President Obama's Report Card

Note to Parents/Guardians

January 20, 2010

Dear Mrs Obama:

It is a delight to have your child in my class. Young Barack is a bright student with a great deal of potential. Sadly, like many gifted students, he has become accustomed to getting by with his strong verbal and social skills in previous grades and is thus not quite realizing his full potential here in the more rigorous learning environment at the School of Hard Knox.

As you know, your child will be facing important mid-semester evaluations this coming November and it is important that your child buckle down and get his homework completed long before this deadline arrives. It would be a real tragedy if Barack needed to spend the rest of his tenure at this learning institution mired down in make-up classes as offered by our excellent remedial staff instructors, Mr Boehner and Coach McConnell.

Although he will still complete his full courseload in his academic career at the School of Hard Knox and graduate from the mandatory four-year schedule here, I can assure you that his learning experience will not be nearly so rewarding under their tutelage. Furthermore, if they are the ones teaching him after the mid term evaluation, there is the distinct possibility that Barack will not wish to continue his studies for an additional four year degree at the Graduate School of Hard Knox.

Again, let me reiterate how much our school appreciates young Barack's enthusiasm. Indeed, we all admire him for taking on such a demanding course load this semester. While he's demonstrated a great command of the course content in Speech, Health Administration, Social Studies, and Finite Mathematics, I am afraid his total performance as a learner at this institution will require a greater effort in his other classes: Vocational Development and Full Contact Athletics. Furthermore, I am recommending that he acquire a tutor in American History. Barack will do well to learn from the example of a recent graduate from our school, Mr William Clinton, who, for very similar reasons to what Barack is now facing, was forced to spend six years in our remedial program. Although young William's final academic performance was deemed "satisfactory" we still have to look back at his academic career and wonder what else he might have accomplished if he had avoided so many errors in his freshman year.

Please have a frank discussion with Barack as soon as possible. It is a difficult and demanding course of study he's undertaking and so very much rides upon his eventual success in this field.


Sincerely,


Johnny Come-Lately,
Academic Questioner, School of Hard Knox