Good satire on McCain's market romp

April Fool’s day, Baghdad:

Translator: Greetings, Senator McCain. I’m Sergeant Mosley and I’ll be your personal translator for this trip.

Senator John McCain: Wonderful! How are you today, Sergeant?

Translator: Just fine sir. Ready to take a walk?

McCain: Sure! It’s a great day. Hot, but no humidity. This bulletproof vest is a little stuffy though.

Translator: Yes, sir. Now, we’re going to be reaching the market shortly, and I’ll introduce you to some vendors.

McCain: Excuse me? I can’t hear you over the damn choppers! Private!

Soldier: Yes sir, Senator!

McCain: Tell those birdies to wave off a bit, will you? It’s too damn loud; the microphones won’t be able to pick up anything!

Soldier: Right away sir! (The soldier barks into a walkie talkie. The noise level drops gradually.)

McCain: That’s better. Let’s go shopping, gentlemen.

The group nears and enters an outdoor market, the vicinity of which has been thoroughly scanned for possible threats. Soldiers fan out throughout the area. Smiling, McCain approaches a rug seller.

McCain: Hiya partner, I’m John McCain from the United States of America. How’s business?

Translator: (in Arabic) This guy is an American senator. Smile and shake his hand or you’ll be killed.

Shopkeeper #1: (in Arabic) Wonderful. Can we make this quick? I’m trying to sell some rugs here, because your stupid war has made the money I had saved completely worthless, and I lost my job as an engineer. Generally, my life has gone to hell.

Translator: He says it’s an honor to meet you, sir.

McCain: Oh no, no, the honor is mine! So, would you say things here have improved since the recent upsurge in US troop strength?

Translator: (in Arabic) He wants to know if things have gotten better.

Shopkeeper #1: (in Arabic) Haha! Oh, yes, everything’s just hunky dory! Thanks to you imperialist swine, I may survive long enough to die from radiation poisoning after you nuke Iran!

McCain: What’s that about Iran?

Translator: He says things are getting better everyday, sir, but he’s concerned about Iranian interference in Iraq’s democratic development.

McCain: Ah, yes. Well, that’s a very serious concern, one I and the American people share with you. But my message to you is that we won’t give up, we’ll stand with you against the Iranians, so you needn’t worry.

Translator: (in Arabic) All right, that’s it. Just shake his hand again and say goodbye.

Shopkeeper #1: (in Arabic) Goodbye you dumb son of a bitch. May you die horribly.

Translator: He says again what an honor it is to meet you.

McCain: Thank you. Gee, what a nice fellow!

Translator: Yes, sir. Let’s move on. This man is selling electronic appliances. (in Arabic) This man is an American senator. Smile and shake his hand or you’ll be killed.