the ideal position you seek? Name the job you want! Don't slink around suggesting the details of how things might not work out.

Double check for grammar - often when we use word processing systems, they allow us to change our text very easily and we forget the redundancies that occur as we add stuff in and don't see where we should take out the stuff that is being replaced.

Example in your letter - writing business has been taught me about

That is very bad grammar but again probably wouldn't happen back in days when people used type writers.

You say - and a little of a self-proclaimed activist - you either are an activist or you aren't - and the only one I know that has had the word used to his advantage is Barack Obama.

No need to be self proclaimed about anything.