Is losing "ok?"

Where do you fall?

a) Losing is acceptable as long as you try your best

b) Losing is never acceptable. It is also inevitable but should be a source of motivation to not fail next time

I'm especially interested in hearing from parents. What did you teach your kids and do you follow either philosophy in your own life?

Everybody loses at something. If you didn't allow yourself to fail, you would be less likely to try new things.

Everyone is going to lose at something. The question is whether or not it is acceptable...

If it makes it easier you can apply it to everyday activities. Competition for a job, sports, academics etc..

... even at most of the things you try.

It's not even a problem to not try "your best" at some tasks. You don't need to be a perfectionist.

There's value in having a variety of experiences. Fear of "losing" can keep you from living a full life.

if you don't try you can never win

if you've tried your best, you can hold your head high.

but win/lose is too black and white for me. i've lost some things that turned out to be the best thing. won some other things that I didn't need.
won some things without trying. lost some things through no fault of my own.


all you can do is the best you can do every day. that's all anybody can do.

and every loss should be examined for its lesson so as to ensure future victories. Loss is failure, and while we all fail in some way every day we should always do our utmost to make sure we avoid failure whenever possible.

Or ignored.

it's what happens on the road that matters

d) It's better to lose fairly than to win unfairly

How one wins or loses is important. I won't screw people over just to chalk up a "win" for myself.


"For what is a man profited, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?" Matthew 16:26

Other than that, when I'm going for something it's "assholes and elbows" time, I'm going to go at it as hard as I can for as long as I can in the attempt to succeed. I'm in that process right now, I'm about to start the biggest recording of my life and if I pull it off, it's going to be something to behold :D

I've always been that way, relentlessly driving myself to do better than others. I'm not sure it's a healthy thing for others, however. I think a lot of the answer to this question depends on one's personality.

It depends on the circumstances. I have taught my children, now adults, that you only compete with yourself. And you only lose when you don't learn something. If you compare yourself to others or the contest, you are already lost. There will always be someone better or worse at any given thing. Striving to better yourself is the winner. Life is not a con-test. Some of the most successful people have failed more than won. After all, the objective is success.

Losing happens, and if you try your best you shouldn't beat yourself up about it. But it should be a source of motivation and learning in order to improve in the future.

that losing is never acceptable, you're likely to damage yourself and others to fulfill that expectation. Trying your best is important. Learning from mistakes is important. Accepting one's fallibility is essential.

So, if you want to focus on outperforming someone, outperform yourself.

Otherwise you're vulnerable to the Green Eyed Monster. And that's definitely not good.

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It was always just me and a stopwatch.

No judgements. No opinions.

But WTF...there are lots of games to play!

as long as it serves some productive purpose I don't see a problem.

You're only strangling yourself emotionally if you give an honest, legitimate effort and a hard day's work, fail, and then consider it unacceptable, a shame, horrible.

...what I always told my kids. We tried to raise them with realistic expectations and to do their best...even if they fail they can feel assured they did what ever they could and learn from the experience.

My father's motto was:

"If something is worth doing, it's worth doing half-assed!"

I miss my Dad....

:cry:

Furthermore, when you have lost, admit it graciously and without malice. A competition of any sorts should never have malice involved. Along with that are 3 salient points, and these constitute my worldview on just about anything.

1. It's okay to lose if you've tried your best.
2. There is strength of character built in losing -- no one will ever ~always~ win. So in your loss, do better than those who have come before you.
3. Most important of all -- never simply ~accept~ a loss without taking the time to contemplate ~why~ you lost. If the opponent outplayed you, try to discover why, or how. Understand your weaknesses, because you already know your strength. You cannot be truly complete until you not only know where you are great...but also where you fail. Never be afraid to acknowledge that you fail to know something, but never accept it as 'and I will never know'.